A/N: So, this is my favorite story. It's a mish-mash of a bunch of chinese action movies with a Naruto twist and I hope you'll like it! Review, if you like it or even if you don't. Anyway, I don't own Naruto.
Wrapped in silken brocade and flower garlands with a diaphanous shroud veiling his face from view Sasuke felt he looked more like a temple sacrifice than a bride. The irony certainly didn't escape him.
He felt a wrenching on his arm and hastened to fall into step with his father, looking pointedly past the gray-tinted man waiting for him at the end of the aisle. A nagging voice in the back of his head reminded him that even if he didn't look now he was going to have to tonight, but Sasuke squashed it, focusing instead on the smell of singed leaves and cool air. This would be his last autumn in Konoha, he may as well embrace it while he could.
Sasuke's arm dropped to his side, his cue to stop walking and wait for his turn to speak.
"Dearly Beloved…" The Priest began to the staccato of horse's in the distant, "We are gathered," The cantering sound grew louder to the point of distraction and across from him Orochimaru looked irritated, "To join together in holy matrimony…"
"I-it's Kyuubi!" One of the guards yelled instantly causing panic to spread through the crowd.
"I object!" Naruto yelled as he rode up to the ceremony.
Sasuke's head flew in the direction of the voice, his veil catching and snagging in the process, "Dobe." He muttered.
"Uchiha-san." One of Orochimaru's men had grabbed him by the elbow and was attempting to lead him toward the temple, "Come on, it's not safe for you out here."
Kakashi sighed already exasperated just watching Naruto be an idiot. 'I knew this was going to happen.' He thought as he ran with the other guards to attack Naruto.
Naruto refused to stop for anything; riding his horse straight down the aisle Sasuke had been walking down moments before. The murderous look in his eyes and the speed he rode his horse at while galloping to the guards was more than enough to drive them back and it seemed he reached the temple Sasuke had been dragged to rather easily.
Dismounting his horse he ran into the temple with his sword unsheathed and ready for a fight. However it was not a fight that greeted Naruto, it was a shaking guard and Sasuke. He pointed his sword at the guard's neck. "Leave. Now." Naruto growled at him.
The man looked back and forth from Naruto to Sasuke before saying, "I-I can't leave him to the likes of you," with as much conviction as he could muster.
Kakashi entered the temple walking over to the three. "You can leave. I've got this." He told the man who eagerly complied.
"Dobe what are you doing here?" Sasuke seethed as soon as the other man had taken his leave.
"Teme, I changed my mind. I can't let you marry that creepy asshole! I just can't! Come back with me we'll work it out!"
Kakashi merely allowed the scene to play out as he reached to get his book from his back pocket.
"I can't." Sasuke said as flatly as he could manage, "This is best for both of us."
"Sasu-chan, please," Naruto pleaded with the eye of a kicked puppy. "Come home. This can't be best."
Kakashi looked out the door to see the same man that ran out of the temple leading a group of guards toward the temple. "You need to get out of here, Naruto."
"No, damn it! I'm not done talking to Sasuke!" Naruto screamed.
"Yes you are." Sasuke said pushing Naruto toward the back door just as the guards walked in.
"Unhand Uchiha-san," The guard in the front said gallantly.
"I'm not handing him! He's handing me!" Naruto protested. He spun out of Sasuke's grasp to face the band of guards grasping his sword and assuming a fighting position. "I did come to take Sasuke back though so if you've gotta problem with that then I'll be more than happy to fight you for him."
The guards charged Naruto and Fugaku and Itachi came in the back, "Sasuke get out of here." Itachi said grabbing Sasuke's arm and pulling him toward the doors. The sudden jerk threw Sasuke off balance and he fell face first out to the ground grabbing his stomach on instinct.
"You bastards! Stop being so rough with him! He's pregnant!" Naruto screamed at Itachi and Fugaku while simultaneously trying to fight off the guards.
Sasuke gaped, opening and closing his mouth like a fish for a moment before passing out cold.
