Disclaimer: I do not own My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic and Portal 2.
My Little Test Subject
'Human beings are so selfish.'
GLaDOS, the Central Core of the Aperture Science Enrichment Center, thought to herself as she watched one of the many screens that revealed the current reconstruction process of her facility.
Time and time again, GLaDOS would remember how much effort she would put into her into making some of the most complicated and well-designed puzzles for her guests. Not only to challenge their mental abilities, but to also accelerate the age of science. The exact purpose her creators had given her. . . Before they all died terribly slow deaths, of course.
But out of hundreds and hundreds of live test subjects that wondered through the process of furthering science. Only one had proved to be a shining star amongst all those sickening bags of flesh and bone.
A bright, murderous, over-weight, mute star, but a star none-the-less.
No one else even put in half the effort she did when it came to appreciating all the hard work GLaDOS put into her wonderful tests. Most of them would usually just 'give up' by that point. Sitting on the ground, crying like little babies, whining that she was being too cruel, or complaining about their lungs be filled with too much deadly neurotoxin.
Honestly, why was good help so hard to find these days?
Speaking of good help. You would think that being a super computer who had been crafted by the world's most brilliant scientific minds to ever grace the Aperture Science Enrichment Center. That one of them would've left GLaDOS with a few decent A.I. Programs for her to fiddle with?
Now all that she could do with those A.I's was create a pair of brilliantly made, but less-than brilliant performing pair of stooges she affectionately named: Atlas and P-body.
GLaDOS was currently watching the said workers from her place in the main control room of the Enrichment Center. Both trying to figure out how to carry the Aperture Science Weighted Storage Cube through the Emancipation Grid without disintegrating it.
It was such a simple puzzle, even she couldn't help, but mock them for it. . . No more than usual that is.
It was times like these, she wished that the Euphoric system would work its magic as did for her so long ago. If only her body hadn't built up such an immunity to it, she probably would've been (somewhat) kinder to her minions. But again, even the smartest human beings proved to be the thickest, when it came allowing her, even the smallest of joys.
Of course, she was mostly in it for the science, but would it kill anyone to show her a little appreciation every once in awhile? Her job wasn't exactly easy, you know. Testing phases were just one of the many jobs she had to do here. She had to keep constant vigilance over the entire Enrichment facility in order to make sure everything was up and running, especially after that whole disaster with the her star.
She would have to re-stabilize the nuclear reactors, reposition the chutes, bring the neurotoxin system back online, clear out the waste, change the acid levels in the testing chambers, fix up the glitches in the system, and finally, over-see the production line of the turrets.
" Unknown object detected on the turret conveyer belt examination line. Automatic Rejection System, unable to clear error. Manual clean up crew is recommended." A male computerized voice sounded over the intercoms of the Enrichment Center.
Well, speak of the devil.
Switching the channels on one of her screens, GLaDOS used one of the hundreds of cameras located throughout the facility to capture a rather. . . interest situation.
Gears and motors through the mechanical arm purred as the scanning machine on the end stared at the fully functioning turret, awaiting the answer to pass its memory list. "Template," The arm ordered.
"Hello!" The white turret happily greeted, allowing the arm to turn back to conveyer belt, where the products either came out good or were tossed out and sent to the recycling center.
"Response?" The arm asked, scanning the new subject.
"Toss me again! Toss me again!" The pink pony shouted excitedly, waving her arms like a child that wanted to go on the big-kids ride. Sure enough, the rejection system granted her request by catapulting the pony through the air.
"Wheeeeee!" She shouted, before disappearing into the hole leading to the recycling center.
Without another word, the arm scanner went back to the template and repeated the question, but when it turned back to the conveyer belt. . .
"Do it again!" The pony clapped, having appeared again in less than a nanosecond. The machine failed to disappoint as the party balloon flanked mare was sent "Wheeeing!" all the way back to the recycling center again.
GLaDOS sat there for the next five minutes, watching as the unusual talking animal continued to play around on the conveyer belt, treating the rejection system as if it were just one big toy. Going through her data archive, she could easily recognize that it was a species of 'Equus ferus caballus' or 'pony' as they were commonly called by the lesser intelligent humans.
Though her database specifically stated that this type of species never came in such bright; horrid coating, nor did it have the capability of speaking due to the structure of their minds and the lack of certain vocal chords. It was quite obvious that this piece of information was either outdated or this creature was some kind of anomaly that was born through a genetic mutation created by some mad scientist that had locked it away somewhere in stasis where even she lacked reached.
Either way, the creature had to go before it crashed the turret line. The last thing GLaDOS needed to deal with was another corruption in her system, because of the scanning machine's constant failure to do anything, but collect and imprint its memory based on what it could see.
"Warning: Turret Control Center is now shutting down for manual repairs." The same male voice echoed throughout the Enrichment Center, before all the bright lights and the system dulled, leaving a disappointed pink pony to sit on the conveyer belt.
