Season 8, Episode 1 - With So Little to Be Sure Of

"Wisteria Lane was known for its friendships."

Gaby, Bree, Susan, and Lynette all gather and gossip about a random new neighbor.

"And its fresh-cut, well-manicured lawns."

Bree tends her garden, and she viciously removes a weed.

"But no one ever knew about the secrets the residents had kept."

"I hope you all had a good time!" yelled Gaby, as her guests were on their merry way returning to their homes. She had returned back inside, and looked at her friends.

"What the hell did we just do?" snapped Carlos, as he was on pins and needles about the entire situation.

"More like, what are we going to do with this body?" asked Gaby, who looked at the macabre brown chest.

"Well it's a shame that Felicia just left, maybe she could have given us some pointers." enlightened Susan.

"Or Paul, for that matter.", said Lynette, "I don't trust him."

"Back to the main point, we could bury it somewhere…" said Gaby.

"That's too easy, we'll be found and we'd all be arrested. Just like that." barked Bree.

"If you're so smart, how about you think of something?" ordered Lynette.

"Okay, okay, why don't we all just calm down?" suggested Susan.

"There are a numerous amount of ways to dispose of that body. We could chop him up into many pieces and bury them all separately, we could place the body in a river, or we could… oh my God, I can't believe I hadn't thought of that …" said Bree.

"Thought of what?" retorted Gaby.

"All of you, come with me." said Bree.

Before going with Bree, Gaby looked out the window to see if anyone was out there, fearing that their crimes would be exposed and everyone would know. Quickly, she closed the curtains.

"This is going to be very, very messy." said Susan.

Opening credits

The next morning, Lynette wakes up and rolls over only to see the other side of the bed empty. She sighs and gets out of bed and goes downstairs, and sees her children eating their breakfast and following their daily morning routine.

"Good morning, Mommy!" exclaimed Penny, "I made you your favorite breakfast, french toast."

"Oh, thanks sweetie. That's really nice of you." said Lynette. "So what is it that you want?"

"What do you mean?" asked Penny, who was puzzled.

"Oh come on, anytime you act extra nice or do things without being told to do so, you want something. So spit it out."

"Alright, fine. I want to know where dad is."

"Where your father is? He left a few hours ago to go on a business trip. Your dad also told me that he'll be back on Friday morning." said Lynette, who felt guilty for lying.

"Oh…okay. I miss him so much."

"I know you do, sweetie. And I do, too." replied Lynette, with a grim look on her face as she hugged Penny.

Over at Susan's, she relaxed into her recliner and turned on the television, to see a daytime soap opera.

"Ah, this is so nice. To sit in my own chair, to put my feet up on my own table, it's just so…so…soothing." said Susan.

"Isn't it?" replied Mike, who was happier than ever.

"I can't believe we're finally back at home, I mean after all we have been through, I just didn't think it'd be so easy."

"It wasn't easy, Susan. We went through a lot. And I mean a lot of stuff. From the whole porn thing of yours, to your need for a kidney, to being held hostage in the comfort of your own home? Please."

"Well I never thought of it like that. Can we just skip those parts of life and pretend like it never happened?" asked Susan, who hated to think about all of that.

"You know I'd love to, but that's just life."

"Oh Mike, how I hate it when you're blunt."

Renee lied in bed, having the worst hangover of her life. She felt her forehead and moaned.

"Ugh, this is the worst hangover ever."

"That was the best sex ever." chanted a black man, who was laying beside her.

"What the hell! Since when did we-"

"Shush. After the dinner party. You said we were broken up, but I carried you back home and you told me you loved me."

With his bartender clothes lying on the floor, Renee looked surprised.

"Did I even say I wanted to have sex with you? I repeatedly told you 'No' and that we were 'over'!"

"Um, well when you were on top of me, you were saying 'Yes'."

"I am repulsed by you, and I'm so regretting this. Just do me a favor and leave." ordered Renee.



Bree and Chuck are sitting at the dining table indulging in a quiet breakfast. Bree grabs some maple syrup to place on her pancakes, before accidentally spilling it on the table.

"Don't you just hate it when that happens?" asked Chuck, trying to initiate a conversation.

"Of course. Shall I get you something to drink while I'm in the kitchen?" asked Bree.

"Sure. A glass of milk? Please?"

"In a moment."

Bree smiled, before walking into the kitchen. As she prepared a glass of milk for her detective boyfriend, she felt extremely guilty. She wondered what would happen should Chuck ever know about what has happened.

Suddenly, she heard a moving van from outside. It distracted her, and she managed to once again, spill something. Only this time it was milk, and it just so happened to go all over the floor, and the counter.

"Son of a-"

Outside, the women of Wisteria Lane gathered to see who the new neighbor was in town. Gaby and Lynette gossiped, as Renee approached them from all the way at the opposite end of the cul-de-sac.

"Who are we dishing, ladies?" asked Renee, who was curious.

"The new neighbor. Judging by her hideous cushions, I'd say that she's barely middle class." replied Gaby, who seemed a little sour.

"Gaby! Who are we to judge? After all that we have done?" said Lynette. Clearly she was alluding to the night before.

Gaby looked speechless for a minute. "I guess you're right." Gaby bit her tongue.

"Well that was awkward. Anyways, I have an ice breaker. I slept with that bartender guy. And boy he is sure repulsive."

The women gasped, and all of a sudden, Bree joined them.

"Hello, ladies."

Gaby and Lynette turned to look at Bree, with their mouths still dropped.

"Exactly why are we gasping?"

"Because I slept with that bartender." said Renee.

"You have got to be kidding me. Renee, you should know better!"