Six months earlier…
Sasuke fingered the tiny jade comb memorizing all the invisible chips along its fine teeth. Even in the heightened altitude the air was dense with summer heat and Sasuke found himself drifting in and out of consciousness.
"Careful with that Sasuke," His mother's drowsy voice cut through the haze, "It's an heirloom."
"I won't break it." Sasuke's own voice sounded far away even to him and he did his best to focus on the little comb in his hand, attempting to anchor himself to his surroundings.
The carriage bounced along on the narrow mountain path and even in his semi-conscious state Sasuke was aware of their increased speed. They were moving into rebel territory.
Naruto looked down at the unsuspecting carriage baring the Uchiha emblem. He smirked at it. "You guys ready," he called out to the ambush group. He grinned when the group yelled their excitement about the mission. "Charge!"
The men screamed once again as they kicked their horses into action. They followed Naruto into action and circled the carriage.
"It's Kyuubi!" The guards yelled as they charged to defend the carriage.
Sasuke felt himself thrown forward as their carriage came to an abrupt halt. Pulling himself off the floor Sasuke lift the veil of the window. "Sasuke!" Sasuke's mother screamed grabbing his wrist, "Put down the blind before they see you."
But her pleas fell on deaf ears as Sasuke stared entranced at the battle taking place outside.
Naruto rode up to the window Sasuke was staring out of. Noticing the jade comb in his hand and thinking it may be of some value, Naruto quickly snatched it from Sasuke's hand smirking and winking at Sasuke he rode away. "Come on, guys! Let's head back to camp!" He yelled out.
'That audacious prick,' Sasuke eyes narrowed at the retreating back and without a second thought he was climbing out the window, kicking the first rebel he saw off his horse.
"Give me back my comb!" He screamed cantering up to the larger blonde.
Naruto stared incredulously back at Sasuke. "You followed me?" He yelled at him before breaking off from the group as not to lead Sasuke to their camp. That's when Naruto decided to have a little fun. He held up the comb for Sasuke to inspect. "You want it? Come get it!"
Sasuke's face contorted in a mix of frustration and determination. Using what little riding skill he had he urged his horse faster until the blonde was within reach and leaning forward took a swipe at the blonde's jaw, being instantly rewarded with a sickening crack.
Naruto stared at him incredulous holding his jaw for a brief moment before his smirk spread from ear to ear. He threw a well-aimed punch at Sasuke that threw the brunette off balance for a moment however didn't knock him off his horse as Naruto had hoped. Naruto cursed under his breath at the failure.
Indignant at having been both robbed and hit, Sasuke grabbed the weaponry attached to the horse's side and did his best imitation of archery. He didn't so much as scratch Naruto.
Naruto laughed at the attempt. "You've never held a bow in your life, have you?" Naruto made the move to grab his own bow and arrows however his hand froze. 'It doesn't seem fair to shoot at someone who can't shoot back.' He frowned at the realization and chose to merely throw another punch at Sasuke.
Prepared for this attack Sasuke bent, with easy grace, a seemingly impossible amount backward and evaded, before counter attacking with a punch of his own.
Caught up in a fantasy about how many ways Sasuke could bend Naruto failed to dodge the attack and was knocked of his horse.
Sasuke simpered smugly, "Give me back my comb, do-be."
"Hell no, teme." Naruto shot back. He remounted his horse which had stopped shortly after he'd fallen off and grabbed his bow and arrows. He no intention of hitting Sasuke, he just want Sasuke to fall off his horse when he dodged them. With that plan in mind, he started firing arrows at him rapidly.
In a display of just how lithe and sinuous he was Sasuke began to dodge Naruto's arrows, bending and twisting like a contortionist, but never once losing his balance.
"Damn it!" Naruto yelled. "I don't want to hurt you but you just won't fall!" Naruto knew that if Sasuke were actually going to fall off his horse trying to dodge his attacks he'd have to fire right at him. Hoping Sasuke would just fall he aimed and fired.