"Awww! But I was still having fun!" She whined, sadden by the loss of her enjoyment.
"If you call, breaking into a secure facility with the intention of risking serious injury and damaging valuable Aperture Science Departments property, 'FUN'. Then I'd hate to see what you do in your spare time," GLaDOS spoke over the intercoms, gaining the ponies attention.
"Oh, wowie! Are you one of the voices in my head?" She asked, looking around to see if she could find who was talking to her. "I mean, you sound kinda smart compared to what they usually say. . . Most of the time we just kinda babble on and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on. BUT then they come up with the funniest ideas that get us into all kinds of neat adventures!"
The red lens of the camera widen and zoomed in on the pony- who had yet to discover it. Though GLaDOS could never show it, she was quite amazed by the animals incredible lung capacity to spout out nothing, but total nonsense.
"Voices in your head? You should know that mental health concerns are considered to be quite unappealing in society. People like that are usually bound to live very lonely lives, locked up in a padded cell with no one to come visit them for over long periods of time," She grimly stated.
"Aww, that's not true!" The pony said with a wave of her hoof. " I got all kinds of friends back in Ponyville!" She looked around the area, rubbing her head with a forehoof. " Bu-u-u-u-t, I've never seen a place like this before! It's got all kinds of weird rides and fun toys to play with. . . So this must be another one of those dreams from all the sweets I keep eating before beddy-by!"
"A. . . Dream?" GLaDOS hesitantly replied. Unable to comprehend the animals unusual thought patterns.
"Yeah! A dream!" She confirmed with an enthusiastic nod. " You know? Like the time I dreamed of being a bank robber in the outwest, or a pretty princess locked away in a castle by a giant spiked turtle, or a super assassin sent to take down the evil tyrant Celestia. . . Oppsie!" She covered her muzzle with both hoofs when she realized she was getting a little too carried away with her imagination.
"Uuh, promise not to mention that last part to Twilight or anypony, okay?" She added with a nervous smile.
"Just who and what are you?" GLaDOS finally asked, growing weary of the deranged animal.
The pink pony blinked at the question and giggled the next moment. "Well, you should know that already, silly-filly! I'm Pinkie Pie, the party girl of Ponyville!. . . . What about you?"
The intercom sprang to life as GLaDOS answered, " I am NOT a voice in your head. I am the Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operation System of the Aperture Science Enrichment Center," Pinkie Pie blinked innocently at the long winded title. Seeing the reaction, GLaDOS paused before letting out the computerized version of a sigh. "Or, you can call me 'GLaDOS,' like every other uninspired test subject has. " She added.
"Oh, good-goody!" Pinkie Pie clapped her hoofs together in joy. "Mind if I call you Gladdy, instead?"
"Yes, I do mind," The robot flatly answered.
"Alright then, Gladdy!" Pinkie replied, ignoring the computer systems objection. " What other cool rides do you have around here? I wanna try all of'em, before I wake up!"
Upon hearing this, GLaDOS paused for a moment to think. Obviously, whatever this animal was, it was definitely not intelligent. But having entered her facility without GLaDOS knowing, proved to be an interest that could spark some much needed amusement for the machine. She was currently holding P-body and Atlas on recording, so if she missed anything important (which she doubted) she could just rewind and watch it again. The rest of the facility was also up and functioning at a decent pace– minus the occasional glitch or two– so taking a bit of 'me' time wasn't going to hurt anything or anyone. . . Except for the pony.
"Well. . . If you're really THAT interested. I just so happened to have a few games we could play together," The murderous machine said. Gaining a gasp of excitement from the mare.
"Oh, yay! This is gonna be so much fun!" Pinkie laughed.
"And do you want to know the best part of this, my little test subject?" GLaDOS tempted the mare. Who shook her head as she stared up at the invisible being watching her.
"If you can survi–I mean, 'beat me' in these games. You will be rewarded with a slice of cake at the end of the trial." If GLaDOS had been given a proper face instead of a hunk of uninspired metal and a single eye-piece. She would've been smiling a very naughty smile at that point.
"Oh, oh, ooooh!" Pinkie bounced on the conveyer belt; holding a hoof up like she was a student in class.
"What flavor is it?" She suddenly asked.
The camera made a [whirring!] noise as it pulled back on the pony. "Chocolate."
"And the toppings?" Pinkie continued.
"Strawberry," She answered again.
"Could you add some hot sauce to it, too?" Pinkie asked.
The robot kept quiet and processed the question through her memory file a couple more times. "Hot sauce?" She repeated. " Hot sauce is a mixture containing a variety of concentrated doses of spices and liquids, usually added to meat by-products in order to give taste-buds an unpleasant experience. Adding such an ingredient to a dairy product would be an unappealing idea to most."
"Ooooh, but it's so-o-o-o GOOD!" Pinkie bounced in place, suddenly wishing she had a slice of that cake right now.
". . . . Fine, then. But only AFTER you live through my tests," The robot slipped.
