Send the Pain Below
A/N: Alright so I would've gotten this two-shot out quicker but when I had finally finished writing it was having technical difficulties with my computer and I was unable to upload the story. Then my computer completely died on me and I havent been able to use it for the past couple of months. But my birthday was a couple of days ago and I aquired a new laptop so I'm back in business! Anyways, here's the last part of the epilogue. This was originally gonna be a long oneshot but I decided it needed to be split into two chappies. Hope its alright, it better be since I spent the last several months writing it haha. Alright I won't keep you waiting, read away!
Disclaimer: Same as last chapter
Warnings: same as above.
Inuyasha could not find his voice, so he simply watched as Shizune took a place next to Kamaji, smiling warmly at him as they exchanged greetings. Inuyasha sat numbly the rest of the meeting, not really hearing anything anyone said. When the meeting was over Inuyasha watched as the council members left. Shizune, still in the room, went to sit next to the hanyou, where Sesshomaru would have sat. Inuyasha couldn't bring himself to look at her, feeling ashamed all of a sudden. He averted his eyes to his hands in his lap, fiddling with the hem of his embroidered sleeve.
"Inuyasha, dear, you need not be ashamed of yourself." Shizune said, seemingly reading his mind. He slowly turned his gaze to her, wanting to kick himself for acting like a skittish pup. Shizune only smiled at him softly and warmly. "Oh Puppy, I'm so sorry you must deal with all these stuffy old crones while you are still grieving for Sesshomaru." She placed her surprisingly soft hand on Inuyasha's cheek. Inuyasha couldn't find his words, they were caught in his throat at the thought of his brother.
"I know…about you two…" Shizune started slowly.
"What…do you mean?" Inuyasha suddenly felt his face burning, would she be angry that her full blooded youkai son wanted to be mates with her own mate's other half blood son?
"That you and Sesshomaru were to be mates." At the look Inuyasha gave her, his eyes wide and his mouth agape, she chuckled lightly, "Don't look so surprised, I am a mother after all, I know things most people aren't aware of."
Inuyasha swallowed hard, 'And, you…were ok with it…us I mean?"
Shizune patted his leg, "Well I must say I was shocked when he finally did tell me he wanted you for a mate. But despite the anger I first felt towards your father and mother, and even you, I knew my son loved you, and I have never once doubted his judgment."
"But…Lady Shizune I…I'm." Inuyasha's thoughts were mixed up and he felt tears welling up in his honey colored eyes, "I'm a half breed." It was the only thing he could say at the moment.
Shizune sighed, but was patient with the hanyou, "Inuyasha, I may have once been resentful of my mate for having another son with a human, but I have since given up that grudge. My mate left me for a reason. At the time, I was too cold, and didn't want anything to do with my pup or your father. I changed my ways shortly after he had died though, simply to see my son grow up to be the great leader he was. I realized being angry would get me know where. As for you being a half breed, I honestly never felt it a thing I should hate you for, or anyone for that matter. My family has many hanyou's, Sesshomaru would have known that had I been there to raise him correctly. Maybe then he would not have been so discriminating against them…against you."
Although this made him feel better, tears were still threatening to fall from his eyes. Shizune just waited patiently for Inuyasha to gather his composure. Finally, as the tears began to fall he spoke, "Lady Shizune, its my fault he's dead." He said in a shaky whisper, not trusting his voice to be any louder.
"It's no one's fault dear-" Shizune started.
"No! It is my fault!" Inuyasha's voice cracked. He felt his inner youkai's pain radiating through him, it was screaming with guilt and remorse. "I told him I didn't love him. I told him I…I told him I hated him!" Inuyasha didn't even care any more if he looked like a weeping pup. He hadn't actually broken down since Sesshomaru died in his arms, and the dam had just burst under the pressure, "And because of that he couldn't protect himself. He died trying to save me, the one who had rejected him."
Shizune surprised him then, and pulled the Daiyoukai into a tight embrace, "Puppy, you must not blame yourself. Sesshomaru made the mistake of rejecting you first. He should have known it was going to take more than an apology to make things right. But you of all people should understand how stubborn Sesshomaru was." Shizune rubbed Inuyasha's back as he began to tremble slightly, "You and him both were confused, what happened was just a tragic accident and nothing more. You must not burden yourself with this."
The two sat like that for a few more minutes. Inuyasha finally got himself together, pulling himself from Shizune's embrace and wiping the remaining tears from his eyes, "Thanks for…putting up with me just now. I know this isn't exactly how the Daiyoukai should act."
"You are like anyone else who has lost someone, you need time to grieve as well. I myself was quite a wreck when the news reached me."
"Well…thanks anyways. I guess I better go check on Rin, she's probably awake and hungry." Inuyasha and Shizune stood, walking towards the door.