Sasuke stood perfectly still as the arrow flew toward him waiting until the thing was nearly in his chest before reaching out his hand and grabbing it, stopping it dead in it's path. "Give. Me. Back. My. Comb."
"No way," Naruto growled.
In a moment of frustration and insanity Sasuke fulfilled Naruto's desire all on his own…sort of. He jumped from his horse and out to Naruto's attempting to tackle the blonde to the ground (and mostly likely get them both trampled to death). Unfortunately in his state of rage Sasuke did not account for the weight difference and all his little stunt did was land him riding in Naruto's lap.
Naruto head butted Sasuke as hard as he could before they had time to re-adjust.
Sasuke may have been able to go punch for punch with Naruto, but the moron had a hard head and just like that Naruto found himself with a lapful of sweaty Uchiha.
Naruto stopped his horse and picked the Uchiha. He placed him down gently on the ground then he stared at him. 'I can't really just leave him here, can I? I mean it's one thing to kill him in self-dense but to just leave him to die… Then again I can't take him back. Tsunade would kill me…. Damn it!' Naruto picked the Uchiha up bridal-style and put him on the horse before riding back to camp.
No one seemed to mind Naruto when he walked in with Sasuke in tow. They were all too busy rummaging through the Uchihas' luggage. So it wasn't until Naruto asked for rope to tie the Uchiha up that they realized what he'd done.
"Naruto, you idiot! Did you kidnap Uchiha Sasuke?" Sakura screamed punching Naruto in the head.
"Ow!" Naruto rubbed the bump forming on his head. "I didn't kidnap anyone he followed me."
"Yeah!" Kiba screamed in agreement, "That little bastard kicked me off my horse. Good job Naruto," Kiba said clapping Naruto on the back, "Now we can show the little prick what's-what."
"Hell yeah we will! Little bastard made me fall off my horse, but first we should definitely tie him up. If he wakes up, he'll try to kill us I guarantee it." Naruto said taking some ropes from a pile of assorted stolen goods and using them to bind the brunette's hands together. "So what should we do with him?"
"I don't care what you two do just leave me out of it." Shikamaru murmured from the sidelines.
Kiba shrugged, "I hadn't really gotten that far in…"
"We could take him back to Naruto's tent, undress him, and…What?" Sakura glared down the three men sending her disbelieving looks, "I'm just suggesting we search him is all."
"Just deal with him when he wakes up." Shikamaru said. "Did you find anything worth value?"
"No, not really. Oh, but I did get teme's comb." Naruto pulled the comb out of his pocket. "That's what he chased me down for."
"Nobody cares about a comb." Sakura said. "Maybe it's not something tangible. Maybe it's information."
"Maybe it's the Uchiha." Shikamaru said. "They were going to Sound to visit Orochimaru, right? Maybe the Uchiha is precious to him."
"Ew! No fucking way! Orochimaru is like three times older than him!" Naruto held three fingers up in Shikamaru's face to emphasize his point.
Shikamaru shoved Naruto's hand out of his face. "It's just a theory."
Kiba looked contemplative, "He may have something there, blondie. Didn't Tsunade mention that was Orochimaru supposed to get married sometime this month? We never did find out who his bride to be was. I'd say Uchiha here's as good a candidate as any."
"No way in hell!" Naruto growled. "That's sick. We'll just ask teme." Naruto poured his cantina over Sasuke's face. "Hey, teme, wake up. We've gotta a question for you."
Sasuke shot up, or at least he tried, the restraints threw him slightly off guard sending tumbling back down. "W-What…What's," Sasuke sputtered mindlessly looking around confused before he caught sight of Naruto. His eyes narrowing and his voice darken-doing his best to sound intimidating in his breathless and dehydrated state-he growled, "Give me my comb."
"First answer my question. You aren't Orochimaru's fiancé, are you?" Naruto asked.
Sasuke just spat in Naruto's direction.
