I don't know what happened.
It wasn't like this before. When did things change? Was it when he found out?
I open my eyes as he pulls out with a grunt. He reaches behind me and unties the rope binding my hands together. I groggily rub my sore wrists.
He says something, but my tired mind cannot comprehend his words. He scoffs and speaks again, I understand some words. "Pathetic…can't clean yerself…filthy."
He lifts me with a grunt and puts me in a large laundry basket, the kinds with wheels. He dumps laundry on top of me to hide that I'm there. Is this all I am to him? Something he can use and dirty, then he can wash me and make me clean and pure until he uses me again? If so, I can't blame him. I haven't acted like anything has changed.
He carts me out of his room and down the hallway. In my hazy state I can still hear my brothers conversing, though it's muffled by clothes and my sleepy mind. I hear Donnie say something and a few seconds later I feel more weight on top of me. Then I hear Leo and more weight. I hear the squeak of the door as we enter the washroom I hear him lock the door. He dumps out the laundry basket and I land sprawled on the floor. I am too tired to complain. He turns on the showers and began washing away my filth.
As I said before, things weren't always like this. He didn't always use me this way. He didn't dirty me, make me filthy. Just after he read my journal. Then he knew. Then things changed.
When he found out, I begged and pleaded for him not to tell. I didn't want the others to know I was gay until I was ready to tell them.
Then I saw him get that look in his eye.
The first time was unexpected. I had noticed he was being especially aggressive during training. I didn't know it then, but he was trying to wear me out. And it worked.
That night, he snuck into my room. That night, he gagged me. That night, he tied me up. That night, he said he'd give me what I wanted. That night, he violated and dirtied me.
That night, everything changed.
He shuts off the water and throws a towel on me. He says I have five minutes to towel off before bed.
This house is not a home… Not anymore.