Yes! I'm back *hides in shame*

To be honest, I wasn't going to finish this, purely for the reason that I fell out of habit, not because I didn't know what was going to happen. But then you guys sent me all these heartbreaking reviews, I FELT AWFUL.

So, your guiltripping worked, hurray for you :L This is another past chapter, as will the next one will be (which is almost done youll be glad to hear ha). Hopefully it gives you more answers than questions, but if you have any loinburning questions, please feel free to PM me! I love you guys so much!

Anyways yeah, r&r, show your love :) Cuz wow youve certainly been generous lately :o xxxxx


975 years ago: 2022, December 24th

Simon had rung the doorbell three times before Kelly answered it. Her hair was scraped back, half her make-up was on and she was half naked.

'For fooks sake' She said, pulling down her top, rolling her eyes. His eyes widened and he gasped before whipping his head around. She muttered as if it was Simon who had opened the door on her naked, not the other way round. Simon uncomfortably talked to the wall.

'Sorry, I- I… I didn't know you were… I was…'

'He's in there' Kelly rolled her eyes at him. 'I sent the texts off Nathan's phone…'

Simon's eyes furrowed in confusion, 'So he didn't say…'

Kelly dragged him in from the hallway into the apartment and shut the door before staring up at him blankly, 'He wrote the texts, but he didn't send them. I did'.

Simon just nodded, still confused, but too meek to question the blunt Kelly further…

'So did you bring me chocolates?' She asked him, searching his body with her eyes for any visible gift. Simon finally tore his eyes away from the wall and looked at her face, willing himself not to look down. Or get hard. Because it was awkward enough…

'Em… no?' He said, fidgeting uncomfortably.

Her eyes widened and her mouth dropped open. 'Well why not?'

'I- er. I didn't'

'I'm just dicking wiv ya' She said, grinning slightly.

Simon couldn't help but smile a bit. 'So your feeling a bit back to normal then'

She shrugged. 'Yeah. But I'm worried about him' Kelly nodded in the direction of the living room. Simon sighed and nodded.

'He tried to overdose Simon' Kelly said seriously. Simon wrinkled his nose.

'I thought he was immortal' Simon said, 'Why would he if he can't die-'

'I don't know!' Kelly said angrily, pushing Simon slightly. He flinched violently.

'Well what happened?' He asked, scratching the back of his head before smoothing down his hair with the heel of his hand.

'Well I hadn't spoken to him for like two days and then I came out and he was wet and then he went into the shower and had a two hour shower and then I watched him take a heap of drugs and I made him get sick and-'

Simon switched off. He wasn't getting very much info out of Kelly. He just nodded and patted her shoulder, seeing that despite her careless front that she was sick with worry for Nathan. It was oddly touching.

'Can't you read his thoughts?' Simon asked, rubbing his eyes. She shrugged and looked lost.

'I tried, I tried really hard but it's like a blank piece of paper. And usually Nathan's mind is wide open, more open than anyone else's, every thought bubbling out'

'Maybe it's because he's never needed to hide something before' Simon wondered, knowing he should text Alisha to occupy Kelly, who was gnawing at her fingernails, staring at the sleeping curve on the couch.

He quickly texted Alisha to come over and watch a movie with Kelly before he stealthily moved into the living room. Kelly gave him a long look before swivelling around and ducking into the bedroom. The door closed.


Nathan was in a dead sleep, his eyes moving under his eyelids, his breath shallow and raspy, and blood seeping through a bandage on his head. Simon eyed him warily, wondering why the fuck he was bleeding from the head in the first place. Then Simon started his assessment that he assumed Kelly didn't think or want to do. He kneeled down and flicked back the corner of the baby blanket, which was a bright pink.

He winced at a long deep cut down his shoulder blade, which he saw immediately when Kelly probably hadn't. He traced it and Nathan murmured in his sleep and pulled away. He could tell a razor, which made Simon's insides seize up, did it. He was good under pressure but he had to sit back a bit on the floor and try and keep from hyperventilating. Nathan's feelings of self-worthlessness were bringing back painful memories for Simon.

'Barry?' Nathan mumbled blearily, squinting although it was dark.

