Jasper's point of view of the day Edward falls off the car in Chapter 5 of Forever is a Promise You Keep. What he thought, where he was, and what exactly happened during that missing time.
Disclaimer: SM owns…I don't.
Warning: If you are sensitive to drug use, foul language, or scenes of angst, please stop now. Otherwise, continue with caution.
Song for this outtake is "Like a Rolling Stone" by Bob Dylan.
"Son, can you tell me what happened?" the officer asked.
I closed my eyes. God, what a colossal fuck up this has turned out to be. One minute Edward and I were on the car, and the next, I was sitting on a curb talking to a police officer. I tried to think quickly as to whether or not I had anything on me that would get me in more trouble if I was arrested. I rubbed my hands across my pockets, pretending to wipe the sweat from them, and found there was nothing.
Whew. That's all I need right now—to be locked up on top of everything else that's going on.
"Sir," the officer said, trying to get my attention.
"Oh, sorry…" I said.
"I understand if you are in shock, but I need to know what happened," he said, leaving no room for argument.
I took a deep breath and tried to tell him as much as I could, leaving out the parts that would get Edward in trouble.
(One hour before)
"Goddamn it!" Edward screamed, walking outside and slamming the front door.
I was standing next to Edward's car, about to light up. He looked like a madman coming down the front steps toward me. His face was red, his shoulders tense, and he had a crazy look in his eye.
"Hey, man, what's going on?" I asked as he walked over to me.
"She's fucking leaving me!" he yelled, pulling his hair. "What am I going to do? Bella can't leave! I won't allow it!"
"Whoa, man, calm down. Tell me what happened," I said.
He took a deep breath. "She said she couldn't handle me taking off all the time or the drugs anymore. Christ, Jazz, what about rehab, huh? What happens when I leave her for thirty days? I have to go back in there and make her see."
I grabbed his arm as he started back toward the house. He jerked it away, giving me a murderous glare.
"Wait, Edward," I said in a calm voice. "Let's just go back to your house, chill, and calm down. She'll be there later, and then you can talk this out."
I really wanted him to come with me, because if he went back into his parents' house, he was going to make things worse. I don't know what had happened, but it had to have been bad for Bella to end things with him.
"Yeah, I'm going to get fucked up. I can't deal with this shit," he whispered brokenly.
I closed my eyes, having a hard time looking at the pain on Edward's face. I had always envied him, but in that moment, I was glad I wasn't Edward. When Bella had first come into our lives all those years ago, I knew she'd captured him the moment he laid eyes on her. Watching them together had made me realize just how alone I was, and seeing Edward fall apart in front of me scared me. If he couldn't keep the one girl that was obviously meant for him, what fucking chance did I have?
"Look, maybe if you just sleep it off, things will be better when she gets home. Drop me off so I can get my car, and then the two of you can work this out when you wake up. I'm sure Bella will change her mind once you tell her what you're thinking of doing," I advised.
He blew out a breath. "Okay, let's go," he said.
We walked to the car side by side. I punched Edward's shoulder in a friendly gesture. He smiled weakly, returning it. Steps from the doors—we saw Alice walk out of the house.
"God, I can't believe you!" Alice yelled, stomping over toward us. "How could you, Edward? Is it too much to ask that you show up at our parents' house sober?"
Edward stiffened, turning toward his sister. "I don't know, Alice," Edward said, sneering. "Is it too much to ask that you stay out of things that don't concern you?"
They stared each other down for a few moments, and I took the time to really look at Alice. She was dressed impeccably, as usual. Nothing was out of place, and she wore the latest fashion—like she always did. The top she wore accentuated her perky breasts, and the rest of the outfit complimented her slight curves. I ached, looking at her.
I had tried for years to catch her attention but it fell flat. She was an ice queen, impervious to my attempts at flirtation and seduction. I had assumed that a lot of her indifference had to do with my drug use. Edward had been lucky in finding Bella, an angel that was willing to overlook his faults—well, until that afternoon.
"Well, you're obviously not concerned about Bella, so someone has to be," she said.
