-Prologue: A young woman stands in her bedroom-
A young woman stands in her bedroom. It just so happens that today, the seventh of April, is the anniversary of the day she came to this Earth. Though it was three years ago that she arrived, it is only today that she will be given a name!
What will the name of this young woman be?
Enter name: Rubyred Fartknocker
TRY AGAIN, SMARTASS
Try again: Scanty Akuma
Your name is SCANTY. As was previously mentioned, today is the anniversary of the day you arrived on EARTH. It isn't the day of your birth, because that would imply that you were HUMAN. No, the fact of the matter is, you are a HIGH CLASS COMMANDER DEMON. But that's not exactly relevant at the moment. You have a variety of INTERESTS. You have a fondness for LITERATURE, especially for tales of the OCCULT, and those relating to HUMAN SUFFERING. Relating to this, you also have a number of TORTURE DEVICES scattered about the room, as well as a few that you've designed yourself. However, they have a tendancy to CATASROPHICALLY FAIL and RAPIDLY DISASSEMBLE THEMSELVES. You also have a considerable amount of skill when it comes to BEACH VOLLEYBALL, which you and your DEAR SISTER believe to be a beautiful and highly technical sport. Also in your room is your COMPUTER, but you don't use it very often, as you're usually busy NOT BEING A COLLOSAL LARDASS WASTING AWAY IN FRONT OF A MONITOR. Above all, however, you have a passion for RULES, REGULATIONS, and ORDER. You have a FIRM BELIEF that if society was to follow all the RULES set out before them without hesitation, it would be FAR BETTER OFF than it is currently.
As part of an effort to prove this, you and your SISTER have made it your mission to ENSLAVE HUMANITY, and force them to follow RULES of your design. There are, however, two GIGANTIC ROADBLOCKS keeping you from accomplishing this, but you'd rather not talk about them too much at this time.
You amd your SISTER have just finished giving a report to your FATHER, the MAYOR of DATEN CITY, on your progress with getting rid of these two ROADBLOCKS. It didn't exactly go over too well, and you were forcibly ejected from the room after you and your SISTER were found in a COMPROMISING POSITION. The two of you decided to go and prepare another SCHEME, but while your SISTER is probably writing up a storm, you just AREN'T IN THE SCHEMING MOOD. Right now you find yourself to be INCREDIBLY BORED.
What will you do?
Scanty: Go "finish things" with your sister
As much fun as that sounds, she is probably busy SCHEMING, and interrupting her is against your personal RULES.
Scanty: Go "finish things" with your sister
I already said no. Pick something else.
Scanty: GO KNOCK DOWN YOUR SISTER'S DOOR AND HAVE CRAZY INCESTUOUS LESBIAN SEX
That's it, I'm picking for you.
Scanty: Go to your computer.
You decide to go and see if you can remedy your boredom with your computer. Your desktop is UNDERSTANDABLY BARREN, due to the little time you actually spend using it. There are only two icons on your browser: your INTERNET BROWSER, and your DEMONCHAT CHAT CLIENT/REMOTE SOUL STEALER.
You open DEMONCHUM on a whim. Along with the standard chat client functions such as a FRIEND'S LIST, MOOD SELECTION, USERNAME (yours being devilishSophisticate) and the like, there is also a TARGET LIST, which gives a list of all the users currently online. This is useful when you are looking for people to SIGN CONTRACTS WITH SATAN, which can be forcibly printed from their printer via the PRINT CONTRACT function. The list is also useful for CHATTING WITH SOMEONE AT RANDOM, which you figure might be a good way to cure your boredom.
Pick a name from the list
You pick the name "explosivesEccentric", and begin chatting.
You've been at this for probably a good HOUR, and have gone through DOZENS of names, yet you can't seem to find anyone INTELLIGENT to chat with. You figure that you'll only give this one more shot, and then you'll go find SOMETHING ELSE to do. You scan the list, seeing if you can find a name that jumps out at you. Your cursor hovers over the name "arachnidsGrip" for a moment. You ponder for a moment, and figure that whoever this is, they may have some sort of interest in the MACABRE, guessing from the name. They certainly won't have any LIFE-CHANGING INFORMATION, though. You wonder why you just thought that. You shake the thought from your mind and begin chatting.
- devilishSophisticate [DS] began pestering arachnidsGrip [AG] at 19:14 -
DS: I hope I'm not interrupting anything.
AG: Maaaaaaaay8e not.
DS: I just found myself with nothing to do, so I thought I might see if I could find someone to have an intelligent conversation with.
DS: So far, however, this doesn't seem to be the case.
