Story: Wanting, Needing, Finding
Summary: Blaine knows he's got to do this. He has to know if Kurt's sexually attracted to him. He ends up helping Kurt see that it's ok to want someone who wants you back. And the rewards are endless.
Disclaimer: I don't own them. They practically own me really.
Warnings: Smut. And fluff.
A/N: I had an amazing response from A Special Gift. Since it was my first time writing something that sweet and intimate, I've decided to do another one similar to that. I might write more with this, but I'm not sure.
Blaine feels like they have been dancing around for ages. Every step he tries to take forward just pushes Kurt one step back. It's a never-ended dance of quiet glances and soft kisses. It's taken him a while, weeks actually, but he's finally sure he's reached a breaking point with Kurt. It makes him sad; because this could ruin everything they've built up and could bring their whole relationship tumbling down. But he has to know what he's getting into, he has to know the truth.
They are sitting on Kurt's bed, kissing softly, when Blaine pulls away. "I love kissing you," he whispers. Kurt flushes and he's grabbing Blaine's hand, holding it in his own. "But I need to ask you something."
There's a flicker of fear that comes across Kurt's face and he's suddenly tense, although his hand stays in Blaine's. "Sure, what's up?"
"Are you attracted to me?" He wished there was an easier, more romantic or dapper way of asking that, but all he can think about it being blunt. Because at this point, he's not sure that he'll get the answer he's looking for from Kurt.
"Of course," Kurt all but squeaks and it doesn't make Blaine feel relieved.
"No, Kurt," Blaine says. "I mean, are you attracted to me sexually?"
Kurt's getting redder and it would almost be cute, if Blaine wasn't so terrified of the answer that may or may not come from his boyfriend's soft pink mouth. "I…"
"I'm not trying to make you uncomfortable," although he knows he's doing a damn good job of it, "or push you into anything you don't want to do. But it's been obvious for weeks that other than kissing me, you have been reluctant to even entertain the idea of more."
Kurt stares at him, biting his lower lip. "It's not… I can't… I don't want to talk about this."
Blaine nods. "I know you don't Kurt. But it doesn't change the fact that we need to talk about this. It's become quite obvious that if we don't, and you don't let me in a little, then the strain is going to break us."
Kurt looks at him and his eyes are suddenly swimming in tears. "Are you breaking up with me?"
"No," Blaine says. He takes Kurt's other hand in his. "But that is why I want to have this conversation. Kurt, you can't keep things bottled up and expect me to just know what you want. I keep skating on this edge of breaking down and telling you what I want, but I try not the press you into anything. So I've been giving subtle hints and I'm trying really hard to understand, but we are going to have to talk about this. I can't read your mind Kurt."
"Are you saying that if this conversation doesn't go the way you want it too, you are going to break up with me?" He's trying hard to keep the bitch tone in his voice, but Blaine can hear it cracking at the edges.
"Not at all," Blaine says. "I'm saying that I need to know more about you. I feel like I've done and shared everything with you at this point, and you've been happy just sitting back. But it's starting to feel like its one-sided and that you really don't have a physical attraction to me. And if you don't, I understand, but we can't keep doing this if you don't because it's going to end up hurting us both."
Kurt eyes him warily and sits back, taking his hands away from Blaine. He doesn't miss the look of sadness in Blaine's eyes and he hopes that at least that is a good sign. "You know I'm uncomfortable with sex."
"I knew that you were," Blaine says. "It hasn't gotten any better?"
Kurt flushes and he looks away from Blaine, down at the comforter underneath him. "I don't know how to answer that."
"It might be easier for you to talk to me, if I ask more specific questions. Can I do that?" Blaine keeps his eyes on Kurt and it's only the slight nod from Kurt that gives him any indication that for now he can keep this conversation going. "Do you think about me when I'm not around?"
"Of course," Kurt says and he's suddenly more aware that some of these questions he can answer without freaking out. "All the time since I left Dalton."
Blaine smiles, that smile that Kurt knows is reserved just for him. He knows because Blaine told him once that David and Wes had nicknamed it the 'Kurt Smile'. "Would you feel better if I answer the same questions about you?" Kurt nods. "I think about you all the time. What do you think about when you think of me?"
