Title: Right Through You
Author: Noa
Last episode seen: Never Say Never
Last relevant episode: Hmm... Secrets and Lies I guess.
Disclaimer: All I own is Abby and Luka shaped cookies, the rest belong to... To whoever owns them.
Archive: Sure, just tell me where.
Author's notes: Fluff, fuzz, cuteness, and some more fluff for the heck of it. Shoot me, I needed it.
Thanks: To Kate, for beta-ing. Thank you, hon, you rock!

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"I'm sorry Luka."

Just like that she broke the silence, telling him she's sorry. They'd been sitting in his living room in a comfortable silence, each doing his own. She was reading a book, Prozac Nation if he remembered correctly, and he was reading the newspaper... Pretty much what they'd been doing every night in the month or so she'd been staying with him. Some nights they talked, but it was mostly giving each other their space, which both thought was the best idea.

"Sorry?" he finally asked, looking up at her.

Abby sighed. "About... About that night. You know, the night we broke up." He was about to say something, but her glaring at him was enough to silence him. "I said a lot of things I didn't mean, and, and... And you didn't deserve it. But I was angry and I had to say it because I didn't know what else to say or do and you did hurt me even if I told you that you didn't." She said it all in one breath, afraid that she wouldn't be able to continue if she'd stopped to take a breath. "So... So I'm sorry. And you've probably forgiven me or I wouldn't be staying with you right now but I just wanted to tell you that." Breathe, Abby, she reminded herself.

Luka shook his head, "You shouldn't be apologizing, Abby... I wasn't the nicest person in the world that night either. But... people do it when they fight, say all those things they don't mean. I -have- forgiven you long ago... But if it'll make you feel better, apology is accepted," he finished, smiling softly.

She smiled back, "Thank you."

He went back to his newspaper; she went back to her book. It was okay again. Apology made, apology accepted, they could go back to their stuff right now. Well, that was how it was supposed to go, how it should go – But neither was able to concentrate on his or her reading again. Now that Abby had brought up the break up issue, both couldn't avoid thinking about it... Especially about how being mean to each other wasn't the only thing they were sorry about. There was a reason for them to try and stay close to the other... If they couldn't be together, they at least wanted to be friends. Something. Something that would keep the other in their lives.

"Luka?" she suddenly called out.

"Yeah?" he said, barely raising up his head.

"I... Never mind." She said, shrugging.

"You were gonna say something..." he said. It's not that he meant to push her or anything, but it seemed like she had something important to say, and he was intrigued.

"Nothing important," she said, almost defensively. "I... I think I'll go to sleep, I'm on early tomorrow." Okay, so she was lying. But he didn't know that, and she just needed to get away from this conversation. To be able to think.

He looked at her curiously for a moment, but decided to drop the matter. If she doesn't want to talk, he won't make her. He got up from the couch, and started to walk towards his bedroom, "Good night, Abby." He said, smiling gently.

"'Night Luka," she replied, returning the smile.

And then he was gone, and she could think. Think about one of the things she usually avoided thinking of – Their break up. She was sorry about nearly every moment of that night, especially the fight, and the end of it... "Carter can have you." Sure, she knew he didn't mean it. She trusted her intuition that told her he was just upset because of the fight; probably even frustrated over the time she had spent with Carter. Not that she could blame him. Even if she never intended her friendship with Carter to go the romantic way, she figured Luka was aware of whatever feelings Carter had for her, and it had worried him. Probably no more, she thought. He was over her, or at least seemed to be. So, rationally speaking, she should just leave it alone. Let the feeling die; move on, anything... But she couldn't. She couldn't just leave those feelings alone.

She was never in love. Not really, honestly, deeply in love. She dated people, and she liked them. Didn't love them, just liked them enough to date them for a while. And Richard... She didn't really love Richard either. But everyone around her was getting married, so it seemed like the right thing to do. And when Richard told her he loved her, she told him that she loved him too... Some little white lies never hurt anyone. But he had hurt her, betrayed her, and they divorced... She moved on, promising herself she would never fall in love, that if she could, she wouldn't even like anyone anymore. It brought only pain at the end of the day, and she had enough of it as it is.

