Money Is No Problem!

A Hetalia oneshot

by mew-tsubaki

Note: The Hetalia—Axis Powers characters belong to Himaruya Hidekaz-sensei, not me. This is my FIRST Hetalia fic, so I hope you like it. Read, review, and enjoy! *Note: This is slightly slashy. For crocious, whose fics finally got me reading Hetalia fics.

- ^-^3

"Awww… China mugged me again…"

"Did not, aru! America, you're too greedy!" China fumed as America wandered over to England for unnecessary coddling. "You shouldn't make me out to be the bad guy, aru!"

"And wouldn't it be the other way around?" England asked America. He furrowed his thick brows. "Technically speaking, since you borrowed more money from China…"

"But who says 'America mugged me'? Mugging happened, so I beat China to the punchline." America sighed and leaned against England. "I need to drown my sorrows in a chesseburger…"

"You're only going to get fatter, America," France commented as he sauntered into the room. He took the open seat beside China and kicked up his heels. "Young men like us need to stay svelte, in-shape, good-looking—"

"What idiot told you that you were any of those things?" England snickered.

France glared at England. "And if someone had ever listened to his big brother, then he'd be good-looking, too," he jabbed.

"You're all a bunch of idiots, aru," China interrupted with a shrug. "Looks only carry you so far. Money takes care of you the rest of the way…but I'm not working to support America, as well, aru!" he added with another shop look at the burger-loving fiend.

"Then I suppose I better get a second job," England groaned, dragging America from the room to get a bite to eat.

France grunted as the two countries left. With only him and China left in the room, it felt fairly awkward, as he'd never had much interaction with China before. He turned to the Asian nation. "So my looks won't be that valuable in the end?"

"You are correct, aru." China sipped his oolong tea.

France ignored that China had pulled the tea out of nowhere and crossed his arms. "But my looks have always gotten me by—art, music, fashion, food. I'm always sure about my presentation."

China wagged a finger in front of France's nose. "Hard work takes you places, France. That's why I've been able to ensnare America in his debts to me, aru."

France nodded with approval. "Clever, clever… You're like a—a ninja, or something."

"Are you kidding me, aru? That's Japan, not me."

"Yes, but you'd probably look better in a cat suit." France said it with his ever-charming smile, but China appeared a little disturbed by his words.

"You really are a pervert, aru."

"I'm not the one who looks like a girl."

"You have long hair, too!"

"But I pair it with a manly, scruffy beard. Ah, China, I'm merely teasing you…" France winked, so China just took another sip of his tea.

"Don't you need to go taunt England some more, aru?"

France shrugged. "I'll always have time for that. Say…how did America become so indebted to you anyway?"

"A poor economy, too many conflicts and natural disasters, and the desire to help anything that resembles a stray kitten—America has many foibles, aru. I'm the only one in shape to help him."

"Do you like America, China?"

China blushed. "Ugh, that's horrible, aru! America is better left to England's coddling… England is the only one who can stand him, besides Japan, aru."

"Then who do you like, China?"

"I don't like scruffy, horny bastards, aru," China deadpanned.

France froze. "That wasn't very nice, you panda."

"Don't call me a panda!"

"Actually, 'Panda' suits you very well," France continued, smirking. "You know, a lazy, weak-willed critter…"

China slammed his teacup down and glared at France. "Weak-willed? I'll show you weak-willed, aru! The power of money makes one strong, aru!"

France shrank back from China. "Uh, erm, sorry…?" He felt rightly stupid when his voice squeaked on the last word. Then again, it squeaked justly so, as China was looming over him. Who knew someone so short could seem so big?

"You shouldn't tease or taunt those stronger than you, aru." China leaned down so close to France's face, their noses were almost touching. "You never know what trouble you might get into, aru… Just look at America."

"Yes, but then he wins England's attention."

"True, true… And you don't have anyone's attention to win, aru." China smirked; yep, he was definitely the predator here.

"I'm not allowed to run away…?"

"Why should you, when you walked in here?" China sat back down and took another sip of his tea.

France breathed a sigh of relief, though he didn't feel very relieved. A shiver—probably from fright—ran up and down his spin when China's hand rested on his knee and gripped it. "You—You know, my homeland is known for expensive escorts…"

"You mean whores? So is my country, aru." The Asian took another sip of his drink.

"B-But mine cost a pretty penny."

For the first time, China laughed. "Haven't you heard, aru? Just ask America—I've more than enough money to loan…and buy anything I want."

France couldn't decide what was scarier—that laugh, or China's "sweet" smile.

- ^-^3

*LOL!* XD This was fun to write! :D I definitely think I'll be doing more Hetalia fics. I even have another China/France idea in mind, thanks to crocious. Though my first loves are USUK and US/Japan… -w- So funny that I'm finally writing Hetalia stuff, considering how much slash I write… 0.0

Review, or beware of the Poland rule!

-mew-tsubaki :D