"Your voice," Kurt whispers. It came out before he knew that he had said it and he looked up to see that small light shine in Blaine's eyes. "I mean… that's not the only thing, just the first thing that pops in my head."
"It's good, I wasn't expecting that." Blaine reached forward and Kurt allows him to take his hand again. "If I tell you what all I think about, can you do the same for me?" Blaine knows that most of Kurt's hesitance comes from his period of having crushes on straight guys and he's terrified that Blaine won't feel the same way. Kurt nods and Blaine smiles. "I think about your voice too, cause you can do things with your voice I didn't know was possible. But it's not the first thing I think about. When you come into my head, the first thing I think about is your eyes. You have the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen. I feel like I'm staring into something hidden and forbidden and just for me. Then, I think about your skin, about how soft your hand is and how perfectly white and creamy your skin is. I think about your hands, the way they fit into mine. I think about your lips, and how no matter how hard I try, I keep staring at their perfect shape when you talk. I think about your body; how tall and slender you are, how strong I know you must be from cheerleading, how you move gracefully as if you are aware of every inch of yourself. I think about your clothes, and how sometimes I can't understand your fashion choices but how you always look so amazing and it makes me proud just to stand by you. I think about your heart, about how you feel with everything that's in you and how you care for the people around you. I think about the way you get excited when we go see a movie you've been dying to see or when you get a solo and how adorable you are when you get what you want. And then, I think about you in other ways, ways that I haven't seen but hope I get too." Blaine has reached a point that he can't push past yet. Up until now, everything he has said had been romantic and sweet. He needs to hear more from Kurt before he can push towards other things.
At first, Kurt doesn't answer and he's staring anywhere but Blaine. Silence stretches between them and Blaine is almost certain that Kurt won't say anything back. "I think about your eyes, the way you looked at me right before you kissed me for the first time. I think about how you stand beside me, how you help me be stronger just by being there. I think about your hair, which I wish you'd let me see loose, but how it's cute when you are trying to control it. I think about how understanding you are and how safe I feel with you. I think about how nice you are to my dad and Finn, even if they are sometimes overly protective. I think about the way you danced with me at prom, the way your hand felt on my back and the way you lead me around the room."
This is good. Although he's hesitant and still refusing to look at Blaine, he's talking and that's really all Blaine wanted from him. He wants to ask another question, but Kurt beats him to it.
"You said other ways, ways you haven't seen yet. Does that mean... Dreams?" He's red again, that blush spreading down to his neck.
"Sometimes," Blaine says. "I dream about you a lot actually. Mostly, I mean imagining things. Fantasizing."
It's just one word but Blaine can see the tension come over Kurt when he says it. It takes him a few moments, but Kurt braves a look at Blaine. Blaine lets his face show Kurt that he's just as nervous about this conversation as he is. "What do you imagine?"
It's a completely different question than the one Kurt just asked. Before Kurt was confirming something he already knew, now he was asking for more information. Blaine's afraid of what he should and shouldn't say. "I think about kissing you at first. Slow and sweet, the way it's always been. But, we move on and our kisses aren't so slow and there's much more heat to them. Sometimes, I imagine you leaning over me, kissing along my neck. I imagine what it would be like to run my hands through you hair, to pull you closer to me. I imagine running my hands along your skin, down your chest, along your waist. Sometimes, I think about kissing along your stomach, watching you squirm under me. Other times, I'm holding your waist and you are above me, running your hands over me as if you are trying to memorize my skin."
Kurt's blushing now and he see that so is Blaine. There's also a look in Blaine's eye that Kurt's seen before when he's pulled away after kissing him. "Do you think about more?"
"Of course I do Kurt," Blaine whispers. "I'm just like any other teenage boy and I am extremely attracted to you."
Kurt bites his bottom lip and suddenly he turns to face Blaine fully. He looks up at him and Blaine can actually see the shiver of courage that goes up Kurt's spine, causing him to sit straighter and look Blaine in the eye. "Do you... I mean... While you are thinking of me... Do you touch yourself?"