"Fuck you, Alice. You have no idea what you're talking about. I'm always concerned about Bella," he spat.
Alice chuckled darkly. "You could have fooled me. So, I'm curious…how concerned are you when you're gallivanting off to God knows where with your buddy, huh? Or how much do you care when you're fucking one of your whores?"
"Goddamn it!" Edward yelled. "How many times do I have to tell you I'm not cheating on her? I go out, get high, and come back home. That's it. I've never been unfaithful to her."
Edward was breathing heavily and his face had turned red. I could tell he was about to blow just by looking at him.
"Come on, man. Let's go," I said, hoping he'd listen. All we needed was for the two of them to get into one of their legendary fights. I knew that if that happened, it probably wouldn't help his case with Bella. He'd do something, or say something, that he couldn't take back. I was determined that one of us was going to be happy, no matter what it took.
He turned away from her and went toward the car again.
"I am glad that, finally, one of you has come to your senses. Although, that probably won't last. Bella will probably take you back, because she's stupid and weak. And, well, you're an asshole, so I guess you guys are perfect for each other," Alice called out, getting into her car.
Before she was finished with her comment, Edward was jogging toward her. I raced after him, wondering what he was going to do. As Alice had said her piece, I had watched Edward's face and noticed the moment he'd snapped. Edward never could handle people talking bad about his girl, and it was Alice's words about Bella that had been the proverbial thrown gauntlet.
"Get out of the fucking car now, Alice!" Edward yelled, pounding on the glass.
"No, you bastard. Get away from my car," Alice screeched.
I hopped on the hood on the passenger's side, trying to get her attention. I listened as she started the engine.
"What are you doing?" Edward asked me.
"You had your fun. Now it's my turn to piss Alice off," I said. If I couldn't get her to notice me by being nice, maybe acting like the asshole she always accused me of being would do it.
He smiled. "Oh, yeah. Let's piss off Alice."
He jumped up on her side, and we could hear her screaming at us to get off. When we didn't, she pulled out of the driveway.
Yes, I thought. This should be fun.
"…and then when she stopped, he fell off the car. It was like one minute he was there and the next he wasn't," I whispered.
"Okay, I think we have everything. Now, we can take you to the hospital if you'd like and get that knee checked out," the officer said.
"Um, yeah, okay," I stated. I was lost in a fog.
I zoned out as I was loaded into the back of an ambulance, similar to the one they had taken Edward away in moments before. The look on his face as he was falling off the car, before he disappeared from my line of sight, had been one of pure panic. It was like he'd known something fucked up was about to happen. Those eyes would haunt me for the rest of my life.
As I came back to myself, I noticed I was in a small room. I was lying on a gurney and the room was cold. It only took seconds for me to realize I'd spaced out for the entire trip to the emergency room. My knee throbbed, making me wish someone would get in there already. I wondered, as I lay there, if Edward was faring better than I was.
The entire ER visit took four hours. For four fucking hours, I waited, was prodded, poked, X-rayed, told my knee was bruised, and sent on my way. The only good thing that came out of it was the prescription for some tabs. They were the weak kind, but pain pills were pain pills. I could still get high off of them.
I called my mom, and she came and picked me up. At first, she was pissed that I hadn't called her and told her I had gone to the hospital. After I had explained things to her, though, she hit me in the back of the head, told me that I needed to go to rehab myself, and started worrying about Esme, Edward, and Bella.
She dropped me off at my apartment and left, mumbling about trying to get a hold of Esme. Edward's mother and mine had been friends forever, and I knew that it was killing her not knowing what was going on. I let that thought trail off as I limped up the steps toward my door. The only thing I wanted to do at the moment was get fucked up enough to forget about the day. Enough bad things had happened—I didn't think I could take any more. I figured Edward would call me when he sobered up and was let out, and then I'd know what had happened.
I pulled out the bottle of Jack and poured a couple of pills into my hand. Throwing the pills into my mouth and taking a swig of the bourbon, I lay down on my bed. I waited for sweet oblivion to engulf me.
It was pitch black when I regained consciousness. I had no idea how much time had passed or what day it was. I looked over at the clock, seeing it was three in the morning. Stretching, I reached over for the TV remote and hoped I could find out the day next.
