Drunken Night

By Fujoshi a.k.a Otaku no Baka

I am systematically finishing everything on my computer when I have the motivation. I started on this maybe in 2010? Not sure, but I was motived by, you won't believe this, a strange Russia and Canada story made by KolEh? I was like 'why isn't there North America brothers doing Russia?' It didn't help that the Russiamerica LJ had the kink meme links and I found a weird story called, "What can fit in Russia's ass."

I do not joke.

I was like 'I need to finish this story so I can finish Vanquish the states as well as I'm not loving it.' Finished it today because I couldn't think of how to do the lemon and lacked motivation for a long time. I think people are going to kill me for making weird stuff, again. This is my first threesome lemon so I don't know how it came out. I tried really hard though!

*Hides back in her bunk*

I'll update the other stuff too! It's all a big pile on my computer!

Warnings: Threesome, RussiamericaCanada, not in that order, and once again drunken nations behaving badly. This is PWP. Everything else comes first so don't expect a sequel. I am already cringing on how much porn I have compared to normal stories.

If I owned Hetalia I would so make PVC figures of them by now! Especially action pose Russia!

"Hahahaahahaha!" Breathes "HAHAHAHAHA!"

England shook his head; how the hell did it come to this again?

Ah yes now he remembers. It was their first successful summit meeting they had without trying to kill each other, threaten treaties their bosses worked so hard to established, and no chairs being thrown.

Everyone decided to celebrate at the local bar in Paris, France where it was being held. While the meeting in question was lax, the after party ended up out of hand as usual. England opted to not go drinking but somehow America and Canada were roped into drinking with Prussia and Germany, who were already tipsy, and it lead into this.

Arthur sighed as Alfred laughed and hiccuped; he already took the man's beer from him for the sixth time. "You need to go home Alfred; you had enough."

"O...Oh...Oh come on ENGLAND!" The blond yelled as if he could get his argument across better like that. "Me and Ivanna here haven't decided who has the biggest missile yet."

"You know it's me comrade da~?" Russia giggled but from the way his eyes were half moon and how he was swaying England knew he was intoxicated. It took a whole lot to make Russia drunk and the Brit was mortified.

"But I won that last war!" America whined.

"You mean the Gulf war or the Iran war because I thought you didn't..."

"Shut your face! You know what I mean." American leaned in close to Russia and England had paled; he thought the two were going to punch each other and start a bar fight. The last time America fought when he was drunk he ended up destroying half of downtown London and a car ended up in Big Ben. "My missile is bigger than yours."

"You want to prove it now da?" When Ivan got up and started to unbuckle his pants Arthur knew it was time to go.

"Bloody hell! You two go back to the hotel! And bring Matthew with you!" He remembered the other blond nation this time; Canada being drunk made him more noticeable.

"Eh?" Canada huffed, face flushed and swaying in his seat. "You finally stop ignoring me you assholes?"

"Yeah What's his name is right! Like why the hell do you ignore my brother! I know...I know he isn't as awesome as me but still damn." America exclaimed this by slapped the Slavic nation next to him a bit hard and sent him laid out on the floor, which caused Francis to go into a fit of giggles.

Kiku groaned; one of the few people not drunk in the establishment. Italy was hitting on everyone and managed to take off half of his clothing along with China, who mysteriously vanish back and forth. He just wanted to go back home and end this meeting, but they had one more day left. "Please America-san listen to England-san and go back to your room."

Alfred seemed to consider this a moment, chin in mock thought. Ivan grumbled and used America's leg to pull himself back into a semi upright position. "Ok since cutie Japan says so I will go back and be heroic!" He put his thumb up in a horrible rendition of his hero pose and started to laugh, along with France once more. "MATTIE!"

"Damn stop...yelling like a monkey." Canada uncovered his ears and jumped off his stool; stumbling over to his twin. "I guess I have to drag your ass back eh?"

"What no, I can take care of myself I'm a big...boy...ugh I feel sick."

"You can't even hold your drink eh! You get trashed worse than Artie!" At being called 'Artie' by Matthew of all things along with the snide comment, England had enough. He was going to say something until Russia piped up from his place still on America's thigh.

"Da Da let's go comrades!" Ivan laughed and rose up too fast; spinning around with his scarf. Dragging a sick looking America and a pissed off drunk Canada, the two headed out the bar and into the Paris town much to England's horror.

