Lion heart, Broken soul
Chapter one: Of memories and beginnings
I would like to thank my wonderful, talented, GRAMMATICAL beta reader Barbara-chan for helping me with this fic. Couldn't have done it without ya!
The first week of the summer had not been too bad. The Dursleys pretty much left me alone. That was what I wanted, to just be alone, to hide. I wanted to forget it had ever happened. I wanted to pretend that I was just a normal boy who had never heard of Voldemort. I wanted to forget that I knew all too well what fear meant. Unfortunately my dreams... my nightmares wouldn't let me.
Every night I dreamed the same thing. First the voices of my parents, "No not Harry
please!". "Move aside girl." then the screams and the flash of green light.
In the past I thought my first encounter with Voldemort would haunt my dreams for the rest of my life.
I wish I had been right.
True, for two years that encounter added with another were regular features, but in my fourth year those experiences were dwarfed by something far worse. It wasn't really the pain that got to me. Though that was really bad.
You say people don't feel pain in their dreams? Well
I do. My mind remembers the pain perfectly and chooses to remind me of it while
I sleep. But that wasn't the worst of it. First of all, because of a certain
comment I will probably never willingly bowl. Spares are associated with
bowling and the only experience I have had with spares is Lord Voldemort
growling "Kill the spare." when I was first dropped off by that bloody
portkey trophy. No I think quidditch will remain my favorite sport thanks.
I am still haunted by the fact that I convinced him that we should claim the Triwizard tournament together.
Might as well of killed him. People tell me not to think that. Hard not to. I think, the thing I fear most, besides being the cause of another persons death, is
helplessness. All through the time I was tied up I felt... well helpless. They could have done anything, ANYthing to me and I wouldn't have been able to stop them.
Before I had always had at least some control over what was happening to me. Even when I thought I was a muggle whenever things got too bad, or scared me too much, I would always find myself on some roof top somewhere. Good thing I'm not afraid of heights. No, I'm afraid of fear. I always have been. Sometimes I wish I was a muggle.
Voldemort is back and used MY blood to do it! That stupid slash still hasn't completely healed. Madame Pomfrey thinks that the knife Pettigrew used was charmed to prevent healing. I have to be very careful with it and change the bandages everyday. So in spite of what the git Fudge wants the think, Voldemort is back and he is as evil as he always was. Because of that twit Rita Skitter no one believes it and thinks I am nutters. I might just be. Ah well, at least she won't be bugging me anymore.
A few people do believe me, Dumbledore, McGonagall, Moody, Sirius, Snape, for once, the Weasleys, Hermione, and most of the rest of the school. They are all doing their best to stop Voldemort and to help me.
But they aren't here. Who is here you ask?
A family of muggles who wouldn't care if Voldemort swooped in here and snapped me up.
Well, I take it back. They would care.
Everyone on Privet Drive would know their secret. That they were harboring a non-normal boy in their house. A wizard... in training. That is their worst fear.
That and the fear that another wizard might turn dear Dudley into a real pig. I'd like to see it. It would make me smile. I don't smile much anymore.
If Voldemort was willing to take me quietly they wouldn't care a whit. Heck, they would probably thank him for taking me and ask if they could come and watch.
Too bad they don't even know he exists.
But they will soon.
I imagine that the death eaters torturing the muggles
will make it onto the news anytime now. The ministry of magic won't care if the
muggles know his name or not.
Then they will know.
They will probably ask me why I didn't tell them.
They might just be scared that he will come for them. I just hope they won't expect me to protect them.
I have enough to do just trying to keep my sanity right now thankyouverymuch.
Last night I actually managed to wake the Dursleys with my screaming. Dudley came in and hit me. The Dursleys then locked me in my old room. I don't know when they will come to let me out and I don't care. I just want them to leave me alone.
I wish they cared. I wish Ron or Hermonie was here. I wish Sirius was here.
I hear footsteps. The door is opening. The light is too bright.
I look up. It's Uncle Vernon. I don't say a word.