"I'll walk with you. I would like to see the child myself. Sesshomaru raised her far better than I had expected. I've always wanted a daughter, I guess her being my granddaughter will suffice enough." Shizune talked with Inu all the way to his room, chatting about random things. Inuyasha was beyond grateful for Shizune's comfortable demeanor, making it easy for him to talk with her as well. He could tell she was more the motherly type than he had expected the mother of Sesshomaru to be.
They found Rin out in the garden, lying in the grass. Inuyasha knelt down and ruffled her hair, causing her eyes to open slowly.
"He kiddo, wake up. There's someone who wants to see you." Rin sat up and her face lit up like the sun when she caught sight of Shizune.
"Obaa-San!" She cried as she dashed to the older woman. Shizune knelt down to catch her in her waiting arms. The two held each other, Shizune whispering her apologies for not being there sooner. Inuyasha watched, feeling as if he was intruding on some intimate family moment. Although, he thought, this was his family now. His daughter and his…well he had Shizune. He was allowed to have these moments with his family.
"Inuyasha, shall I have the servants bring us breakfast? It's so beautiful outside this morning, we should enjoy it before the winters come." Shizune was standing now, with Rin still at her side. Inuyasha simply nodded and went to change out of the fancy robes he was wearing. He didn't want to be uncomfortable any more, and his fire rat robe would take care of that.
Breakfast outside proved to be just what the three needed to lift their gloomy moods. Conversation was kept on the lighter topics, like Rin talking about her lessons and the friends she had made with some of the servant's children in the palace. Shizune talked about going with Rin to get some new clothes, since she was growing so fast and her others did not fit so well anymore. Inuyasha told stories of the little misadventures he and his pack had been though over the years. Usually Inu was to shy or to busy eating to hold conversation. But he found it increasingly easier to talk to Rin and Shizune. Overall breakfast had been surprisingly pleasant, and the three stayed talking even after they were done eating. Rin had been excused from her lessons for few weeks due to the circumstances, and Inuyasha had no other business to attend to for the day. Their good morning was interrupted, though, when a servant came to tell Inuyasha that Kagome wanted to see him.
Inuyasha had been dreading this moment since they had gotten to the castle. He knew he would have to eventually confront the young miko on the recent events, but he wasn't in the least bit prepared for her childish out bursts and possible temper tantrums. Not to mention he still had the cursed beads around his neck. Inuyasha could already feel the 'osuwari' he was more than likely going to receive. He made a mental note to make Kagome take the beads off before she left for her own world. He was a Daiyoukai now, and he could not be controlled so easily by a ningen woman. Unless of course that woman was his mate, but he had no intentions of that ever occurring.
Inuyasha followed the servant into the library, of which Inuyasha had only been in once since arriving at the castle. Kagome was sitting with Sango at a table sharing tea. When Sango noticed Inuyasha's arrival she excused herself, muttering something to Kagome about leaving the two of them to "hash things out". Inuyasha grunted at the tajiya as she whispered a 'good luck' to him as she passed. The Inu sat down across the cherry wood table and said nothing. Kagome fiddled with something in her lap, avoiding the hanyou's gaze. Inuyasha didn't feel like playing the miko's games, and decided to let her speak first.
"Inuyasha…" The miko seemed to have lost her words. Inuyasha noticed her hesitance, and realized that she was more confused and upset than angry. Maybe this would be a more pleasant conversation than he had thought.
"Come on Kagome, spit it out. I know you've got a lot of questions." Inuyasha said calmly. He wanted to keep this peaceful.
"I just don't understand…what…has happened", Kagome finally looked up.
Inuyasha took a deep breath, "Kagome, my brother is dead. I am now the Daiyoukai of my father's lands. That should be obvious." Kagome nodded slightly, but Inuyasha knew that wasn't what she wanted to know about.
"Kagome, I don't know how much Sango and Miroku have told you about demon culture, so I'm just going to explain this as well as I know how. Every demon, be they small or big, weak or strong, have inner youkai. It is, in a sense, the very soul of the demon. The inner youkai allows that demon to pull strength and power when needed, among other things.
"Every demon eventually finds a mate, whether they themselves find the mate, or their mate is chosen for them by their inner youkai. Inner youkai have this innate, and extremely annoying, way of knowing what their demon really wants, so more often then not the demon will not know who their mate is, but their inner youkai will already have picked them out. Once that happens, it's set in stone." Inuyasha stopped to let Kagome process what he had told her. After she looked at him and nodded for him to continue he started again, "Demons mate for life, well, most of the time. If one mate is unhappy with another they can take another mate. That's why me and Sesshomaru had different mothers. The only other exception is if one mate dies, the other can find a new one." Inuyasha paused again, only this time so he could collect himself. He was about to talk about things he really didn't want to.