It's a shocking question to come from Kurt and Blaine's eyes widen that he even asked. "Yes," Blaine says in a soft whisper. "God yes," he says harsher.
Kurt shivers again and it takes every ounce of self control not to touch him at that point. Blaine watches some kind of battle play out in the boy's eyes. "I... I do too. Think about you."
Blaine hisses and he inches closer to Kurt, moving his hands from holding Kurt's hands to tracing small circles on his forearms. "And do you touch yourself when you think of me Kurt?" His voice comes out deeper than he intends.
He flushes again, and Blaine finds it amazing that he can still tell when Kurt gets redder, because Kurt's been red for a good twenty minutes now. "Yes," it's barely a whisper but it's there and it's suddenly the single most important syllable Blaine has ever heard.
He reaches forward and pulls Kurt to him until he's sitting on his lap. "Is this ok?" Kurt nods and Blaine places on hand on Kurt's lower back to hold him close and another on the back of Kurt's neck. He pulls Kurt's face closer and closes the distance, kissing his lips in the same soft kisses they've been doing. But when he licks along Kurt's bottom lip, Kurt doesn't pull away. He opens his mouth and lets Blaine's tongue wrap around his own. A moan escapes from deep in Kurt's throat and a moment later it's repeated by Blaine. They kiss until they are breathless and they both pull away just an inch. Blaine leans forward and drags his lips down Kurt's jaw and down his neck, placing little open mouth kisses on the skin there. Kurt makes another small sound, something close to a whimper, and he's clutching at Blaine's arms. "I want to do something. Kind of like a game." Kurt nods for him to explain. "I think most of your issues with sex isn't that you don't want it or that you find it repulsive. I think you've never been in a position to have someone reciprocate your feelings and you aren't sure how to act. But I think you want this and I'm only trying to help you find that yourself. Do you trust me?"
"Of course I do," Kurt whispers. "And I do want you."
It's the final step. That he said it, that he meant it, was all Blaine needed. "I want you too Kurt, so fucking much." It shocks Kurt to hear Blaine curse and he gives Blaine a sexy little smirk. "You get it now, don't you? That's you've reduced me to this primal person, who's only thoughts are on how much more I can please you. My brain stops working when I think about you baby." He's never used a pet name before and he's scared Kurt might pull away.
"That sounds infinitely better when you say it than I thought it would," Kurt says with a smile. "I'll play your game Blaine."
"I want you to do something. It can be anything; a touch or a kiss or a lick. Anything you want to do, do it. In return, I will repeat what you do. Then I'll do something else and you repeat that. It will help you learn to be more assertive in what you want to do to me and it will also help you see what you want me to do to you. For example," Blaine leans down and licks a path from Kurt's neck to his ear. Kurt looks up at him with wide eyes. "Now you do the same to me." Kurt does, following Blaine's movement and licking the same path. Blaine moans and it gives Kurt the motivation to suck softly on his boyfriend's earlobe. When he moves away, Blaine mimics his motion and takes Kurt's earlobe into his mouth, sucking on it softly. Kurt moans and grips tighter to Blaine's arms. "See, anything you do to me, I'll repeat on you. You'll get everything back you give and the same goes for me. Can you do this?" Kurt doesn't answer, instead he places three small kisses to Blaine's collarbone. Blaine repeats the movement, placing three small kisses on Kurt's collarbone. He then scrapes his teeth lightly across the area he's just kissed.
Kurt moans and he repeats the motion, scraping his teeth along Blaine's skin. The shudder that comes from Blaine makes Kurt feel... Successful. He reaches down and lifts the hem of Blaine's shirt before pulling it up and over his head. He has a moment to roam his eyes over the olive skin, the muscles stretched tight across his stomach, that distinct line that cuts across Blaine's hip, and that trail of hair that disappears into the top of Blaine's pants. He moans before he even realizes it and he looked up, face red and looking guilty.
Blaine reaches up and cups Kurt's cheek, kissing him softly. "Don't be embarrassed," Blaine says. "I turns me on that you enjoy my body."