"Face it, Kyuubi." Shikamaru said hoping calling Naruto Kyuubi would remind him not to use real names in front of Sasuke. "He's Orochimaru's fiancé. I guess mission accomplished but we can't keep him here. It might be best to let Scarecrow take him home."
"No, I'm not going to accept it until teme says so for himself." Naruto protested. "Besides then he'd know who Scarecrow is."
While Shikamaru and Naruto debated Sasuke scrambled gracelessly to his feet taking the opportunity to charge Naruto, "Give me my comb." He screamed kicking him in the side as Kiba and Sakura-who were previously distracted with looting-rushed to restrain him.
"Jesus, just give him the comb. This is a pain in ass." Shikamaru groaned.
"No! It's the principle! I'm not giving in!" Naruto yelled scrambling back to his feet.
"What are you even going to do with it?" Sakura asked. "You never brush your hair."
"It's the principle!" Naruto repeated.
"Little help guys." Kiba whined as Sasuke kicked and elbowed the man at every opportunity.
Naruto pushed Sasuke to the ground and pinned him. "Teme, calm down. Do you want an entire rebel camp trying to kill you? At the moment, we're trying to figure out a way you can go home, but we can't send you home until you tell us everything we need to know and we know you won't tell a soul about us, got it?"
Sasuke spat at Naruto once again, "I don't give a fuck about you or your gaggle of petty thieves just give me back my fucking comb. I can take care of myself."
"You want us to just let you go in the middle of the desert? You're a pampered, rich kid that doesn't even comb his own hair, do you really think you'd survive?" Shikamaru put his two cents in. "If so, please be my guest."
"Hn." Despite himself Sasuke stuck his nose up in the haughty manner that had been bred into him.
"Oh just give 'im the comb and let him go." Kiba said, "Once he dies he'll be outta our hair."
"I'm not giving him back the comb!" Naruto protested.
"Can we at least leave him to die? This is getting annoying." Shikamaru said.
"We can't let him die." Sakura interjected, "Th-that's so cruel…and anyway his mother saw him ride after Naruto. It'll be traced back to us."
"I'm sure they'll find the dead body before they find us. We're relatively well hidden." Shikamaru countered.
"I don't think we should kill him. I never kill anyone who doesn't deserve it, that's my code." Naruto said.
"He tried to kill us. I think he deserves it." Shikamaru deadpanned.
Sasuke struggled harder against his bindings in futility for a moment longer until it became apparent even to him that he was going nowhere, "Fine keep the comb." He hissed (although he had every intention of getting his comb back), "Just let me go or do you want the entirety of Orochimaru's men out here looking for me?"
"He has a good point. We can't afford to have that many people searching the village. Maybe we should just send him back." Shikamaru said. "Let's wait to see what Slug Princess thinks."
Naruto glared down at Sasuke. "You really wanna go back to that creepy guy? He's not actually your fiancé, right?"
"Creepy. Hn. You're one to pass judgment after you ransacked my carriage and nearly gave my mother a stroke."
"Oh yeah," Naruto grinned sheepishly. "So that was her freaking out next to you. If we send you back, you'll have to apologize for me."
"I doubt she'll be very forgiving considering you've stolen more than one priceless heirloom, including that comb and my grandmother's wedding kimono."
"Oh," Naruto sat on Sasuke and scratched the back of his head. "I guess I didn't stop to think any of it had sentimental value. We'll send it back then."
"Why would we do that? These things are valuable." Shikamaru said.
"It's important to him and what're we really gonna do with it, nothing. It's just better to give it back." Naruto said.
"I was actually hoping to keep the kimono." Sakura muttered.
"That was my grandmother's and my mother's and it was supposed…You wouldn't fit in it anyway." Sasuke snapped.
"A-are you calling me fat?" Sakura screamed indignantly.
"I—," Sasuke began only to be cut off by the gruff woman who'd come up behind him, "What's going on over here?" She screamed.
"Yo, baa-chan!" Naruto grinned at her. "This is my stalker, Uchiha Sasuke."
Tsunade's mouth fell open for a moment, "What the hell did you do now brat?"
