AN: This was a parody written for English class, and had to include references to Moby Dick, Death of a Salesman, and Heart of Darkness while following the main story of Fight Club. This is based off of the book, not the movie, so some things might be different. For plot purposes, the nameless narrator from the novel, or Jack from the movie is being called Ishmael. Michelle/ Marla is a reference to the hilariously awful movie, 'Moby Dick 2010'.

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Don't sue. Thank you.

Also, Thanks to Shubha and Donna for helping write this.


Call me Ishmael. I'm twenty three and life, the three minutes left of it, at least, pretty much sucks.

Tyler gets me a job as a sailor, after that Tyler's shoving the blunt end of his peg leg down my throat and giggling that the first step to eternal life is you have to die. I stick my head over the edge of the mast head and look down; spread out below us is the entire Congo basin. The drop is dizzying. What's left of the crew stares up at us, treading the muddy river water. They won't last long.

The Pequod bobs a little in eddies and currents. It won't be long until the entire house-boat collapses. I'd give us three minutes, give or take. No, I say, but wait. Where would Kurtz be if Marlow hadn't written anything? I tongue his nasty rotting peg into my cheek and say, you want to be a legend, Tyler, man, I'll make you a legend. I've been here from the beginning.

I remember everything.

Two minutes.

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