Harry James Potter was annoyed. Ritual dagger? What kind of rubbish was that? He'd told the little ankle biters to stand well back as he wielded their so-called ritual dagger- but Harry knew a letter opener when he saw one. He wasn't stupid. He refused to take responsibility for the massive paper-cuts he'd given out indiscriminately. There had better not be a surcharge on his account in retaliation. A Goblin wrought letter opener wasn't all that impressive, in his opinion, anyway. It looked just like any other letter opener he'd ever seen.
"What's that you said about some sort of inheritance, Griphook?"
The little goblin looked slightly startled- and dropped the friendly bank executive customer service representative facade he had attempted to fool Harry with earlier.
"Well, Mr. Potter, if you don't want Gringotts V.I.P. treatment- I suppose I can't force you to accept it."
Harry kept glaring at the little goblin.
"DNA changing ritual daggers? Multiple impressive titles? More importantly- delusions of gentrification? I'm almost disappointed. I really would have liked to have been a slumlord. "
"It still isn't too late, Mr. Potter. Gringotts has an array of foreclosed properties in undesirable locations for your perusal. Just make us an offer on one that suits."
"That's probably the only truthful thing you've told me all evening."
"Our Estate Agents really do want to move those particular properties- and I get a percentage of any sales I help them close the deal on."
"I'll keep it in mind. However, I am a Boy-Who-Lived on a mission. I have just now entered a stage in my development where I want to rebel against my handlers. For some inexplicable reason, I felt that my first stop on the road to achieving my goal should be Gringotts."
"Well every good rebellion requires capital. And one doesn't know how much capital one actually possesses unless they ask for bank statements."
"Now you're just towing the company line, Griphook. I know you all charge a fee for extra bank statements."
"You are quite perceptive, Mr. Potter. It appears as if I can't get anything by you."
"I'm tired of Dumbledore's manipulations! I'm tired of the Ministry and the press! I'm tired of being on Voldemort's hit list! I want to start my own side! I will be nobody's poster boy any longer! I want to go rogue! I want to see them suffer!" Harry trailed off and sighed. "I just have no direction."
"If I may, Mr. Potter? I believe I have just the thing."
"Griphook, if you even deign to mention anything involving magical creatures and another special inheritance within the same breath, I will give you a matching paper cut on your other hand."
"So noted. I was merely going to offer you one of Gringotts glossy brochures on our various career opportunities."
"But I've already signed up for the classes I need to be an Auror! Of course, I have given recent thought to pretending to join Voldemort under a guise and then merely taking over his established organization of anarchy and chaos after defeating him. Both options look fairly tempting right now. However, coming here, I initially thought I'd have stock options, at the very least."
"Yes, and it is your last statement that gives me hope, Mr. Potter."
Harry looked at the brochures in his hand.
"Financial advisor? CPA? What? No curse-breaker?"
"Not for you. There is nothing more satisfying than auditing one's enemies, Mr. Potter. You could be powerful- a real force in the banking world- if you wanted to be."
"Maybe. But my classes."
"Keep them. Then defy everyone's expectations on leaving school. Just think- you could still have titles added after your name if you go this route."
"It sounded much more impressive when there were special rings of power to go with them, though."
"You've obviously never been the creditor dispatching the repo goblins to retrieve goods from those who attempt to live well above their means. At Gringotts we've retrieved many such rings in those types of enterprises."
"You're very persuasive, Griphook. However, one of the things that I love about being a wizard is that anything I do will sound scary and unacceptable to my Muggle relatives. I was kind of hoping for an occupation they'd have to explain away with a bunch of ridiculous stories to their friends."
"Believe me, Mr. Potter, there is nothing more scary to unpleasant relations than the knowledge that you could get them on something like tax evasion or irregularities in their accounts."
"Well, when you put it like that- how can I refuse?"
"Good lad. Now if you'd just take a moment to fill out our intern application, we'll get you started. By next summer, you'll be ready to begin your first internship."
"I'm not signing anything without a solicitor looking it over. Not after the ritual dagger fiasco you threw at me."
"Well- there went my dream home in Majorca. I had at least twenty-five various fees worked into that document- all the better for taking outrageous advantage of you."
"And here I was thinking you really wanted me, Griphook."
"Only in so far as you get me an extra bonus for filling my quota, Mr. Potter."
"I figured as much."
"Your indifference to my plight is staggering, Griphook."
"Here at Gringotts, we aim to please, Mr Potter. By the way, there's a surcharge for taking up my time today. I'm sure you understand. Business."
"Right. I'll have my solicitor owl you then?"
"Very good. Do keep in mind that there's an extra fee we charge for solicitors, though."
"I would also ask you to keep in mind that I'm still holding your letter opener, Griphook."
"You know what, Mr. Potter? I'll waive the fee just this once. I'm a bit behind on my quota for this quarter."
"Very good, Griphook."
"Pleasure doing business with you, Mr. Potter. May your enemies come to financial ruin and may you have the pleasure of witnessing the repo agents take full possession of everything they couldn't afford. It's a most amusing past time for us here at Gringotts."
"May all your subsequent customers be cluelessly taken in by high interest rates and hidden fees from not bothering to read the fine print, Griphook."
"You're too kind, Mr. Potter. May you become Harry Potter, CPA and strike fear into the hearts of all men of dubious financial standing. We look forward to the day you join our ranks."
"As do I, Griphook. As do I."
Author's Note: Don't get your feathers all ruffled, folks. I love dark! Harry stories. However, this little drabble came to me last night as I was attempting to write other things. It's always the way. There is no particular plot to this- just a kind of parody/humor thing. It's not going to go anywhere else or be developed- just enjoy what's here. Please read and review.