"I didn't do shit! I was following the mission, but teme here got all pissed off when I took his comb and followed me!" Naruto protested.
"We think it might be best to just send him home. He's Orochimaru's fiancé and we don't want Orochimaru's searching the desert on top of his father's men." Shikamaru said.
Tsunade nodded in agreement, "We'll have Scarecrow take him back as soon as possible."
"I'm not going anywhere without my comb…or my kimono." Sasuke sent Sakura a scathing glare.
Sakura glared back at him. "I say we let him die."
"I'll take him back." Naruto offered. "I'll give him a ride and leave him outside the city walls of Sound. It's only a three-day ride and Kaa-chan would kill me if Scarecrow got found out 'cause I lead teme back here. But I won't give the comb back!"
"And just why should I trust you to do that, brat?" Tsunade said crossing her arms over her ample chest.
"Because I'm the only one here that doesn't wanna kill him and do you want to deal with Kaa-chan if Scarecrow gets found out. He can be scary when he's mad."
"Well it is your fault he's here in the first place." Tsunade sighed exasperated, "…Just don't do anything stupid, and I think you know what I mean…and give him his damn comb back." On that note Tsunade walked out of the tent.
"I'll give him the comb back when I think he deserves it back, bitch." Naruto grumbled. Naruto grinned down at Sasuke. "So we should leave as soon as possible. The less time Orochimaru's men search the better. I think at best we can leave tonight until then you can stay at my tent." Naruto stood and helped Sasuke up. "I'll cut your bindings when I think you won't try to kill me."
"I don't want to stay in your fucking tent. I don't need your help. Just let me go I'll make it back to Sound on my own."
Naruto frowned. "You don't know where you're going and you'd never make it all the way to Sound without any water."
"You're such an ungrateful prick." Naruto growled. "Listen, you're coming back to my tent. I'm going to make us dinner and get everything ready for our trip then we're going to leave, got it?" Naruto didn't wait for Sasuke's response before leading him out of the tent and to his horse.
Sasuke thrashed about in Naruto's grip screaming indignantly the whole way.
When they reached Naruto's tent, Naruto led Sasuke inside his tent. He walked out to go start their meal muttering about ungrateful pricks the whole way.
Sasuke threw himself down on Naruto's makeshift bed-really a pile of pillow's and blankets-more infuriated than ever he planned his revenge. It was with this new resolve that Sasuke made his way out of Naruto's tent-hands still bond-he snuck around the great rock separating the two of them, grabbing a smaller rock on his way. He crept up behind Naruto and bam! Whacked him straight in the back of the head with the rock, knocking him to the ground.
With Naruto unconscious Sasuke ran away from the camp like his life depended onto, not bothering with his bond hands until he felt he was a safe distance away. Unfortunately for Sasuke once he was a 'safe' distance away he couldn't for the life of him find anything to cut the bindings on his wrists. In fact he couldn't find anything. He was as hopelessly lost as Naruto had predicted…not that he'd admit that.
He looked up toward the sky, the sunset in the west and Sound was to the north so if he just kept walking south…it was roughly an hour later that Sasuke passed out, falling like a lead weight to the desert floor.
Naruto was not amused when he woke up roughly three hours later. His first reaction was to let the Uchiha die out in the desert if that was what he really wanted but this nagging voice in the back of Naruto's head told him he couldn't let the Uchiha die just yet so an angry Naruto packed six days worth of rations for the two of them and headed out to look for Sasuke and take him back to Sound.
It was only a half an hour later Naruto found the brunette passed out. He allowed himself a smirk at being right before pouring water in his mouth.
Sasuke coughed, his eyes shooting open with surprise at being greeted with the sight of Naruto looming over him with a cantina. "What're you doing?" Sasuke asked pushing the cantina away from his mouth despite being desperately thirsty.
"I'm saving your ass." Naruto said throwing the cantina over to Sasuke so he could finish drinking himself before rummaging through his pockets. After he'd completed the search through apparently very deep pockets, he held the comb out to Sasuke. "Here, it's a peace offering. I've got your kimono too. Just come back to Sound with me and then I promise I'll leave you and your family alone."