'Hey…' Simon said, leaning forward on his hunkers, banishing bad thoughts. 'How are you doing?'

'A lot better before Kelly bashed my head in' Nathan grumbled. Simon shook his head, deciding that he would leave the strange statement. He decided to launch straight into things.

'Those texts…'

'Were sent by Kelly' Nathan deadpanned.

'But they were written by you' Simon insisted, 'Kelly's worried, we all are'

'Who else did you tell?' Nathan shot up like a bullet, his expression hurt.

'Well Alisha of course'

'Of course' Nathan spat sulkily before staring blankly at the wall. He heaved a sigh and slumped down. His eyes glazed over and he pulled the blanket over himself.

'Please go away' His voice was so broken that Simon almost complied. But he shook Nathan's shoulder instead. When Nathan didn't react he did it again, harder. He continued doing it, unsure whether to stop and wait for a reaction. Instead he shook him so hard Nathan's neck snapped back and forth and Simon bared his teeth n concentration. Nathan whimpered as Simon kept rubbing against his self harmed gash.

'Eh… did I miss something?' Alisha said with a hint of amusement in her voice. Simon snapped his eyes to the door where she was leaning, chewing gum loudly.

'It's not what you think'

'Whatever, where's Kelly?' Alisha asked and Simon directed her to the bedroom. When he came back, Nathan was leaned over the sink, apparently after throwing up, his nose dribbling his eyes shut tight. Simon was really at a loss what to say. Maybe he could force emotion from the immortal.

'You're a mess' Simon said coldly, 'your clearly depressed, and can't move on. You tried to overdose despite being immortal, and your breaking up with your wife. We're all sick with concern Nathan. Look at me'

Nathan didn't look up, but had started shaking.

'I'm sorry Nathan. I know it's been only a few days since Anastasia passed away. But… Kelly has seemed to accustom to things. You haven't answered any calls and you've locked yourself in this apartment without any communication' Simon found it easier as he continues, his tone becoming more scathing. In a way, it was a release for him as well, of all the pent of feelings he had had for Nathan over the years.

It was easier to kick him when he was down, Simon heard himself think, and immediately he stopped talking, pale in pallor and guilty all over. Suddenly Nathan spoke into the thick silence.

'I killed her'

Simon felt shocked and immediately retorted, 'No you didn't'

Nathan turned and looked up, tears shining in his eyes, his chest constricted and his curls falling into his eyes. Simon felt a punch to the gut watching his best friend break.

'I killed her. It was my fault'

'Anastasia didn't die because of you'

'But Nikki did'

There was a shocked silence as Simon blinked. Nikki? But… She had died over ten years ago. Why had Nathan brought her up? He showed no more remorse for her death back then than the others. What?

'Nikki's dead because I was stupid. And so is Anastasia' Nathan said deadly, pushing past Simon. Simon stood, his brow creased, his mind whirring. Was this why he overdosed? But why did he overdose? There were so many questions that Simon was pondering when he heard a crash.


He skirted into the living room where Nathan was standing above the smashed crib.

He was sobbing now, his hands clenched over his eyes and when he dragged his fingers down his face, he left long scratches.

'STOP' Simon leapt forward; wrenching Nathan's hands from his face and Nathan swallowed and went numb again. Simon couldn't keep up with his flippant mood swings.

'Look, I'm sorry, I was just trying to get some of reaction out of you,' Simon caught Nathan's chin and forced him to look into his deep blue eyes. 'I'm sorry'

'So am I' Nathan said, his eyes unfocused and Simon knew he wasn't taking about the present. Simon wondered if anti-depressants would work, or counselling. He knew that sort of thing could really harm Nathan's pride though. But if he were this severely dug in a hole, wouldn't anything work?

Nathan was staring off into the corner, watching Nikki play with his little girl. Nikki had started appearing to him soon after Anastasia died. Every time she appeared, she seemed to coax his daughter out of whatever place she came from and they played silly chasing games, Nikki a never changing person, the bullet hole still visible through her clothing, while Anastasia changed from an occasional toddler to a child or a teenager. The older she was, the more she cried, and the more she begged for Nathan to get her 'Mommy'.