"Wait! Wait! Stupid gits!" He didn't like how a drunk Russia and America were together; it wouldn't be so bad if Matthew, the middle man, was not trashed as well. "I'll take you two home myself; Russia you stay here because we need to find..."

Arthur eeped as he felt hands on his groin and some on his ass; he realized that Francis was behind him and China was draped in front of him like a burlesque version of a damsel.

"Oui Angleterre lets make love in the tower." The bushy brow man wanted to gag at how much alcohol Francis had on his breath. He felt something hard brush against his ass and wiggled, making the French man even more excited.

"Aru you...I hate you but oh man..." China grumbled and snuggled into England's chest. "You're so warm and I'm so sleepy."

"Dammit! Kiku help me!" But Japan were trying to get a drunk Italy from trying to screw him and the table. Didn't help that Prussia was trashed and not helping, coxing the Italian nation on along with his drunk singing alto brother.

"Hahahaha you are pathetic eh!"

America groaned and wiped his mouth. "Shut your face!" Ugh he still felt sick even after that.

Russia sighed; he almost felt like vomiting after seeing that. Maybe little Matthew was right and American couldn't hold his drink.

The blond was in the lobby leaning against the door as his twin brother laughed in his face. The two walked from the bar, singing and laughing until America had to run into an alley and empty his stomach.

"I never get sick and I drink more than you!" Canada pointed a finger at the pale tired looking blond, who was fuming now.

"Shut up Mattie! Why are you so mean! Dumbass Canadian!" America groaned and swayed; he still felt drunk but now he felt like shit too. He was going to punch his brother in the face and quiet him!

The hotel people stared as the two brothers fought and rumbled around the lobby; except it was one sided. America wasn't punching that hard despite being drunk and having the power of the Hulk and Canada wasn't even fighting back. The curly haired blond chuckled and snorted; smacking his twin around a few times but that's it.

Russia groaned and waved his hands. "Please don't fight, especially over me da?"

Both nations paused on the ground and Ivan hissed; the position they had was enticing. Canada was on America's hips, straddling them. The blond had Texas off and his back was arch slightly while the slightest movement that the Canadian would do would...

"We ain't fighting over your fat ass! We are just bro-shaking right?" Alfred's stupidity broke the spell and Russia sighed.

"We still didn't prove who had the bigger missile."

As if that had all the logic in the world America nodded and pushed his brother off. "I still say it's me you communist dick!"

Ivan grabbed the American by his bomber jacket and pulled him up the stairs. "Didn't I tell you to stop calling me that you pig!"

Canada groaned as the two superpowers argued all the way to the room.

After an off hand comment about his breath, America righteously brushed his teeth and plopped on the bed. God he was tired and he just wanted to lay down.

Canada was on the bed too sitting up Indian style and nodding off, until he saw the ashen haired nation start to pull his coat off. He blushed but stared, in a daze.

Under the coat was a tight long sleeve t-shirt that showed off compact muscles instead of the rumored fat that circulated among the nations. Ivan was working on the suspenders holding his pants until he seen the drunk lustful stares of the North American brothers.

"Holy shit." America was still on his stomach; not tearing his eyes away from the sight. "You're not a fat ass after all. You look pretty good."

Ivan blushed at the off hand compliment as well as how the brothers were looking at him, like a wolf to prey. He tried to ignore them as he sat down on the bed shirtless.

Canada was all over Russia, oohing and ahhhing, ghosting his fingers all over the nation's sculptured chest. America pouted as he poked the nation's lower abdomen. "God he doesn't even have a muffin top; NOT FAIR."

"That's because he doesn't eat burgers like your fat ass."


Russia wasn't having both half sober brothers fight over him again so he leaned down and kissed Canada on the lips. America half whined as his brother moaned at his mouth being ravished, the drink and adrenaline making him dizzy and pooling straight to his groin.

When they parted America was right where his brother left off, eyes closed and lips puckered. "You did clean yourself da?"

"Of course you bastard now kiss me!" Canada chuckled as he worked the pale nation's pants off, pushing down his boxers as well.

"You're the largest nation so I wonder is it true-" Matthew voice cut off; he stared at the huge cock that sprang out and hit him on the cheek lightly. "Maple..."

"OH god it's a monster!" America parted from Russia and skittered down to where his twin was. "Fuck...is it real?" He poked the erection slightly.

"Wow you're thicker than Francis and just as long." Canada stared and drooled in anticipation, with stars in his eyes.

"WHAT? You had sex with Francis?" America was appalled; his little innocent 'good twin,' had sex with their papa of all things?