"Well, what do you have to say for yourself?"
I still don't answer. His face is purpling. He grabs me by the arm.
"I asked you a question boy!"
I look up at him biting back the pain I feel. Oh yeah he just had to grab my injured arm. Stupid git. Might as well humor him.
"I don't know." I say in the same quiet voice I have been speaking with ever since I got to this cursed place. Privet drive and the Dursleys seem to suck to happiness out of me almost as quick as the dementors.
"You don't know why you were yelling and making a racket in the middle of the night?
It was more magic wasn't it? "
"I thought I told you NOT to do magic in my house."
"And I wasn't." This time at least.
"Then what were you doing?"
I glare up at him.
"Oh you know, the usual. Dreaming about how my parents really died and how the guy that killed them almost did the same to me."
"Haven't you quit that yet?"
"My nightmares keep getting new material. Like I can help it."
He looks at me confused. "New material?"
He is asking for it and I was in just a bad enough mood to tell him.
"Oh didn't I tell you that Voldemort has risen again, and used my blood to do it? Must have slipped my mind."
He drops my arm in surprise. I really can't blame him. I was surprised too when the bloody trophy transported me from the Quidditch field to that grave yard.
"Is he - Is he coming for you?"
Coward. Filthy disgusting coward.
"Not as long as a relative is with me no. And before you even think of leaving me for him to get me do think of how my dear god-father would feel if you leave me."
He pales more. I knew he had been thinking along those lines. I am probably thinking a bit too harshly of him. If he knew what Voldemort was planning I doubt that he would let him have me. The Dursleys aren't that cruel.
"Why your blood?"
Ah! So he CAN think in complete sentences! Well inquiring minds want to know...
"Because I am the boy who lived, and because of my mother's last spell. As a result he has my mother's protection in him now."
I shudder. That is my blood flowing in his veins. A thought which is even more unsettling
than the Cruciatus curse.
He falls back against the door and I walk past him up to my room. At least I try to.
Oh great it's Mrs. Dursley, the queen of muggles.
"He let you out this soon?"
I nod. He didn't exactly let me out, but he didn't say I couldn't leave either.
"Did you actually apologize!?"
"For making such a loud racket last night and waking the whole house up."
"No, I didn't."
She glares at me. I just don't feel like glaring back.
"Then why, you evil boy, aren't you in the closet? Did you put a spell on him or something? "
She puts her hands on her hips not believing a word I say.
"You know I am not allowed to do magic outside of school."
I think for a moment.
"But that might change soon."
I'm tired of speaking to her. I go up to my room expecting her to come after me. She doesn't.
I had been hoping that they would put me in the closet so that I could get my wand. I feel
a bit better with it in my pocket. I don't feel completely helpless.
I sit down on my bed and grab Treasure Island at random. I've read them all before, but I just don't want to think right now. I am to the part where Jim meets Long John Silver when the Dursleys finally come up to my room. I had been expecting it. They are just gonna come up and yell at me for a while. Like I can help it?
As they begin yelling I effectively tune them out and go back to reading my book. Two hours later I laid the book down. That should have been enough time to make them leave. My luck stinks. They are still standing there... glaring at me...
"Bout time you woke up."
I do my best not to roll my eyes.
"Now what is all this about Vollycart wanting you dead?"
I laugh. I can't help it. I roll in the floor laughing.
"Vollycart!!" I gasp and laugh some more. I
have to admit, I haven't laughed that hard in ages, and it felt good. Oh yes it
felt really good to laugh. The giggles leave me all too soon though as I feel Dudley's
beefy hand smack me in the face.
(For those in our studio audience, NO THE DIET DID NOT WORK!!! Dudley is now the size of a full grown walrus. Next time Hagrid hexes him I expect Dudley to grow a nice set of whiskers and tusks. Perhaps Dudley will then have some use... in the Care of Magical Creatures class. No I take it back. I would rather give a minotaur a bath than have to take Dudley for a walk.)