AG: You picked the right troll. ::::)
AG: Who are you anyway?
DS: Me? That doesn't really matter at the moment.
AG: Oh, yeah, 8ecause I loooooooove having a chat with someone I don't even know.
DS: I find it's better to learn about someone's interests before you learn their identity.
DS: That way, you're not bound to awkwardly greet them whenever they pass you by.
AG: That's not a 8ad philosophy!
DS: It's less a philosophy, and more of a personal rruurruu.
DS: Pardon that, it's simply a minor speech impedement.
DS: It's common within my family, actually.
DS: Though I wouldn't trouble yourself with that.
AG: W8 a minute.
AG: Ohhhhhhhh, you're a human aren't you?
DS: Human? Please.
AG: So you're an alien then. ::::/
DS: Not exactly.
AG: Well, I don't really talk to xenos. It's kiiiiiiiind of for8idden.
DS: You see, I am a demon.
DS: Me, my sister, my father, all of us.
AG: Pfffffffft. Yeah, right.
DS: Are you calling me dishonest?
AG: Demons are supposed to 8e amaaaaaaaazing. Something for pretty much all trolls to look up to and everything!
AG: They're also completely fake.
DS: Not neccesarily.
DS: The humans seem to believe that aliens are fictional.
DS: And yet, assuming that you're an extraterrestrial from your earlier comments, you exist.
AG: Am not.
AG: An alien.
DS: Well, to them, you would be.
DS: It's all a matter of perspective.
AG: Noooooooo, they're the aliens.
AG: Weeeeeeee elimin8 aliens.
AG: And, well, sometimes enslave them.
DS: The very definition of alien is something against the norm.
AG: Not to us.
DS: That seems like something of a closed-minded perspective.
AG: Why do we have to have the same definition for words you have?
DS: I do see your point.
AG: For uuuuuuuuus.
AG: It's anything not of Alternian descent, or culture.
DS: Cultural differences do tend to make everything confusing.
DS: For example, on Earth, demons are considered to be evil beings that should be avoided at all costs.
AG: W8, like...
DS: Ironically, angels are viewed as the ones to be looked upon with reverence.
AG: I guess we really fucked up with them. ::::/
DS: Which I personally find to be idiotic.
DS: Every angel I've had the misfortune of meeting has been a revolting, disgusting, and all around unpleasant being.
DS: Although, I suppose that's why they're held so highly.
DS: They're so similar to the humans in that way.
AG: I've met some too. ::::/
DS: Really? Do tell.
AG: They're a real 8itch to kill.
AG: Not that we were suppoooooooosed to kill them.
AG: Which is weird 8ecause they were just retarded.
DS: You're preaching to the choir.
DS: Angels do have a stubborn tendancy to stay alive.
DS: Although, with ours, it's usually sheer dumb luck that saves them.
AG: Why not just gank their luck?
DS: Excuse me?
AG: That's what I do!
AG: Steeeeeeeeal it!
DS: That's not a bad idea, actually...
DS: Wait a minute, I think we've actually tried something like that before.
DS: Yes, I remember.
AG: Well, if that didn't work that must 8e your fault then. ::::/
AG: It works for me every time!
DS: It almost worked, too, but they managed to beat us through sheer stubbornness.
DS: Admittedley, not one of our greatest moments.
DS: And the whole time, they didn't even realize that we were behind everything!
DS: My dear sister and I.
AG: Ohhhhhhhh, okay!
AG: 8ut, you mean sister literally, don't you? ::::/
DS: Of course.
AG: I have a friend who used to 8e a really gooooooood friend.
DS: I see. And?
AG: And we would work together to 8e the gr8est scourge of the entiiiiiiiire Alternian empire.
AG: We didn't really...get there.
AG: 8ut we're young!
DS: That's quite fascinating, actually. What happened?
AG: We diiiiiiiid end up 8eing the most feared FLARP team ever.
AG: 8ut she sort of ruined it. ::::/
DS: I'm unfamilliar with that term. FLARP?
AG: Imagine the 8est role playing game ever!
AG: And the losers get killed.
AG: Well, at least when we're involved.
DS: They don't have anything like that on Earth.
AG: Humans are pretty pathetic, yeah.
DS: Everyone's more content to simply live out their fantasies in the security of their own homes.
AG: Oh, w8.
AG: That's their hives.
DS: Yes, that's right.
DS: Or, at least, I assume that hive is the Alternian term for a place of residence.
AG: When we leave the spawning caves and find our lusus the construction drones 8uild a hive for us to live in.
AG: Which we cre8 and everything.
AG: Some hives aren't really...sta8le. Since they were made 8y wrigglers and everything.
