Authors Note: Again, thanks to my reviewers :p Getting soo many have made me just wow! You guys rock! And equally thank ya to those who've added my story to their alerts and faves too!~Muah~ Like in earlier authors note, I will say now again that this will basically be an either Doug or Phil POV story They seem to flow easier for me. Will probably add a Alan chapter sooner or later and definitely a Stu since I have, in the spirit of the movies, decided to do a song by him.)Thanks to a suggestion of it from a reviewer also :p ) So even if that's all the chapter contains when I get to it sooner or later, it will at least be something from him,lol.. This was hard to get out, lost my muse for a while, and not to great admittedly. SO glad to have feedback on me not being the only lover of Phil whump. I was worried it would fall flat since I'm used to writing in genres that are based largely in the angst/drama/ H/C categories alone. Enough jabbering, here for you, is chapter 3, containing funniness, drama and not so well, but undoubtedly sexy Phil
Title:The Hangover: 3 Strikes You're Out
Genre:Humor(Dark)/Drama/Angst-all those good things!
Characters:The Wolfpack in its Entirety
Rating:PG13(for now)Will go up when it gets more graphic.
Disclaimer:Still own nothing to do with The Hangover Franchise, nor any of its stars."grunble grumble rawr"
"I've never had sex with a friends mother."Stu, after a long thoughtful pause, finally said.
Automatically afterward he and Doug popped mostly melted M&Ms into their mouths.
It became evident, after a little over a minute lapsed, the other two of the friends wouldn't be following suit.
"You're joking right? You've slept with one of your friends mother?" Stu asked Phil in disbelief.
"Sure"Phil nods and shrugs." I happen to think its pretty fucking weird that you and Dougly Doo Right there haven't
"Hardy har Phil" Doug replied, unamused by the quip.
"And you? Really?" Stu cocks his head, giving Alan an aghast and carefully scrutinizing stare.
"Boning a cougar is nothing to be ashamed of."Phil comments, words tinged with amusement.
"That would be animal cruelty. Cougars are delicate creatures of beauty not to be taken advantage of!"Alan admonished in shock.
"And you're absolutely positive he's not retarded?"Phil rolled his head to the side to ask Doug, shifting his body against the tree he sat propped against with a look of discomfort.
"To refer to a female as a cougar means that they're older woman who has managed to hold onto a youthful appearance despite their age Alan."Doug explained patiently to his brother-in-law.
"OH I see, like my mother."he nods slowly in understanding, resulting in two looks of surprised disgust and one of humor.
"Yeah buddy, that's exactly what we meant."Phil says with a chuckle and grin."Hows your mom in the sack anyway? Bet shes a real wildcat"
"Would you please inform Phillip that I am no longer his friend due to that statement, will not be speaking to him again, and withdraw his invitation to my wedding nuptials." Alan, crossing his arms in front of his chest and turning his head in the opposite direction requested of no one in particular.
"Phil...come on, apologize"Doug, who had tried his best not to encourage his friends antics, attempted to chastise him, but instead, unable to hold it in no longer, burst out laughing
He stopped when the others looked at him as if he'd lost his mind, which in all honesty, he wondered himself...
"It has to of been at least two hours now. We can't just keep sitting here."Phil, voice sounding strained, broke the silence."We need to do something..."
"Great idea Phil."Stu, sitting between Doug and Alan spoke next, giving a thumbs up and eye role, sarcasm running deep through his words"Suicide is very high on my to-do list today, right up there alongside having sand worms crawl up inside, then make a home of, my ass."
"This fixation you have on getting things stuck up your ass borderlines on bizarre Stu., Have you considered therapy? Phil questions with a raised eyebrow" or maybe a return trip to Bangkok?"
This poking of fun at something they'd made a pact on never discussing again made the dentist speechless with indignant anger, and all he could do was sputter out indiscernible words in result.
"But back on subject, staying here makes us sitting ducks."Phil points out.
"Going out on the beach would make us dumb fucks"was the given response to this from Stu." You weigh the options..sitting ducks that don't end up with a hole in their heads or idiots who may as well have big arrows on their backs and neon shoot me signs flashing over their heads...
"If whoever doing this wanted us dead, we would be."Phil says, his mind going back to the corpses aboard the plane, who he had yet to tell his friends of discovering."