I pick myself off the floor and chuckle.
"Vollycart... I have got to owl Ron and Hermione that one."
I look up at the muggles. Still glaring
"Why did you laugh?"
"Because what you said was funny. His name is Voldemort not Vollycart."
"Now what IS all this you told me?"
"Exactly what I said. Voldemort is back, he used my blood to do it, and he wants to kill
I turn to Dudley.
"So, how was your school year?"
All three of them are white as a sheet. Dudley is stuttering and spluttering. Serves the lot of them right. Ever since I got here I have been ignored, abused, yelled at, and half starved while Dudley was allowed as much food as he could stuff in his oversized stomach.
Bitter? Who me?
To make an extremely long and rather boring story short, they finally decided to leave me alone, locking the door behind them. Since I had not eaten all day, I grabbed a slightly stale meat pie from under the loose floor board and curled back up with Treasure Island. I didn't want to sleep until I was so tired that I couldn't keep my eyes open. That way the nightmares would stay away.
I don't know what it was. I can usually stay up 48 hours in a row before falling asleep, but for some reason, that night I drifted off very quickly.
As I said. My luck stinks.
I, of course, was immediately immersed in one of the worst nightmares yet. I dreamed that Voldemort had convinced the Dementors to join him, and that he, the death eaters, and the Dementors all came for a visit. I woke up screaming. Then I came back to my senses.
Then I screamed more.
A Dementor was standing right over my bed. He was leaning down and pushing back his hood.
I take it
back. My luck doesn't stink.
My reflexes, however, are great. I rolled off my bed and grabbed my wand in the process. I scrambled back to my feet and waved my wand at the thing.
Immediately a glowing white stag positioned it's self between me and the Dementor. I steadied my ragged breathing and pounding heart. Then I heard a key in my lock.
"Stay out!" I yelled. "Trust me you do not want to come in here!"
"You stupid, wicked, boy that was a spell I know it!"
"Yes it was... and is. But I assure you I had a good reason for doing it."
I glared at the Dementor and try to make my Patricon drive it out the window.
Hedwig can sulk all she wants. From now on I am keeping my window closed and locked!
I hear the doorknob turning.
"NO Stay out!!"
The door opened anyway. They never listen to me.
The Dementor grabbed Dudley. As much as I hate the guy I did not want him to meet the
kisses fate. I walked toward the Dementor my Patronus still going before me.
"Let him go."
It looked at me.
"Let him go."
My Patronus starts walking up to the Dementor.
It let go of him.
I let out a rush of breath still looking straight at it then motioned to the muggles.
"Slide past it over behind me. That thing is not going to be able to pass the stag."
For the first time in my life they showed a bit of brains and backbone. They drag the unconscious young walrus behind me.
"Stay here and lock the window."
I stepped forward and started to drive it out of the house. It slowly backed out of my room. I forced it down the stairs, through the parlor and to the door. It stopped backing up.
I was so surprised that I did a little hop and dropped my wand. My Patronus disappeared in a puff of smoke. I stumbled backwards from the sudden onslaught of voices and despair and was caught by cold, skeleton-like hands. I vaguely heard a rustle of fabric then felt cold, stale breath on my face. I clenched my teeth and pushed against it as hard as I could.
Well this is it. Goodbye
I felt a bright light seeping into every fiber of my being. The Dementor loosened its grip, and I gave one last great push and fell right into something fuzzy and very warm. I looked up into the face of a fuzzy, white, bunny with pink eyes and ears. Well, stranger things have happened. I thought and surrendered to the blackness.
When I opened my eyes again, I found myself lying on a couch with a quite concerned Minister of Magic standing over me.
"Harry? Are you all right?"
I groaned. "I feel like the Hogwarts Express just hit me."
He cracked a smile.
"I was worried. Sorry for making you drop your wand. I came here all ready to give you the scolding of a lifetime."
"I could tell." I sat up a bit more and rub my head.
"I thought I was safe with the Dursleys, Mr. Fudge."
