Send the Pain below
A/N: So….ummm….I'm back?….Before I start giving excuses for why I was gone so goddamn long…let me start by first saying, I am sooooooooooooooooo sorry. Between school, then summer, then a life altering medical problem, school again, and spending every weekend I was able to with my boyfriend, writing fell to the bottom of my list. Not only that but I had the biggest writers block ever. But for the past few weeks I've been writing my little butt off so I was finally able to get this over with and start on an other story I've been wanting to write. So once again I am sorry. Without delaying the story any further, here is my epilogue to Chasm of Circles. The title is from the song "Send the Pain Below" by Chevelle. Please enjoy, and thanks for sticking with me.
Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha or the song "Send the Pain Below". I've just used them for my own fantasies.
Warnings: Not much really other than angst and maybe some OOC.
The sun was setting behind the large mountains in the distance. It was relatively warm outside, the leaves were beginning to turn into oranges and browns and yellows. On any other day, this would be beautiful to the inu-hanyou, Inuyasha. But today, he could care less about the weather. He had just buried his would-be mate, nothing was going to make him smile today. Inuyasha and his pack had arrived at Sesshomaru's castle a few days ago, where they had explained to the council members what had happened to the Daiyoukai, and also decided to hold the funeral today. The ceremony had only been about a half hour long. Everyone paid their respects to their fallen lord, the last ones being Inuyasha and Rin, Sesshomaru's closest family. Now there was a memorial service being held in the dining hall, everyone honoring the great Daiyoukai in some way or another. The council had already assured him that he would inherit his father's lands, as instructed in Sesshomaru's will. The new Daiyoukai was glad that the council had acknowledged him as the rightful demon lord he should be, Sesshomaru especially. Despite his new position, he wasn't sure he would be able to do this on his own. He should have had Sesshomaru as his mate to help him rule their father's lands, not just by himself.
Inuyasha hadn't felt like being around everyone. He had slipped out of the dining hall, heading towards the outer gardens next to what would have been his and Sesshomaru's room. He had decided that he would ask for a new room, as he didn't think he could stand sleeping in a room that smelled so much like his brother. It was too painful to think about the things that could have happened in that room, not just mating his brother, but spending time with him, raising a family with him. No, Inuyasha would lock that room away, as if to keep Sesshomaru's essence alive as long as possible.
As he entered the gardens, he tried to notice the beautiful autumn evening, but nature wasn't going to be his escape this time. There was a large cherry blossom tree in the far corner of the garden, it's blooms long since gone and it's leaves beginning to turn. It reminded Inuyasha of the Goshinboku back in his village. Finding small comfort in this, he walked over to it to sit down, not expecting to find someone already occupying it.
Inuyasha found Rin drawing random circles in the ground with her fingers. She didn't seem to notice him, too lost in thought, "Hey kiddo, what'cha doin' out here?" Inuyasha said gently so as not to startle the girl. Rin was about 12 now, she was going to be a very beautiful woman when she got older, Sesshomaru had raised her well.
Rin looked up at him and he tried to give her a reassuring smile, but it came out more sad than reassuring. She returned the sad smile, though, and motioned for the hanyou to sit next to her. He did, and she scooted closer to him, "People kept asking me how I was feeling and telling me they were sorry. I just wanted some quiet."
Inuyasha grunted in understanding, "Yeah, I know how you feel." They sat their for a while, enjoying the peace, as well as the others company. Finally, Inuyasha noticed the girl was shivering. She was only wearing a simple black kimono, so Inuyasha took off his outer robes, black ones that the servants had provided him, and draped them around her.
Rin looked up at him again and hugged the garment closer, "Thank you, Inuyasha."
"Ya know, Rin, I was supposed to become your Otou-san." Inuyasha said quietly.
"I know, Chichiue had told me you two might become mates." Rin said sadly, the thought of her pseudo father making her breath hitch in her throat.
Inuyasha wrapped his arm around her and held her closer, noting the tears welling up in her eyes, "Well, are you ok with me being your dad still? Because I would like to take care of you now, Rin. I want you to stay with me. But if not, you can always go somewhere else. Kaede has offered to take care of you. Sango and Miroku would love to take you too." Inuyasha looked hopefully at the girl. He felt it his responsibility to take care of her, he had always loved her for melting the ice in his brother's heart. And there was the fact that she would have, in fact, been his daughter anyways had Sesshomaru not…
Rin smiled and shocked Inuyasha by hugging him tightly, "I don't want to leave, I want to be with you Otou-san."