"I believe what you should be saying is 'I could have done better'."

Bree's mouth dropped. "So who are these people?"

"We have no idea. But Gaby enlightened us, claiming that their furniture should leave us to assume that they are poor and have no taste."

Gaby rolled her eyes.

"Well I guess it's a good thing that I made some muffins for breakfast this morning. Perhaps I should go get them. Ladies, would you like to come with?"

"Sure, why not?" said Renee. "I could go for one right now, anyway."

Susan was bored. Her day was long and it wasn't as fun as she thought it would have been. But she was grateful that she was back in her old home and everything was nice and new. Soon enough, her phone began to vibrate. She was surprised to see that she had received a phone call from Julie.

"Hey Julie, is everything okay?"

"Yeah, mom, everything's fine. But I want you to come outside for a minute."


As she opened the door, she was happy to see an eager blonde outside of her house.

"Surprise!" cheered Julie.

Susan went to hug her daughter, and they both laughed and smiled.

"Julie! It's so nice to see you. But tell me, what's going on?"

"Well I have good news. Do you see that moving van over there?"

Susan screamed. "Seriously?"

"Yes! Mom, my fiancee and I thought about it. And we really want to be near you, so that way you won't be far away from your grandchildren."

"Oh, yeah? I'm surprised that Bradley managed to oblige."

"I know right. But he eventually came to, I'm just so glad that you're back!"

Their reunion was interrupted by the wives, behind them.

"Julie! Oh my God, it's been forever!" shouted Bree, who was surprised.

"Yes, I know. Guess what? I'm the new neighbor!"

All the girls giggled, and seemed to be happy.

"Really?" asked Gaby.


"I also have another surprise for you guys." Julie said, before holding out her hand.

"Wow, that's a pretty ring!"

"I know, right? He asked me to marry him in London!"

"Well, aren't you chipper?" alerted Lynette.

"Why yes, yes I am." said Julie with a smile.

It was night-time on Wisteria Lane, and all of the residents were getting tired. Especially Lynette, who feared to know just how her kids would react to the news. She checked the time, and waited for Tom to show up. But unfortunately, he never did, and she had to break the news herself.

"Kids!", shouted Lynette from the end of the stairs, "We need to talk!"

All of her kids marched down the stairs defiantly, anxious to know what was going on. One by one, they all gathered to the living room and sat on the couches. Lynette stood in front of them, and she froze. Seconds passed before someone would eventually speak.

"Mother, just get it off your chest. Whatever's eating you inside, you have to just spit it out." said Porter.

"Wait a minute," said Penny, "I think I know what this is about."

Lynette began to speak. "Penny, I'm sure you do, but I think it'd be best if instead it were me who broke the news."

"You see, your father and I have been going through a lot lately. You all have noticed how we have been on pins and needles, and ever since he became rich he just wasn't the same guy. The guy that I once knew. So, we then went on vacation, to that bed and breakfast, and a couple there pointed out to us that we … well… we were in some trouble. So we decided that it would be best for the both of us, and for you guys too, if we decided to spend some time apart."

Porter and Preston were shocked, and Parker comforted Penny as she began to burst into tears.

"But that does not mean we are going to divorce. It's just very, very complicated. And there is no easy way to solve this. This is a rough patch that is going to take time, a lot of time, to recover. As a family, if we can stay together, we can work all of this out. I promise."

"You know what you just contradicted yourself. We are not a family and we certainly are not together if you two are splitting up! This is ALL of your fault, mom! I will never forgive you for this." bluntly stated Porter, who was furious about all of this.

Parker's reaction was different. "Mom, I don't believe this is all of your fault. But everything will be fine. Don't stress. Just relax."

Penny quietly left the room with her brother, Porter, and Preston just sat there in shock. Paige began to cry and Parker signaled Preston to get the baby.

Lynette sat down on the end table and sighed. She thought about a lot of things. What would happen if she and Tom really did divorce? Was it really her fault? What about custody? There were a lot of things to think about in such little time.

"Yes. Wisteria Lane was known for many things."

"Like it's picture perfect families."

Lynette holds a picture of her family together, smiling, and blissfully happy.

"Its close friendships."

Bree is talking to Gaby on the phone about Alejandro, and Chuck stares at her, as the two smile but Chuck gives her a lengthy stare.

"But it was notorious for secrets that no one ever knew about."

Renee popped open a bottle of red wine, and poured into two glasses. She had a dinner prepared, candles lit, and quiet music playing. Suddenly she heard a knock on the door, and went to open it.

"Wasn't expecting you so early," said Renee, handing the man at the door a wine glass. "Please, come on in. Invite yourself at home."

"Thanks. I'd be happy to." said Tom. Renee looked at him with a smile.

Susan was on a jog outside, and she stopped when saw Renee inviting Tom inside. Her mouth dropped when she saw the two talking, and when she saw Renee hand him a glass of wine.

Renee shut the door and the two sat down at the table.

"Friends would often betray other friends."

Julie lays on the couch with her fiancee, Bradley, beside her. The two got to talking.

"I can't believe we're doing this. We're actually getting married." said Julie.

"What's so surprising about that?" asked Bradley.

"It's just…all the things we did. All the people we hurt. I just, I just can't believe it. We betrayed so many people, and if anyone on this street were to know of what we did, can you imagine the way people would look at us? The things they'd say about us? It's just horrible! And most importantly, it isn't right!"

"Julie, calm down. No one will ever know. We will be married, and be happy. You'll put on that pretty white dress of yours and walk down the aisle, happy as could be. It will be just fine. I promise."

Julie let out a smile of relief. "I guess so."

"And eventually, someone would get hurt."