DS: I suppose that that's simply a manesfestation of natural selection.
AG: It is!
AG: There's natural selection, and then there's culling. ::::)
DS: Such a fascinating society.
AG: Isn't it?
DS: Humans try to hold on to every piece of their own, even if it's weak and would be better off gone.
AG: That's stupid. ::::/
DS: But I say, let them.
DS: It'll make things that much easier for us when we finally take over.
AG: I mean l8ely I guess our species got a little weaker.
AG: Trolls who would normally 8e culled 8efore are let off easy as long as they survive.
DS: That actually seems to mirror human history.
DS: Before, it was similar to yours, where the strong would flourish and the weak would be left to die.
AG: They still are!
AG: We just hardly ever purposefully kill any of them off anymore.
AG: Unless they're a mutant or something.
DS: As times progressed, however, they began making more of an effort to save everyone, regardless of their condition.
DS: It would seem that your society is simply, for lack of a better term, "behind" human society in that regard.
DS: Chronologically speaking, of course.
DS: Yours does still seem more superior.
AG: We've 8een around for miiiiiiiillions of sweeps.
AG: Or, we were around.
AG: And the Troll Empire spanned 3 galaxies!
DS: Were? Spanned?
DS: What happened?
AG: The Reckoning! Duuuuuuuuh.
DS: Is this another Alternian term?
AG: W8, you don't know what it is?
DS: I'm afraid not.
AG: You'd think if you were really a demon you would have soooooooome idea.
DS: It sounds vagely apocalyptic, though.
AG: Yes! That's what it is!
AG: Oh man it was awwwwwwwwesome.
DS: So, your race underwent its own apocalypse.
AG: Now it's just me and 11 mostly idiots.
DS: Why are you still alive?
DS: Hang on, that sounds familiar...
DS: Does this SGRUB have any relation to SBURB?
AG: Yeah, sort of I guess.
DS: Intruging. I've seen advertisements for that game about the city.
DS: You mean to say that this game is a tool for the end of the world?
AG: Just a tool for escaping it.
DS: So, if I was to begin playing this game, I could avoid the end of the world?
AG: Well yeah 8ut if you're a demon why does it matter for you anyway?
DS: Well, the thing is, my sister and I are, in a manner of speaking, bound to the mortal realm.
DS: The same goes for the angels I told you about earlier.
DS: Well, originally, the plan was, if we destroyed the angels and opened the gates of Hell, we could allow our demonic forces to invade the Earth and Heaven.
DS: But if the destruction of Earth is coming, we might as well find alternative methods of escaping.
DS: So we simply play this game, and we avoid being destroyed with the Earth?
AG: Yeah! 8ut there's oooooooone pro8lem.
DS: What's that?
AG: It has to 8e a group of four, aaaaaaaand there already is a group of four.
DS: You're joking, right?
AG: I'm no hero of Time, 8ut something tells me sta8le time loops wouldn't let that group change.
AG: I could 8e wrong though!
AG: 8ut it does have to 8e four.
DS: Hmm... there's myself, my sister, father, and I suppose Fastener could make a suitable fourth...
AG: You have to 8e around the same age, too.
DS: ...Well that hardly seems like a reasonable limitation.
DS: And the only other people that could possibly match our skill would be those angels...
DS: Well, I suppose it's a small price to pay, and we could simply kill them afterward.
AG: Sure, if you wanted it
AG: 8ut why would you?
DS: To ensure our own survival, obviously.
AG: 8ut you wouldn't need to if you do it right!
AG: I mean, if you 8eat the game.
DS: True, but those angels have been a thorn in our side for far too long.
DS: We might as well use them and just dispose of them once they're no longer useful.
AG: I mean, I don't know if it would 8e possi8le.
AG: 8ut it wouldn't matter, if you got the Ultimate Reward.
DS: Ultimate Reward?
DS: What would this reward be?
DS: I'd imagine avoiding the end of the world would be the game's reward.
AG: It cre8s a new universe!
AG: For you to rule over as gods. ::::)
AG: 8ut the humans sort of ruined that for us...
DS: I suppose I should ask why, in case something of the like happens to us.
AG: It shouldn't.
AG: It's not like you fucked it up for us.
DS: I see.
AG: 8lame the humans for it.
DS: So we play this game, kill the angels, and become gods of our own universe.
DS: Sounds simple enough.
AG: That's the pro8lem.
AG: You can't kill them.
AG: Not if you want to win.
DS: I suppose there's some sort of period between completing the game and claiming the reward, right?
DS: Why wouldn't we be able to do it in that time?
AG: Well they would have already had to die once for that, I guess?
