AN: Alright now that I have discovered how to breathe again … Thank you all so much. I received more reviews on the last chapter than I have for any other. I am glad I hit a chord with the thoughts and feelings expressed. It honestly all started with reading yet another "Burt walks Kurt down the aisle" future fic and Blaine just YELLED. When Blaine yells I type – LOL. 3 u all
I am glad that I gave you something to think about and apologize if the tone of that assignment was a bit "bitchy" for lack of a better word. It all started out at a karaoke bar that Kurt and I went to this weekend. Kurt decided to get up and sing and the group of guys that sat at the table next to us started in with the "girl" comments. I could ignore it until they tried to get me into the conversation, assuming very much that I was straight. Just pissed me off, I didn't mean to take it out on you.
I think before I got off on this tangent I was talking about families and their reaction to Kurt's and my relationship. There was never a question with Kurt's family, at least not in the general sense of things. I knew that things were going to be more interesting when it came time for Kurt to meet my family so I decided to tackle the issue head on.
Being with Kurt seemed to bring out the best in me. I had found myself in the rut of being the perfect gentleman, the one that didn't rock the boat, didn't question the status quo and Kurt helped me open up. I realized that being different wasn't a bad thing and that you could be an individual and still be accepted. I found myself laughing more, expressing differing opinions and rediscovering myself. It was because of this that I went home for a weekend to spend some time with my family for a change.
I was scared to death to actually talk to my parents. Or relationship had become more distant since I went to Dalton and the topic of my sexuality NEVER was brought up, EVER. After dinner on Friday night I asked my Mother and Father if we could talk in the living room. Needless to say it was an uncomfortable conversation.
I point blank asked what their concerns and feelings were on having a gay son. At first I got a lot of the typical answers that I had heard before; the religious arguments, the arguments on what their friends and business associates would think, basically the generalized "gay is wrong". I refused to let it drop at that though. There had to be more to their feelings than that and I had to know what they were before we could try and redevelop a relationship.
I will admit, I yelled, they yelled. Lots of accusations were thrown around. My parents wanted to know why after all this time we needed to be discussing the issue. I told them that they were my parents and that no matter what they felt about me I still loved them and I wanted to know why they stopped loving me.
When we all finally calmed down I asked what they were so scared of. My dad told me that he hated the fact that I had chosen such a "promiscuous lifestyle". It surprised me. He honestly thought that because I was gay that I was already out there throwing myself and my body around. My mom admitted that her biggest fear was that I would never settle down and have a family, that she would never have the chance to have grandchildren or see me happy with just one person. It threw me for a loop that these people who had raised me with morals and values thought that just because I was gay I had forgotten all those lessons.
Both of them were shocked when I looked them dead in the eyes and told them that I was a virgin and planned on staying that way for the near future. I told them that just because I was gay didn't mean that I thought sex was recreational instead of special. I talked to them about Rachel's dads and the fact that they had been together over 20 years and had a daughter that I was friends with. I told my mom about them using a surrogate so Rachel was biologically Hiram's daughter. I explained to them that all I wanted in my life was to settle down, have a family and get married. I told them that I wanted the same thing as anyone else and they actually began to listen.
Then I told them about Kurt. I told them that he was my best friend, that he understood me, listened to me, helped me be a better person. I told them about how long it took me to understand that I cared for him as more than a friend, because I was scared of losing the friendship to a fleeting relationship. I told them that Kurt and I were taking things slow, because we respected each other and wanted to be sure that anything physical that happened between us was for the right reasons.
My mom surprised me, she looked at me and asked me to tell her more about Kurt. She told me later that the look in my eye and the tone in my voice when I described him reminded her so much of how she talked about my dad when they first met. I went on for what felt like forever, describing how his eyes change color depending on his mood, telling them about the emotion he showed when he sang, telling them how special and loved he made me feel. I told them how he always made the time to listen to me, how he never misses a Friday night dinner at home, how accepting his dad was. When I finished my dad asked me to invite Kurt over for dinner the next weekend. And he asked if he could get Burt's number so the parents could set up a time to meet each other. Talk about a turn around.
Dinner that weekend went fantastically. Kurt, being his usual charming self, absolutely sucked my parents in. He discussed interior decorating and fashion with my mom and gave her ideas for new recipes and a dessert that would go great with dinner. He talked cars with my dad and even changed into one of my tee shirts and sweats to check out a noise that my dad complained about on his Caddy. He went on and on about how sweet I was as well as sharing some of the more embarrassing moments from our friendship. When he left it was with a sincere handshake from my dad and a lasting hug from my mom, as well as an open invitation to visit.
I found out later that my dad called Burt and the two of them met for lunch one day. Dad told me that he wanted Burt's advice on dealing with my sexuality and how to be supportive, even if he didn't fully understand. The two of them struck up a friendship that has lasted to this day. I think it helped that Burt was so positive to my dad on what type of young man he felt I was. When you are told that you have done a wonderful job in raising a well adjusted, caring, moral son it kind of makes you realize that his sexuality is just a small part of him I think. My parent's and my relationship turned out to be stronger than it ever had been, they became my friends as well.
It must have been amazing to realize that what was behind a lot of the negativity was fear. I have to applaud you for pushing through what must have been a very uncomfortable conversation to finally get to the root of the matter. I would be willing to bet that your parents had never really put all those thoughts into words, as such. I'm glad that it worked out, it could have gone so many different ways.