This fic of light humor occurred to me while watching a certain Disney movie (I won't give it away yet, so see the bottom if you want to know!) and I just thought this joke would definitely be something Merlin would do. I hope that you like it, it's my first so please R&R!
~An Enchanted Way to Clean Arthur's Room~
He really was going to kill that idiot this time.
Honestly, the boy really did go out of his way just to annoy Arthur, even after the newly-coronated King promoted him from his servant status to Court Sorcerer. Arthur would have thought that the position would have made Merlin a bit more serious about things; however the magic-user was just as flippant about court civility as ever. True, deep down Arthur had rather hoped that his friend's (Arthur tripped over the word, he still wasn't very good with all that emotional stuff) attitude about him and Camelot would never change, for that is why he liked Merlin so much, and yet it wouldn't hurt for the sorcerer to show a bit of propriety.
Propriety meaning not unleashing a parade of forest creatures into his chambers without notice.
For there was quite a show of creatures and beasts: birds, rabbits, deer, rats, frogs, you name it; all of different colors, shapes, and sizes bustling about his room as if they had meant to be there all along, and not out in the forest eating grass or whatever it is these animals do.
And Arthur wouldn't have pegged Merlin as the perpetrator of this mischief if it hadn't been for one thing: they were all cleaning.
Skunks sweeping the floor of dust with their tails, a couple of spotted deer holding cloth in their mouths and polishing his armor while others took to ironing his shirts, birds flittering in and about dusting the tops of the room's furniture with their feathered wings, mice and rats filing Arthur's books and papers on his desk in their proper places - upon seeing this scene Arthur could not speak from shock and exasperation.
Arthur was brought out of his appalled state by a raucous bout of laughter that erupted just outside his door. Turning on his heel, the young king saw Gwaine rolling on the hallway floor, guffawing and pounding his fist on the ground. Arthur felt his face turn red as the scruffy knight looked up at him in tears of merriment.
"Well now… aha… Now we have all the proof we need to see I was right in calling you princess, don't we?" Gwaine choked out between laughter, still on the ground.
"Whoops sorry," he continued, still chuckling uncontrollably, "I suppose it should be Queen Arthur now?"
If Arthur's face was red before, it was nothing compared to the rising sun that it was now. Watching sir Gwaine continue to roll around on the ground in merriment, Arthur stomped out of his room, gathered all the air his lung can hold and then shouted with all the force he could muster-
"MERLIN! COME HERE NOW!"
In no time at all, the sorcerer arrived at the scene with an innocent yet obviously carefully composed smile plastered to his face. Arthur's eyes narrowed as he saw the lanky young man jog up the hallway; he came too fast to have been doing anything else (whatever else the magician did nowadays) than watching the prince's reaction to finding his room being turned into a wildlife cleaning festival.
"Yes, what is it sire?" Merlin quipped, his face betraying the huge grin threatening to break out on his face. Arthur took note of the renewed use of "sire" instead of his usual name.
"There seems to be an entire platoon of animals in my room. Have you any idea how they could have gotten there, Merlin?" Arthur said through clenched teeth.
Merlin's eyes widened in mock confusion as he shook his head. Arthur's eyes narrowed and his fingers twitched by his sides. Merlin noticed this but also saw that there was nothing around Arthur that he could throw at the Warlock, so he bit his lip and waited for Arthur to speak hoping that his muffled snorting wouldn't give him away.
"Well, Merlin, I believe that they have broken into my room with the help of magic. Probably magic of the most sinister kind. I believe that protecting me from that sort of thing is your department, Court Sorcerer?" Arthur said slowly, watching Merlin's eyes roll.
"What exactly are you rolling your eyes for? This could be a breach in your oh-so-magically-amazing defenses you pride yourself on. How could you let this happen?" Arthur said mockingly, as mice raced around his heels with boots to be cleaned.
"Well first, that you called me a sorcerer, I told you the title should be Court Warlock since I'm not actu-" Merlin started to say, as Arthur interrupted him with "Yes, as if I haven't heard this argument a million times. Stop trying to change the subject; I'm eager to know how these creatures got into my room, and why they are cleaning it instead of you."
Merlin couldn't help but roll his eyes again. Yes, Arthur had offered Merlin a break from his servant duties while he was a high-ranking officer of Arthur's court, and yet Merlin had insisted on continuing to clean his room because he just couldn't stand putting another poor soul in his old position, as the job had enough stress to work anyone to an early grave. Merlin also knew that with the renewed use of magic in Camelot that this job would be much easier than before; so much easier, in fact, that Merlin could usually just cast a quick spell or two on the place and then go about his daily business as usual, no manual labor required.
Of course, Arthur wasn't exactly pleased when he walked into his room and all his objects were either floating or cleaning themselves. Still, he didn't need to throw so many hard objects at Merlin; the warlock quite liked not having bruises all over his back.
"Well, sire," Merlin continued, as Gwaine kept chuckling heartily and a couple of birds flittered around Arthur's head, "I'd say that if a certain loud-mouthed prat of a royal hadn't complained about how his room was being cleaned, and instead insisted that something live do it, then the forest wouldn't have granted his wish and sent all its lovely helpers to clean his room in the place of the poor sod who would normally have to work through the stench."
