Today was the last day of school before the summer.
It was super chill even though we didn't place at Nationals and Santana's still mad at Rachel. I blame Finn because I think he's the one who wanted to kiss Rachel and I'm pretty sure San does too but she just likes having a reason to hate on Rachel. Sometimes I feel bad for Rach because she can be nice but her voice is really high-pitched and a lot of the time she talks too fast so I don't understand what she's saying.
She looks at me funny too. Sort of like she feels sorry for me, but I don't know why. That's why I let Santana hate her; maybe she knows something I don't. She especially hates her since after we sang 'Landslide' Rach said something about it being charming, I think. Santana reeeally hated it so I didn't ask her what it meant.
Santana wanted to talk about feelings again today. It's like she blocked it all up and since I unblocked her the feelings won't stop flowing out. Kinda like when you take a tampon out. It's messy. She's not very good at talking about feelings though, she gets all frustrated about it and I can tell she's thinking too much, her forehead goes all wrinkly and her eyes look confused. It's really cute. When she does that face I want to laugh and cuddle her but usually she's serious so I don't touch. She'd pull away and be more frustrated. It's okay though, I think she needs emotional support right now so I'll just be around if she needs me.
She was kinda needy recently, she says I've said I don't love her but that's not true. I have and I do. That's what she wanted today, I think she wanted to know where we stand because we haven't really talked about 'us' since she bailed on Fondue for Two. I think she feels bad for that too but she's too embarrassed to bring it up. I understand. Actually, I don't understand. Not properly anyway. I know it's really really hard for her but I don't think I'm Lebanese like she is because I still think Jesse St. James is a hottie and when I watch Titanic, Leonardo Di Caprio still makes my downstairs twitch.
That's okay though because Miss. H said it's not about who you're attracted to, it's about who you fall in love with. I do love Santana and that's what I told her again today because she still didn't seem to know.
She looked happy so I hope she doesn't forget it again. We linked pinkies and went to Breadstix for milkshakes. Since we're not on the Cheerios anymore we can drink them again. My favourite's a mix of chocolate and strawberry but you're not allowed to order that so Santana gets chocolate and I get strawberry and she pours some of hers into mine. I didn't realise how much I missed milkshakes until today; everything was back to normal again, we slurped our shakes, talked about the annoying habits of the glee clubbers and held hands under the table, even though mine was a bit sticky.
Every year since we've known each other San and I have had a sleepover after the last day of school so that we can start the summer together. To carry on with this tradition Santana came back to my house after Breadstix.
She's sat at the bottom of the bed now, painting her nails while I'm writing this. She's wearing one of my old Cheerios t-shirts and she looks really pretty, especially with her hair falling in front of her shoulder, like one of those girls in the adverts for spot cream. You know the ones where they're supposed to be ready for bed but still look perfect and you just know they're wearing make-up and trying to look good. Well, Santana's exactly like that except she doesn't have to try even a little bit and without make-up she looks just as flawless.
She noticed I was staring at her.
She asked if I was writing about her and I said no, but she knew I was lying so she tried to grab the paper. I had to jump on her and force her to give it back before she read it; she's not supposed to read any of these. It worked out good because she likes it when I sit on her so it was really easy to get the paper back and throw it under the bed. I had to distract her with some sweet lady kisses so she'd forget about it but that was okay too; I wanted some anyway.
Now she's asleep next to me so I have to be really careful not to move too much or let the paper russel.. rusell.. rustle. She's not wearing my old Cheerios top anymore. Things really are back to normal.
Love from B.