"Oh I forgot; you're still a virgin eh? With that 'gentleman' England and how your country literally put a chastity belt on you."

America blushed harder from embarrassment than being drunk; he didn't need his twin reminding him about that.

Canada got straight to work; he could approve and appreciate a very good cock. His father was long but this was the thickest member he seen next to Toris. He curled his tongue, licking up the raw taste that was 'Ivan the terrible.'

America, not being ousted by his own older brother, tried to mimic what he was going. It tasted weird, strong, especially down where the nation's balls were.

Russia couldn't believe his luck; the North America brothers were paying attention to his body in delicious harmonious rhapsody. While the curly hair one worked on the top, the rash straight hair one worked on the bottom, sucking his balls and pulling them with his mouth.

Canada swallowed most of the man's member; his papa taught him well how to suck off males. Even past his gag reflex he still couldn't take down all of the penis in his mouth. 'Damn.' The pre cum was thick and heavy too, making the young nation shiver in thought at how the come would taste in his mouth.

"Wow..." America pause at his brother's work; he already had most of Ivan's member in his mouth and was really sucking it down. He got what his brother couldn't fit, not being underhanded because of a technicality. So what if he couldn't do a blowjob? It didn't mean he couldn't please the former commie in other ways.

Ivan stifled a groan, trying to focus on the two nation's heads instead of what said nations were doing. He patted both of them, running his fingers through equally sunny locks. While Matthew's hair was like soft silky petals, America's hair reminded him of wheat and flowers. Fingers curled around a single loose strand and he pulled, causing both of the men to jump.

Canada groaned as he tried to keep working on the nation's member instead of how his hair curl was being pulled. He felt the cock in his mouth expand and grow bigger, pleased that he wasn't rusty in his skills.

America on the other hand was moaning and shaking as nantucket was being curled around cooled fingers. His member was straining against his boxers, hard and pulsating. He was tempted to reach down and stroke himself off.

Russia grinned and gripped the nation's hair as he came into the others mouth. He was amused and surprised that Canada took it all, swallowing and gulping it down without effort. The nation pulled back with a pop, the pink cock head still gushing and spurting.

"So thick...Al here you have some." America grimaced at his brother's face and had a second mind, even tipsy, until his brother pushed his head down on the source. The stuff tasted horrible; strong. He still sucked it off the sensitive head until the nation was sated.

"God that was bad Mattie! Why did you do that!" Russia looked at how the two brothers were different; while the curly haired one took off his glasses, licking his lips sated, the other one was hacking and trying to swallow the sticky come down his throat.

It was silent until Russia took the intuitive. "Which one of you wants to become one with me first?"

Canada blushed more at the nation's stamina than anything else as he realized that the member was still hard in front of him. America sat on his knees, half mooned eyes staring at it as well.

"Alfie, maybe you should finally lose your virginity tonight." Canada wanted revenge for all the years of crap, so what better way than to have him get taken by Russia first?

"Hu...huh?" America blinked; he wasn't aware that Russia rose and picked him up by the armpits from the floor. "The fuck!" His own brother sold him out!

The blond was thrown; falling on the bed with a grunt. Russia was on him with an unreadable expression. "Do you know how long I wanted to do this? Since the first time I seen you in the sunlight among the sunflowers to welcome me in your country. Those nights that I shacked up with you during the wars when nobody else would help you, I wanted to take you so hard then Fredka."

America blushed and turned his head, pouting at Russia's words and how his gaze seemed to devour him. He knew this was another trick he was sure...right?

"That's not going to fit..."

"Yeah it will." Canada appeared behind Russia's shoulder, glaring. He pulled out a bottle of lube from his pocket that he kept on his person for quickies during meetings. "If you are anything like me it will fit."

America glared back at his diabolical brother; what happen to the Mattie he loved? What the hell was this? His brother was a closet pervert, worse than France!

So the two nations forced America's remaining clothing off and glasses, leaving him shaking not from the cold. "Since you don't know how to prepare your ass brother, I will do it myself."

"N...No Mattie! I renege! I renege!" Canada ignored his sibling and shoved him back down exposing his ass out. He spread his cheeks and pushed one slick finger into the tight entrance, making sure not to rub his nails on the delicate walls.

Russia watched at how America wiggled and sobbed and how Canada put two, then three fingers in the nation's puckered hole, slow but determined and ignoring how his brother was trying to push them out. The younger twin squealed, arching up as his twin found the special spot in his body.

