Last night, I spent some time trying to persuade Gredelina1 to kill off the wolves in her story HUNGER — if you haven't read it yet go read it now. It is brilliant. — She challenged me to go five minutes without bashing the wolves. It was hard. I utilized the time to write this one-shot for her, and at her request I am sharing it with you all. Love Simaril x x x

*** WARNING ***

IF YOU ARE A FAN OF THE WOLVES, THEIR IMPRINTS, SIBLINGS, DISTANT RELATIONS, OR PRETTY MUCH ANY MEMBER OF THE HUMAN RACE THIS STORY IS NOT FOR YOU. WOLVES WILL DIE. PEOPLE WILL DIE. INNOCENT WOODLAND ANIMALS WILL DIE.

DON'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU!

~ x ~

ARMAGEDDON - It hit with the force of 10,000 nuclear weapons. A trillion tons of dirt and rock hurtled into the atmosphere, creating a suffocating blanket of dust the sun was powerless to penetrate for a thousand years. It happened before. It will happen again. It's just a question of when. Guess what La Push... TIME'S UP!


Armageddon… kinda

It was another overcast day in La Push, and the wolves were at a council meeting. The Cullens had recently left Forks after they came to their senses and realized Jacob's imprint on Renesmee was freaky as hell, they had made their escape in the dead of night.

Jacob was naturally upset about this, he bemoaned the loss of Renesmee constantly. He was particularly upset as she was the cheapest date he'd ever had. A Happy Meal and half an hour at the park and she was content. The other wolves had grown tired of his depressing thoughts that they told him phasing gradually shrunk the genitalia, and since he didn't have much to start with he should limit his time as a wolf unless absolutely necessary. He agreed instantly, bless him.

The wolves were gathered around the elders as they sat in their lawn chairs and passed around a joint. Old Quil had recently harvested his crop, so there were brownies and doobies galore. All of them were feeling pleasantly baked.

"I have called this meeting to discuss the pack's involvement in local life. As we all know since the Cullens departure," he sent a sympathetic look at Jacob, who was holding his only keepsake from his lost love, a Onesie, "we have been a bit lax in our duty as protectors and general pains in the ass. Without their life to interfere with we are slipping."

"We've been trying Billy." Sam defended. "The citizens of Forks are incredibly vanilla, we have lectured people on the dangers of smoking whenever we can," he paused to take a toke on his joint, "but they are not receptive. It is difficult to intimidate them when we have to keep our true nature secret. It was so much easier when we could just growl at the vamps and blather on about them being leeches."

The other wolves shuffled their feet and looked defensive, all except Paul who was scratching himself vigorously, it was either fleas - an unfortunate part of wolf life - or the crabs were back.

"Well we need to be more proactive about it." Billy said doggedly. "Maybe you should extend our patrol area to encompass Port Angeles too, that's a veritable den of reprehensible behavior. I bet there are hundreds of people for us to lecture there."

Their spirits lifted at the thought of the lecturing possibilities and they all settled back to enjoy the evening.

"Huh, what's that?" Jacob asked, looking up at the sky.

"The sky." Jared said simply. He really wasn't the brightest crayon in the box.

"I know that!" Jacob said indignantly. "I mean the big round thing."

"The sun?" Quil suggested.

"No, It's not yellow." Jacob said. "The sun is yellow."

Billy look at him proudly. He well remembered the younger Jacob - a week younger at least - returning home from school with a painting he had done with a green sun, curiously he always painted the grass pink and the sky purple. He was an interesting child to be sure.

While Billy was lost in these proud paternal thoughts of his sons progress, the rest of the gathering had finally pulled out of their drugged haze to look at the sky.

"You know this looks familiar." Embry said. "I'm sure I've seen something like it in a movie. I can't remember which one it is though."

"The Lion King?" Collin offered.

"Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory?" Suggested Brady.

"Reservoir Dogs?" Said Old Quil.

"Nope, none of them sound right." Embry said.

He stared up at the shape in the sky, trying to jog his memory. It was growing larger by the second and seemed to be leaving a trail of fire in its wake.

"I'VE GOT IT!" Paul shouted triumphantly. "IT WAS—"

Unfortunately, the rest of his statement was cut off as the shape made contact with the earth. It is surprisingly difficult to talk when you are being vaporized by fire as Paul discovered.

The shape was in fact a meteor the size of Texas, it landed directly on La Push and destroyed the small town – along with the rest of the planet, but that is another story.

Incidentally the movie Embry was trying to remember was Armageddon.