Title: King of Thieves
Rating: T, I guess...
Summary: ROMY! Rogue is watching Xena with a certain thief.
Disclaimer: Do I make guest cameo appearances in most Marvel movies? No. Then I'm not Stan "The Man" Lee and I don't own them!
A/N: This is a crack fic. I was watching Xena when the idea struck me like lightening and wouldn't leave me the hell alone until I wrote it out. So here it is.
"Hey chere." Gambit said, leaning against the door frame and giving Rogue a dashing smile. The smile dropped from his face when she didn't turn to look at him, didn't even acknoledge his presence.
"Chere?" Still no answer came from the Southern Belle who he realized was caught up in something on the tv.
"Cherie? Roguey?" When the object of his affection still didn't notice him, Gambit sighed in frustration and walked towards the couch. He looked down at her for a long time before hopping over the back of the sofa and landing next to her. Rogue jumped up into a defensive position, ready to fight. Gambit rolled his eyes, he could have taken her out ten times over by now. When she noticed it was only Remy she wacked him on the head and made a whinny noise in the back of her throat.
"Damn it Cajun! I'm trying to watch this! Look I missed the best part, now I have to go back and watch it again!" Rogue said throwing a decoritve pillow from the couch at his head. He dodged it easily and gave Rogue a puzzled look.
"What are you watching, chere?" Gambit asked, looking at the paused tv before him. Rogue turned to him very slowly, her eyes wide in shock. She looked back and forth between Remy and the tv a few times before she finally spoke.
"You've never seen Xena?" She spoke low, as if the very question would upset some all mighty power.
"Oh is that what it is. I've never actually watched it, no." Again Rogue looked absolutely shocked by his words.
"What about Hercules?"
"Remy that is... unacceptable! These are shows that you need to watch!"
"I just never took an interest."
"Well sit your ass down, you're about to be interested. I'll even start the whole episode over again just for you."
"Shouldn't we start from the first episode?" Gambit asked.
"Maybe later, for now just enjoy this little piece of awesome!"
"Okay chere, whatever you say." Truth be told, Remy was rather excited. Rogue was choosing, almost demanding that they spend time together. Rogue started the episode over and they settled next to each other on the sofa. Gambit did reconginize Xena but that was it.
"Who's that chere?" Rogue sighed and paused the show.
"Gabrielle, Xena's sidekick and eventual lover."
"Lover? There are lesbians in this?"
"There are lesbians everywhere Rems, so just shush and watch the show!" Rogue said, turning back towards the tv and pressing play. A few scenes went by before Gambit spoke again.
"So who's that guy?" Rogue took a deep before turning to Gambit.
"That's Ares, the God of War. He's Xena's former lover."
"Ahh so it's not just lesbians."
"Remy, does it matter?"
"Non, not really just keeping score." Rogue rolled her eyes and once again turned back to the show. The rest of the episode and a few more after that progressed the same way but when they got to an episode that Rogue knew had Autolycus she paused it before it could get started.
"Rems, this is one of my favorite episodes because it has Autolycus in it. So please just do me a favor and shut up." Gambit smiled at her and nodded.
"Okay chere." The two Southerns turned back to the tv and resumed watching Xena. Remy had to admit, he did actually enjoy the show until he heard something that had him outraged, 'Autolycus, King of Thieves.'
"He is no such thing!" Gambit yelled, pointing an angry finger at the green clad thief on the screen. Rogue looked at Gambit like he'd grown a second head.
"That, that... guy is not The King of Thieves! That's mon pere!" He said rather heatedly. Rogue tried not to but she couldn't help herself, she laughed at the seething Cajun sitting next to her. He swung his gaze around to her, his red on black eyes glowing. To an enemy it would have looked scary, to Rogue it just looked sexy.
"How can he even think to say that?" He asked her, gesturing to the screen.
"Rems, sugar it's just a show. He's not real. You do realize that, right?" Gambit opened his mouth to reply and then snapped it shut. He closed his eyes and took a deep, calming breath before speaking again.
"You're right chere, it's not real." Rogue started the episode again and they watched in silence as Autolycus did acrobatics in an old temple to retrieve his prize. Rogue sat grinning, enjoying the arogant thief on the screen and she even laughed a little when he swiped at his mustache as he left, a classic Autolycus move. She didn't pay much attention to Remy but when the episode ended, he scoffed.
"Problem Cajun?" Rogue asked, wanting to watch another episode.
"That was just... complete crap! It was totally unrealistic! All those stunts were ridiculous!"
"I've seen you do all that and more in the Danger Room!" Rogue replied, feeling like she had to defend Autolycus.
"I'm a mutant, he's not!"
"How do you know that? Maybe the actor is a mutant and no one knows?"
"That's Bruce Campbell chere, he's no mutant."
"Have you met him? Taken blood and tested him for the X gene?"
"Well no but-"
"Then you don't know! He could be a mutant."
"I still think he was a crappy thief!" Remy said with a pout.
"Who are you to judge him? He's The King of Thieves, you're just a Prince." Rogue's words had the desired effect, Remy turned about 10 shades of red and then exploded into a rant.
"HE IS NOT THE KING OF THIEVES! Moi, mon frere and mon pere could run circles around him in a heist blind folded and with one arm behind our backs! You shouldn't even joke about that stuff! How dare you say that, that joke is the King of Thieves! You're wrong and I hate that show!" He paced the room, randomly gesturing towards the tv and then pointing an accusing finger Rogue before stomping off in the direction of the garage. Rogue felt the laughter bubble inside of her and then she let it come out as she heard his motorcycle rev up and peel out of the garage.
As her laughter subsided, Rogue felt a grin cross her lips as a realization set it. Finally, after months of his cool unbreakable exterior, of his arrogance, of Gambit getting underneath her skin so completely. She finally found something that got under his skin! And she planned to use it as often as possible. Rogue whistled a happy tune as she collected her Xena dvds and made her way up to her room. Maybe she could find an Autolycus poster online, that would really get Gambit going. Rogue's evil laughter could be heard through out the halls of the mansion as she made her way up to her room, she really needed to find a poster!