"We, um, never thought that you would ever have any problems from the Dementors. Nice Patronus by the way."
"Same to you. Why a bunny?"
He shrugged and laughed.
"Do you believe me now about Vol-You-know-who?"
"Yes, but I am afraid it is too late. The Dementors are already on his side along with all the old death eaters. He found a way to restore their minds."
"Harry, I don't think your safe here anymore. Do you know of anyone that could take you
besides the Weasleys? If it weren't for Percy and Mr. Weasley's jobs, you could stay with them. What we need is someone who can guard you 24/7 from You-know-who."
"I know of someone."
He looked excited.
His face fell.
"Harry, are you sure you're feeling ok?"
"Sirius Black is my god-father and has been in contact with me since late in my third year. He is innocent of murder. Peter Pettigrew is the one who should have been shut up in Azkaban, not Sirius."
"Harry, how do you know this for sure?" He gave me a half hearted glare. "And why didn't you report him?"
"Because if he was guilty then I would be dead now. At the last moment Sirius convinced
my parents to use Peter as the secret keeper. He was already Voldemort's-"
"Harry please! You-know-who."
"Sorry, You-know-who's servant. And he being the secret keeper was like letting a lion
into a mouse hole."
"Why did Sirius want Peter to be the secret keeper?"
"Because he knew that You-know-who would expect him to be the keeper. He wanted
Peter because no one would suspect him. Unfortunately Peter was a traitor."
He suddenly took my face in his hands and turned it towards me. He looked me straight in the eyes.
"Nope, not under the Imperious curse."
"It won't work on me anyway Sir,. Not even You-know-who can make it work."
He raised his eyebrows.
"That's good. How do you know he is not deceiving you, or just saving you for later if you will?"
"Sir, I trust him, as does Professor Dumbledore. And I have never heard of a time when his trust was given and not deserved."
"Answer me this then, how did he escape from the dementors?"
"He held on to the thought that he was not guilty. It wasn't a happy thought so the
dementors couldn't take it. He then learned that Peter Pettigrew was at Hogwarts and
"Peter Pettigrew was not at Hogwarts."
"Yes sir, he was. As Scabbers, Ron's pet rat."
He gave me a strange look.
"There was never any record of Pettigrew having an animal form."
"He was and is unregistered, sir."
He looked thoughtful for a
"You still didn't explain how Sirius escaped. The dementors would not let a man slip out."
I bit my lip.
"There is more to the story sir, but until he is cleared I shall not tell you what."
"I can't get him cleared unless I know he is innocent."
I sighed. Why doesn't he believe me. Oh I know, because he is completely blind to the truth. How this guy became head of the Ministry of Magic is way beyond me. He even believed that twit Rita. Ah well at least it wasn't Malfoy. If Malfoy was head of the Ministry of Magic he would have sent me to Voldemort's doorstep as a wrapped gift long ago.
"Sir, if he is guilty, why has he done his best to protect me?"
I heard yelling coming from the stairs.
"Harry! Who told you that you could invite someone inside this house? And what was
"I didn't invite him. He just came."
"But you let him in."
Fudge stands up.
"Actually I let myself in. Harry was doing a powerful spell and I came here quite ready to give the boy the scolding of his life. But under the circumstances... I don't think that will be necessary."
"What do you mean under the circumstances? The boy tried to kill our Duddy!"
"What!? I just saved him!!"
"No you brought that... that...thing here with your spells and things."
I sighed. Is it possible for someone to be so dense?!
"If I were trying to kill him then why didn't I let the dementor get him? "
At this point Fudge leaned over and said, "Are they really that stupid?"
"See what I have been putting up with all these years?"
"No wonder you blew your aunt up."
A tiny smirk crossed my face.
"I thought I was gonna get expelled when I did that."
"The ministry does take into account extreme anger. Besides I doubt you even were trying to do it. You didn't consciously say a spell. Also, Dumbledore told me of that little mix up your second year. Because of that we gave you some slack."