Dropping off into a drug induced slumber was frightening at times, never knowing when or how you were going to wake up. There were times when I'd come down that I would swear I'd been out for a couple of days, and it really had only been hours. The worst ones, though, were when I had been right about losing days. I had scared Edward to death a couple of times when I hadn't answered his calls. He had been sure that I'd overdosed and he was going to have to say goodbye to his friend. It was the risk we always took when we partied.
I was the one that always took things too far, ingesting as many different types of chemicals as I could to see what kind of high I could get. Edward was the one who knew what he liked and stuck to it. Needles bothered him, so he didn't shoot up. I did, sometimes, because I knew the high would come quicker. However, we fed each other's addictions. It was like a contest to see how much we could get into our systems and still function. I knew it was messed up, but once I was high, nothing else mattered.
I stretched and decided to get out of bed. I'd only been asleep for a few hours, so I needed to find something to knock me out again. I had runs to make later that day, and I had to be well rested. Being alert was important in my line of work.
I found the bourbon, deciding to finish off the half-filled bottle. It wasn't what I wanted, but it would do. I could get into something a little more desirable later.
"…so this dude gives me attitude, and you know me, I couldn't let it go. I knocked his ass out."
I rolled my eyes while I was looking out of the passenger's side window. Fucking Alec. I'd had to call one of my customers to come pick me up. I hadn't heard from Edward that morning, so I was left to find another way to get my car from his house. Alec owed me some money, and I knew that if I told him I'd knock some of it off if he'd do me a favor, he'd do it. Alec was always looking for a way to get his drugs without paying for them.
We pulled into Edward's driveway, and I saw that his car was still gone. Huh. I guess he is still at the hospital, or Bella had brought him home and he was inside sleeping it off.
Alec parked on the road next to the curb.
"Hey, thanks man," I said, getting out of the car.
"Jasper," Alec called out.
I turned back toward him, waiting.
"So, fifty bucks off of what I owe you, right?" he asked.
"Yeah, man. Fifty bucks. See ya," I said.
"Cool. See ya later," he said. I slammed the door shut, and he drove off. Fuck. I hate dealing with Alec.
I walked up the driveway and noticed for the first time that Bella's car was missing, too. Edward's car being gone wasn't anything to worry about. There had been many times he'd gotten so fucked up, we'd had to call Bella to come get him. The only time we could get his keys away from him was when he was when he was too high to function. Her car being gone was something else entirely. I knew that if she wasn't home then neither was Edward. He had been hurt pretty bad yesterday, so I knew she wouldn't leave him alone for anything.
A sick feeling grew in the pit of my stomach, and I began to wonder if, maybe, things had been worse than I'd thought. If Edward had been sober by morning, he'd have insisted that Bella bring him home. It was no secret that the man hated hospitals. When I reached my car, I made the snap decision to go see his parents. If anyone knew what was going on, they would.
On the drive over, I tried not to think about Edward. I didn't want to drive myself nuts with what could have happened. His dad was a doctor—Carlisle would give it to me straight. Once I knew what was going on, then I could freak out.
Fuck, this is all my fault. My need to get Alice's attention screwed everything up. If Edward is seriously hurt, there is no way I can ever look Bella in the eye again.
I pulled up to the house, noticing Alice's car. Of course the object of my eternal love and torture would be here.
I parked, got out the car, and went up to the door. Taking a deep breath, I grew some balls and knocked on the door. I figured I'd ignore Alice's presence and find out the facts.
That hope was dashed when she answered the door. A look of confusion crossed her face before she shook it off and let me in. I asked her where her parents were as I followed behind her, trying to not stare at her ass. Trying and failing, I might add. She mentioned they were at the hospital with Bella.
"What do you mean, still at the hospital with Bella? Isn't he sober and threatening the staff yet?" I asked, sitting down. She sat on the opposite side, looking down at her lap.
"Um, Dad just called a moment ago. It's bad, Jasper. He said something about a head injury and Edward being totally out of it. I'm staying with him tonight, but…I don't know," she whispered.
