Toy Story 3 done my way.

Warning: This fanfic contains adult humour.

Woody sighed as he lay crowded with the other toys. Any day now Andy would be going to college, and his toys would most likely be going in the attic.

"Let's face it." sighed Buzz. "It's all over, Andy's never going to play with us again. Unless you have some big major plan, Woody?"

Woody stood pondering for a moment. "Why yes, Buzz. I think I do. Wait here and I'll get it all sorted out."

Woody crawled out of the toy chest and waited for a 17 year old Andy to come up to his room. Andy entered with a big box ready to clear out his room in preparation for college.

Immediately after appearing, Woody shouted to Andy. "Hey, you! Play with me!"

"Who said that?" Andy looked around.

"I did! Your cowboy toy Woody! Down here!"

Andy looked down, and saw his toy talking to him. His mouth open in shock. "You can talk!" He said in a frightened voice.

Andy wasn't the only one to have his mouth open in shock. Buzz and the other toys were the same too.

"Woody!" Buzz snarled and jumped out of the toy box. "What are you doing! We're not supposed to talk to our owners!"

Woody turned to Buzz "Why? Why can't we talk to humans? Is there some toy god out there that's going to be displeased if we don't keep our mouths shut? We already did it once to that Sid kid*, years ago near our previous house and nothing went wrong then now did it?"

* See Toy Story 1 - Author

Buzz then froze. "I never thought of it like that. Heh...I wonder where Sid is now."

Meanwhile in a mental home, A teenager Sid sat wrapped up in a full mental jacket, he was foaming at the mouth.

"The toys..." he cried. "I'm telling you they talked to me! They only do it when there are no humans around!"

"Sigh...we're still making no progress in curing him." A doctor said to his nurse assitant.

Back at Andy's house. Andy was feeling really gulity at how he had treated his toys."

"I feel so bad." sighed Andy. "Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?"

"Well..." pondered Woody. "How about getting Bo Peep back, do you know how gutted I was when your mom gave her to that thrift store?"

"Oh my god...of course anything. I'll start right away." Andy then left for the thrift store.

Jessie then walked to Woody. "Are you sure this is a good idea?"

"Why not?" Woody replied "It might stop toys from being given away. In fact think how many horrible situations could have been avoided if we talked to our owners."

Jessie then put her hat over her head. "Oh my god! I'd still be Emily's toy! I feel so stupid!"

And so after today, humans got to know that their toys could talk and no toy was ever neglected again. Of course it was weird to experience 30 year old adults talking to their toys, which is what Andy became, but things worked out and everybody was happy. The only person not happy was Mr. Potato Head.

"What's the matter?" Woody asked him.

"As much as I'm joyed that we're not thrown away. There is one thing I'm not pleased with."

"What's that?"

"Now we can't see what kind of girlfriends, Andy brings home!" he snarled.

"Hey look on the bright side, at least he threw away that creepy dildo toy in his mom's room that had been harassing us."

"True." Mr Potato head sighed. "And we don't see him...play with himself."

"Does Mrs Potato Head and your alien kids know how much of a pervert you've been over the years?" asked Woody.

THE END.