"You should have just expelled the little good for nothing brat. He ain't no good to nobody."
Ah how am I able to suffer a whole term without hearing the wisdom of my favorite uncle.
Ten house points from you if you didn't get the sarcasm.
He doesn't know proper english either...
"This good for nothing brat as you say, has just saved you, your wife's, and your son's lives. Well you would have been technically alive. But you wouldn't have liked it."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
I chose that moment to jump in.
"Oh, just that it would have sucked your soul out through your mouth, ingested it, and made your body a soulless vegetable. Nothing really. No, you shouldn't be thanking me at all for saving you from a FATE WORSE THAN DEATH!!!"
As if on cue all three turned chalk white. I do so love it when they do that in unison.
Feeling that the Dumbleys have been, for the moment, silenced, I turned back to the minister of magic who was, not surprisingly, giving me a curious if not amused look.
"Do that often?"
"Only when I'm stressed." I replied. "And I have been very stressed lately."
I put my hand up to my temples and rubbed them.
"I swear I am going to be grey before I am seventeen."
The minister seemed to want to get back to business.
"Now about Sirius Black... Harry he is a wanted man. And he has been convicted of killing
your parents. He-"
"He was never allowed to have a fair trial, sir. And he is the man my parents wanted to
take care of me should anything happen. Not these... things. They did everything in their
power to make sure that I would not be given over to them."
I looked at him pointedly.
"I might just have been happier with Sirius."
"But Sirius was in-"
"I know that, sir. The Dursleys do just as well as the dementors when it comes to sucking
happiness out of people." I smirk, "Perhaps you should enlist them to make everyone miserable, there in the dementor's absence. They did a great job with me."
Fudge had enough.
"Now you look here. I am the minister of magic and you will treat me as such. In other words, you had better respect me. You know that I could have you expelled."
"Sir, I meant no disrespect. Its... just been a hard summer. I need to go somewhere-" I throw an icy glare in the direction of the Dursleys. "where I am not regularly told that I am a stupid, evil boy, and that I don't deserve to even be allowed to breath the same air as them. I think what I need... is to be around friends, people that love me. I am sorry about that though."
I actually was generally sorry. He may be a stubborn, pigheaded git, but he also was the Minister of Magic. It was a position to be respected. It was not wise to get on the Minister's bad side. I already have someone very dangerous on my bad side. I did not want to make it two.
Fudge regarded me for a moment.
"It's alright. I had felt guilty about not believing you. Now, I consider us even. As to where you will stay for the rest of the summer..."
He looked me straight in the eye. "You really think that Sirius is innocent and trust worthy?"
"Yes, sir. I trust him with my life."
"And Peter Pettigrew was the real secret keeper? How did he just disappear?"
"He turned into Scabbers and made a break for it. After he left the alley he went to the Weasley's garden where he was found by Percy. Percy took him in as his pet rat. And when you came to visit Sirius, he saw that picture of the Weasleys on the front cover. Peter Pettigrew was on Ron's shoulder in the picture. Sirius was speaking of him in his dreams when he muttered, "He's at Hogwarts." He hates Vol- You-know-who as much as the next wizard and more. He is off right now on a special mission against You-know-who for Professor Dumbledore."
"Can you prove that Peter Pettigrew is alive?"
I paused to think. How can I prove that that rat faced git is still breathing? I shake my head.
"I can't, sir. But I can show you the scar he left, and I know you can scan to see if the Curious curse was used on me."
My voice shook a bit on that last phrase, can you blame me?
I took a deep breath to steady myself. Somehow I knew he would ask that. "When Pettigrew took my blood to give You-know-who his old body and most of his old power back. Bone of the father, limb of the servant, blood of the enemy."