"And that's supposed to make me feel better? That they didn't shoot me on purpose? "he answers in question, raising an eyebrow
"I agree with Phil, we should take the game to them."Alan says with a nod of his head.
Even more sarcasm came as result of this from the dentist"Well who wouldn't have seen that coming? Alan agreeing with Phil... Problem settled, I'm definitely sold now.."
Doug, who had done what he found to be wise by not giving an opinion at all until the right time came, was then made the appointed object of Stu's ranting.
"Aren't you going to say anything? Your ankles sprained, not your mouth!"he was asked in exasperation.
"He makes a valid point, nothing has happened since we've been sitting, and that's been hours ago, so whether it be a good or bad thing Stu, its still a fact. We can't just wait, our families, wives, kids, they are all worried by now and probably think we're either dead, or have run off and married the village people in a drunken, drugged cocktail, stupor."Doug relented in response, knowing he really had no choice because Stu tended to listen to him more than he did the others. Which in reflection, was a good way to be with the track records of Phil and Alan.
The mental image of the latter made them all flinch inwardly, with the exception of Alan, and was almost as disturbing as the first option..key word being almost.
"Fine, but when we die or somebody gets maimed. Its all on you."Stu agreed, albeit reluctantly, just as his friend had expected.
"Fair enough. So now that its decided, whats the plan? Was the radio on the plane working?"
All three of his companions turned to look at Phil in unison after Doug posed these questions to him.
Phil who sat with his head bowed, chin against his chest, was very slow to answer. So much so that the others were beginning to think he'd either fell asleep or just wasn't paying attention.
"I think the best idea would be to get to the undamaged phones and try to get another signal to call for help."he proved their theories wrong by answering slowly, then taking another long pause before shaking his head and saying"no Doug, it wasn't, it was all busted up, we won't find anything to help there."
"I am closely familiarized with repairing things of any sort thanks to Richard Dean Anderson. I don't have my tool set with me, but could possibly fashion something from some palm tree fronds and a couple of sea shells that would help in fixing the radio." Alan offered, his face a mask of seriousness and determination as he did so.
'Richard Dean Ander...are you talking about McGuyver?" Stu asked in disbelief," That's not real, it only works on TV!"he adds under his breath after the outburst" I am surrounded by idiots..."
"I'll have you know that I have many times tested his.."
"There's no fixing the radio. None at all, so lets just move away from that onto the plan."Phil intervenes sharply.
"What about the flight crew? Nothing was found of them either? No note? Anything?" Doug asks, having already rose to his feet, keeping all his weight for the most on his uninjured ankle, using a pretty impressive stick Alan had found after Phil had left the three of them for the short time as a crutch.
He could have sworn there was a hesitation before Phil answered with" no nothing, plane was trashed and empty."
"And you are just now finding the importance in telling us this?" Stu, also standing, asked incredulously "didn't it cross your mind to let us know we're completely fucked before we took up our game of how many people and animals has Phil screwed in his lifetime?"
Standing slowly, Phil just shrugs and responds calmly with"I don't want to argue with you Stu. Everyone was upset and I didn't want to lessen morale any more than it already was. So lets split in teams of two, that way if anyone wants to play human Duckhunt, it wont be near as simple, and circle around from each end to where you dropped the phones when you ran to hide."
"I did not run and hid..."
"I'm with Phil!"Alan, obviously over his earlier anger, intervened with, standing beside his self proclaimed partner, gut sticking out above the very tight jean shorts that he commenced to digging out of his crack.
Oddly enough, the other man easily agreed to the suggested pairing and soon the four of them had separated again, moving to circle in opposite directions.
"You know, its not his fault,you could try to not be such a total ass to him Stu." Doug, limping alongside the dentist, maneuvering fairly easy with the stick Alan had found him, said when they had moved out of the range of hearing.
"Its not his fault, its not Alan's fault. Then who's is it Doug? Yours? Mine?"Stu asked incredulously* You know well as I do, given Alan's past, its not that big a stretch to assume he was who drugged us, And Phil? Who managed to book us on the plane ride to club hell? Who didn't even notice the tickets he had were for the wrong date when he had them a frickin month? Correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm almost positive that both are to be blamed on someone who's name starts with a P and ends with an L. But its unfathomable that either are to blame? Someone's in denial Doug, and its not me."