Inuyasha couldn't help himself, and hugged his daughter back, holding her for a few moments. When she pulled away, there were tears in her eyes again, "I wish Chichiue was here too."
Inuyasha's heart ached at those words, "I know kiddo, I wish he was too."
"Did you know how much Chichiue loved you?" Rin suddenly asked, "He told me one night. He was so sad, and I didn't know why. He told me that me and you were the most important things to him. That's when he said he wanted you to be his mate, so that I could have two fathers. But…he told me he wasn't sure how much you loved him." Rin looked into Inuyasha's eyes, asking the question without saying it.
Inuyasha ran his clawed hands through Rin's hair, ruffling it a bit, "Ya know what Rin? I loved your Chichiue very, very much. I just didn't realize it until it was too late. I still love him though. I always will."
Rin's tears decided to fall then, "Good…I'm very glad to hear that." She fell into Inuyasha's arms again and began sobbing, "Why did he have to leave us? He was so strong, nothing was supposed to kill him!"
Inuyasha felt his heart clench and tears started to fall from his eyes as well, "I know, Rin. I'm so sorry." They held each other closely as their tears fell. Both of them searching for comfort in the other. After a while, their tears stopped and they both pulled away and sniffled. They took one glance at each other, then laughed lightly at how pathetic they both looked. Their eyes puffy, their noses runny, their cheeks red and tear stained.
"It's a good thing no one is here to see us lookin' like this huh kid." Inuyasha smiled and wiped some hair from Rin's face that had been pasted there by her tears.
"Yeah, it feels good to cry without anyone hovering over you." Rin sniffled again.
Inuyasha's smile fell slightly, "Rin, I have to tell you. It's my fault Sesshomaru died."
"What…what do you mean?"
The inu-hanyou sighed, "Sango explained it to me. She's really smart when it comes to all this demon stuff." Inuyasha hesitated a little before continuing, "She told me that, Sesshomaru must have been weakened before our battle with Naraku."
Rin looked confused, "How was he weakened?"
"Because I didn't want to be with him." Inuyasha said shamefully.
Rin gasped, "What?"
"Don't get me wrong, I've always loved my brother, but like I said before I had just never realized it." Inuyasha gratefully noted the relieved look on the young girl's face. "Me and your Chichiue had so many…problems in the past that I looked over the fact that I loved him." Rin nodded for him to continue.
"Did Sesshomaru ever explain to you what inner youkai are?" Inuyasha asked.
Rin nodded, "Yeah, he explained that its like your true inner selves. He said he would explain it more when I got older…" another pained look took over the girl's face.
"I'll teach ya'…" Inuyasha ruffled her hair again. "Anyways, Sango told me that our inner youkai's must have already chosen each other as mates, even if mine wasn't aware of it at the time. And because Sesshomaru's inner youkai was being denied by its chosen mate, it was causing Sesshomaru to become tired and kinda sick all the time."
"Oh…my poor Chichiue." Rin looked about to cry again.
"So…you can blame me for his…death. If you want. I mean, he also was protecting me when he died." Inuyasha looked away from the girl, suddenly not able to face her. He was really sure she was going to hate him now, but was proven wrong when he felt her small warm hand on his. He turned and she was smiling.
"I'm not going to blame you, Otou-san. It was not your fault. Your heart was confused. I'm just happy that you realized it now." Rin really was too wise for her age.
"Really? Your not mad at me?"
"Of course not, how could I be mad at you? You are my Otou-san after all. And besides I know how hard it must have been for you to love Chichiue. He could be a meanie sometimes. You should have seen how he was towards Master Jaken."
Inuyasha had to chuckle, "Believe me kid, it wasn't just your Chichiue who used to be mean towards that little imp." This caused Rin to giggle, and it warmed the hanyou's heart to know that he could at least make the girl laugh.
"Thank you for cheering me up. You're already a great father. I love you." Rin hugged Inuyasha again.
Inuyasha didn't know what to say, he was truly touched. He returned the hug and whispered, "I love you too kiddo." He thought of something, and quickly added, "And I made sure that Sesshomaru knew I loved him before he died."
