I really wish these two weren't cousins because I love their personalities together! (the personalities that are in my head!)
Disclaimer: I don't own HP, that's all on JKR.
It was the end of her fourth year when she realised she was trapped in the forbidden with no way out. Not that Lily cared much about social norms or what other people thought about her. She only cared what she would do if he didn't have the same feelings for her. She knew, in a way, how wrong it was and how he would react if she told him her true feelings. So she kept her forbidden secret to herself, only secretly marvelling at how the sun shone off his cheekbones from across the great hall on a summer's morning. Or suppressing the urge to reach out and take his hand in the middle of charms class.
Not that anyone would be surprised; Lily Luna was always doing strange things. People always talked about her, James and Al of course, but they thought Lily was a little strange. To Lily, she was just content bubbling along in her own world; she had no time to care what other people thought of her or her family. There were more important things to contemplate, like why the sky wasn't always blue. Or why Louis was running towards her in the corridor, like he was now.
'Lil, there you are!'
'What's the big rush about Lou?' Lily wasn't easily perturbed, but if she thought the beautiful boy stood in front of her was in trouble, she would be worried. Her eyebrows knit together.
'Louuuu, don't tell me you have another detention!'
'You know me to well Lily-boo, tell James I won't be at Quidditch tonight will you?' Louis' expression was one that had Lilly melting in a pool at his feet.
'I'll tell him if I see him, but you know last time I tried to get into the Gryffindor common room, the fat lady wouldn't let me past before she quizzed me on what was so much better about Ravenclaw.' 'That woman really needs to get a grip, it's not like we choose where we're sorted, even though daddy dearest says differently.' She was aware that she was rambling, again. She couldn't seem to help herself around him; it must have been the way his eyes shone, as if looking for ways to create mischief at all times.
'Lily, you're doing me a massive favour.' 'You know how much I love you, baby girl.' 'I've really gotta skip to Herbology now, I don't want two detentions tonight!' And to Lilly's delight, Louis literally skipped off down the corridor, much to the hilarity of the other students.
Always making people laugh that boy. She stood there in the corridor for a few more minutes thinking about the sentence that had just come out of his mouth, and wondering if he truly knew the effect those words had on his 'baby girl.' She stood there until the students had filtered out of the hall and it was only then that she realised she had to be in potions.
She burst through the dungeon, apologising to Professor Slughorn for her tardiness. He waved his hand, telling her not to worry about it. This was usual for their relationship; it was a little known fact that Lilly was one of his favourite students. Being very clever, the daughter of Harry Potter and the granddaughter of Lily Evans did you a lot of favours in Slughorn's class. Then again, looking around the class, Lily noticed everyone looked a little dreamy and out of it today. Since that was normally only how she looked she guessed it must be a side effect of whichever potion they were brewing today.
'Sit down Lily, I was just explaining to the class what amortentia was, I presume you already know?' he cocked a questioning eyebrow at her.
'It's the most powerful love potion in the world!' Lily breathed. Her eyes were already beginning to take on the glassy quality of the other people in the class.
'You remind me so much of your Aunty Hermione, Lily, and of course your namesake.' Slughorn beamed at her before moving to address the rest of the class.
'Amortentia smells different to each witch and wizard, depending on what your favourite scents are.' Lily recognized the smell of sea and sand at Shell Cottage, and amongst other things, the natural woody scent that Louis gave off. She wondered what Louis would smell, and recalled he had potions after lunch.
At the end of the lesson Professor Slughorn called her over to talk to her,
'Lily, I'm hosting a party next week for the Slug Club, bring a friend along!' He beamed at her once again, 'How about that lovely cousin of yours, Louis?' 'As long as he doesn't make any trouble, he'd be very welcome.' Her face radiated light as she smiled back at him.
'Of course, I'd love to Professor, and I'm sure Louis will be delighted.' She hoped he would come along; Louis was always so much fun, especially at boring Slug Club parties.
She wandered into the great hall and over to the Gryffindor table, where her oldest brother was sat,
'James, Lou's got detention tonight.' James' face fell. 'He can't come to Quidditch practice.'
'Again, that's the second time this month!' Quidditch was something James cared about most, especially now he was the captain. 'He'll just have to train on his own again this week.' 'Will you make sure that he does Lily?' She nodded her agreement, privately glad at how much time she was going to spend with Louis over the next couple of weeks. Normally they only had time for a few words in the corridor each day, not being in the same house. James broke her out of her ponderings,
'Thanks Lils, you're the best little sister.'