I rubbed my hand through my hair. Alice looked over at me with tears in her eyes, and I couldn't help myself. I went over to her, wrapping my arms around her. She buried her head into my shoulder and cried.
"Hey, it'll be all right. He'll be fine," I said. I didn't know who I was trying to convince more—her or myself.
"Why did this happen, Jasper?" she asked.
It killed me that I didn't have the answer she wanted. Even though Alice and Edward fought all of the time, there was no denying in that moment that she loved her brother. I wanted to reassure her and tell her everything was going to be fine, but I didn't have the specifics. I was aware that saying anything like that might be a lie, and I couldn't do that to Alice.
"I don't know," I answered. It was the most honest thing I could think of.
As I held her, I wanted to tell her how I felt. It wasn't the right time, though, and I knew it. Fighting against my feelings, I tried to give her some comfort. We sat like that for an undetermined amount of time.
"Why did he choose the drugs over us?" Alice asked after we'd been silent for a long time. "Did we really treat him bad enough for him to hate us?"
Fuck. I couldn't answer that. It wasn't my place, and I had no idea how he really felt. We didn't get that deep because neither of us was comfortable talking about feelings.
"Why don't you ask Bella?" I suggested. "I'm sure he's told her. He never talks about that kind of stuff with me."
She scoffed. "I'm not sure she'd tell me, Jasper. I'm sure she'd give me some shit about not wanting to betray him or whatever."
"Yeah, she probably would," I admitted. Bella had always been loyal to Edward—she probably wouldn't give Alice the answers she was looking for.
"You know what makes me mad, though?" she asked, scooting away from me. I felt cold as she left my embrace, trying not to show how it upset me while she was putting space between us.
"She's only there because Dad talked her into it. It just proves that she never gave a damn about him."
Her words shocked me. If anything, Bella had always seemed to care about Edward. I wondered where her belief was coming from. Alice had always seemed to care about Bella, even if she did tell her she should leave Edward. It was no secret that she wasn't a fan of Bella's relationship with her brother. Alice was always trying to talk Bella into "growing a backbone," as she put it.
"I don't think that's true, Alice," I said. "She cares about him; I think she was just fed up with how she was treated. Why else would she have stayed so long?"
She sighed. "You're probably right. It's just, how are we going to deal with him when she's gone? He acts like we're out to get him, and all we want to do is protect him."
I didn't comment, because I didn't know what to say. I wasn't privy to how his family felt about him—I'd only heard second hand what happened to cause Edward to drift away from his family.
"He was going to go to rehab," I said.
Alice froze and looked at me.
"What?" she asked.
"Um, he wanted to get clean for Bella. He knew it was only a matter of time before Bella left him. She was tired of him disappearing, and he knew he had to do something."
"That bitch," Alice said. "How could she? If she hadn't pissed him off, he'd be somewhere right now getting better."
She stood up and walked out of the room. I followed her into the kitchen, watching her slam things around.
"She didn't know about him going to rehab," I said. I was beginning to regret telling Alice. In truth, it has slipped out. I hadn't meant to tell her, especially when Bella didn't even know, but the damage had been done.
"I don't give a fuck. If it wasn't for her, he wouldn't be in a hospital bed, fighting for his life. God, what a selfish bitch," she fumed.
"You've been trying to get her to get away from him for years," I pointed out.
"Yes, because I was worried about her. I knew it was hurting her when my dick of a brother was ditching her for you," she said. I flinched with her words, knowing I was a big part of the problem in their relationship. "But I never said she had to push him to the edge. What was she trying to accomplish?"
I opened my mouth to speak, but she cut me off.
"No, Jasper, this is her fault. I don't care what you say," Alice stated.
I slumped my shoulders in defeat, watching her go from sad to pissed. And…I fucked things up once again. Is there no end to the amount of suffering I can cause?
She leaned on the counter, looking lost in thought. I hung my head in shame, knowing that whatever she was thinking about had to do with the information I'd given her. Things were about to get ugly, because I knew how vindictive Alice could be, and there was nothing I could do to stop it. Once she got an idea in her head, there was no stopping her.
