Title: Because Kissing Is Gross
Author: pukaroxliza
Rating: PG
Characters/Pairing: Kurt, Rachel, Mercedes, Finn, Sam and Blaine.
Chapter: 1/1
Word Count: 1728
Spoilers: Let's say everything.
Warnings: None.
Summary: kid!fic Kurt, Rachel and Mercedes are playing with their dolls. Finn, Sam and Blaine interupt.
Authors Note: The idea for this came to me when I was working on some stuff for my Latin class. No idea. The characters are really no specific age… you decide. Hope you enjoy (: Drop me a line if you like it (or if you don't).
By the way, the setting is a sandbox.
Disclaimer: I do not own Glee

Kurt's eyes were wide and unblinking, an almost unnatural smile pasted on her lips as she walked stiffly towards Rachel and Mercedes. Rachel was the first to see her, her equally wide and unblinking eyes falling on Kurt before she hopped over to her and awkwardly wrapped her arms around her.

"Kurt, darling, you're home!" she squealed, her voice high pitched. If Kurt could have, she would have rolled her eyes.


"Yeah, you're my boyfriend, right?" asked Rachel, her voice questioning even though her face was stuck in that emotionless smile.

"Kurt can't be your boyfriend!" exclaimed Mercedes, hobbling over towards the other two. She looked identical to Kurt and Rachel, with long wavy blonde hair, wide blue eyes and a huge smile plastered on her face.

"Why not?" asked Rachel, turning stiffly towards Mercedes.

"Because I'm a girl!" exclaimed Kurt, suddenly really close to Rachel.

"No… no you're a boy…" replied Rachel, sounding confused. Kurt let out an annoyed sigh, although her face didn't move.

"Rachel. I'm a girl, okay? Do you want me to take her shirt off to show you?"

"Ewwwwww! No, that's okay, but… why are you a girl? Why can't you be a boy? I want you to be my boyfriend!"

Kurt let out another annoyed huff, "Because girls can't be other girls boyfriends!"

"But you aren't a girl! You're a boy!"

"You guys, can we just play? Look, Rachel, right now Kurt is a girl okay? Just… pretend." Mercedes turned towards Rachel, then towards Kurt, then back to Rachel. Rachel jumped slightly, the action making it look like she had nodded, "Cool. So, we're at the park, okay?"

"Okay," said Kurt, "My, it sure is a lovely day," her voice came out higher pitched than usual.

"It sure is," said Rachel, her voice also going slightly higher.

"What are we going to do today?" asked Mercedes, her voice doing the same as her two friends. The three girls giggled.

"We could go to the mall!" shrieked Kurt, jumping up and down excitedly. It actually looked pretty funny, considering her arms and legs were completely rigid.

"Or we could just go for a walk…" suggested Rachel, and then she leaned closer to the two, her upper half bending over entirely so that she was staring at the ground, "Look at cute boys."

The three giggled again as Rachel stood up straight.

"I like that idea," said Kurt, her voice sounding way more excited than she looked, "Come on!"

The three friends attempted to link arms, but seeing as Mercedes was the only one with joints in her elbows they decided to just walk side my side. They chatted about nothing and everything, giggling every once in a while.

"Oh, look at that boy!" exclaimed Rachel, her arm going out towards a slightly smaller looking male dressed entirely in military gear.

"Ew. That's just Finn," said Kurt, and the way she said it made it sound like she had just stuck out her tongue, but her face looked exactly the same as it always had.

"I think he's cute," huffed Rachel.

"I think he's coming our way," squealed Mercedes.

"What? No! He can't."

"Why not?" asked Rachel, her entire body tilting to the side.

"Because, he'll…"

"WATCH OUT!" screamed Finn, knocking Rachel to the ground, "THEY'RE EVERYWHERE!"


"NO TIME TO LOOSE! THEY'RE GAINING ON US!" yelled another army man-which Kurt was pretty sure was Sam- as he knocked Mercedes to the ground.

"KURT! BE CAREFUL! HE'S RIGHT BEHIND YOU!" screamed someone who could only be Blaine before Kurt was also on the ground, with sand in her forever-open eyes.

"What are you doing?" asked Kurt furiously, his hands leaving the doll that was half-buried in the sand. He crossed his arms over his chest, and knotted his eyebrows together, glaring at Finn, Sam and Blaine, who looked surprised at his outburst.

"We wanted to play with you guys!" said Finn, a grin forming on his face. His eyes widened when he noticed Kurt standing up.

"We don't want to play with you," he said, holding his head high. Blaine pouted.

"Why not?"

"Because all you want to play is war," replied Kurt, rolling his eyes. The small boy with the curly hair stood up too, walking over to stand in front of Kurt.

"Isn't that what you guys are playing?" he asked, his head cocked to the side. Kurt let out a loud sigh, but he couldn't help but smile at how curious Blaine's large eyes had become. Suddenly, Kurt was letting out tiny giggles, his eyes closing as he fought to catch his breath. When he opened them Blaine was still staring at him, but now he had a smile on his face.

"What's so funny?" whispered Rachel, and Kurt noticed Finn, Sam and Mercedes shrugging out of the corner of his eye.