"For the first part of my life, Sesshomaru treated me like shit. I know I don't have to explain it to you, you saw it first hand. But, even as a pup I always knew that I loved him. Even if at the time it was only brotherly, I loved my brother despite the constant suffering he put me through. After a while though, I began to love him as something more. But I knew he would never want me, so I pushed my feelings aside, to the point where I hated him with a passion. But apparently, my inner demon had already chosen Sesshomaru as my mate. And apparently so did Sesshomaru's. We were both so stubborn that we ignored it. Sesshomaru, though, realized his feelings long before I did."
Kagome interrupted, "See this is what I don't get", she said almost angrily, "You guys were brothers…isn't this considered incest?"
Inuyasha huffed, "See, in demon culture, incest isn't an issue. Our blood is pure enough that nothing happens to our offspring when two siblings or family members breed. Its pretty much expected in royal demon families, just so the royalty stays in the family."
Kagome nodded, but still didn't seem like she accepted it. Inuyasha ignored her and continued, "Well, anyways, when Sesshomaru began to realize that I was his mate, his youkai began to yearn for me, and it made him weaker every time he was denied."
Kagome noticed the hesitance in Inuyasha's voice, "A few weeks before the last fight with Naraku, Sesshomaru came to me to try and apologize and explain that he loved me. I refused his apology… and I told him I hated him." Inuyasha felt his voice begin to crack, his eyes beginning to water.
"So when he came to fight with us…Sesshomaru…he was really weak. That's why he couldn't heal himself…that's why he died." Inuyasha paused again, taking a deep breath. "And during the fight, my youkai realized that Sesshomaru was my mate, my beta. I was his Alpha and I couldn't even protect him." a tear fell from Inuyasha's golden eyes. He was shocked when Kagome's soft hand wiped his tear away. The hanyou looked up to see Kagome kneeling in front of him, a soft smile on her face.
"You really loved him, didn't you?" She asked quietly.
"Yes, Kagome, I really loved him." Inuyasha said just as quiet.
"And…me and you never had a chance then?"
"Kagome, you've always been like a sister to me. I do love you and care about you, just not in the way you hoped."
"Good, at least I wasn't totally forgotten." Kagome joked.
Inuyasha hugged her suddenly, "Of course not Kagome, you've been my friend the longest, I'm glad to have you by my side."
They parted and Kagome looked down again, "So, when will I see you again?"
"Whenever you come to visit the Feudal Era." Inuyasha said as if the answer was obvious.
"Yeah, I guess. But…eventually we are going to have to use the jewel to seal the well. We don't want what happened with Naraku to happen again."
"Well, we will cross that bridge when we get to it. For now, I'm sure Miroku and Sango need your help to find the last few shards. So you wont be leaving us anytime soon."
They talked for a few more minutes before leaving for lunch. Inuyasha felt pretty good with the conversation he'd had with Kagome, at least there was no yelling or 'sitting' involved. As if reading his mind, Kagome stopped Inuyasha in front of the door to the dining room.
"I guess I should take these off then," Kagome reached for the beads around Inuyasha's neck and took them off, " The ruler of the Western Lands shouldn't wear subjugation beads."
"Thank you Kagome, this means a lot to me." Inuyasha rubbed her shoulder before leading her into the dining room. Everyone else was already there, Shizune making small talk with Sango while Miroku was entertaining Rin and Shippou with a story of some sort. Inuyasha was very pleased to see his friends and family together and having a good time. A few people from the funeral were still at the castle. Inuyasha took his place at the head of the table, the seat to the left of him empty. Inuyasha tried not to think about it, but he couldn't stop himself from imagining his brother sitting next to him. He pictured his brother in his fancy robes, his beautiful silver hair cascading down as he rubbed his swollen stomach, pregnant with their first pup. Inuyasha smiled sadly at the imagination. How he wanted that life so badly. The life he had been destined to live with his brother. He hated that he couldn't have that now. He hated that he had ruined it, that the gods hadn't let him have the happiness he so desperately wanted. But he had to move on. He couldn't dwell on it. He had a palace to run, a daughter to care for. He was beginning his new life. And he was going to do it with the best of his ability. He came from the greatest youkai lineage ever known and he would not let his father and his brother down.
He was the Daiyoukai of the Western Lands. And he was going to be the best damn lord anyone had ever seen.
A/N: Alright there you go guys. Now, I want to write a sequel to this, and I know I have a hard time sticking with stories, especially ones that are above three chapters. But I'm going to attempt it, and I wont start posting until I'm positive that I am going to continue it. It will definitely be different because it will be a Sessh/Inu but it will be in the past, and I'm planning and pairing Inu up with an OC. Anyways, please review, I love seeing what you guys think. And if you have any comments or ideas for the sequel let me know!