"Do you think…?" Alice started. "That you'd, um, ever stop for the right person?"
Her words stopped me short, and I looked her in the eyes. I didn't dare hope, because nothing ever worked out for me. I had fallen in love with Alice, and she'd cast me aside. Then I'd found another girl I could see myself loving, and she had turned out to be a man in disguise. Heartache clung to me like a bad rash, and nothing ever went the way it should for me.
"I don't know," I whispered.
"You have to know I care about you," Alice muttered. "I'm not Bella, though. I refuse to be a doormat and let you walk all over me. However, what's happened has put things into perspective for me. I want to have something with you, but I'm scared, Jasper."
I walked over to her, grabbing her chin and pulling it upward. The look in her eyes told me everything I needed to know. She did want me, possibly loved me even, but she wasn't going to give me what I wanted until I gave it all up. Could I do it? Walk away from the lifestyle and my only source of income? Would it be worth it to surrender to Alice's demands?
Staring into her eyes, I knew it would. Giving Alice my promise to quit and following through was my key to the kind of love I had seen between Bella and Edward. I knew I didn't deserve it, but God, I wanted it.
"Okay," I said.
"Okay?" she asked.
"Yeah, okay. You don't know how long I've wanted to hear those words from you. I love you, Alice. I'd do anything for you, and if you're willing to give us a chance, I'll do whatever it takes to make it happen," I admitted.
She smiled with tears in her eyes.
"There are some things you should know, though. I'm not just a user. I also sell, and I have some product I have to unload before I can get out of this completely. Otherwise, there will be some pretty mean and nasty people after me. Can you give me a day or two to get rid of it? I swear this is it. Once I get it sold, I'm done. I'll go to rehab, quit cold turkey, or whatever you want," I promised. I was serious. I was going to do whatever I could to make this happen.
She looked down, twisting her fingers. I waited for her to give me an answer, probably the most important answer of my life. My entire happiness was tied to her decision, and I wasn't sure if I would survive if she told me that I couldn't take care of some loose ends.
"No more than two days?" she asked with trepidation.
"I swear to you, if I can't find someone to take it off my hands in that time, I'll torch the shit and deal with the consequences. I want you more than I want to live," I said.
She chuckled. "I don't think it will come to that, but we'll think of something."
I smiled at her, wondering what would happen. What I wanted to do was kiss her, hug her, and never let her go. Instead, I stood there like a fucking fool with his hands in his pockets. I was unsure how she would take my affections. Yes, we'd decided to start something, but I was still technically a fucking addict. I didn't know if I was allowed to touch her yet, or if I had to wait until I was officially sober.
"Well, I should probably get ready to go," she said. "I'm supposed to be there at six. God, I hope Bella isn't there. I don't think I can deal with her right now."
"Look, Alice…" I started.
"Jasper, please don't defend her. She was wrong and now my brother is in bad shape. I just can't take anyone coming to her defense," she admitted.
I let it go, still pissed at myself.
"Come here," she said, beckoning me over to her. She grabbed a hold of me when I got close and hugged me tight. I closed my eyes, relishing her touch. I had always imagined what it would feel like if she willingly embraced me, but the fantasy wasn't even close.
"Thank you, Jasper," she muttered.
"For what?" I asked.
"For loving me enough," she said simply.
I let go of her and looked into her eyes. My future was in there, and I wasn't going to fuck this up. I told her goodbye and promised to keep her informed with what I was doing. I had learned from Edward. There was no way I was keeping Alice in the dark about my dealings. It would only be something to come between us later on, and I didn't want the trust issues my best friend had dealt with in his own relationship.
As I drove away, I began to compile a mental list of all the people I could think of that would buy from me. I still had a good amount of drugs left to sell, and I needed to unload them quick.
For the first time in my life, I felt like things were finally coming together for me. I felt bad for Edward, but I had to believe that it would all work out for him. There were a few obstacles in my way that had to be dealt with, but I was confident I could resolve them. I had a smile on my face as I pulled up to my apartment building. I was ready to start my happily ever after.