Red that dreadful color. That hated color. I loathed it. That Thing had dared to barge into his home and take Sebastian! But there was nothing he could do. The Thing was a shinigami and only Sebastian could take him on. He had but his mortal servants who would no doubt die at his hands.
I hated it! Not being able to do a thing to merely be forced to sit around and wait. I could only hope that he could free himself. Could only hope he returned to me. I was pissed and anxious and...and sad. I could not continue to do cases without him, the food and drink was horrible, the gardens were destroyed, the china was broken, the kitchen had been blown to smithereens and that man had no right to let himself get captured! He was bound to me! He would serve me. He would...
There was no way. No my tears had dried that day. That day that he came to me. My demon. I wiped my face but they were so stubborn and kept coming. What would happen to me without him here? What was happening to him?
Would he enjoy that Thing's attention if he was no longer bound to me? Had he simply stopped lik..stopped caring about what happened to me? Would he even like to come back to me? That Thing could give him many things that I could not. He was girly for one, then again I had dressed up for him that day, But it was only once! But would I do it again if it brought him back? And it most certainly was not engaged to someone else. And no doubt it could give him the pleasure that I know nothing about.
I think I'll go to bed and hope this is all a dream. And it had better be a dream.
I blinked. "Lizzy?"
She barreled through the door and encompassed me in her arms.
"Ciel! You poor thing! I'm so sorry! You lost the one you really love."
Oh hell no. Please, please don't tell me she knows! This is one of the few things I'll beg for.
"Lizzy what are you talking about?"
She stared at me with sad eyes for a moment then averted her gaze. "I know that you love Sebastian. I think I've known for a while and just didn't want to accept it. I really don't want to give you up because I love you a lot too but...but...the two of you. The two of you were meant to be together."
"Your wrong we do...I don't love him. I've never loved a man like that and I can't believe you came up with such an absurd thought."
"Ciel." she whispered. "You can pretend all you like but I know the truth even if you don't want to see it. The two of you love each other. That's why you're hurting now. You want him back.
"The only thing I can't understand is why did he leave and why you let him. You two got along so perfectly and it was obvious he was devoted to you. Did something bad happen to him?"
Lizzy it appears is far smarter and or far more observant that I previously thought. I would have to watch out for her in the future. Wait what am I talking about! I don't give a damn what she says. I...I had a dream. Yes I must have dreamed these cursed feelings and they would go away. Yes...they would go away and life would continue without him.
"Just please leave."
"No I won't let you continue to stay in this box your in. The servant already told me about the smile you gave him the day he was abducted. And that you were trying to tease him."
"My servants told you what?" End of the world begins...now. "Never mind leave."
"No! You're not going to be allowed to go back into the box you've created since he got taken."
"Ah there you are! I was worried that I might have missed your corpse. But I see your quite intact! Why hasn't your butler been around? I miss his jokes." What was the Undertaker doing in my house?
"Has my house suddenly become an exhibit!"
"He's been abducted by someone." Lizzy explained.
"Eh? Him abducted? (Chuckle) That's hard to believe. I wonder he would make a perfect guest. Ah but I should not get ahead of myself."
"Yes Sebastian was handsome. It was probably someone who wanted to have him to themself to do naughty things to him."
Naughty things? I wanted to do naughty things to him. Starting with kissing him senseless...Ah! What am I thinking? No I don't give a damn about him. I don't give a damn about anyone.
"So let them have him."
"Well all you have to do is find another butler and bodyguard. They're not all that hard to come by."
"I neither want nor need another butler."
"No you need a new cook, maid and gardener. Unless you plan on coming to me a lot sooner. (Chuckle) In which case carry on with it."
"Ah but that would be so sad. Ciel depends on Sebastian so much. He's the only one he's felt close to since...then. And the servants seem quite fine to me why would Ciel need more?"
"Begging my pardon sir but everything ain't fine." Bard came through the door
"I know it's not my place to say anything sir and I don't know half of it I think and I really shouldn't interrupt when you have guests 'specially when your with Miss Elizabeth. But it's plain as day you ain't yourself. With Sebastian gone its like you're a walking corpse. So if you please can you get better or drag his ass from wherever its landed? I really don't want to be responsible for your death if you die on something I made and Finny's giving me a headache with all his blubbering and crying.
"Anyway sorry to have interrupted sir. I just thought I should say something."
The door closed softly. A walking corpse huh? It's true that I don't feel that same as I used to but surely that was because the servants couldn't do anything properly. It was wasn't it? But I was obviously worrying them. How could my life continue like this? Maybe I should think of adding to the staff but where would I find people who wouldn't breathe a word to anyone?
"Well now a walking corpse? I should like to see that. But eh you don't look right doing it. Shouldn't your arms be straight out in front of you with you moaning."
"Undertaker." I growled.
"Sorry now I just couldn't help it."
"Surely there's some way to find him. It's obvious that you care for him you can't deny that. The servants told me you teased him and smiled for him. You haven't done those things in a long time."
"He's just a knight."
"A knight? Ciel this isn't a game of chess. You can't just classify everything without emotion. Why won't you accept that you like him? After all this time could what you have done been cruel trick?"
"He is only around to help me catch the people who murdered my parents. Nothing more."
"Revenge always leads to an early death for the hero of the story. Is that all that really matters? You can get revenge without him."
"Revenge! Ciel even if someone did kill your parents its not alright to go out and try to get killed over it. They would be so sad that you are walking such a lonely road. Please get your Sebastian back and live a happy life. That's all anyone wants for you."
"I can see my words aren't reaching your heart. You really have gone into a box to defend yourself. It's a shame you can't see your own pain at his loss." She walked to the door before turning her head to face me. Looking me directly in the eyes with a seriousness I'd never seen on her before. "And Ciel...you don't have to worry about our engagement. I got Mama to call off on it. This way when you get your Sebastian back you won't have to worry about anyone interrupting your love love time."
What the...? Who says love love time with a serious face like that? And anyway I don't care about him. I don't l-love him.
"Well I'd hate to disappoint her but you're quite better off with him gone. That means you don't have to give your soul to a demon. Isn't that nice."
"Dammit! That made me realize there's no way I can continue the investigations without him." Was it really just for this that I wanted him back? A soft voice asked in the back of my mind. Or did I want him for another reason? Was I so sure I gave up on loving him? Or did I merely not want people to realize just how deep the pain of losing him really went?
I had to stop listening to those. I might end up insane and join Undertaker.
"Even so why would you want him back? Does revenge fuel you that much."
I'd grown tired of him. This conversation was wearisome.
"Or do you just want an obedient slave who acquiesces to your every whim and who will never say a word against your behavior?"
Slave? It was a contract to which we both willingly agreed. This bastard. My fingers were white at the knuckles I was gripping the wood of my desk so hard. The reason I wanted him back the real reason. I don't know why but the words flew out of my mouth.
"Because I love him."
The Undertaker blinked I think. It was hard to tell under his bangs.
"Now why didn't you say so sooner? He he."
"We could have already been there."
"Been there...wait! Why would you help me get Sebastian back?"
"Eh...like I said I miss his jokes. And anyway William keeps stopping by to complain about how his Grell-chan was mooning over someone else. It got boring after the first ten minutes."
"Did you just say that William is in love with It?"
"He he. There cute when they're at odds. We're off to see the shinigami, the wonderful shinigami of the Library."