pairing: draco&neville

summary: you don't say i love you and he's noticing.

dedication: for nica. here's your promised story - six months too late.

author's note: again, i am not writing regularly for fan fiction, i'm just posting for a fweend.


Who are you?

You are filth.

.

Once upon a time…

(wait, this is not a fairytale because he moves so gently against you. it's more like a PG-13 movie but then it moves to R so suddenly and then you want to shut off the camera because this is your moment)

.

/blackout

.

He takes a wisp of your hair, holds it to his; brown and blonde mingle.

(we're so different he says blonde and brown bumbling and suave brave and cunning

you whisper beautiful and ugly but he doesn't hear and you're so glad because he's so beautiful and you're nothing)

'Isn't that funny?'

You press your lips to his, and the heat is scalding; burning your tongue as his tongue touches yours.

(please turn off the camera because boys like you aren't supposed to be like this)

.

"Why are you so beautiful?"

He smiles.

"I'm not beautiful," you whisper.

(he doesn't hear)

.

You like to watch Muggle movies sometimes, because you know you should hate them but you can't, because somehow they seem lovelier than any wizard.

(and you watch a movie and someone in the movie screams if you're a bird i'm a bird

you want it so badly that your hands shake but then you remember that it's a boy and a girl and he is a boy and you're a boy and this is WRONG)

You watch one with him, and he holds your hand, tracing the lines on your weary fingers.

(it makes you feel a little sick and the feeling mixes with the popcorn in your stomach and you tell him to leave)

.

One day, he tells you that his grandmother knows.

(maybe it's because when you visited her as his friend she could see the darkness in your eyes because when you're with him you ache like you have never ached before and the love is hiding there so echoing and barren and full that only some people take the time to look

and it's scary to know when you're with him you show your true colors because you should just stay in black and white and grey because in the end you are not a person but a ghost)

You slap his face; your footsteps make crunching noises in the snow. The fire in his home slowly burns out, but you are already at your own home, putting your grief in echoing silence.

.

He pushes you harshly against the wall, his breath sour. He kisses your neck, whispering against your pale skin.

(you want to push him away but you can't find the way to tell him to stop kissing you and to stop loving boys because this is your moment on the stage a dream you always wanted but never asked for even though you're loaded loaded loaded

because this is your downfall don't you know)

'I love you so much that it burns my throat with every single breath.'

You laugh, 'I can make your throat burn for a different reason.'

(but you don't say i love you and he's noticing don't forget that

you're not that cunning)

.

'I know this sounds dorky, but I see in black and white when I see girls. They smile and wink at me, but I can't find their appeal. But when I see you, I see in color, and you're so so so bright that it burns my eyes; takes my breath away."

(and you're kissing him so harshly and it doesn't matter that he wants to make love gently and soft because you can see a goddamn future with him and it makes your knees shake and it makes your teeth clatter because you can love him and that hurts you more than you think

and maybe it's because he can see in black and white and you yearn for that simplicity because although he is simple your relationship with him is anything but and you want to stay a while with him maybe possibly)

He cries out, and you can see black and grey and white behind your eyelids, and he lavishes you, making the room filled with your mingling screams. 'I could love you,' you whisper into his skin.

(he doesn't hear)

.

It does become simpler. You hold his hand sometimes when no one's looking, and your heart pounds when he comes into rooms.

(but it's always a little from worry that someone will turn their head and see the love in his eyes and the anxious gnawing in yours and you want to die whenever someone smiles because you think they know

shut up you want to scream at them you don't know what you're seeing because i don't know and if i can't understand my own fucking love then you shouldn't

but you don't because you don't want to arouse suspicion)

And sometimes, he whispers in your ear and you shove him away because this doesn't make any sense. How can someone like him, someone so wonderful and lovely- love filth like you?

(you're insecure because daddy sneers at boys like you

boys like you are even filthier than mudbloods)

.

He smiles; teeth bright against the dark sky. He holds your hand, and you throw your head to the sky, your throat stretched out- your back arched. He drinks you in with his pink lips and his rosy cheeks. The grass on the ground tickles the back of your neck; the ground is cold and wet, soaking your shirt with dew.

(and he's ready to show the world but you're starting to love this way of life of being a secret and staying hidden without any prejudice or hurt

but you smile and you love him pretending that you're still thinking about the possibility of going public and sometimes he holds your hand in plain view and you let him because you feel bad because he loves you so much and all he wants and all he needs is for you)

"Why do the stars glimmer when you're away; my heart is weary without the weight of you," he whispers.

You hold your breath, and whisper, "Why do the stars shine?"

"Nuclear fusion."

"No," you shake your head, "I don't want science, I want why they feel they have to shine."

He takes your hand, his fingers threading through the grass, "I don't know… I don't know."

(it's these moments that make you want to scream to the world that you love him)

.

One day, you snap. Your shiny shell that you decorated with all the right colors and hid your soul under – cracks.

(and he catches all the splinters and they get under his fingernails but he still holds on tightly like he can save you and you can make this work when you kiss him because your father was wrong

this is not wrong this is so so so blissfully right)

You scream it to the world when you're standing on your castle walls, and you swear you can see the words bright against the blue sky. His arms circle around your waist and he brings you in for a kiss.

(you still can't say the word but he says it on the shell of your ear on your eyelashes on your nose on your cheeks in your hair on your lips)

I LOVE YOU.

.

/fast forward

.

He laughs, "Draco Malfoy, you make my head spin."

(you grin your blond hair mingling in his dark your teeth clanging against his

it works)

"Longbottom, who would've guessed it would be you."

"I did," he says.

You kiss him long and sweet, the sun shining on your back and the sky caressing your back as you lay on top of him.

.

You blush, blood staining your pale cheeks, "You're beautiful."

He doesn't kiss you, but rather he brings you into his arms, holds you tightly against him.

You whisper, "I love you."

(and he hears it and his eyes widen and he pushes you against the bed tickling you until you're breathless and you say it again and again

iloveyouiloveyouiloveyou)

.

Who are you?

You are Draco Malfoy.

You are invincible.