To right a good yaoi story, you need to:

1. Find two men from some random fandom

2. Interpret everything they say or do as fucking hot sex

3. BASH UP ANY FEMALE CHARACTER THAT DARES TO RUIN THE PAIRING!

And so here is a little story I wrote in twenty minutes without any bother to edit or even check if its canon (I never played Kingdom Hearts before) because I was bored, on PMS and in a bad mood.

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts. Not surprising seeing I never actually even touched a copy of it.


SAVING ROXAS FROM THE EVIL GIRLFRIEND; A FAILED ATTEMPT AT YAOI!


Axel loved Roxas, ever from that first mission, where he had fucked up so bad and didn't even know what a chest was. No, that's not right. He had loved Roxas ever since he first looked into his eyes, although he didn't know it yet. And he wanted to fuck him so bad.

But no, Saix had to send him to Castle Oblivion and by the time Axel got back, Roxas had found a girlfriend.

Fuck.

Xion was her name, but Axel always thought of her as "the bitch". She was as ugly as hell, had a very bad temper, was extremely violent and had no boobs. Anyone who has no boobs is not a woman in Axel's book. But Roxas loved her more than the world which was completely weird, considering that if something ever happened, there would be no boobs for him to grab onto.

Roxas became completely obsessed with her, always talking to her when they were hanging out at the Clock Tower and talking about her on the rare occasions when she wasn't there. Axel felt so eft out, but because he was such a selfless and nice person and didn't want to hurt Roxas' feelings, he pretended to be her friend as well.

But when they started to exclude him from the times when they had "ice cream", Axel decided he had enough. He couldn't just watch his best friend be stolen away by the ugliest girl in the world, so being the great friend he was, he decided to solve that little problem.

By killing her.

The bitch was sitting by herself on the clock. She looked up at Axel and smiled her ugly smile. "Hello Axel, how nice to see you. You wanna sit with me?"

"NO!" he shouted. "BECAUSE YOU ARE A FUCKING BITCH AND AS UGLY AS HELL!"

The bitch pretended to be shocked. 'But Axel… you're my friend… How could you say that?"

"BECAUSE YOU ARE A FUCKING MARY SUE WHO RANDOMLY JUMPED INTO A STORY WHICH HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU AND HAS ROXAS TWISTED AROUND YOUR FINGER LIKE A PUPPY DOG!"

"Funny, I thought Saix was the dog."

"AND YOUR VOICE IS FUCKING ANNOYING AND YOU ARE AN IDOIT AND SO FUCKING UGLY THAT YOUR MOTHER SCREAMED WHEN SHE FIRST SAW YOUR FACE!"

"I am not! Oh, Axel, are you jealous that Roxas is in love with me, not you? Well guess what? I have the power of the boob and everyone must bow down to you."

"YOU HAVE NO FUCKING BOOBS! YOU ARE SO FUCKING STUPID AND SO FUCKING DUMB, YOU FUCKING BITCH!"

"Well guess what? My only purpose in life is to be obsessed with Roxas and fall in love with him, just like the millions of other Mary Sues and self-insert characters around here. And seeing that I'm Kairi, of course Roxas is gonna want me, not you. Because you are a fucking pervert and you have red hair and you're a murderer and a jerk and you insert the word 'fuck' into every sentence that comes out of your mouth and you're awesome and you're hot so I'm here to prove to the world that Roxas isn't gay. MUAHAHAHAHA!"

"AND YOU ARE JUST A BITCH! HOW DARE YOU STEAL ROXAS AWAY FROM ME, YOU FUCKING MARY SUE?" He randomly jumped up to her and strangled her.

"HELP ME!" she cried. "ROXAS! DAMSEL IS IN DISTRESS HERE AND NEED HER KNIGHT TO RESCUE HER! Oh! This feels so good because Axel is just that hot that he makes dying a pleasure but I have a commitment to Roxas and, oh! RRROOOXXXAAASSS!"

"Fuck off," said Axel awesomely and pulled her to the edge of the tower. She struggled the whole way because she's a bitch and refused to die quietly as she should. But Axel was so awesome and so fucking hot that he managed to push her off the tower. She went screaming the whole way down.

"Did I just miss something?" said a quiet voice. Axel turned to see Roxas standing a few feet behind him and blinking dazedly.

"You're free," he said. "Free of the Mary Sue bitch and free to have fucking hot sex with me without fucking interruption."

"Really?" Roxas looked down at his hands. "I was under the power of the boob for so long."

"She has no boobs," Axel pointed out.

"Well I'm free of her now, THAT FUCKING BITCH! Oh my God, how did I not realise how fucking ugly she was until now? SHE HAS NO BOOBS!"

Axel went up to him and kissed him. "Let's forget about Little Miss Mary Sue for now and... yeah."

"YAY!" cheered Roxas.