"We were portkeyed to a grave yard. When Cedric and I realized what had happened, that we had been taken from Hogwarts by who-knows-what, he looked at me "Wands out you suppose?" Those were the last words he would ever say. We took out our wands. Then I heard someone croak out Kill the spare…"
I kept at it, keeping my eyes open and looking straight ahead with my hands clasped together. I know I told him about it all in a rather dead toneless voice, but that was the only way I could actually get through telling what had happened. I would imagine Fudge gasped and cheered at the correct times. I wasn't looking or listening to him through the entire thing. I felt completely cut off to tell the truth, as if I was simply a narrator telling some great and terrible tale. I think my voice did catch a few times though, when I told Fudge of how Voldemort had been brought back to power and when I got to the part where mum had floated up to me and told me not to worry that "your father is coming dear" and how Cedric's ghost had asked me to bring his body back. Honestly the worst part of that night was not Voldemort coming back, though that was really, really bad, it was Cedric. If I hadn't insisted we take the trophy together he would still be alive and I would be much less traumatized.
I told Fudge everything I know, except for the fact that Sirius can also turn into a large black dog. By the time I got to the part about Moody not being Moody I was half out of my "robot" state, and I did hear a gasp.
Funny, I thought Dumbledore would have told him.
I looked up at Fudge and almost dropped my teeth. He was sniffling, and his eyes were shining from unshed tears. He took out his handkerchief and wiped his eyes, blowing his nose with a great honk.
"Thank you for telling me that, Harry. I know it must have been hard for you."
I nodded as the handkerchief zipped out of his hands and started spinning round in the air. After a few minutes it returned to Fudge, looking as if it had been freshly washed. I look up at him confused.
"Self cleaning handkerchief. Quite new."
I looked over at the Dursleys, who still have there mouths open in horror and shock and rolled my eyes. They had noticed a change in me, and thought it was simply wonderful how quiet I was. Uncle Vernon had even went so far as to tell me "Whatever happened to you this year boy, it did you good. Less of that annoying spark in your eyes boy. I hope that you get more of it next year." It had been all I could do not to haul off and hex him. I looked at my uncle and sneered.
"Still hope I get more of it next year? Or is the look of horror on your face there just because you are afraid for your pathetic lives. Well no fear there, I am going to do everything I can to make sure I never have to so much as look at you after this summer. Oh and Fred and George Weasley will be graduating this year. I'm sure you remember them, the twins that gave Dudley the ton-tongue toffee. They will be licensed wizards, and they don't like you."
I watched with some amusement as Uncle Vernon turned from pink, to red, to purple, then finally to a rather pale orange. My uncle, the muggle rainbow. He was opening and shutting his mouth and best I could figure, he was either at a loss for words, or was so mad he couldn't think of anything to say. My vote is on the latter. Before World War III could start, Fudge stood up and cleared his throat.
"I think, for now, you should stay at the ministry. We can arrange something there. Now hurry and grab your things. Make sure you get everything. You won't be coming back here."
With a yell of delight, I rushed upstairs and begin packing. I will never have to so much as look at the Dursleys again! I quickly pack up everything I wish to take; Mrs. Weasley's sweaters, the every flavor beans and other treats that I bought on the train, and all my other wizard things. Then I packed my favorite muggle books that had been stored in my room, grabbed Hedwig's cage and stumbled downstairs. Fudge, in the meantime, had levitated my trunk that the Dursleys had stowed away in the cupboard, and I tossed everything, except for Hedwig's cage, inside. I locked up the trunk, turned to the Dursleys, and said "See you on the day after graduation. I will be a full wizard then." I winked at Dudley. "Bye piggy." Looked at my aunt and uncle. "I left the muggle clothes up in the storage room. I can get more. You see with the money my parents left me... I'm rich!" I grinned at them and walk out the door.
"Three... two... one..."
I chuckled to myself as my relations have a good ole fashion fit.
Fudge looked at me.
"Was that really necessary?"
"No sir, but it was fun."
"Are you really coming back here to get revenge?"
"No Sir, but I do plan to owl them when I graduate, and perhaps send Dudley a Ton-Tongue Toffee or something."
"Alright come on then."
I grinned and trotted after him as he hailed the Knight bus.