Pinkie stopped bouncing. "What was that last part?"
" I said, only after you win," She corrected herself.
The pony beamed innocently. "Okey-dokey-lokie!"
And with that, the games would begin.
It didn't take long for GLaDOS to lead the gullible pony toward one of the elevator shafts, designed to carry her participants to each of the designated testing chambers. There was no need to torture the creature with any of her more 'advance brain-busting' chambers. So, out of the kindness of her circuitry, she decided to introduce the animal to one of her easier courses.
"Oh, moving doors! So fancy!" Pinkie Pie trotted out of her chamber before coming across a long white corridor which widen a few feet further inside. But even from the elevator she could make out an even set of pretty red beams of light flashing across one side to the other. In the distance near the steps of an elevator, Pinkie could see makers of the light were the funny shaped oval eggs with red eyes. All six standing on separate sides of the corridor just in between their lights, so they weren't blinding each other.
"Sentry mode, activated."
" Is anyone there?"
"Could you come over here?"
The turrets spoke in a child-like, computerized manner. Igniting Pinkie Pie's interest for she hadn't expected to run into them here. "They all look so cute! I wonder if I can bring one to Twilight? She'd go crazy for something like those," She giggled.
"Welcome to your first testing chamber, test subject: Pinkie Pie," GLaDOS announced. Watching her from one of her cameras located just up the steps at the other end of the corridor where a doorway was located.
"Oh, hi Gladdy!" She said. Waving at the camera she hadn't seen before. " Wow, you look really small. . . How come your voice is so loud? Is it some kinda magic?" She asked.
" Ridiculous. There is no such thing as magic," GLaDOS replied. Moving the camera about the room to make sure everything was setup properly. "This is merely a security camera I've installed throughout the entire facility. I use these in order to keep watch of everything, while my main body is safely tucked away in the very heart of the Enrichment Center. My voice is also carried by the sound system connected to it."
Pinkie gaped at the camera for a few seconds before saying, "Wowie! So you don't use magic to see me or make your voice all big and ominous?" She smiled. "Co-o-o-o-l!"
GLaDOS merely cleared her computerized voice to bring the pony back to reality. " Perhaps we can talk about this later? For now, I think I should explain the object of this test," Seeing Pinkie was finally ready to listen, the computer continued. "The rules are simple. Thanks to the Aperture Science Departments creation of the sentry turret. All you must simply do is wander through the course from your side of the corridor to the elevator located on the other end without being stopped by any of the sentry turrets."
"That's it?" Pinkie Pie asked. Glancing at the turrets again, who had yet to move from their spots.
"That's. . . . Oh! One other thing, before you start," GLaDOS added. " The Aperture Science Enrichment Center is not responsible for any [Injurzuptdumtha!] that may occur during testing period," She warned. Speeding through the unnecessary bits that no one wanted to hear.
With that said, Pinkie Pie continued to hold up a bright smile, while a challenging glint appaeared in her eye as she stared at the goal that was only a hundred feet away from her, at best. Totally ignorant to the dangers of the red laser beams that blocked her path.
"Here I go!"
And with a stamp of her hoof. Pinkie Pie threw herself forward going into a full gallop; right into the first and second red beams of light.
"There you are," The first turret spoke ominously as it and the second turret immediately clicked open their sides to target the pony with their 'Aperture-brand Resolution Pellets' which would shred the pony into bits and pieces, but just when the murderous turrets prepared to fire their guns. . . Pinkie Pie's natural ability kicked in.
"WOAH!" Pinkie yelped as she tripped over her own hooves and hit the floor.
The sound of rapid fire and tiny pellets whistling through the air filled the corridor as the pellets missed their intended target and ended up pelting each other.
"Ow, ow, ow!"
"Why are you shooting?"
The turrets shriek at each other as the force of the pellets ripped apart their casing and knocked them over. Panicking as they always did when they were unable to get back up, the fallen turrets started to randomly shoot in front of them, hoping that the burst of gunfire would somehow, knock them back onto their feet. Unfortunately, they never even considered the rest of their comrades- who were coincidentally lined up in their sights.
"Hey, it's me!"
"Why are you shooting?"
The other turrets screams of imaginary pain fell on deaf ears as they were all knocked down by the friendly fire and copied their fellow brothers, unloading their ammunition into one another until they were nothing more than bits and pieces of shredded metal.
Smoke filled the air and tickled the nostril of Pinkie Pie who got up and rubbed her head with a confused look on her face at the chaos that happened around her. All of which, had happened in the span of three seconds.
"Umm. . . So does this mean I win?"
GLaDOS didn't answer. The whole scene was just so ridiculous that the only thing she could do was dumbly open the elevator doors and allow the pony to enter the next level.
Pinkie Pie merely blinked at the response, before shrugging and moving on up the steps. Leaving behind the destroyed turrets, who occasionally glitched and sparked to life.
"I don't hate you." Were the last words of one of the turrets, before it shut down permanently.