"Blaine, Barbie's don't have war," he explained, waving towards the dolls that had been abandoned on the ground. The three army men were lying awkwardly on top of them.

"Do they have car races?" asked Sam excitedly. Kurt laughed again.


"Gun fights?"

Rachel scrunched up her nose in confusion, "Isn't that war?" she asked. Finn shrugged, smiling sheepishly.

"Noah says there's a difference."

"Noah ate dirt earlier," pointed out Kurt. Blaine, Finn and Sam laughed, grinning at each other.

"Awesome," they said in unison.

"Gross," said Mercedes, closing her eyes and sticking her tongue out. Sam stopped laughing instantly.

"Why is it gross?" he asked, shuffling closer to the small girl. She blushed slightly. Rachel and Kurt giggled.

"Because there are bugs in dirt!" she said, shaking her head in disgust. Rachel and Kurt nodded.

"So? Bugs are awesome!" said Sam, grinning at Mercedes, who blushed even further.

"No they aren't," she stated firmly, "They're gross. And ugly."

"They make cool squishy noises when you step on them," added Finn, nodding his head enthusiastically. The two girls and Kurt made disgusted faces.

"I don't think bugs are cool," stated Blaine, "I think they're gross too."

Kurt, Rachel and Mercedes beamed at him.

"So… if you guys don't play war or gun fights or car races or bugs… then what do you play?" asked Finn. Sam and Blaine looked just as curious.

"Well," started Rachel as she reached over to grab her doll from under Finn's army man, "Right now we were playing that we were at the park and looking at guys."

"Why would you want to play that?" asked Finn, grabbing his army man, "That's so boring!"

"It's not boring!" said Kurt quickly, "It's really fun! Later we were going to go to the mall and we were going to try on lots and lots of clothings."

"But why?" asked Sam.

"Because Barbie's have way more cooler clothes than we do," said Mercedes, and Kurt and Rachel nodded in agreement.

"Well, it doesn't sound fun to me," said Sam, grabbing his own army man.

"I don't think that playing war is fun," said Rachel, shrugging as she brushed the dirt off her doll's face. Finn's eyes widened.

"How come? It's really fun! There's guns and shooting and we run around a lot!" he was positively beaming, and didn't seem at all discouraged by the look on Rachel's face.

"Doesn't sound like much fun…" mumbled Kurt. Blaine pursed his lips, and then smiled at him.

"I have an idea!" he announced. All ten eyes turned to him, "Yeah, and it's the awesomest idea ever!"

"What?" asked Kurt. Blaine grinned at him.

"Why don't we play both?"

They all stared at him, just blinking. Then…

"But I don't like playing war," whined Rachel, "And you guys don't like playing shopping and looking at guys!" Kurt, Mercedes, Sam and Finn nodded.

"Yeah, but I've never played going shopping or looking at guys, so I don't know if I like it. And you guys have never played war, so you don't know if you like it!"

"I don't want to play shopping and looking at guys," said Sam, wrinkling his nose. Mercedes giggled at the action.

"You don't have to look at guys! And you don't have to shop!" she said, suddenly getting a really awesome idea; almost more awesome than Blaine's (which she still didn't fully understand).

"Yeah, you can be our boyfriends!" she grinned, and Sam blushed right down to the roots of his blonde hair.

"Boyfriends?" he asked shyly. Mercedes giggled again.

"Yeah, you can walk around with us and then tell us we look good in clothes and buy us stuff, cause that's what my big sister says boyfriends are for!"

"Do we have to… kiss?" asked Finn, his face crinkling in disgust at the word. Rachel and Mercedes giggled. Kurt, for once, had the same look of disgust as the other guys, because really, ew, who wanted to kiss?

"Only if you want too," gushed Rachel, and her and Mercedes giggled again. The four boys looked at each other and then shrugged.

"Okay. We'll play, and we'll be your boyfriends," said Sam, grinning.

"Yeah, but after you have to play war with us!" said Blaine. Kurt bit his lip but nodded.

"Fine. You play dolls with us and then we play war with you," he and Blaine shook on it.

"I want to be Rachel's boyfriend!" exclaimed Finn, his hand shooting up into the air. Rachel giggled and nodded. Finn grinned.

"I'll be Mercedes' boyfriend then," said Sam, smiling at the girl shyly. Mercedes giggled and moved closer to him. Sam blushed again.

"So I guess I'm Kurt's boyfriend," said Blaine, who was still shaking Kurt's hand. Kurt flushed slightly, because he kinda liked how that sounded, even though he would never say it out loud, "Is that okay?" added Blaine, his eyes widening when he noticed Kurt's flushed cheeks.

"Yeah, it's fine," said Kurt, laughing breathlessly, "But no kissing!"

"No way. Kissing is for old people," agreed Blaine, a completely serious look on his face. Then he and Kurt both giggled and pressed their foreheads together.

"Alright, come on!" said Finn, patting the sand beside him. Kurt and Blaine both blushed and pulled away from each other, dropping each other's hand. They moved to sit by Finn.

All six kids smiled at each other, every one of them with a small blush on their face, and then without any further discussion started to play.