At this, Gwaine let out another hearty chortle and began to start singing "Delightful Springtime Cleaning" in a horrible off-key falsetto. The song only grew in volume as the various birds in Arthur's room began chirping along with him. Merlin finally lost it at that, and began laughing so hard he had to clutch his sides, Gwaine joining him in renewed bouts of laughter.
Arthur was about to explode when a couple of finches stated tugging at the tunic he was wearing, trying to pull it over his head. The birds probably would have been able to manage the feat had the young royal not flailed his arms in a mad dance to try to gain back control of his shirt. Upon seeing this, the two idiots simply howled with laughter even harder than before, unable to move from mirth. The two other robins and one bluejay that had started to bring over his white tunic (rid of the stains by the rabbits that cleaned it) paused in midair while the finches continued to struggle with the royal. Unable to see with the shirt over his eyes, Arthur desperately tried to run away only to trip over two badgers trying to clean the floor. He fell to the floor with a crash, and Merlin looked up briefly, still chuckling but a bit more sober, to make sure Arthur was okay.
Merlin almost regretted this at once, for Arthur stood up, fury in every line in his face, glaring straight at the warlock. Merlin, watching the king's hands ball up into fists, backed up a little bit and gulped. He still didn't regret the joke, Arthur did deserve it for being a prat (or, as Merlin would say, more of a prat,) but he still was a bit wary of what Arthur might do or throw at him. True, he could probably now handle the surly royal with magic, but Arthur just started getting used to seeing the servant's (or, as Arthur would correct himself, the wizard's) eyes glow gold and objects float/disappear/go up in flames and would probably become even angrier at Merlin for using magic against him. Still, the painful arm locks followed by Arthur furiously knuckling Merlin's head did not appeal at all to the warlock.
Then suddenly, Arthur had an idea. A truly wicked grin began to spread along Arthur's face as this idea grew into fruition. A new calm spread over the royal as he leered, preparing for his revenge. Merlin, who's had his fair share of sinister smirking (or an overdose of it, in fact; he still had to deal with the Sinister Smirking Sisters, a name given to them by the Warlock who had to deal with all their increasingly ridiculous plans) instinctively tensed into defense mode; his mind reeling with counters and plans for whatever malevolence was about to come from the twisted grin. Meanwhile, the various wildlife continued on their boisterous cleaning spree, disregarding the young king completely.
"Now that I think about it, this is truly a great thing you have done for me, Merlin!" Arthur spoke in an airy tone, still holding that smirk.
Merlin, nonplussed but still guarded said "Well, I'm glad you appreciate this gift of yours, sire.."
"Yes, it was truly the best thing you could have gotten me with all the recent stress of being the new king," Arthur started, still in that dangerously light voice, "it's a brilliant idea. Really, I should've thought of it before, since I can't get out much anymore and I've missed the sport so much."
"Thought of what, sire?" asked Merlin nervously.
Arthur paused a bit with that same wicked smile and then spoke slowly:
"Indoor hunting, Merlin!" He then took a crossbow hanging nearby on his wall, and loaded a bolt into it.
It was as if the room froze. Every single breathing creature in the room now looked up wide-eyed at Arthur, dropping whatever they were doing at the time. The animals just stood tensed, ears up and tails stiff, watching the predator's white toothy smile gleaming down on them. Merlin had a similar stunned expression on his face, smile evaporating and his face growing paler by the second. Then after what seemed like an eternity, something snapped and each animal made a frantic dash for the door - screeching, hissing, yowling, clawing their way past the others - as they tried to get to safety past the bloodthirsty human that made their survival instincts scream.
Merlin had the sense to lunge out of the way of the stampede just in time but unfortunately landed on a bemused Gwaine, the lanky warlock accidentally elbowing the gruffy knight in the process and giving Gwaine a splendid bruise. Cursing, the knight got up and started dusting himself off, Merlin rising up from the ground slowly and still staring at Arthur.
Staring at Arthur, because Arthur was still holding that crossbow. And the bolt looked very sharp.
As the creature's screeches and stomping noise echoed from the hall they ran to, Merlin and Gwaine started to wonder if they should look for an escape as well. Arthur answered this for them with that same sinister grin.
"It seems your survival instincts are not up to scratch with the animals'," Arthur spoke, relishing the look of confusion on the two men's faces, "they understand what a 'head start' is and how beneficial it is to take it."
Then Arthur grinned at both his idiot warlock and rowdy knight, and the two exchanged a mixed look of fear, mirth, and hysteria. Merlin mumbled "prat" and Gwaine smiled at Arthur while making a rather rude gesture.
The king continued to smile at both his closest friends, and then began to count down from ten.
Merlin and Gwaine ran like hell was on their heels.
Heh, so if you've already guessed, the movie that inspired this was Bambi, Snow White, Cinderella, and basically every princess movie ever. Which, apparently, doesn't fit Arthur so well! (Or does it? XD)
If you liked it, please let me know because depending on how you do I will continue writing short little tales like this to help with that Merlin Fanfiction withdrawal! I didn't want to start out with drabbles because many people are already doing them and I think people would rather have somewhat longer stories (not that I don't love the drabbles) but I'll start out with shorter stories to get more experience writing.
So, question is folks, should I keep writing little fics? Or maybe a big fic? :D Thank you SO much for reading!