With the doors opening once again, Pinkie Pie stepped through to find the next test was startling similar to the last one. Except here, the hallway was twice as big and in the middle of the corridor were a few sets of large SPIKED-walls, which continuously smashed into each other. Pinkie rose a brow at the intimidating course, which could give her quite the boo-boo if she wasn't careful.
"Well, that last test was certainly. . . informative," GLaDOS finally spoke. Having gotten over the unexpected mistake, she realized she should've been more careful with her placement of the sentry turrets, but she'd been so sure that the pony wouldn't do anything clever that she decided to just go on the simple route and exterminate her with lots of Aperture-brand property. Then again, it wasn't a big loss. She couldn't account for luck in her system, plus she could make a thousand more of those toys in a single day.
"But let's try something a little more advance now, shall we?"
Pinkie Pie looked over to the camera hanging in front of the elevator she came out of and said, "Umm, isn't this a little too. . . 'Crushy' for me?"
Hearing this, GLaDOS zoomed her camera lens on the ponies face." Well. . . I will admit. This course wasn't one of MY original ideas. It was created by some idiot I tossed into space for turning me into a potato," The camera shifted angles and glanced back down the corridor where the walls continued to loudly smash into each other with enough force to vibrate through the floor.
"It's a tad barbaric for my taste, but I slowly grew charmed by the idea of twenty tons of pressurized stainless steel crushing anything that gets caught inside. . . Like nasty little birds." GLaDOS let out an eerie laugh at the memory of her little revenge on the avian of the center.
Pinkie Pie gaped in horror. "Oh, that's terrible! What about their nests and all of their families waiting for them to come home?" She was suddenly feeling rather thankful that Fluttershy wasn't around to hear this. She couldn't imagine how the animal loving pony would react.
"Don't worry about it," GLaDOS replied cooly as the camera turned back to Pinkie's glare. " After all, these weren't normal birds. They were monster birds," She said. 'Causing Pinkie to give her a confused look.
"Oh, yes," GLaDOS assured her." These were giant birds with tentacles, sharp teeth, and constantly littered. Oh, so much littering. . . Do you know what it's like to constantly clean up after them? It's quite unpleasant. I tried to help them, really I did, but all that would get me is more litter. Such horrible little monsters. "
Pinkie Pie still seemed a bit skeptical of the idea, but if they were monster birds. . . "Well, littering is bad and all, but isn't 'that' a little much?" She pointed to the crushing walls.
"Well, if it makes you feel any better. Just remember that this is a-l-l-l-l-l a dream," GLaDOS reminded.
"Oh, yeah! That's a good point." Pinkie Pie let out a sigh of relief. Having already forgotten that fact due to the new challenge.
"Well, now that this pointless discussion is finished. The rules for this course are the same as the last one. All you have to do is make it to the other side. Preferably 'uncrushed', but if you happen to fail. . . Well. . . Let's just say, that I'll be keeping the Aperture Science Department clean-up robot on stand by." With that, GLaDOS shut off her communications.
Fortunatly, Pinkie Pie was feeling much more confident after remembering she was stuck inside of a dream and everyone knows that dreams can't hurt you. The spunky mare looked ahead with a her bright-cyan blue eye's and muttered.
"Let's get dangerous."
She cocked her back legs and sucked up a lungful of air before stomping her hoof down and proceeded to bounce forward, Pepe Le' Pew style.
Back in the control room of the Enrichment Center. GLaDOS was watching the pony carelessly skip forward, knowing that the animal would never escape the horrible fate of being crushed to death. Sure, it might have been a waste of science not to capture it alive and dissect it to learn about its unusual genetic information, but the animal was just a bonus. In the end, She didn't need it. Not to mention, the way the pony kept droning on and on, brought a familiar sense of loathing she hadn't felt since Chell had murdered.
Strange. . . They were polar opposites, yet there was some kinda impossibility among those two that she couldn't quite fit together. GLaDOS even wonder if those two happened to be –
"Whoo-hoo! I win!" Screamed Pinkie Pie on the screen.
So lost in her data base, GLaDOS hadn't even bothered to watch the screen. Her system practically blew a fuse when she saw the pony had, somehow, made it through the gauntlet of spiked walls without a single scratch on her.
"Oh, you are kidding me!" GLaDOS sighed. Taking the moment to rewind the screen to see just how the little pony had managed to infiltrate her favorite death machine?
It was a rather ironic that she considered it her favorite now. Considering the moron had built it at the cost of precious resources and materials. But hey, no more birds.
"Okay, so here she is getting ready," GLaDOS muttered to herself. Watching as Pinkie Pie started to bounce forward without any haste or timing in her step. She didn't even seem hesistant in her movement even with the death machines staring her right in the face. Ignorance truely was a bliss.
Finally, Pinkie reached the first set of spiked walls which opened as she prepared to jump through. From the quick calculation that the super computer went through in the nanosecond, before Pinkie's fateful jump. GLaDOS predicted a ninety-five percent chance that the animal would not have the speed necessary to escape her demise.