"No one made you get on the plane, no one made you agree to it immediately even with what had happened in the past. No one poured that drink down your throat. No one did any of those to you, but yourself. You're who's in denial, not me"Doug found himself growing increasingly angry and more importantly, disappointed, in Stus attitude,
"Maybe so..."Sty agreed slowly, then posed in question" but tell me you didn't sense that Phil wasn't being truthful about something, I don't know what, that he found on the plane. Honestly tell me that."
"Phils been our best friend for years Stu and you know as well as I do, if he was being that, he had good reason, more than likely protecting us from something, behind doing it. If you're so worried about it, lets you and me go to the plane right now ourselves. No lets walk up there and you can go inside, because I for one wouldn't betray trust out of irrational anger, frustration and childishness. But listen..I think we have another problem too..I think somethings wrong with Ph..."
He didn't get the last letters of his friends name out before both Stu and himself heard faint yelling from down the beach, their heads whipping around in alarm.
It was Alan, that much they could tell by the fact that he was visible over the peak of a sand dune.
"He's drawing attention to them, What the hell!"Doug, not usually one among them to lose his cool, said in a low voice to Stu who, had like himself, already turned and was going back as quickly as possible towards him.
"Where's Phil?" Doug asked, realization that the other of the two party was not visible, and even with a fucked up ankle, he sped up considerably, a sinking feeling in his gut.
Getting closer and back over the sand dune, he received an answer to his question when he, and Stu both realized that someone was laying on the ground, Alan now kneeling down but still yelling.
Stu picked up his speed, running and leaving Doug behind.
"What happened? What!"he demanded, ducking his own body down out of fear that maybe the shooter had struck again.
"I don't know, he was fine, then just went down"Alan replied, followed by yelling his friends name again, shaking his shoulders in attempt to rouse him."Phil! Get up Phil!"
By the time Doug got there, he was keening, like he had when they'd thought Chow to be dead, and this being his first experience with hearing the noise, made him want to throw up and knock the hell out of him both at once.
Not helping a thing so stop it Alan! Now for gods sake quit shaking him and move."he demanded, pushing the other man out of the way to get better access himself.
"OH MY GOD." was the next words to reach his ears followed by a short high pitched scream being emitted from Stu's lip.
Wha.. when..Phil..."was all that Doug could get out when he saw for himself what had elicited this reaction before turning his head and vomiting.
He's going to die, he's going to die.."Alan in turn was saying repeatedly between keening, hands clamped over his ears as he stared wide-eyed at the large, ugly, gash in the prone mans abdomen.
Shut up Alan, he's not going to die!" Doug, having regained his properties, now snapped at his brother-in-law.
"No..he's going to die. Look at all..blood...mess and..and blood"Stu spoke up in a squeal this time. His eyes darting around everywhere, looking all for the world like he was about to bolt.
"If either of you say that one more time, I will beat the ever loving fuck out of you. Now help me with him."his hand darts out, encircling the wrist of Stu, who had been in the process of standing to no doubt take off. His actions were easily read by just about anyone."Don't. You. Dare."
"Hello boys.."a voice, not belonging to either of them, spoke from behind their backs, and turning quickly in surprise Doug and the other two conscious members of the four was met with the sight of the man who owned the plane.
"Look guys, its Higgins!"Alan exclaimed.
"You have something of mine and I want it back."The small statured man said calmly the other three large men with him advancing on them.
"Our friend is hurt! What are you talking about! We don't have anything of.."Stu began in objection only to be knocked into silence by a strike from the barrel of a rifle.
Jumping to his aid, Doug and Alan both soon followed into the oblivious darkness...
****Mkay, this didn't accomplish what I'd originally planned out because my brain went kaput and everything seemed just too eh to me. But now I have it mapped in the noggin what is going on and it will become a little more clear to everyone next chapter. Tried to keep the funny in too so it wouldn't be all serious sooo since I'm not that used to writing that, sorry if I fail epically,lol. Oh and sorry to Stu lovas but to me he always seemed an ass, still like him tons and he'll redeem himself I'm sure, but someone has to be the meanie and he fits best to me. Thank you for reading, please review and coming up next we will have another of the group recall stuff from the night before, find out what it is that the baddies want from them, and etc etc. If you think its worth continuing...****