AN: prompt from xxxalexandraxxx
If you had told her in high school that Noah Puckerman and Rachel Berry would one day go to New York, get married and be the most adorably nauseating couple she knows, she would have probably laughed her head off.
If you continued by telling her that not only would that happen but she would also end up being good enough friends with the Puckermans as to be their go-to babysitter, she would have dragged you off in a straitjacket herself.
But here she was, Quinn Fabray, in the tasteful house that was Puck and Rachel's Manhattan home, babysitting their daughter while Puck took the missus out for a well-deserved night on the town.
Quinn didn't begrudge her friend the loss of her own Friday night. After all, Rachel had been stressed out and rundown for weeks while working on the previews for her new show; she deserved to have a little romance with her husband. Besides, it just gave Quinn the opportunity to spend time with her favorite goddaughter.
Caroline is perhaps the cutest 5 year old in the history of the planet. No, seriously. She's this little dimpled dynamo with big, brown eyes and dark curly hair. The girl is basically a mini-Rachel with a dash of Puck. Let her put it this way – the part that learned to tap dance at 2 years old, wore little dresses and tights 24/7, and was polite and sweet? That was Rachel. But the part that ruined her new dress when she decided that swimming in the Bethesda fountain was 'badass' and that almost drove her mother mad because she wanted to try riding on Perry, the family's Labrador retriever? Oh, that was Puck.
She is reminded of this particular streak of Puck in his kid when she returns from the bathroom to find Caroline on the couch going through the contents of her upturned purse. She really doesn't find anything so wrong with this at first; it's not like there's anything in her purse to really damage. That is, until she sees the birth control wheel in Caroline's hand. A wheel with some suspiciously empty days.
"Caroline," Quinn starts softly (she wouldn't want to frighten the kid if she started shaking her frantically). "Caroline, honey. Did you eat any of these?"
Caroline blinks up at her and smiles, opening her little fist to show at least four pills she'd sequestered. Quinn is about to sigh in relief when the little girl giggles delightedly. "I ate Saturday!"
Dimly, Quinn recognizes that she has dropped to the sofa in horror. Now, she's a smart woman. She knows that one little oral contraceptive isn't going to really have an effect on Caroline. But when she remembers Rachel and her overwhelming paranoia over her one and only child, she thinks the other woman might forget that fact and, you know, rip her hair out anyway (she recalls the incident when Rachel pitched a fit after learning that Caroline was being given filtered water instead of mineral water rather vividly). And she has no doubt in her mind that the pint-sized diva actually would. The woman had a stack of medical journals stashed in the library and a Pediatric book; somewhere, there's bound to be something about this exact situation. With her luck, there would be something about how 66.43% of children who end up swallowing their poor oblivious babysitter's birth control end up dead or worse...untalented.
"Ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygod...Rachel is going to kill me," she mutters a little hysterically.
She doesn't notice that Caroline has climbed up unto the sofa with her until she feels a small body hug her side and a tiny palm against her cheek. "Don't worry, Auntie Quinn," the little girl says soothingly. "Mommy won't get mad that I took some of your candy."
Quinn looks at Caroline's little upturned face and doe eyes and she just melts. The kid is just too adorable for words. She smiles, shifts the 5 year old on to her lap and gives her a big hug in return. Maybe nothing would happen. Maybe Rachel didn't even need to know. Quinn sighs and cuddles her little bundle of cuteness at this thought. Things would be fine. There would be no bloodshed in Gramercy Park today.
Her bubble of contentment is suddenly shattered when a tiny voice pipes in again. "'Sides, I get some of mommy's candy sometimes and she doesn't notice at all."
Oh. My. God.
Rachel catches her daughter in her arms with an oof. "Hey, baby! Did you have a good time with Auntie Quinn?"
"Uh-huh," Caroline nods eagerly, still clutching her mother's legs. "We watched Ariel and sang songs and had candy and she gave me ice cream 'cos I was a good girl!" When she hears Perry greet her father, she runs off.
"Ice cream?" Rachel's eyebrow ticks up at this as she stares balefully at her blonde friend. "Auntie Quinn knows that Mommy doesn't like giving a budding ingenue too much sugar because it's very bad for their vocal development."
Quinn rolls her eyes. "Auntie Quinn thinks Mommy needs to take a chill pill. I got her some Tasti D-Lite, okay?"
"But why did you have to trek all the way to Union Square for ice cream when there's some Tofutti in the fridge? Didn't you see the detailed list I left for you?"
"I needed some air. It's not like I dragged her to Brooklyn with me," Quinn replies flippantly. "Besides, I had to go out to get you a gift."
Rachel's eyes light up. "A gift? Quinn, you shouldn't have." Her protestations don't stop her hands from actually making grabby motions. "Gimme!"
Quinn laughs and produces a brown paper bag from behind her back. "You have to promise me that you won't use it until Puck gets here and you have to tell me how it goes. Like, whatever the result, you have to tell me."
Rachel gives her a weird look and then stares at the bag now in her hands. "Well, considering that Noah's just outside walking the dog, the first condition can easily be accomplished but given that there are provisions to the gift, I'm suddenly not all that excited now." Her eyes suddenly widen and her voice drops to a whisper. "It's not anything dirty, is it?"
"Ohmigod, no!" Quinn shakes her head in amusement. "Sometimes, Rachel, I honestly wonder about how your brain works."
"I honestly wonder too," Rachel replies with a grin.
When she hears Caroline laughing at Dora the Explorer playing on TV, Quinn takes her leave. "So I'm going to go now. Call me, okay? And if that thing says what I think it's going to say, you might want to have a talk with Caroline about how she likes stealing your candy."
"Trust me on this."
She is putting on her coat when she runs into Puck in the hallway. "Hey, Q! Leavin' already?"
"Yeah, I have some..." and she hears the distinct sound of paper ripping, a body dropping heavily into the sofa and Rachel Puckerman shrieking Quinn Fabray! What the hell is going on? Oh goody, she found the EPT. Quinn makes a run for it while waving to a confused Puck and a barking Perry. "Bye, Puck! I have to go. Oh and just in case...congratulations!"