'I'm your only sister you nutcase, unless you're counting Al?' They both laughed before Lily walked away to the Ravenclaw table, waving at her other brother on her way past the Slytherin table. She slid onto the bench next to her cousins Rose and Roxie, joining their conversation.
'Louis has another detention tonight.' She informed them.
'If only Lucy were still here.' Roxie giggled, her strawberry curls bouncing 'She would've already sent a letter to Aunty Fleur.'
'Remember when Uncle Bill sent Lucy that howler, telling her to mind her own business.' Rose was practically crying with laughter, her straight hair was just as shiny as Roxie's but more brown than ginger.
'The look on her face was priceless' Added Roxie. All three of them were in fits of giggles, remembering.
Lunchtime ended too soon Lily thought; she loved socialising with her girl cousins, although all three of them had different personalities, Rose being the very studious one and Roxie being miss popular, they shared a sense of humour and Lily was going to miss Roxie when she left next year.
The week drew to a close very quickly for Lily, and that Friday she'd promised James that she would drag Louis down to the Quidditch pitch for practice. It was cold outside so she'd pulled on a bright purple hat and matching gloves, the hat clashed with her dark auburn curls but she didn't mind. She was focused on the fact the cold was going to make her very pale ivory skin very red. She told herself to get a grip, It's just Louis, come on Lils. She left the Ravenclaw common room and ran down the steps to the bottom of the tower. It was just her luck that the Quidditch pitch was situated over the other side of school, as she was already running late.
Louis was already waiting for her at the open castle doors, facing outside, looking up at the moon. He must have sensed her approach as he turned and gave her a mischievous grin that had her heart flipping over.
'How long exactly were you planning on keeping me waiting, Lily-boo?' He pulled her into a big bear hug before they started walking.
'Sorry, I just knew how cold it would be out here!' she shivered to make a point.
'Aww, Poor Lily, here.' He slung his arm around her shoulders and pulled her close to his side as they were walking. She hated him for what he was making her feel but she loved him too much for it to make any difference.
'You're my favourite cousin you know?' 'But don't tell the others I said that will you?' Louis stated turning and winking at her. This was an unexpected turn of conversation for Lily; she wasn't sure what she should say.
'Favouritism won't make me love you any more Lou-bear.' She stuck her tongue out in his general direction which was difficult when they were stood so close. She knew she was flirting with him, she just couldn't help it, she hoped that he would mistake it for cousinly banter.
'Hmmm, are you saying that I'm not your favourite cousin.' He pouted at her, making her giggle.
'Of course you are Lou.' She smiled up into his eyes and they stayed like that for a few moments without talking, just looking at each other. His eyes were something else; they reminded her of the sea at shell cottage. Blue and green mixed together in a flourish of colour always sparkling with mischief. In a habitual gesture Louis flicked his scruffy brown hair, which reflected neither his veela nor his Weasley roots out of those sparkling eyes, and the most magical moment of her life was over.
'Oh and by the way, you have to come to Slughorn's party with me next week, I'm not taking no for an answer, I don't enjoy it unless you're there Lou.'
'Aww, Lils, you do love me.' He grinned and extracted his arm from her shoulder, running towards the Gryffindor locker room as she climbed the stairs to the stand. She had a pain in her chest; it physically hurt how much she wanted them to be together. She wished they could just run away together, somewhere where nobody knew who they were but she could never leave her family and she would never ask Louis to leave his.
He soared out on to the Quidditch pitch at that moment, cutting through her thoughts. He really was beautiful and a natural on a broom, some people even thought he was better than James. Being a part veela, Louis was obviously adored by the girls and a few of her friends who were too shy to talk to him would come up to her and say, 'you're lucky he's your cousin.' Lily disagreed.
On nights such as these, when she was meant to be supervising his 'training' he would fly around for a while and make her laugh with his silly tricks and then come and talk to her. It made her feel like maybe, something could happen between them, obviously not in public, but he made her feel special with the attention he gave her.
This night was no different, he flew up to the stands, stopping just before he flew into her and she was proud that she didn't flinch.
'How did I do Professor Potter?' He grinned at her before flopping into the seat next to her.
'Excellent, you will be playing for Ireland next year my lovely.'