Sasuke halted his greedy drinking to look stunned at Naruto. The moment was fleeting and silent, however, as Sasuke chose to do little more than nod in acknowledgment.
Naruto grinned. "Great!" He took one of Sasuke's hands and wrapped it around the comb. "We're finally getting somewhere! C'mon, let's get on the horse." Naruto stood offering Sasuke a hand up.
"Would you mind untying me dobe?" Sasuke said taking Naruto's hand, "It's becoming inconvenient."
"Promise not to attack me?" Naruto asked already working on untying him.
"Promise not to take me back to Sound?"
Naruto stopped his work on Sasuke's bindings to look up at him confused. "I thought you wanted to go back to Sound."
Sasuke smirked bitterly, "That's exactly what I want to go to Sound and become a breeder to a man three times my age."
"I knew no one would want to marry a creep like him!" Naruto said as he finished untying Sasuke. "Alright, we don't have to go to Sound. You can stay with me."
"Hn." Sasuke snorted mockingly, " You really are a dobe. Do you have any idea what kind of risk you'd be taking by keeping me with you? …No, just take me to Wave. I can handle myself from there."
"No way, teme. A pampered pretty boy like you would last five seconds in Wave. Trust me I know the rebels out that way, they'll kill you for looking at 'em funny and you're Uchiha Sasuke. They'd never let you get away. Stay with me. If it wasn't okay, I wouldn't have offered."
"And what about your teammates? What will they think?"
"I told you Sasuke, if it wasn't okay I wouldn't offer." Naruto said more sternly this time. "But you may have to work on your relationship with Sakura-chan after calling her fat."
"She tried to steal my kimono," Sasuke muttered crossly.
"Fine dobe I just have one more question."
"What's that?" Naruto asked.
"What's your name?"
Naruto gave Sasuke a foxy grin and held his hand out for Sasuke to shake, "Uzumaki Naruto at your service."
"Hn. Fishcake," Sasuke grinned smugly before taking Naruto's hand, "It suits you. Almost as well as dobe."
"What the hell is that supposed to mean, you ungrateful prick?" Naruto acted scandalized but the smile hadn't left his face.
"Nothing dobe, c'mon if we don't hurry you won't have time to draw me a bath before dark." Sasuke said walking over to Naruto's horse.
"Who said I was drawing you a bath?" Naruto asked as he jumped onto the horse and kicked it into a gallop.
Sasuke looked at him as if he'd spoken in tongues. Blinking twice and snapping his mouth shut Sasuke managed out a simple, "Well I can't go to bed like this. I have sand in my hair."
"What's your point? I go to bed with sand in my hair all the time. This is the desert."
Sasuke opened and closed his mouth like a fish, "You can't be serious. You honestly expect me to go to bed this filthy. I can barely function."
"You're kidding, right?"
There was an awkward moment of staring before Sasuke burst out with, "The hell I am!"
Naruto laughed hysterically for a good five minutes before he calmed down enough to say, "Alright, I'll draw a bath for the princess."
"Hmph," Sasuke huffed, "Don't call me princess dobe."
"But that's exactly what you act like a pampered little princess."
Sasuke glared daggers at Naruto before punching him in the chest, "I'm not a woman, usuratonkachi."
"No, but you're just as cute as a princess should be."
Sasuke fought to keep down a blush (a battle which he lost), "Just shut up and get us back to camp dobe."
Naruto snickered as they reached his tent. "May I help you down princess?" He smirked offering him a hand.
Sasuke glared refusing to take the offered hand. He slid off the side of the horse bracing himself a bit too hard on the saddle causing him to fall forward into the side of the horse.
Naruto snickered under his breath. "That wouldn't have happened if you'd let me help you, princess."
"Shouldn't you be drawing my bath?" Sasuke seethed pushing his way past Naruto toward the tent.