"Image Ivan doing this Al. I know you wanted him because you use to moan to me over the phone how you had wet dreams during the Cold war. How you thought Russia would invade your house and take you like a damsel on the fucking floor." Those two danced around each other like mad, to the point that you could smell the unresolved sexual tension when they were in the same room.

"Nooo...you lie! You lie! I don't want this! I never wanted this!" Matthew pouted at his blubbering pathetic brother.

"You're the hero right? Hero's are not afraid of sex eh?"

America sniffed and nodded his head. He could go through with this, his older brother was right; he wasn't a coward.

Ivan almost felt jealous at how the two siblings were closer than his own family.

Once Matthew felt his brother was ready he nudge Russia towards him. America had his bottom lip out, putting up a brave front.

The bulbous head pushed inside of the small hole and America grind his teeth. Part of Russia's drunk mind felt torn and he grip America's fingers. "Shhhhh little one, relax yourself."

"Breath Al or it's going to hurt worse."

America tried to get oxygen into his lungs and fight off the sickness and hysteria in the pit of his stomach. Ivan wasn't even half way in and he felt full.

"Fu...Fuck...is it in? Can you just...go already?" He tried to peek down and he saw how his ass was stretched and how Russia was all the way in. He just wanted this nightmare to be over with finally.

"See? Just like me Al." Canada smirked and took the bottle of lube, putting some on his fingers as he reached around and searched for Russia's entrance. "I wonder can the largest nation take being topped too."

Ivan felt little Canada push his digits into his ass as he tried to not just pound the nation under him into the bed. America noticed how Mattie straddled Russia's back and pushed in one fluid motion.

"AHHHHHHHHH!" The minute Canada thrust inside of Russia, America felt the large cock in his body move. Matthew was relentless, every movement causing the larger nation to push his twin harder into the mattress. There was something about Russia, how his body was cool on the outside, but hot and warm on the insider that was driving the Canadian nation wild.

"God you feel good Ivan..." Matthew groaned in the larger nation's ear, nibbling on the lobe. Even after being in a bar the platinum blond hair smelt like coal, sunflowers, and snow.

"Hnnnnnngn." Russia grunted and continued to thrust into the warm body under him at a steady, balanced pace, even though it was getting harder to concentrate. The curly twin was pushing against his prostate relentlessly, groping his body, distracting him. Ivan put both of his arm around America's head, trying to not push his weight into him.

"Fredka..." He slurred out the name, his accent growing more obviously. America had his eyes close and covered his mouth, but the way his ass clinched and how his cock twitched showed how much he was enjoying this.

America mumbled; he was going to kick his brother's ass after this. His anal walls ached but felt good every time that massive land mass moved inside of him. He opened his eyes and seen Russia looking at him dreamy.

"Hold me you idiot! It still aches but it feels good." He reached out his arms and wrapped them around the nation's neck. The babbling drunk Russian mumbled in his ear went straight to his pulsing dick.

Canada stared at the exchange the two had; not missing a beat he reached between the sweaty bodies and gripped America's cock, stroking it. He smirked in a drunken haze at the instant reaction.

"Come on Al, come for Ivan~" Matthew singsonged, his free hand stroking his brother's hair curl along with the grip on the younger nation's cock.

"Ngh...nn..." There was something about how his brother was shaking, stuttering and submissive, that was a huge turn on to the Canadian. He panted into Russia's back as he came hard into the man.

"Fredka...stay with me..." Russia whined as he felt his ass being filled up. He watched as how America finally let himself go, eyes rolling in the back of his head, his tongue out. Now normally he would have laughed at a display but instead he groaned and felt the contracting walls milk him dry.

The two nations were spent in more ways than one but Canada wasn't done yet. "I...want to feel that cock too brother; we always have to share stuff."

He pulled out with a sickly pop and tried to pull Ivan off; did his brother pass out? No he was still breathing and twitching in orgasm. Canada sat up Russia and leaned over to his brother.

"Didn't you want to do Ivan Al?"


Matthew blinked and smacked his brother's face a few good times. The nation, who was coming to next to him, shook his head. "What are you doing?"

"Trying to get him back up; he should have more stamina than this. He used to brag how many times he could wank off daily." Canada pouted, his lower lip mocking. "I thought you wanted to fuck Russia~"

"H...huh?" Ivan blinked; he wasn't one hundred percent sober yet but he could still comprehend what was said. "Little...Fredka?"