Suddenly Kurt remembers the game and that Blaine's next move is going to be removing his shirt. "Blaine..." he all but begs for the boy not to reach out and do the same.
"I'm going to take this off Kurt," Blaine says and he's suddenly got his hand on the hem of Kurt's shirt. If it's possible, Kurt can practically feel the heat from that one hand. He's not looking at Blaine anymore and he shakes when the cloth if pulled over his head and tossed away. He keeps his eyes focused away from Blaine, focusing on a spot on the wall, when he feels a strong hand running up his chest. "Oh my god," Blaine breathes out. Kurt is certain this is where Blaine leaves him, realizing that Kurt's not cut and he's not fit and he's so not worth the Adonis who's lap he's currently sitting. "You are fucking beautiful," Blaine hisses out and he's so close to Kurt's chest that Kurt can feel his breath hot on him. Blaine's pressing his mouth to the top of his chest and kissing that one spot softly.
Kurt grips Blaine's arms harder, enough that the tips of his nails are sinking into the flesh. He wants... "more," he whispers.
Blaine smiles into Kurt's skin and doesn't stop making the soft kisses at the base of his collarbone. "Ask me for it Kurt, I'll give you anything you want."
He's not sure what he wants, he's never been here before. "I'm not sure what I want," he finally says.
Blaine licks the skin he's been kissing and looks up at Kurt. Kurt thinks it might be the sexist thing he's seen so far, seeing Blaine look up at him with his tongue flicking over his skin. "Do you want me to suck this spot?" That sounds like an excellent idea and Kurt nods. Blaine licks the skin again, placing an open mouth kiss to the spot, before sucking on it softy.
Kurt arches his back and his nails are starting to leave marks in Blaine's arms. "Please Blaine," he whimpers and he has enough sense left to hear how desperate he sounds.
Blaine sucks harder, but quickly pulls away. "If I keep going Kurt, there's going to be a mark."
Kurt looks down at Blaine, who's practically dipping Kurt back in his arms so that he can be eye level with Kurt's chest. It's an awkward angle on his back and Kurt wonders if Blaine is afraid to lay him on the bed. "First thing, lay me down Blaine." Blaine's eyes sparkle and he complies, pressing Kurt down into the mattress. It leaves Blaine in between Kurt's legs, leaning over him and using the strength of his arms to keep himself from laying on the boy below him. "Now, you can leave that mark."
"God Kurt," Blaine whispers. "Where did this side of you come from?"
"I guess it's always been here," Kurt says. "I just needed my sexy boyfriend to make me face it."
"Thank god," Blaine says and he dips his head back to Kurt's chest. He licks along the spot that has a faint mark that would have faded before the night was over. But Kurt's given him permission to mark him, to place his mark on that perfect skin. And he's going to do it. He sucks hard and is rewarded when Kurt cries out under him, bucking his hips up. Blaine moves with him, moving his hips up so that they don't touch because he's not sure that Kurt is ready for that yet. He worries at the skin, alternating between sucking hard and kissing, occasionally he bites down just a bit. Kurt's hands have moved from his arms to his back and his hands are running over the planes of Blaine's back, his nails scratching lightly. "Can I leave more than one?"
Kurt looks down at Blaine, his eyes are darker than he's ever seen them and Kurt's whole body flushes at the look Blaine's giving him. He looks down to see the purple mark, which should remind him of bruises and other bad memories and make him angry to see his perfect skin marred, but all it does is remind him of Blaine and his mouth and the feeling that's building in the pit of this stomach. "That's... Hot."
Blaine chuckles, but it's a deep laugh from his throat. "Indeed, I like having my mark on you."
"Where do you want the next one?" Kurt watches as Blaine roams his eyes over his skin. He should feel uncomfortable, but there's this look in Blaine's eyes that makes his skin burn and Kurt feels beautiful under that gaze.
"Here," and Blaine places a finger on Kurt's hipbone. Kurt sucks in a breath, he's shaking and it's no longer from fear.