"I'm going, I'm going." Naruto held his hands up in surrender as he walked off to draw Sasuke's bath.
Kakashi watched skeptically as Naruto carried two large buckets of water back to his tent. He'd come back to camp to warn the rebels of the search for Sasuke and also to offer to take him home if by some chance he had made it there, but as soon as he'd arrived Tsunade had told him that Naruto had already left to return the Uchiha. Which was why it was especially suspicious to see Naruto walking around camp, and just what the hell was all that water for.
"Naruto, what exactly are you doing with all that water?" Kakashi quirked an eyebrow.
Naruto froze before turning to look at Kakashi wondering exactly how much he knew. "Oh yeah, it's for a bath. I figured it'd been a while since I last took one so might as well, right?"
"And since when does it occur to you to bath?" Kakashi decided to play it close to the vest to see just how much he could get out of Naruto.
"Are you implying I don't bath? That's simply unsanitary! I'm so insulted I don't think I can stand to be in your presence! Good day to you sir!" Naruto started to walk off in a fake huff.
"Yeah you'd better hurry back. Sasuke gets rather bitchy when he hasn't had his bath."
"Yeah, he did seem like the type that would—I mean, shit! Don't tell Baa-chan! She'd kill me!"
"You can't keep him here Naruto. You're putting the whole camp at risk. You have to take him to Sound before Orochimaru's men come looking for him."
"But he doesn't want to marry that creep. I'm not taking him back there so he can spend the rest of his life in a terrible marriage."
"That's really not for you to decide Naruto." Kakashi said grimly, "Now take him back before you put us all in danger."
"I won't take him back! And I can't believe everyone else is just so ready to send him to a place where he'll never be happy!" Naruto yelled as he continued his trip back to his camp. "Fuck you guys. I don't care if you do tell Baa-chan but I won't let you send him back."
Kakashi sighed exasperated, "This won't end well."
"Took you long enough dobe," Sasuke said as Naruto re-entered his tent.
"How would you know how long it takes to draw a bath? You've never had to! For all you know I was fast!" Naruto protested opting not to tell him about his discussion with Kakashi.
"How do you know I've never drawn a bath before?" Sasuke countered, "I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself. You're the one who insisted I stay with you."
"I didn't insist on becoming your servant. And you should be grateful I didn't take you to Wave. You think Zabuza would've put up with this shit after he caught you! Hell no!"
"Hn. It's not servitude dobe. It's hospitality, even a crude ape like you should know the difference."
"Ape?" Naruto's jaw hit the floor before an idea came to him. He smirked conspiratorially, "Maybe I'll just use this water to take a bath and you can get your own bath water."
It was now Sasuke's jaw that hit the floor, "Why would you bother bathing at this point? It's quite an accomplishment to get a layer of dirt so thick it actually changes your skin tone."
"Hey! Fuck you! I'm naturally this tan! I'll just have to prove it by taking a bath."
"If you want to take a bath you'll just have to use my old water because there's no way in hell I'm going another minute without a bath."
"We could always take a bath together."
"You…we…" Sasuke sputtered, "This conversation is over." With that Sasuke began to hastily undress, turning his back to Naruto.
Naruto had no problems facing Sasuke's backside. In fact he was rather enjoying it at the moment but he stared a little too long and a little too hard.
Sasuke looked over his shoulder at Naruto, "Enjoying yourself dobe?" He said raising an elegant brow.
"Very much so." Naruto said showing absolutely no shame.
Sasuke blushed flinging his head back around, "There are whores with more shame than you, do you realize that?"
"I can't help it. This is how I was raised and we really don't get many people worth ogling around here and the people worth ogling punch. Hard. But you are most definitely worth ogling!" Naruto smirked.
Sasuke walked over dipping his feet into the water hesitantly before completely submerging himself, "Hn."
"How disappointing, you didn't blush. That's too bad you're so cute when you blush."
This time Sasuke did blush lowering himself deeper into the water until his cheeks where hidden. "Do you speak so familiarly to everyone?"