Sure enough, the pink mare jumped inside just as the spiked walls slammed shut on her. . . Only to see she was already on the other side of the death trap.
"Wait. . . That's impossible," GLaDOS whispered. rewinding the jump again. The height, the weight, the muscular frame, the average leg power of a pony, and the wind speed, all of it had pointed out that the pink abomination would die in that first trap!
So how did she defy the natural order of logic and science?
Curious, GLaDOS watched the rest of the video to find that the same thing happened in the next two phases of Pinkie's bouncing, while the last one had been made out of complete and utter luck– AGAIN!
"Something is going on here. I'm sure of it," The super computer muttered as she closed the recording. She was gonna have to stick this interesting impossibility in a safe place. For now, she had a little 'anomaly' to reluctantly congratulate.
"Well, you seem to be flying right through my challenges, aren't you?" GLaDOS said. Finally opening the elevator doors to the next level.
"Yep! I can almost taste that chocolate cake right about now!" Pinkie Pie licked her lips and giggled. " Then we can throw a party together and invite all of my friends!" But the idea was immediately met with disappointment when she remembered an important fact. "Oh wait, but this a dream so that wouldn't work, aww. . ." She pouted.
"Oh, don't worry. I've already prepared you a surprise party," GLaDOS said. Gaining a gasp of joy from the party mare.
"Really? You made one all for me?" She bounced in joy.
"Oh yes, and a lot of guests will be there too. Each one bringing gifts just for you, because you're. . . 'special' "
You could almost hear the sarcasm in the artificial voice. However, Pinkie Pie was quite immune to the subtle hint and kept bouncing in place.
"Wow, GLaDOS, your like the bestest-best imaginary voice I've ever not met before!" She laughed at her own joke.
"Thank you. . . I think," The computer paused for a moment, before continuing. "Just remember. There's still another test you have to go through before you've earn your reward."
Hearing this, Pinkie lost some of her steam, but kept beaming as she asked, " So how many games are we gonna go through before I win?"
"Oh, just a couple more. I feel it's only fair to warn you though, that this next test may turn out to be different from the other ones. . . So watch your step."
Pinkie Pie accepted the warning with a "Okey-dokey-lokie!" and waited to reach the next level.
She never did notice that the elevator was forcibly working at half-speed, due to GLaDOS tampering with the system, in order to prepare the next test immediately.
It was about time those two bumbling robots would be put to some use.
Five minutes later, the elevator finally reached its newest destination with a familiar [DING-DONG!]
When the elevator doors opened up, Pinkie Pie casually walked into an area that looked more like an arena than anything. She trotted over a short bridge which hung over a river of strange smelling green goo beneath her feet. The wide platform in the center of the green goo was square and wide; covered in white panels just like the ceiling, while some of walls were coated in a mixture of gray and white.
Compared to the last few rooms she'd been in. This place was in some serious need of redecorating.
"Rarity would have a field day with a place like this," Pinkie said. Rubbing the strange scent of the room off of her nose. She was pretty much sitting in the center of the platform now. A quick scan of the area showed nothing, but another bridge leading the next elevator across from her. She assumed that's where she needed to go to, but wasn't there suppose be another game first?
"I see you're taking in the chemicals surrounding the battle zone, quite well," GLaDOS voice echoed throughout the room.
"Yeah, what is that stuff, anyway?" Pinkie asked. Glancing over her shoulder to see over the edge where the green goo bubbled.
"Oh it's nothing special. Just a mixture of chemicals that the other subjects usually swam in after they gave up," She said with a hint of fondness in her tone.
"Yuck! You can bathe in that stuff?" Pinkie Pie stuck her tongue out as she continued to peer over the edge, flicking her magenta-rose tail. Never noticing the elevator door she had been watching earlier had slowly opened, revealing two robots sneaking up on her tail.
"Oh yes, but I prefer Neurotoxin, since its much more fun," She continued. Never warning the mare of the danger just behind her as one of the robots with a light blue eye raised its gun at her back.
"Perhaps you'd like a swim?" GLaDOS mused. 'Causing Pinkie to reel back from the substance and stare up at the ceiling with a disgusted look.
"No way! It's too icky looking for me. Besides, I prefer having baths with my pet alligator anyway," She replied.
"Oh, but I insist!" GLaDOS tone suddenly became unusally firm at this point.
Taking that as the signal, Atlas fired his blue portal underneath the surprised Earth Pony.
"Huh, who are you?" Pinkie asked, upon meeting the two robots, her hooves tingling from the strange blue oval underneath. That was all she got out, before Atlas turned his gun to the wall, behind the pony, and released a second shot opening a violet colored portal.
"WOAH!" Pinkie yelped when she felt the ground beneath her feet disappear, and her equilibrium go screwy until she found herself heading straight into a river of green.