"Only if we are still playing," Kurt says in a flirty voice and he's rewarded with an actual growl from Blaine.
"Abso-fucking-lutely," Blaine hisses out. He moves down, kissing along Kurt's stomach, until he reaches the destination he's picked. Kurt's squirming and Blaine remembers telling Kurt that he's fantasied about this moment. "Do you remember," Blaine licks the skin, "when I told you I have fantasies about this? About me kissing your stomach and you squirming under me?" Kurt nods, pretty sure that he's not going to be able to form words with Blaine's lips on his hip. "This is so much fucking better than I imagine," he whispers and he kisses the skin. "You are amazing." Kurt wants to respond, but Blaine places his mouth over the spot and sucks hard and Kurt's suddenly not able to think about anything other than Blaine's hot mouth on his hip.
When he's done, there's another purple mark on that perfect creamy skin and he's breathing just as heavy as the boy under him. "My turn," he hears and there's no warning before Kurt pushes him up. Balancing on his knees, he watches as Kurt moves up and pushed him back against the mattress. Instead of taking the same position as Blaine, Kurt straddles Blaine's thighs and Blaine can fucking feel Kurt against his thigh. He opens is mouth to say something, anything, but Kurt's mouth is in the exact fucking spot and holy shit how did he learn to do that. He's trying hard, but he can feel his hips bucking up and he knows the absolute second that Kurt feels his erection. He tenses with his mouth still on the spot he's been sucking and Blaine wonders if this is the line they aren't going to cross. Kurt pulls up, looks at his mark and then he looks at Blaine. Not with fear, but with this sexy knowing smile that Blaine's only ever seen in his dreams. "My fault?" Kurt laughs as Blaine nods. "Are we still playing?"
"If you want," Blaine answers, looking down at his mark and wondering if he'll be able to keep his erection at bay when he goes home and sees that on his skin. A perfect little circle from the most perfect boy he's ever met.
"I want you to touch me," Kurt says. He emphasis his point by brushing his hand ever so lightly over Blaine's erection.
Blaine's pretty sure he's dreaming. There is no way that Kurt is actually asking for this. "How do you want me to touch you?"
"I'll show you," and Kurt pops the button of Blaine's jeans.
It's the single sexiest sentence he's heard and he really hates that he has to reach down and grab the wrists of the boy about to unzip his pants. "Do you realize what you are asking for? What you are starting here?"
Kurt looks at him with a smile. "I'm pretty sure. Tell me."
"If you do that, if you take my pants off and I take yours off, you are asking and offering for us to come. Is that what you want?" Blaine is nervous, he wants to just let Kurt jump in, but he knows Kurt needs to understand what's going on here.
"God yes," Kurt says and Blaine's eyes snap up to Kurt's to see that dark, lusty look that he's sure is always on his face but has never been on Kurt's. "I want to see you come for me."
"Fuck," Blaine hisses out and he's suddenly very aware that this might not last as long as it should. "I won't last long once you touch me Kurt."
"Thank god for that," Kurt says, "because I'm so close just watching you under me."
Suddenly Blaine's realizes that he's awaken something in the boy above him. Kurt's always had a smart, sassy mouth and he's never though about it before, but he's pretty sure Kurt's going to be vocal in bed. "Do it," Blaine says, "god Kurt, please touch me."
"I like that," Kurt says as he pulls the zipper down slowly. "You begging me for something."
"Jesus Kurt, keep talking like that and I'm going to come before you even touch me."
"That would be just terrible, wouldn't it?" And there's a teasing tone in that voice that tells Blaine that Kurt's boundaries and fears are gone. He still flushes red when he lifts his hips and pulls Blaine's pants down and he's still hesitant when he pulls his own down, but he's not stopping and Blaine knows that he was right, that Kurt did want this and he was just scared Blaine didn't.
Suddenly there's nothing between them but the tiny brief they are wearing, Blaine's are dark blue and Kurt's are red, and he has a moment to think that hey, those are Dalton colors, before Kurt's finger is suddenly trailing down the bulge and Blaine's only coherent though is how is he going to mimic Kurt's movements in this position. "Wait," Blaine says and he grips Kurt's hips, rolling him over until they are both on their sides, facing each other. "I want to touch you too."