Nathan couldn't bring himself to tell anyone about the frolicking ghosts that were slowly driving him to the brink of insanity. Today though, Anastasia was almost fully-grown, she was about the same age Nathan looked, around 20 or so. She was in a bloodstained wedding dress, the trails of the beautiful gown not unlike Kelly's dress.

Nathan realised with horror that it was the same dress but it was torn and unsown, blood caking the train and bloody shreds hung precariously in the bodice. She painfully looked like himself, but Kelly's eyes stared at him through Anastasia's face, which was petite and beautiful. The most beautiful girl Nathan had ever laid eyes on. Nikki held her hand, smiling broadly, talking silently to Anastasia who was staring at Nathan coldly.

Nikki never spoke to him, not ignoring him per se, but acting like she didn't even see him. Maybe this was the case, but Anastasia always spoke heartbreaking things.

'Daddy, would you like to walk me down the aisle' She taunted, holding out her hand, the ring on her finger empty of the stone that was supposed to be set within it. Nathan shook his head desperately, and Simon started out of his thoughts, looking at his best friend tears up, growing white in terror.

He quickly whipped his head around to where Nathan was eyeing fearfully. There was nothing.

'Daddy, I need Mummy' She hissed stalking closer, a dribble of blood creeping from her eye. Nikki followed her confused of where she was going; staring at the spot where Nathan stood with the same empty confusion that Simon was staring at the ghost's with.

'Get me Mummy' She growled, stalking closer and Nathan stumbled back, clapping a hand to his mouth. He landed with a bump on the carpet and he back-pedalled uselessly until she was right over him. She leaned down, her face morphing into something inhuman.

'GET ME-' and she was gone and Nikki vanished as well. Nathan didn't realise he was shouting until Kelly and Alisha skirted into the room. Simon was keeping him still on the ground where he was slumped.

'What happened?' Alisha asked, her eyebrows shooting up at the sight of the cowering immortal on the floor and her confused husband beside him. Nathan started shaking and coughing, feeling numbness descend.

It always happened like this, the numbness sliding down his spine like cold water from a tap. It rendered him speechless and emotionless.

Keeping him from telling everyone what was bothering him. Sometimes all he could do was shower, feeling the same coldness slink down his back, but knowing he could control it this time.

That it was his choice.


Kelly stood above the scene, closing her eyes and shaking, letting tears slip down her cheeks, unable to take in what was happening. Would she have to leave Nathan? She couldn't live like this. Had he gone mad with grief? She didn't understand. Her stomach churned, she fucking loved him too much for this shit to happen. To happen to the both of them… Nathan opened his mouth and nothing came out and he felt the unfamiliar feeling of embarrassment set its teeth into him.

'I don't understand' Simon's voice was a background murmur like a television set out of sync and Nathan tried to keep him eyes open from the strain of it all. He was going to have to blurt it out now or never. Now or never… The thought pushed the words out of his mouth.

'I can see the ghosts'

Alisha and Simon stopped discussing heatedly and Kelly turned her wide tear-filled eyes to Nathan, her fingers lodged in her mouth.

'What ghost's Nathan' Simon whispered urgently, knowing this was a breakthrough, but Nathan was too far gone to even notice. He was whispering something nonsensical. There was an awkward pause and Alisha turned her hazel eyes on Kelly who was sniffing helplessly.

'Kelly?' Alisha asked, her question in her tone. Kelly wiped her nose with her sleeve and kneeled down carefully.

'Nate? Nate its Kelly… If you didn't know' Kelly started and Alisha and Simon exchanged looks, 'I'm sorry I ignored you. I didn't know something was going on with you. It was just so hard to look at you and not see Anastasia' Kelly whispered their daughter's name and Nathan turned to her.

'You say you can see your ghosts again? Nathan I want to break through to you. I want the person who shat in Nikki's bed, who fell off a roof and died to save me, the guy who fucked off and left me for a month when you were looking after Marnie. I want the guy who looked after a stranger's baby and loved them as your own, the one who took drugs and drank and was a twat 24/7 and still was until two weeks ago.

I want the Irish bloke, the curly haired dick, my husband, my Nathan…' Kelly trailed off, crying now and when Nathan made no move other than staring at her, she leaned in and kissed him.