'Hmm, lovely, that's not something I'm often called by teachers.' She blushed and looked down, thinking of something to say without giving away her true feelings. There was nothing she could think of and they fell into a companionable silence. She was glad it was dark and cold, for that way there would be no way for him to see her blushes when he shifted closer to her, or brushed his hand down her arm in a friendly way. Louis had obviously been doing some deep thinking of his own,
'Yeah?' Lily was confused, he was never shy, not a day in his life.
'Why don't you have a boyfriend?'Ah, that was why, they had never talked about relationships before, 'I mean, there are tons of boys in this school who like you.'
'Really?' Surprise was written all over her face.
'You honestly haven't noticed?' 'The lads in Gryffindor have quite a thing for Lily Luna, it annoys James somewhat.'
'Huh, can't say I have, I thought they all thought I was a freak to be honest.'
'No. Uh I can name names, only if you want though.' The pain of that statement was unimaginable coming from him; she knew she'd never have a chance with her Lou bear.
'Um, no you're ok.' His smile was beautiful, she couldn't take her eyes of him and she decided to try something.
'Don't they annoy you Lou?' 'I mean, they're all in love with your little cousin.' She dared hope, the fire in her blue eyes burned brightly.
'Can I tell you a secret Lily?' She was taken aback; he never failed to surprise her.
'Anytime Louis.' He leaned over and put his lips near her ear,
'I take my revenge secretly, I play pranks on them' she giggled. 'I don't blame them though, you are pretty beautiful little Lily.' Her whole body felt like it had erupted in flames, could this be happening?
She barely heard him say it was time to go and he grabbed her hand and pulled her up so quickly that she lost her balance and fell into him. She felt his strong arms around her and they stayed like that, in silence before he decided that they really needed to go or they would get into trouble, not something that Louis was good at avoiding.
They barely saw each other that week, only stopping to say a brief hi in the hallways, before moving on to their next lesson, every time she saw him her traitor heart would skip a beat and more light would come into her turquoise eyes. The next time they saw each other properly was charms on Thursday afternoon, it was this reason that charms was her favourite lesson. She loved it as not only was Louis in the lesson but they sat together on the table at the back going against the general consensus that houses sit together in lessons. Louis used every opportunity in this lesson to make Lily laugh so it was probably just as well that they sat where they did. It also helped that Professor Flitwick jr. was even shorter than his predecessor, who left at the end of their first year. He made her laugh all lesson, just as usual, not for one second would he just let her forget how much she liked him. She left when the lesson was over but not before she reminded him that he had a party to attend the next night.
She was early for once, stood just to the left of the Gryffindor portrait hole, watching the other portraits in the corridor whilst waiting. She had on a short pale silver dress that seemed to make her even paler skin glow. At that moment, the portrait hole opened and Lily recognised some of Louis and James' friends.
'Hi.' She beamed at them. 'Do you guys know if Louis' planning on coming out anytime soon?' She wondered if she was being freakish again, they all seemed to be standing there looking slightly bewildered.
The portrait hole burst open for the second time that night and Louis appeared looking rather flustered. He looked at his friends in confusion until he followed their line of sight.
'Lily I-' for a second he wore the same dazzled expression as his friends but quickly covered it with a big grin. 'I'm sorry I'm late.' He looked over at his friends once more, who were beginning to shuffle off and stepped towards her.
'What my dumb friends were trying to tell you is that you look very pretty Lily' She didn't care what his friends thought but from him it meant the world.
'Thank you Louis,' she smiled at him, 'You look quite adorable yourself, but who did your hair, James?' She giggled and reached up to pat it down, electricity ran though her fingers and she found herself rooted to the spot.
He caught hold of her fingers,
'Are you ok Lils?' he looked concerned.
'Um, I think there's something I need to tell you but not right now, later ok?' Now he looked very concerned.
'Lily, you can tell me anything, you know that.' She couldn't believe she was going to do this, but she just couldn't hide her feelings anymore.
'I know I can Lou, and I will, later.' He smiled at her and they started walking towards Slughorn's classroom. Lily tried to keep the conversation to everyday things, and she was sure Louis could sense this as he talked with a bit too much enthusiasm about their latest charms assignment.
They were greeted by Slughorn at the door and he beamed at them, he took Lily to be introduced to a few of his contacts at the ministry. She smiled politely through this ordeal as usual but excused herself to use the toilet fairly quickly. By the time she returned Louis had gotten them some drinks and whispered in her ear
'I slipped some firewiskey into the butterbeer when old Slughorn wasn't looking,' and winked at her. She giggled,
'You are naughty, Louis Weasley!'