They are face to face, their bodies inches away from each other, and both boys have their hands on the other's hips. Blaine moves first, cupping Kurt's erection in his hand and Kurt mimics the movement. Blaine leans over and kisses Kurt, slowly and sensually moving his tongue in and out of Kurt's mouth. The movement is matched by their hips and Kurt is suddenly bolder, placing a finger underneath the waistband of the briefs. "I really want to see you," he whispers into Blaine's mouth.
Blaine nods and he let's Kurt's hands pull down the last barrier of clothing off of him. Kurt sucks in a deep breath and before Blaine can process it, Kurt's fist is wrapped around him, those long fingers on him, and Kurt gives a soft, experimental tug. Blaine's hips buck at the movement and he only barely remembers that he's going to need to get Kurt equally naked because this so isn't going to last long. "Can I?" He places his fingers under the waistband just as Kurt did and Kurt nods. Removing them slowly, Blaine's brain fogs and he only catches how totally unromantic it is until after he's hissed out, "fuck, you have a beautiful cock."
He's sure Kurt's going to get embarrassed or mad about this, but the boy just strokes up and around the head, gathering the pre-cum from Blaine's cock. Blaine mimics the movements and leans in, kissing Kurt again. It starts out slow, but they slowly build a pace that's escalating higher and higher with their kisses become more heated. "Blaine," Kurt whines and he's moving his hips in time with his boyfriend's hand.
"Fuck Kurt... So good." Blaine licks a path on Kurt's neck. Their hands move faster, each boy taking cues from the other and suddenly they are right there, right at the edge. "Baby, I'm gonna..."
"Me too, oh my god Blaine, please..." and suddenly there is no more words, only mixtures of sounds and their names and suddenly it's like a coil snaps in each of them and they are both coming at the same time, spilling over the other's hands.
He waits to see if it grosses Kurt out, who's always been so clean about everything. He doesn't expect Kurt to look down at the mess with lust-filled eyes. He certainly doesn't expect for Kurt to bring his hand up and lick experimentally before sucking a finger into his mouth. "Shit Kurt," Blaine says and he's moving the hand away before kissing his boyfriend. He can taste himself on Kurt's tongue and it turns him on more. They pull away, breathless, and Blaine wants to stay like this forever. But they are both covered in cum and it won't be good if they let it dry. "I'll be right back," and he jumps off the bed.
Kurt only has a moment to think before Blaine struts back into the room, all cleaned up, and holding a washcloth out to Kurt. He takes it, cleans himself up, and smiles when Blaine tosses it over in the hamper and resumes his place on the bed. Blaine lays on his back against the pillows and Kurt lays at his side, his head resting on Blaine's chest. Blaine's hand is on his back, rubbing soft circles. "Thank you, for helping me."
"I didn't push you, did I?" There is genuine concern on Blaine's face as he looks down at Kurt.
Kurt leans up and kisses him softly, before laying his head back down. "No, you just helped me see that it's ok to want someone who wants you back." Blaine kisses his forehead and they settle down, listening to each other breathing. They don't move to get dressed and Blaine's glad to see that Kurt's become comfortable being naked with him. "Although next time, I think I'd like to taste you."
Blaine chokes and Kurt laughs, smiling into the other boy's chest. "Give me enough time and you can do that tonight."
Kurt's eyes glitter with lust and he's back to kissing Blaine, pressing himself flush against his boyfriend. "I love you."
It's been said before, but there is something infinitely more intimate about this time. "I love you too Kurt. Thank you for giving me this."
"Oh, you so earned it." And Kurt gives him another on of those sexy smiles. Blaine's sure this is the only boy he ever wants to be with, and even though he's young, the thought doesn't scare him. He says nothing, just accepts the kiss from Kurt. He doesn't know, but he will soon, that Kurt's thinking the exact same thing.
A/N: I hope you enjoyed it. I'm actually quite proud of this and I had fun writing it. :D