He made no reaction at first and the dry lipped kiss was unrequited. Then suddenly it was like a dam broke and Nathan anxiously kissed her back, and Kelly pretended she couldn't taste the salty tears that were falling down both of their faces.


Anastasia was a child, sticky with chocolate instead of blood, her blond pigtails sticking out on either side of her head, her eyes bright and blue, no hint of anger. She was playing with Nikki's clothes and Nikki laughed and twirled her around. Nathan watched them from afar, wrapped in a blanket sitting on the sofa with Kelly watching television.

'I don't know why they still rerun Countdown' He said, yawning. 'I've seen this one like a thousand times. You can make 'Cuntflaps' out of the letters'

Kelly squinted at the screen and her eyes widened. 'So you can. And people say your thick' She nodded her head impressed.

'Eh… and what people would this be?' Nathan said one eyebrow cocked in amusement. Kelly stared at him blankly, 'Eh… everyone?' She deadpanned. Nathan grabbed her in a headlock and scrubbed her head. She shouted swears and pushed him away smiling slightly, moaning about her hair.

Kelly decided to sway into more serious subjects, answer some unanswered questions.

'Nathan, why were you trying to overdose on the sleeping pills my doctor gave me?' Kelly said quietly, entwining her fingers into Nathan's. He exhaled loudly.

'Because it was too much. I couldn't sleep. So if I couldn't sleep, at least death was a sort of rest wasn't it?'

Kelly shuddered at this odd outlook. 'Promise you won't do it again'

'Yep' Nathan said, his eyes sliding back to the television out of awkwardness.

'So… what you were saying earlier...' Kelly started, not looking at him. Nathan cringed.

'What ghosts are you seeing?'

'Nikki.' Nathan spat out before he chickened out. She stared at him. 'And Anastasia'

Anastasia looked up from the corner. Nikki continued playing with the child's arms. Nathan hadn't meant to upset Kelly and brushed away the tear that fell. But she shook her head and smiled.

'Tell her I fucking love her alright?'

Anastasia froze and Nathan watched her. Kelly followed his line of sight and stared at the wall. Her eyes were slightly off at an angle but she grinned.

'I love you Anastasia. I love you Nikki.'

Anastasia waved at Nathan and vanished, passing on with a quick flash of light. Nathan stared where she had disappeared. (Get Mummy) (Get Mummy)

Anastasia knew exactly what she needed to move on. And now she was gone. Nikki stared sadly in the place where the child had vanished, wiping away tears, the outline of her frame slightly fuzzed and fading, indicating to Nathan that she had been hanging around since she had died over ten years ago, but had never appeared to him. Whether it was by choice or not, Nathan found himself whispering a simple 'Sorry'

Nikki shot her head up and stared in the direction where Nathan was sitting.

'Nikki I'm sorry your dead. It was an accident'

Kelly watched Nathan carefully and saw him exhale loudly.

'They've passed on' He turned to her and grinned, and all I needed to say to Nikki was 'Sorry''. He said gleefully, catching Kelly in a hug.

'Well maybe that's all she needed.' Kelly said, out of breath caught between the immortals arms, 'Maybe she just need to know people still think of her and feel sorry for her death'

'Maybe' Nathan shrugged, feeling a weight lift off his shoulders. A weight that had been there for a long time, he realised. He hadn't realised Nikki had been badgering him in the back of his mind until she appeared to him and now that she was at peace, Nathan felt complete.

But fuck he really couldn't stand Christmas tv.


Slightly depressing. Slightly isn't really the word...

Its happier next chapter, just a break from all the misery and angst. It's of course, for Christmas Day, and it's so depressing because Christmas is like over 6 months away. The idea of the Christmas dinner though came to me like a month before Christmas and the original plan was to have it done by Christmas.

Yeah so that didn't work out :L

I'll make it summery in the future one possibly. Summer fun in the trenches. By the way, I've added a picture to the story because I think the feature of cover art is as slick as SHIT.

Love you guys!

PS: Damn Fanfiction took my first story Smarterchild off the website because it had 'fuck' in the description. Its my own fault for not knowing you weren't allowed swear in the description. I had like ten reviews too :,( sadness. Am unsure whether to put it up again :/ xx