'You can't say you don't love me for it Miss Potter.' She blushed and turned away using a big gulp of her drink as an excuse to not have to reply.
'This band is actually pretty good,' she commented, unusual for these parties.
'Well then, would Madame care for a dance?' She gulped her drink some more before accepting, this night really was going to challenge her will power.
Louis was quite a mover, not only could he actually dance, but he made her look exceptionally good as well. Couples around them seemed to be envious of how they danced together but Lily was just having the time of her life. All his attention was on her and she loved it. The music tempo seemed to slow and in the lull the lead singer stepped to the microphone and said,
'This is a slow one for all the young lovers out there tonight, you all look stunning.' And even though Lily knew he was talking about them, she started to pull away. Not sure if they should be tagged under that label and what people would think if they were. Louis surprised her by pulling her back in to his arms.
'Going somewhere?' He whispered, and even though she knew it was wrong, she smiled into his chest, letting all her cares drift away.
After they'd finished dancing and had another glass of what she was calling Louis' special cocktail, she was really starting to feel the effects. Giggling uncontrollably she turned to him,
'Lou, I think you should take me home, I feel dizzy.'
'What have I done to you, Lily-boo?' He smirked at her, 'your dad would kill me.' He put an arm around her shoulder,
'Just lean on me, we'll be back soon.'
Once out of the party, the cool air hit her and she seemed to sober up a little.
'Lou, can you please go back and get me some water?' She gave him a weak smile, now her brain was functioning again, she still didn't know how to do what she was about to do. He came back quickly, glass in hand and passed it to her before giving her a big bear hug,
'You ok now baby?' Her eyes were full of sadness, she was about to loose the best thing in her life.
'Yeah, I feel fine, but I still need to talk to you remember?' she looked around before walking to the nearest classroom, it was unlocked and she pushed open the door before beckoning him inside. She set her now empty glass down on one of the tables and sunk into the chair beside it. Louis hopped up onto the table so he was directly in front of her. He reached out a hand to brush down the side of her hair.
'Don't…' she trailed off.
'What's wrong Lily, I hate to see you like this, you're always happy.'
'You make me happy Lou, it's wrong I know, but you make me so happy, I've never felt this way about another person before and you're my cousin.' She paused, 'you're my fucking cousin.' Silently, a tear streaked down her face. A path of her unspoken pain.
Louis reached out his hand, gently stroking away her tears.
'Lily, look at me.' She could see in his eyes, her own pain reciprocated, 'Lils, I feel exactly the same way, do you not see the way I look at you?' 'When you walk into a room, you light up my world and when you go it becomes dim.'
'I love you Lily Potter and it's time I stopped lying to myself that it's just because we're friends.'
'But… Lou, we can't.' she looked down, 'our family.'
'I know Lily; there is no way we can be together. Just this one time, I want something to remember the best night of my life by.' He slid off the desk and slowly pulled her to her feet. Feeling his arms encircle her waist she slid her arms up his chest and around his neck. He took his time; she knew he wanted this feeling of need to last as long as possible before he took as did she. Her lips met his and in that moment nothing was wrong with what they were doing, they didn't need to explain themselves because it was perfect, just as it was. He lifted his lips away from hers, looking straight into her eyes before crushing her to his chest like he never wanted to let go.
They exited the classroom not long after they came in and silently he took her hand and walked her back to Ravenclaw tower. When they arrived he looked straight down into her eyes and said,
'I'll always love you Lily, never forget it.' Before disappearing back to his own dorms and she knew nothing would ever be the same between them. She cried herself to sleep that night.
Now when they saw each other in the corridors, they talked same as before, but the deep longing they saw in each others eyes was the real conversation, the rest was a façade. Now they tried to spend as little time alone as possible, for fear of what could happen, what they both wanted so much to happen. So whenever James asked her if she could make sure Louis got in some Quidditch practice, she made an excuse. Everyone around them saw how Lily was not as happy as she used to be, or how Louis was less up for a laugh these days, but they never connected the two.
Later, when she was bridesmaid at his wedding (on family insistence), they saw in each others eyes how much they both wished she was the bride. And when he came to congratulate her at her wedding, the tears she cried were mistaken for happy tears, only two people knew they were tears cried for a forbidden secret.