The train was crowded. Standing up was too much effort for him, and the midget would no doubt hurt himself if he tried. Plus, he didn't care. At all. Which is why he definitely wasn't glowering at the suspiciously happy teenage girl who'd offered to let said midget sit on her lap. It was logical, after all. There was one seat left next to her, and Akutsu definitely wasn't having Dan Taiichi, of all people, sit on his lap on a crowded train where anyone could see him and get the wrong conclusion. Okay, so maybe it would be the right conclusion, but Akutsu wouldn't admit that, either. So he'd let his- no, the, the brat, sit on the girl, who'd proceeded to cuddle him, stroking his hair and cooing over him, as her annoying kind were wont to do whenever they saw something cute. Because even though Akutsu totally hadn't noticed, the brat was cute. Adorably so, as a matter of fact. With his big, brown, innocent doe eyes and his fluffy dark hair and that stupid headband that he refused to take off, ever…

It was sickening.

Of course, the girl didn't see it that way, clearly. She was pinching his cheeks now, free hand idly playing with his hair as he giggled, staring up at her with adoration on his face.

"Really, onee-chan, desu?" He breathed in amazement. She nodded, laughing.

"Of course, sweetie. I wouldn't lie to you, would I?" She winked as he shook his head furiously.

"That's amazing, onee-chan, desu!" He squealed. Honest-to-fucking-god squealed. Akutsu wanted to kill himself. Or have a goddamn smoke at the very least. But there was still twenty minutes until they got to their stop and he didn't have a single cigarette on him. He resumed glowering at the girl instead. She looked up at him, finally tearing her eyes away from the cute little brat in her lap, and raised an eyebrow, smirking.

"Problem, dear?" She asked. Akutsu's eyes flicked briefly back to Dan. Despite the fact his new friend was talking to his senpai, his attention was still fixed on the older girl, something akin to hero worship shining in his eyes. Akutsu definitely wasn't jealous. In any way. At all. But the girl followed his line of sight and jumped to the wrong conclusion. "Jealous?" She cooed, hugging the boy in her lap closer. Dan laughed and nuzzled into her. Resting her cheek on his head, she smirked up at the terrifying older boy, seemingly unafraid. "There's no seats. Either he sits on my lap… Or he sits on yours." Akutsu growled, grinding his teeth together furiously before turning to stare down a young commuter sitting opposite. Scared out of his shiny patent leather shoes, the man got off at the next stop, even though he was nowhere near the city centre.

"Now there's a seat." Akutsu smirked, yanking the kid bodily out of the pouting teenager's lap and shoving him into it.

"Thanks, Akutsu-senpai, desu!" The brat beamed, looking as if Christmas had just come early or something.

"Whatever." The older boy replied, checking his pockets for what must've been the hundredth time that train journey. No packet of cigarettes had magically appeared in the two minutes since his last search, so he slumped back in his seat, glaring at the hyperactive kid now sitting opposite him, who was leaning forward eagerly to continue his conversation with the girl. Akutsu debated if how much trouble he'd get in if he just slapped the bitch around the face. Judging by the adoring expression on the brat's face… Probably a lot.

Another stop. Only ten minutes until he could get off this overcrowded, godforsaken excuse for a transport system and find a goddamn shop and threaten the stupid shopkeeper into selling him cigarettes and why was the brat standing up? Akutsu narrowed his eyes at the extremely pregnant woman who'd just taken Dan's offered seat, an apologetic expression on her face.

"Oh dear, you didn't have to do that." She murmured, tone grateful as she sank onto the cushion, one hand supporting her back as the other rested on her swollen stomach.

"It's only manners, desu!" He grinned, cheerfully.

"Here, sweetie, you can sit in my lap again." The girl cooed, her expression triumphant as she smirked at Akutsu, daring him to react. Akutsu glared right back. He could just stand up… But he was damn tired and then the girl'd think she'd won… A sudden jerk of the train decided for him, the sudden movement sending the midget stumbling into his senpai's lap.

"S-sorry Akutsu-senpai, desu!" The kid stammered, blushing… Honest-to-god blushing. The girl squealed.

"Ah, Dan-kun, you're even more adorable when you blush!" She cooed. Well duh. Akutsu could've told her that for nothing. Not that he'd noticed. That'd be stupid. And gay. As in, the faggy kind of gay, which he definitely wasn't. No comment on the other kind. Goddamnit, no goddamn comment!

"A-ah, thank you onee-chan, desu!" He beamed, before frowning at Akutsu. "I'm okay now, Akutsu-senpai, desu. You can let me go, desu." Akutsu narrowed his eyes at the girl sitting next to him.

"I don't think I will, brat." He all but growled.


"Obviously, kid, you're such a goddamn idiot that you can't see a fucking pedo when you see one. So looks like, as your senpai, I'll have to protect you from pedo-bitch-whore." He replied, tone acidic, still glaring at the pedo-bitch-whore in question. Who, instead of looking intimidated as he'd hoped, merely smirked.

"Good boy." She grinned, before standing as the train drew to a halt at its next stop. "Well, I'm off. Nice meeting you, Dan-kun." The kid waved, cheerfully.

"By, onee-chan!" He called after her, as she weaved her way through the mass of commuters and shoppers towards the doors. "Akutsu-senpai, there's a free seat now, desu." He pointed out. Akutsu tightened his arms around the tiny kid in his lap.

"Someone else might want it." He excused himself, lamely. He refused to acknowledge the girl's knowing smirk as she waved at them from the platform, choosing to berate the brat on his stupid annoying… Annoyingness, instead. Dan smiled, cute and oblivious as always.

"I know, Akutsu-senpai, desu." He replied, reassuringly. For a moment, Akutsu suspected he was saying more with those few words than he'd thought he was. But almost immediately, the topic changed – something about snow and bunnies – and Akutsu relaxed again, cuffing the boy – gently, another thing that would never be admitted – around the head and telling him to: 'cut it out with the fucking desu-ing, already, it's fucking annoying.'

"Okay, Akutsu-senpai, desu!" Dan beamed, and Akutsu grunted in response. He was surly and anti-social, they were two minutes away from his next cigarette, and the kid was his annoying, bratty, cheerful self. All was right with the world.

[A/N: IDK why I even wrote this… All I know is there's not enough Uneven Pair out there, tyvm, and as an avowed Dan fangirl, I thought I should fix it.

That and this idea wouldn't bloody go away.

Please excuse my abuse of Japanese-isms. I've probably got them all wrong, but I really don't care. I don't intend to write for this fandom again XD

Enjoy OTL]