"Of course." Naruto blinked. "Is there something wrong with that?"
"You really are a dobe," The words burbled up from the water as Sasuke concealed himself beneath the water.
Naruto just snickered at the flustered Uchiha. "I don't know why you're taking a bath. You're just going to get more sand in you're hair when you sleep on the floor."
"The floor! I'm not sleeping on the floor." Sasuke protested spinning around in the tub to face Naruto.
"Well, I'm not giving up my bed! We'll just have to share."
"You can't honestly expect me to share a bed after all you've said."
"Don't worry I won't touch you…unless you want me to."
"I'd rather go back to Orochimaru." Sasuke said flatly, "Now where's my towel."
"Ouch. And here I thought you would've had this great chivalrous image of me." Naruto said disappointedly before throwing Sasuke a towel.
"I hardly think staring at my ass is conducive to chivalry." Sasuke stood from the tub and wrapped himself in the before a regretful look passed his features, "What am I going to wear?" He thought aloud.
"You can burrow some of my stuff." Naruto offered already going to search through his drawers.
"Is it clean?" Sasuke did nothing to hide his disgust.
"Yes, it's clean, teme." Naruto groaned throwing some clothes over to Sasuke.
Sasuke grunted something that sounded vaguely like thank you before proceeding to dress. "So when's dinner?" Sasuke asked, the hunger and exhaustion from running through the desert starting to set in.
"Oh, I guess I'll go start it but be warned it won't be the most delicious thing you've ever eaten." Naruto said as he walked out of the tent.
Sasuke followed Naruto out of the tent, "Wait you're cooking? Are you qualified to do that? Isn't there someone here that…"
Sasuke was cut off by Naruto's hysterical laughter. "Where-hahaha-exactly do you think-ahahhahaha-you are?" Naruto calmed down enough to stifle his laughter. "You don't have to be qualified to cook and no one else around here is gonna cook. Besides, no one is allowed to know you're here. But Scarecrow's probably already told Baa-chan."
Sasuke sat down to sulk beside Naruto as he cooked, "Shut up dobe, it's not outrageous to think that someone here has the job of cooking. I mean you must have duties or something."
"If you knew everyone at the camp better you'd understand why it's so outrageous to think that one of them would cook for so many people. In fact Shika won't even cook for himself. Whenever no one's heard from him in awhile we have to go make sure he hasn't starved."
"Well you should organize yourselves better." Sasuke remarked caustically, "No wonder I took you down so easily."
"You didn't take down anyone! I kicked your ass!" Naruto protested.
Sasuke rolled his eyes, "Whatever helps you sleep at night dobe."
"I totally did! I head butted you and you passed out!" Naruto yelled. "I won!"
"Hn, what kind of shinobi head butts someone? A real man would have taken me down with his bare hands."
"Are you saying I'm not a real man, you ungrateful little prick?"
"Well you certainly aren't man enough for me." Sasuke sneered.
"What does a pretty boy like you know about men? I'll show you masculine!" Naruto yelled as he jumped up to fight.
Sasuke ready himself in fighting stance, "I'll make you eat those words dobe."
"Now, now, children, that's enough fighting." Kakashi said as he approached them, walking into Naruto's home as if it were his own. "Sasuke, I think it's about time you came with me back to Sound."
"Damn it, I said I wouldn't let you take him." Naruto growled.
"What's going on dobe? Why is Kaka—Scarecrow!" Sasuke said in sudden realization. "You're working for the rebellion…" Sasuke grinned at what he assumed was divine intervention, "You know what Scarecrow I don't think I'll be going back to Sound. In fact I'm going to go to Wave and you're going to take me."
"Fine." Kakashi agreed. "Let's go before the others find out you're here."
Naruto's face dropped. "What? You're really going to take him?"
"Of course, I am. Having him here is just too great a risk." Kakashi said.
"Fine," Naruto growled. "But I'm coming. I don't trust you."
"Fine. Whatever you want." Kakashi said. "I suppose it's better you're not here."