Rin smiled brightly, "Then I know he's happy, wherever he is." Suddenly, the two were happier than they had been the past few days.
"Rin, I think we can get through this. We can be happy, as long as we've got each other. Deal?"
The girl nodded, "Deal."
It was at this time they both noticed that the sun had gone down and it was a lot cooler than it had been earlier. "Lets go inside, people are probably wonderin' where we are." They got up and headed back inside. "Did you eat already, Rin?"
The girl shook her head, "I was too upset. My tummy was hurting. But I'm really hungry now."
Inuyasha smirked, "Well the foods probably already gone, but we can get the cook to make us our own feast, whata'ya say?"
The girl nodded her head excitedly, "That sounds great!"
Inuyasha laughed again, "Yeah we're gonna do just fine kid."
Inuyasha followed the servant to his new room. He had requested it near Rin's room, in case she needed him in the middle of the night. It was down the hall from where Sesshomaru's room was, and only a few doors down from his new daughter's. The servant opened the door and made room for Inuyasha to enter. The room was extremely out done for his taste, having lived in the wild for the majority of his life, he wasn't used to the fancy decorations. All he cared about was the huge, fluffy looking bed in the middle of the room. Thanking the servant, finding her name to be Midori, Inuyasha excused her and immediately changed out of his formal black kimono. Simply in his fundoushi, Inuyasha pulled back the various furs and silk blankets covering his bed and settled in for sleep. He had, until now, been sleeping in a guest room while the servants were preparing this room, and he noted how much softer the bed was. Despite this, he knew he wouldn't be able to sleep tonight, just like the other nights. Even in this room he could smell his brother, Sesshomaru seemed to be everywhere in the castle.
Inuyasha let out a huge sigh as the impact of what had happened finally began settling on him. He seemed to barely be realizing that he was indeed the new Daiyoukai. He was now in charge of pretty much everything in the Western lands. He was momentarily frightened by this, seeing as how he grew up he had no experience what-so-ever with being a Demon Lord. He felt a little reassured, though, knowing that several of the council members had already agreed to help him with his first few months of ruling. Inuyasha was grateful that the council was not as stuffy and stuck up as he had thought they would be. Still, Inuyasha was nervous about being in charge of so many people. He already had a meeting the next morning to assign his advisors. He already knew that he was going to ask Miroku and Sango to be there with him, Sango as a military advisor and Miroku as his own personal advisor. He knew that several of Sesshomaru's advisors would want to help him too, but he would feel more comfortable with people he knew. Then there was the problem of Kagome. Through this whole thing, he had hardly said one thing to the young miko, but from what Miroku and Sango had told him, she was not happy about any of this. She was still very angry with the fact that Inuyasha was in love with his brother, and even more angry with his new position in the Western Lands. She apparently felt that he was "abandoning" them and their mission to find the last of the jewel shards. Inuyasha new it would be easy enough to find them with Naraku gone, and had already planned to send Miroku and Sango to find them once everything had been settled and figured out. He wished dearly that he could go with them, but being the Daiyoukai, he really wasn't going to have time anymore. Inuyasha could only hope he could get Kagome to understand soon. She was annoying as hell, but he still loved her like a sister.
The inu-hanyou was pulled from his thoughts at the sound of soft knocking at his door. He got up and quickly went to answer it. He really wasn't surprised to see it was Rin.
"What's wrong Rin?" Inuyasha asked worriedly.
The girl looked down at her feet, "I can't sleep. Every time I try I have dreams about Chichiue."
Inuyasha ruffled the girls hair, something that seemed to be making a habit of itself, and moved so she could go in the room, "You can sleep with me tonight if you want."
"Thanks Otou-san." Rin sleepily made her way to the bed. She curled up on one side, and Inuyasha pulled some of the furs and blankets over her. He then settled in next to her. Rin automatically snuggled closer to him, yawning tiredly.
"Get some sleep kid." Inuyasha hesitantly put his arm around her as she snuggled closer. Inuyasha was amazed at himself. He never thought this parenting thing would work for him, but his instincts as an alpha were kicking in quickly as his youkai was starting to recognize Rin as his own.