America groaned at his named being called and tried to get into a sitting position, hissing at his sore behind. "Yeah...I'm good." He did a come hither motion. "Come on Russki tee hee."

Ivan tried to ignore both still drunk brothers but they pulled him into their circle. America had a handful of Russia on his lap and Canada was already crouched down at the man's member, lubing it up again.

"You think you can handle both of us Al?"

"Yeah no problem!" America giggle, waving his hand in a stupid fashion. Ivan meeped as he was being lifted up, the sperm leaking out of his ass and onto America's lap. "Ugh...sloppy seconds, oh well." Ivan hissed at how he was being probed again, his entrance stretched out, before being impaled onto the member below.

Canada straddled himself on the pale haired nation's lap, positioning and lining up the erection against his hole. Even though he was used to being on the bottom sometimes, he still grunted at the sensation of being filled and pushed closed to his limits.

Russia closed his eyes, being taken on both front again. He heard the curly haired twin mouth 'move' before he was lifted up and slammed back down. Canada only laughed and rode him like a pro, putting both arms around his scarf clad neck, his twin's strength making the effort easy.

Oh man so this is how it feels! America felt like he was on air, the sensation of the Russian's anal walls squeezing him, the warmth he felt around under his cock head, the smell of sex in the room. It was much different than being taken, both experiences enjoyable. He might not have kick Mattie's ass after all.

Both twins worked on him in unison to climax, Canada sliding up and down his cock in an arch, squeezing him in time with his bounces, while his twin was using his strength to thrust hard into his prostate.

"Ahhhhh...yeah." Matthew threw his head back as he rode him, fingers sprayed out over the cold nation's chest. He twisted and pulled the nipples under his touch, pleased at the reaction coming from it.

Russia couldn't take it anymore; it was like a dam broke, his cock inside of his ass expanding, surging inside of that hole. He bowed his head and panted, damp locks getting into his eyes as he felt every twitch, every spurt. He thought he would pass out from coming at this rate.

"Ahhh...Al...it's good."

America nodded, sharing the sentiment. There was something awesome about being inside of Ivan that he would never admit to the man normally. He pushed himself to the hilt, feeling those contracting walls suck him in further, and leaned over to kiss his brother on the lips.

Canada was off put, but returned the kiss to his brother nation, clasping and wrapping his hand around the twin's. His other hand he used to stroke himself off to completion, his movements becoming more languid and drawn out.

Matthew groaned; both brothers pulling back sloppily. Canada tried to look at his messy hand and slowly parted, wincing at his entrance dripping out. All three nations fell back on the bed, stroking and kissing each other. The twins sighed and snuggled into Russia, crashing for the night.


"Shut up Al!"

Both blonds argued down the hall. Bloodshot eyes glared at each one behind glasses.

After waking up to each other in their arms, behinds sore, the two promptly raced to the bathroom to empty out whatever left there was from last night.

From what Canada could recall, since his brother was still head banging himself on the bathroom tile, they ended up getting god knows how wasted and had sex with either each other or someone else. Or maybe a little of both.

Matthew shivered at the thought of having a threesome with his twin. He considered it, but he didn't have the nerve or gall to do such a thing. He was raised by Francis yes, but he didn't have Francis' standard of moral values. Nation or not, he wanted to retain some of his dignity.

"Mattie I am scared on who we did it with." America was ashamed of himself; he was never drinking again. He got drunk one time and ended up losing his virginity. The blond was normally careful when he went out so what happened? America couldn't remember through his hungover haze.

So the two decided to show up at the meeting and back out to their hotel room halfway through. They really didn't give a damn at this point, since from what the twins could remember, most of the nations should be in a similar situation.

"Ah, comrades!" America shivered at the voice and Canada cocked his head. Why did he feel dread suddenly? His brother wasn't normally scared of Russia and that scared him.

Russia laughed; he felt bad but he was in a good mood. He ran over to the two twins and hugged them close to his body, ignoring how America was hissing. "Did you enjoy last night? I certainly did!"

Canada wanted to get sick again; oh god he had sex with Russia? Papa would be proud but...Russia of all people? How drunk was he?

"Russia it was a mistake!" America whined but Ivan wasn't having that. He pulled both of their hair curls with a leer.

"It is never a mistake to room up with Mother Russia!" He had the North American nations practically on his lap and he wasn't going to give them up. The sex was good and he wanted to do it again...many many times.

"But...But our bosses!"

Russia ignored their protests and dragged them into the meeting room, fully intent on showing the world that he had two new nations under his wing.