Then came Luka. She liked Luka. She never meant to like him, but she did. He was nice, caring, handsome, charming... He was everything she could ask for. They started dating, she got to know him, and somewhere along the way 'liking Luka' turned to 'loving Luka'. Not that she had ever told him that. When you told people how you feel, you had to expect being hurt because of it... At least that's how it always went for her. So she didn't tell him... And neither did he. Of course, she thought, maybe he never loved her. That wouldn't be very Luka-like, though. Luka didn't seem like the type that would date a woman for a year without having any feeling towards her. But was he even capable of loving again, after Denijela? She always heard that every person had just one person that would be his or her true love, and from what Luka told her about him and Denijela, it seemed like she was his... So how could he love her? She'd never know, not now... Maybe if she only trusted him enough to tell him she loved him before they broke up, maybe then she would've known.

Abby got up from the sofa, pulling the comforter around her to keep her warm. She walked the short distance from the living room to Luka's bedroom, stopping at the entrance. He seemed to be asleep, but she couldn't tell because the room was dark, and she barely saw anything. And still, she stood there for a few more hours, just watching him.

And from under the covers, with eye only half open and a mouth slightly curled into a smile, he was watching her too.

+ + +

"Hmm, that smells great," Luka said the next morning as he walked into the kitchen.

Abby was by the counter, making scrambled eggs while she waited for the coffee machine to finish. She turned around, smiling, "I was up early, so I figured I'd fix us some breakfast, because you always do that and I gotta repay you," she said, chuckling.

"That's good, because I missed those a-la Lockhart breakfasts," he teased.

"Fine, you're not getting extra," she replied, teasing back.

When everything was ready, they sat down to eat, mostly amusing themselves with random small talks, about work and such.

"Did you sleep well last night?" Luka asked.

"Yeah... Sort of. Barely had any nightmares," she answered, smiling softly. It was almost a routine, he'd ask her about her sleep, and she'd say it's getting better. She figured he always asked her that because the first few nights she'd wake up screaming, sometimes even crying, and then he would come out of his room to calm her down. He cared, he was worried... And it warmed her heart.

"And you're sure the couch is okay? My offer to take my bed still stands..." And that was another thing he told her almost every day. It was... Sweet, in a way.

"But then I'd have to sleep with you, right?"

"You're not gonna let me go on that joke, huh?"

"Not in the next ten years, nope," she said playfully, and they shared a laugh.

A few minutes later, they finished their breakfast and started to clean up the table, leaving a silence hanging between them.

She wanted to tell him. She wanted to tell him that she loved him, that she wanted to try again, that she'd make it work this time... But she was too afraid to. What if he rejected her? What if he moved on? What was she gonna do then, avoid him for the rest of her life? That wasn't really possible... And yet, despite all those reasons against telling him that, she found it harder and harder to resist the urge.

"I miss you," she blurted out, her voice hardly above a whisper.

"Wha-? Abby?" he looked at her, puzzled.

Abby took a deep breath. "I didn't mean to... miss you. I wanted to forget... everything. I wanted to be your friend and to want nothing more. I wanted to move on. I wanted you to move on, which you clearly di-"

"I didn't."

"And I wanted those feelings to go away, because it hurt, but they-" she paused, "You what?"

"I didn't. Move on, that is," Luka replied, his voice as soft as you can get.

"Nicole." She stated as a matter-of-fact.

"She wasn't... You know... I didn't mean for it to happen. I thought you knew that," he said, playing with the towel that was used moments before to dry the dishes.

"Right..." she said slowly, followed with a sigh. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bring it up... Nicole -or- us. Wasn't a very good idea..."

"Actually, Luka started, causing Abby to look directly at him, "I'm glad you brought it up. I wanted to, but... I wanted you to make the first step, I didn't want to push you."

"So you..." her voiced trailed off, but Luka nodded, understanding without needing to actually hear her say it. "You said it's my call... I asked you what now, and you said 'you tell me'. So... I'm telling you, Luka. That I miss being with you, that I'd like to give us another try if you want, that I... That I..." she stepped closer to him, their faces only inches apart, "That I love you."

A smile appeared on Luka's face. It was small, but genuine, sincere, one of true happiness. "I love you too, Abby," he said before leaning down to kiss her, ever so softly.

"And we'd take it slow this time," he said after pulling back from the kiss, "We'll make it work."

Abby just nodded before wrapping her arms around Luka's waist, leaning her head against Luka's chest. He did the same, resting his head on hers. And for one moment in that endless chain of ups and downs that was their lives, they both felt truly happy.