"Chichiue used to let me do this when I had nightmares." Rin mumbled sleepily. Inuyasha just kissed her head and told her once more to get to sleep. He himself, knew he wouldn't be doing any sleeping of his own.
Inuyasha awoke long before the sun was up. He had managed to get a few hours of sleep, enough to get him through the day. But he knew he would be dragging by the time the day was done with. It usually wouldn't bother him too much, he usually could go about four days without sleep and he would feel fine. But these past few days had drained him emotionally and physically, and he could feel his body starting to beg him for rest.
He sat up, careful not to wake up the sleeping girl next to him. He was glad the girl, at least, had gotten some sleep. She had only woken up once from a nightmare, but Inuyasha quickly soothed her back to sleep. He smiled, she looked peaceful in her sleep, not at all in pain from the loss of the man she had called father for the past few years. He knew she still was, though, and only hoped that in sleep she found peace.
Inuyasha made sure his new daughter was wrapped warmly in her blankets and went over to the sitting area in the corner of the room. There was a table there, most likely for him to conduct his paperwork that would accompany his new title as Daiyoukai. But for now there was nothing but a vase with a few pretty purple flowers in it. Next to the table there was a large closet like structure that held some crisp, new clothing that he was pretty much expected to wear. Inuyasha had already accepted the fact that his Fire Rat Robe would not be good clothing for a lord to wear. Though he sure as hell was going to keep it, it was one of the few possessions he had growing up and he cherished it about as much as Tetsusaiga.
After he finally finished getting ready he opened his door to see a servant there waiting to take him to the dining hall to meet with the council members. Inuyasha was still quite unfamiliar with the castle, so he required assistance in finding his way around. Upon entering the dining hall, Inuyasha saw that the council members were already there. He took his place at the head of the table. He had a met a few of them before at Sesshomaru's memorial service, but there were a couple he didn't recognize.
"Lord Inuyasha, our condolences again on the late Sesshomaru." Lord Hideki, a large bear youkai said. He was really kind and had that grandfather feel to him. "We are sorry we had to conduct this business so soon after his passing, but it must be done."
"It's fine, lets just get this over with." Inuyasha stated quickly. He didn't want to dwell on his brother too much.
"The first order of business is that of your personal advisors." An Inu-youkai from the Northwestern Inu tribe spoke. Inuyasha knew him to be Lord Taitsuro. At first, Inuyasha had been shocked when he found out who he was. Inuyasha wasn't aware of too many remaining Inu-youkai, let alone one in the council.
"You are already aware that Lord Sesshomaru's advisor, Kamaji, has asked to work with you. Is there anyone else you wish to work with?"
Inuyasha shifted uncomfortably. He wasn't used to being so prim and proper, "Actually, there is some one I was thinking of. My friend Miroku."
There was some quiet murmurs among the elders before Taitsuro spoke up again, "The Houshii? Forgive me my Lord, but what does that ningen know of youkai ways and laws.
Inuyasha grunted, "He knows plenty. His mate, Sango, is a demon slayer and is well educated in all things youkai. She is also an excellent fighter, which is why I want Sango as my military advisor."
One of the council members Inuyasha did not know stood up angrily, " A ningen woman in charge of military affairs? That's outrageous!"
Hideki made a gesture for the elder to sit down, "I'm sure our new Lord has his reasons for his choices, and we should respect them."
"Yes, the new Lord Inuyasha seems to have a level head about him, despite the rumors of his stubborn and otherwise short fused temperament." A voice came from the door way. Everyone turned to see a woman with sharp, silver hair and piercing golden eyes. She wore elegant robes and ornate hair pieces, signifying her place in royalty.
"Lady Shizune? We weren't expecting you until later in the week. Didn't you have business to attend to in the east?" Hideki asked.
"Well I ended my meetings as early as I could. It's bad enough I had to miss my own son's funeral because I was caught up in a meeting with the Lord of the East."
Inuyasha's eyes widened, "You…your son?"
Shizune gave him a small smile, 'Yes, my child, I'm the mother of the late Sesshomaru."
A/N: Not to worry! The next chapter is already written and posted Hooray for you guys! Actually this only happened because I had to split the epilogue into two chapters. I originally wanted this to be a oneshot but it didn't happen that way. Anyways hope you guys are liking it so far, and the next chapter is up so read on!