Hey guys sorry it has been so long forgive me. here you go.
Standing on the steps outside my apartment, I play with my keys as Emmett shoves his hands into his pockets.
"I had fun tonight," I smile but I can't tell if it's genuine. "Thanks."
"Yeah, I did too," Emmett smiles-I guess that's what a genuine smile looks like.
I nod and turn to unlock the door then I hear him take a step up. My heart is racing as I turn to face him, his face is closer than expected. It's been two weeks since he first asked me out and we've been doing good. Definitely getting better than how it was at the very start but no matter what I do I just can't get any better. Emmett leans in to kiss me and I almost just to decide to let him but I hear the other door open and I quickly kiss his cheek, saying, "Good night."
Then I'm in the safety of my own apartment, alone. Angela is out with a few friends from school. I change out of my jeans and cream blouse into massive grey sweats and comfy band tee. I make myself a chamomile tea before retreating to my bedroom where my warm safe blankets await me. I turn on my TV and just flick through channels until I find something semi-entertaining. I don't really watch it as I curl up and fall asleep.
"Darlin, wake up," I hear a voice drawl. "Babe, you can't sleep the day away."
"Watch me," I grumble back, hugging a pillow tightly to my body. Then I realize I said that out loud. I felt my lips move.
A chuckle follows my response and then my eyes shoot open. My heart is racing as I see him sitting next to me on my bed. I sit up quickly and blink several times. There in front of me is my dead boyfriend, smirking at me. "Well that's one way to wake up I guess."
"I'm not awake," I say. "This is a nightmare. Another one."
"Ouch, you haven't seen me in three years and that's what I get? I'm a nightmare?" he still looks amused. Oh my god, I've really gone crazy, haven't I?
"No, you're dead. And I dream you're like this and then you get sick again and I wake up alone. That's how they always go."
"Well, I can promise this dream is gonna end a little differently," he smiles as he reaches out for my hand.
It feels so real. His palm is soft and warm like always and his nails are bitten back just enough to perfectly play the guitar. I start taking deep breaths, like I'm hyperventilating but he shakes his head and touches my cheek.
"Bella, calm down. Everything is fine." He says. Nothing is fine. Wake up, wake up! This is all just a dream. Come on Bella wake up!
"This is definitely not fine!" I exclaim as I climb out of bed. Then I start pacing in front of my window. "I'm going crazy. I've gone crazy. Am I dying? Is this like my last hallucination before my brain tumor kills me?"
"Bella," he murmurs as he stand up. "Calm down. Now you're not dying, not even close. Maybe you're a little crazy, you're acting like it right now."
He's laughing at me and I glare. "Not funny Jazz. You're dead. I'm still alive, barely but I'm alive. You're dead. You're gone, you're not here. Come on Bella wake up."
He just looks at me, amused. "Are you done yet?"
"Why are you here?" I whisper. "Why am I dreaming this?"
"We need to talk," he sighs.
"Talk?" I repeat. "You're dead, I'm dreaming, and the best thing my imagination can come up with is we need to talk?"
He sighs again and places his hands on my shoulders. "Listen to me Bella, I'll make you a cup of tea and then we can talk okay?"
I collapse into his chest and cry. What else can I do? I can't wake up and he feels so real. I cry into him and he just picks me up bridal style like he used to. He lays us back in bed and strokes my hair like he used to. Like he used to.
"Darlin, I'm sorry," he tells me. "I'm so sorry."
"You're gone," I whisper.
"I know," he says. "and I know this hurts but I really need to talk to you."
I nod. I don't know why I'm going along with this. "Okay."
"Bella you know that I could never hate you right?" he pauses, I think he wants me to answer, so I just nod again. "I could never be mad at you. Ever. I love you so much. I never want you to think that."
"I know I made you promise to move on," he starts. "And I know how much that's been hurting you. Bella, I'm gone. The only things you have left of me is memories and a couple trinkets. If I could go back and lock Rose away, I would. I would've made sure you never would've found out."
"That's not fair," I tell him. "I deserved to know and I would've found out eventually anyway."
He sighs heavily. "You can still love me and be happy with someone else. I know you won't forget me, so you don't need to feel guilty when I slip your mind."
"But," he cut me.
"No buts Bella. Be happy, that's all I want for you. It kills me to see you sad like this. Be happy and make friends. I will never hate you Bella, hell I even kind like that guy. He has my stamp of approval."
"How can I just let go?" I ask.
"It'll take some more time but you'll get there. I promise. I should go," he says as he gets out of bed."I love you Bella."
"I love you too Jazz," my voice breaks.
"You have so much to be happy about Bella. Smile, and let everyone see the girl I fell in love with," he pauses in the door way. "Wake up Bella. Don't sleep the day away."
"Wake up Bella!" Angela sings as she opens my curtains. "You have to tell me all about your date last night."
I sit up in bed and look around, everything went back to normal. I pat the spot next to me, looking at Angela.
"I have a lot more to tell you but you'll think I'm nuts."
Please review and let me know what you think. Thank you so much for reading and putting up with me. Happy New Year!