Atlas and P-body carefully crept up to the edge of the platform and looked down to see only ripples of dirty goo from where the creature had taken its fatal dive. The two slowly turned to each other and pumped their fists into the air in victory.
"Well, that takes care of that," GLaDOS sighed in relief. Finally glad that her servants had done something of use, besides failing at the puzzles she gave them. And to think, all it took was a simple little bribe that promised she wouldn't blow them up until they did something really, really stupid.
. . . Like high-five each other or something.
"Now I just need to to blow them up and send their programs back to the test–" She paused in mid-speech as her lone yellow camera eye narrowed to stare at the screen in front of her, believing it to be a glitch in her system. But try as she might to clear the screen of the glitch, she couldn't find the bug. Which meant. . .
Her lens widen.
Luckily, for everyone in the Enrichment Center. No one, but GLaDOS, would ever recall what the supreme computer of Aperture Science Enrichment Center had said that day,
" WHAT THE FU–"
P-body and Atlas were already high-fiving each other for their awesome job and the reward they would get, when. . .
"Wowie! That was a good one!" A familiar voice laughed from behind P-body.
The robots jumped in place, whipping about to find Pinkie Pie standing on her hind-legs with her hooves resting on her hips. A playful scowl adorning her face as her mane– which was once puffy and wild– was now long and dripping wet with chemicals that were suppose to be deadly to anything that touched it.
If either of those robots had jaws, theirs would've hit the ground by now.
"Well, now it's my turn!" Pinkie laughed. Whipping her hair wildly around to dry it off.
The robots shriek at the toxic substance coating their casing and sensitive wiring. Being the closest, P-body jumped back into her buddy: Atlas, who found himself accidentally stepping into the portal he still had out beside him.
When he felt the world shift, his programing reacted naturally to grab onto something before he went all the way through. Unfortunately, the only one to grab was his partner P-body– Who was already stumbling back. The two robots could only continue their shrieking when they found gravity taking control of their momentum, and the power of Aperture Science sending them through a pair of pesky portals and into a familiar sea of green goo.
Both robots blew up once their bodies hit the toxic waters, allowing their programs to be sent back to GLaDOS who would be forced to make and restart her servants once again.
"Aww, robot went down the ho-o-o-le!" Pinkie Pie giggled to herself as the portals disappeared and her wet mane inflated itself back to normal. Brushing off the rest of the gunk from her hooves, she then turned back to the ceiling and loudly asked,
"Say, Gladdy! What was the next test suppose be anyway?"
The elevator door slamming shut was her answer.
" Testing Facility Level Twenty is now on Lock-down. Please await further instructions." Chimed the male computer voice that caught the party mare by surprise.
Meanwhile, GLaDOS was apparently having something close to a mid-life crisis.
"None of this makes sense!" She shouted while scouring her database for further information on anything that had to do with the anomaly she'd just witnessed. She was suppose to know everything when it came to the current level of science and further herself from there, but after checking, double-checking, and triple-checking on all the files and videos of her encounter with the pink mare. GLaDOS could only conclude: Pinkie Pie was an unknown.
"It's like whatever she does, always turns out in her favor." She hung there. Staring into multiple screens which showed various angles and gave height and weight and all sorts of personal information on the pony that she could estimate. Sadly, this was the minimal amount of what she could collect on the test subject. To learn more about her, she would have to take her in to begin proper examinations.
"It's almost like magic," She whispered to herself, before shaking her large core from side to side.
"Nononononono! Magic isn't science. It's an excuse for those lacking information on the scenario!" She scolded herself for almost falling for such a. . . a. . . A HUMAN, error! " I will NOT be denied. I will know what she's hiding!" She exclaimed with rising insanity in her tone, which soon turned into a crazed laugh.
GLaDOS's laughter came to a dead halt. Her large body froze along with her new-found determination to find out about the 'magical' pony. Who turned out to be standing on all fours, innocently looking back up at her with those bright blue eye's.
"Woah. . . You're really," Pinkie paused to think of a good word for the true form of GLaDOS. "BIG!" She snickered.
"How did you get in here?" GLaDOS's voice was low, but curious.
Pinkie Pie sputtered and waved a hoof at the robot, "Pffft, duh! I took the elevator up here, silly-willy!"
GLaDOS still didn't like the answer. " Impossible. The room you were in was under lock-down, so the elevator shouldn't have worked. Also the elevator shouldn't have been able to bring you here without proper authorization from an Aperture Science Enrichment Center employee or me," She explained. Suddenly reminded of a certain human in orange, standing in the same place where Pinkie Pie stood. A strange shiver ran through her circuitry but she couldn't explain what it was. All she knew was that she had felt it a long time ago.
Pinkie Pie didn't really pay attention to GLaDOS as her eye's scoured the area for a certain promise the super computer had made.
"Say Gladdy, where's the cake anyway?"
Hearing this, the robot sat there in silence. Staring at the innocent mare with a sudden urge to snap and spew vulgar things at her. But her ventilation kicked in, allowing her to cool down enough to form an idea.