AG: And it's poooooooossi8le they'd 8e immortal.
DS: Demons can kill angels, that's been a fact since Creation.
AG: I mean in another way.
DS: So on top of everything, the game grants the player immortality?
AG: Iiiiiiiif some conditions are met.
DS: Intriguing. Do tell.
AG: Well, you have to 8e ready.
AG: Then you have to find your quest coon.
AG: Or, 8ed.
AG: In your case.
AG: Or whatever you sleep on, whatever.
AG: 8ut, anyway.
AG: You find it.
AG: Aaaaaaaand you die on it.
DS: Alright, so we simply find this quest bed, die, and become immortal?
AG: Sort of!
AG: There are some conditions.
AG: There are only two ways you can 8e killed.
DS: Ugh, so many conditions.
AG: If you ascend to the god tiers, you can't die.
AG: You're killed 8y someone else for 8eing evil or something.
AG: Or if you martyr yourself.
DS: Well, I've never fancied martyrdom as a career path before, and even if stabbing our teammates in the back would be "evil", we wouldn't give them the opportunity to retaliate.
DS: So my sister and I could acsend these god-tiers, and simply prevent the angels from doing the same.
AG: I guess you could try that!
DS: Then, before we claim the Ultimate Reward, we kill them while their backs are turned, and claim the new universe for ourselves.
AG: Could work!
DS: Excellent! Now, there's simply one last thing that we need to do.
AG: What's that?
DS: We just need to complete all of that before those humans do.
AG: Can't 8e hard.
AG: Only one of them aaaaaaaactually knows what he's doing.
AG: And that's only 8ecause I taught him. :::;)
DS: Well, even with our handicap with those degenerate angels, they're still only mortals.
DS: And you've taught me quite a bit as well.
DS: So, even if they have a bit of a head start, it'll be simple to overtake them and finish this before they do.
AG: No, they don't have a head start!
AG: They were actually the last humans in.
AG: Or, to try to get in.
AG: They were just the only ones to actually make it!
DS: So, you're viewing all of this from the future?
DS: So you're a prophet of some sort?
AG: I guess you could say that, 8ut no!
AG: I'm in the Medium. In the game.
AG: There is no aaaaaaaactual time here. Relatively.
DS: Did you end up there after you failed to claim your reward?
AG: No, it's where the game takes place.
AG: And we did claim it!
AG: It just sort of, 8roke.
AG: It's a long story.
DS: I see.
AG: 8ut now I'm here, we call it the Veil.
AG: And this program lets us contact any8ody at any point in the timeline!
DS: So is there any particular reason that you're helping this human?
AG: 8ecause I didn't meet you 8efore. ::::)
DS: I see. You and I do seem to be cut from a similar cloth.
AG: It's a8out time.
AG: That I found someone who could appreci8 it, I mean!
DS: It is unfortunate that we didn't have a chance to speak with one another sooner. I'm sure we could have made quite the alliance.
DS: I think that introductions are in order, now that we've gotten a chance to know one another.
AG: I was just a8out to say!
AG: Marquise Spinneret Mindfang.
AG: You can call me Vriska.
DS: Nice to meet you.
DS: You may call me Miss Scanty
DS: Yes, that right.
AG: A weird name.
DS: I could say the same about yours, Vriska.
DS: Again, though, cultural differences
AG: I guess!
AG: It could 8e worse.
AG: Like, Panty or something. That would 8e even weirder. ::::/
DS: You have no idea just how much I agree with that.
DS: Well, I must be off. I have to go talk to my sister about this plan, and somehow convince those angels to join us.
AG: Keep me upd8ed. :::;D
DS: Farewell, Miss Mindfang.
DS: I bid you adieu!
- devilishSophisticate [DS] ceased pestering arachnidsGrip [AG] at 21:13 -
Scanty: Reflect upon the conversation
That was probably one of the most unusual CONVERSATIONS you've ever had. You're not exactly sure how much of it you're willing to believe. You certainly hadn't expected to discover a path to ABSOLUTE GODHOOD via an ONLINE CHAT with some STRANGER, let alone a foolproof way of defeating those ANGELS. You decide that it's at least worth a chance, and you resolve to talk with your DEAR SISTER about it. Even if none of it turns out to be true, you'll have only wasted a short amount of time playing a VIDEOGAME, and nothing more. If it does turn out to be true, however, then this may be the OPPORTUNITY that you've been waiting for ever since you set foot within the MORTAL REALM.
Scanty: Go talk with your sister
You leave your COMPUTER running and take off from your room. Shutting the door behind you, you begin to think excitedly about what could happen if this actually works.