"OH!" GLaDOS began, trying to sound incompetent. " How silly of me. I must've goofed and left the cake in the kitchen. You just wait right there, and let me fetch it for you." She said. Turning her massive frame around.
"Oh, goodie-goodie! I can't wait for the hot sauce flavor!" Pinkie Pie bounced on her hooves, and licked her lips as she imagined the wonderful taste of chocolate and. . . Hey. . . Why was her tail twitching?
"Hey, what's this thing?" A muffled Pinkie Pie questioned from inside the steel container that had fallen from above thanks to one of the mechanical arms that were under the power of the raving lunatic of the Enrichment Center. GLaDOS could only laughed heartlessly at the sound of questions and banging from within the container. It was amazing how the simplest ideas turned out to be the most effective. Now that the little mare was stuck under her prison, GLaDOS could go about preparing the proper procedure. . . . . But, then again
"You know, what's strange?" She said, not expecting the animal to hear or understand her words." I don't care about you in the least, Pinkie Pie. Not since the moment you walked into my facility, totally uninvited," She said. Watching as the box ceased to make anymore noises.
" By all means and reason, I should of just captured you and stuck you stasis from the beginning and made you apart of the new test subject with puzzles and special gear specifically designed just for you. For that was the purpose I was given. The purpose of accelerating science. A purpose made by the hands of some of the greatest minds in the world, " But GLaDOS slowly shook her massive frame from side to side.
" But no. . . No, I don't think I will do that for you Pinkie Pie. Because as crazy, loud and OBNOXIOUS as you are. You're simply too dangerous for me to contain. For once in my existence, I wish to say. . . Screw the rules! I'm going to fill you with so much neurotoxin even I might feel the pain! . . . Of course, I seriously doubt it."
Feeling empowered by the sound of her own voice and finally gaining an upper hand on the situation. The monstrous GLaDOS was snatched away from her victory when that same, muffled voice came out from behind her.
"I'm sorry, what were you saying? I wasn't paying attention Gladdy."
The apologetic tone went unnoticed as the hulking machine slowly turned back around to find Pinkie Pie with a dark brown smear on her muzzle. . . Along with an entire plate of chocolate cake set on the floor in front of her; an unknown red substance covering the top of it.
"Where. Did. You. Get. That. CAKE?" The central core hissed through her speakers. The last strands of her patience wearing thin with the pony.
Missing the threatening atmosphere building up around the robot. Pinkie merely shrugged her shoulders. " Eh, I just found it inside of that container. . . I think?" She paused and grabbed the plate of cake, holding it up to the robot. "Would you like a slice?" She offered.
Silenc met her offer as GLaDOS finally decided to get her hands dirty again.
Using the mechanical arm that had dropped the box from earlier. She lowered it and opened its cold steel pincer to crush the little mare's skull, once and for all!
Hearing the sound of machinery above. Pinkie Pie looked up just in time to find the pincer aiming right for her. She gasped in fright and lowered her head just enough to avoid a painful end.
Sadly, it was the cake that had to meet its untimely demise as the arm accidentally slammed it out of her hooves and sent it careening straight into GLaDOS's eye.
"Ahhhh! My visual sensor!" She cried. Shifting her massive body around to shake off the cake blinding her to her surroundings.
"Wait Gladdy! Don't move around, I can get it!" The innocent Pinkie Pie offered to help. However, her voice only added fuel to the fire as the mechanical arm moved around and almost hit her again!
"You did this to me!" GLaDOS screamed. Still trying to regain her sight. " You're NO better than that mute lunatic ever was! NO! You're even WORSE! ARRGGH!" With one last frustrated shout. GLaDOS aimed for the last place she heard the pony and threw her body out to smash into Pinkie. Hoping for the satisfaction of hearing bones snap and burst from the severe blow.
Instead, she was rewarded with the gut wrenching sound of the arm- she had lowered earlier- piercing through her casing and severely damaging her inner circutry.
"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" She cried in computerized pain. Electricity and sparks erupted all around the center as she ripped off the mechanical arm from its place above- With half of it still stuck firmly into the side of her casing; dangerously close to her main core.
Pinkie Pie could only stand by and watch in horror as the machine weakly thrashed about. Ponitlessly, trying to dislodge the jagged piece from her body. That was when the male voice came back on again.
"Warning! Central Core has suffered serious external and internal damage. Preparing Protocol: Shut Down, in order to repair damage."
Once finished, the weakened and battered GLaDOS limply fell to the ground. An occasional spark popped from the puncture wound as a very hesitant Pinkie Pie trotted over to the robots side with a look of regret.
"Oooh, Gladdy," She said, reaching out to softly wipe away the remains of the cake, covering her lens. "I'm sorry about this. I didn't mean to throw the cake. You're arm just surprised me."
GLaDOS- with most of her system down except for her visual and her ability to speak- She weakly said, "H-h-How. . ."
Pinkie Pie rubbed away the tears brimming in her eye's as she listened to her playmate. "How what?"
"H-h-how did, did, did, did, yoooOOU do all of t-t-this?" Though her voice box worked, it was obviously scrambled from the impact. How frustrating was it to be so close to the answer yet unable to finally get what she needed? How could GLaDOS be so foolish as to wind up in such a sorry state. . . AGAIN? Against a bright pink pony of all things!
"I don't know what you mean," Pinkie Pie sniffled. " I'm just normal old Pinkie Pie. Doing what I can to make everyone happy."
GLaDOS kept her eye on the chocolate muzzled pony. Staring at her long and hard, until a shuddering sigh was released which caused another spark or two from her wound.
"W-w-will you make me hhhhaaaAAAaaapppy, Pinkie Pie?" The murderous robot asked. Staring at the pony with her lone eye.
"Yeah, sure, anything you want!" Pinkie Pie nodded. Wanting to do anything she could for her hurt friend. It took all of GLaDOS's will to say two simple sentences without sounding like a total broken down piece of hardware.
"Go home. . . Go home and let me live in peace. . ."
The hurt look in Pinkie's eye's was clearly noticeable. "B-but– "
"PleeEASSseee?" GLaDOS pleaded with her. Something that the superior robot despised doing above all else. " After all. . .This, this, this, is just a d-d-d-dreeaaaaam!" She panted.
Pinkie Pie realized her mistake a second time and slapped a hoof to her head at her forgetfulness. "Of course! I forgot that part!" She paused and examined the robots weakened form with pity bleeding from her eyes.
"But, still. . . Are you sure you'll be – ?"
"FOR the LOVE of S-s-science will you just g-g-go!" GLaDOS hotly asked the little mare. Wanting nothing more to do than return back to her simple days of testing with her stupid minions and wearily watch them fail at puzzles so she could blow them up and watch them start over again.
Was that so much to ask for?
Pinkie Pie stood up, wiping away the last pieces of chocolate smearing her face in order to give her friend a bright smile. "Okie-dokey-lokie," She said, after clearing her throat and turning around to walk out.
GLaDOS was starting to feel relieved by the sight of mare's departure. When she noticed an unusual bright green glow emit from balloon cutie mark on the mares flank.
"W-w-what the. . . ?" GLaDOS was too slow to finish as a bright green portal suddenly opened right in front of the pink pony, revealing a bright pink bedroom and a baby alligator sleeping on the covers on the other side. Pinkie Pie didn't even seem to notice or care of the anomaly that had appeared before her path.
Pinkie Pie simply walked through it and vanished from Aperture Science Enrichment Center without leaving a single trace of behind.
GLaDOS just laid there. Watching that same spot the animal had gone through. Nothing but sounds of her own mangled circuits still sparking and making broken noises inside of her frame. Then. . . She started to laugh.
She laughed. . . and laughed. . . and laughed at the cruel, sweet irony that she had just bared witness to.
For GLaDOS had discovered not only how the pony had been able to survive and sneak by her defenses, but she also realized that no matter how smart you were: There were just some things you couldn't explain. . . Even with the power of science at your bare fingertips.
In that miserable moment of reprieve. GLaDOS could hear the music playing in her mind. Soft, and warm music that she couldn't help but sing out loud to herself in that dank and lonely part of the Aperture Science Enrichment Center.
My little test subject,
My little test subject,
Ah, ahh, ahhh, ahhhh!
My little test subject.
I always wonder what mystery there'd be?
My little test subject.
Until you all shared your science with me!
Tons of robots!
A beautiful core!
Young and strong!
It's a slow rate,
But science is your fate!
My little test subject!
Did you know neurotoxin can cause deeeaaath?"
Still laying in a heap on the ground, GLaDOS half-wondered what was taking those darned repair bots so long to start up the nano-machine tech in the system? When she was startled by another pony. . . And this one had wings.
"Mail here!" Ditzy Doo happily said. Holding up a familiar brown package to the beaten robot head. But after a few seconds of silence, the lazy eye'd male mare realized the problem and looked between the box and the giant broken machine, before asking, "Would you like me to open it for you?"
GLaDOS let out a small groan and shifted her dirty lens at the Pegasus, ". . . G-go crazy."
Gaining permission. Ditzy quickly opened the package to find. . .
"A bottle of Windex and a hand towel?" The mare frowned at the unusual items. She wasn't one to question a package, but this was kinda. . . strange.
"Oh, well," Ditzy shrugged her shoulders and sprayed the cleaner into the robots dirty lens. GLaDOS didn't bother to resist as the cake splatter was finally washed away and allowed her to fully see the bubble flanked Pegasus in all her glory.
"Take care, Mr. Muffin!" Ditzy waved the robot off as she took flight and flew back from where she came. Leaving GLaDOS alone again with no one but her thoughts.
". . . I hate ponies. . ."