5 Times Puck Pretended to be Kurt's Boyfriend, 1 Time He Didn't Have To…

Disclaimer: I own nothing Glee…well, except merch, but that's different!


1) Kurt sauntered to the entrance of the school, newly pressed clothes fitting and fashionable. One thing he missed about McKinley—his wardrobe. He glared at the jocks that still waited for an unsuspecting victim, glaring heatedly when they dared approach him.

Dave Karofsky wasn't present, of course—he never was—he wasn't present in Kurt's life at all, other than the reluctant joining of New Directions. At least he didn't have to worry about a slushy facial his first day back. Hopefully.

A heavy arm settled around his shoulders and the jocks stopped their intimidating walk towards him. "Yo, step off my boy," Puck's voice snapped at the group of boys.

"Your boy?" one guffawed. "Geez, Puckerman, joining the other team for him?"

Kurt scowled at the boy.

"Maybe I am—he's one hot piece of ass, why wouldn't I?" he asked before snorting and steering Kurt into the school, all the while Kurt's face was cherry red and he was on autopilot.

2) Azimio Adams could be intimidating all by himself, if he wanted. And that's what Kurt figured out one day after school, where he was cornered by the bigger boy. "Yo, Hummel—why hasn't your fairy ass asked mah boy Dave out?" he asked.

"Uh-well-um…well I can't-,"

"And why the hell not?" He didn't strike any menacing poses, but Kurt could feel the agitated annoyance coming off the boy.

"Because, Az, the boys 'fairy ass' is mine, and mine alone," a silkily dangerous voice answered, arm sliding around Kurt's waist.

Kurt's face flushed as he glanced to the side and he looked back at Azimio with a nervous smile. Azimio looked him over before shrugging and turning, throwing a flippant, "Fine," over his shoulder, "Be that way."

He turned to thank Puck, but the other boy was already walking down the hall, opposite Azimio, hands stuffed in his pockets.

3) Kurt isn't sure how the bouncer even let him in—he contemplated the guy could've been blind, or deaf—or both, really, since the likelihood of being allowed into a bar was slim to none with any other bar in town.His dad probably had something to do with it. That's right. His old man was the one escorting him into the bar, where he sat in a booth with a Shirley Temple in his hands, and a nervous look on his face.

His dad watched on in amusement as he sipped his drink. "Relax, kiddo—we're not getting wasted or anything like that,"

"I. Am. In. A. Bar." He ground out, eyes flitting to the side.

"Hey…you're cute," a girl slurred as she sashayed up to them, sloppily drunk and looking like a hot mess. "You're freaking adorable," she added, sliding into the booth and causing Kurt's hands to fly up in defense.

"Um, I'm also-,"

"Completely cute and available—who's this?" she said, giggling and pulling one of his hands into hers.

He looked at his dad with a 'help me' look on his face, meanwhile his dad just covered his face, trying to smother any laughter. "Th-this is my-,"

"Babe, what's up?"

Both Hummel men looked up to find Puck, standing with a soaked leather jacket and dripping mohawk. Kurt's mouth dried but he was able to squeak out, "What?"

Noah smirked slightly, looking the girl over once before pulling his hands free from his jeans and running a hand over his mohawk. "Would you mind getting out of my seat—my boyfriend kind of promised to save it for me," he said, motioning to Kurt.

She looked at Kurt, who flushed at the glare she was giving him before she stood and stomped off, throwing an angry, "Lead me on, then!" over her shoulder.

The two stared as Puck slid into the booth beside Kurt, picked up his drink and took a pull from the straw, making a face. "Seriously, Kurt, a fruity drink? Figures," he said as he sprawled out, taking most of the booth room.

"Kurt, mind explaining?"

"Puck, mind explaining?"

Puck shrugged his shoulders. "Was on my way home, walkin', ya know, being badass, saw the chick trying tah pick you up—thought it was hilarious, but seriously—you're gay—no way she's getting any—and she was a damned hot mess," he shrugged. "Figured I've saved your ass a couple times now, why not now-,"

"And they let you in?" Burt asked, his eyebrows raising in a perfect imitation of the younger Hummel.

"I'm not exactly baby faced, Mr. Hummel," Puck replied smoothly, running a hand over his mohawk, "Besides, Kurt looked like he needed the help—he is adorable—and drunk, desperate chicks pick up on the vulnerable type,"

Kurt gave Puck a deadpan look while Burt chuckled and took a swig of his beer.

4) The jock with the ice cold beverage is literally four feet in front of him, aiming, and he forgot to bring a spare set of clothes, what with Puck rescuing him from dumpster dives and glaring at any offending jock. But Puck is nowhere in sight, and this Neanderthal is about to strike. He's cringing, closing his eyes and waiting for the inevitable.

There's a definite splash, but he doesn't feel any cold, sticky substance on him. The halls have gone quiet, and he's acutely aware that the jock in question is stuttering out an apology.

He finally opens his eyes and they widen, his jaw probably permanently unhinged. "No-Puck?" he gasps out, while Puck stands in front of him, his larger frame blocking almost all of the cherry drink. He has a bit on his shoulder, but the rest of him is completely dry and not dyed red.

"Get. The. Fuck. Away. From. My. Man." Puck grounds out and the other jock flees.

His voice jars Kurt out of his shock and he gently takes Puck's shoulders and leads him to the nearest bathroom, ignoring the girls' sign and pushing the lock till it clicked. Pushing the chair to the sink, he sat Puck down and made him lie his head back.

"Um…you're not going to suddenly freak out, are you?" he asked slowly, wetting a couple of paper-towels and wiping any substances off Puck's head. He's nervously wiped Puck down, taking care to wipe the slush off his cheeks, over his eyes, and stopping just as he reached his lips. "Puck?"



"Call me Noah."

Kurt gulps again and shakily breathes, "Noah," as he wipes away any remaining droplets of slush from Noah's lips.

5) Their tentative friendship is shocking most of the schools population. People are calling Noah names by now, making fun of him for falling for the fairy, and even going as far as spray-painting derogatory words onto his locker. Not one slushee, or dumpster dive has happened to Kurt so far, and he's damned well grateful.

Noah is his shadow by now, sticking close by and it's confusing Kurt. Noah is a great friend, and protector, but he's not in any real danger. Karofsky isn't a threat, and neither are the other jocks, since Noah has basically claimed him as his—something he doesn't mind too much, with all the benefits, as it was.

They're in front of Kurt's locker when a couple of shadows cross them. They both look up and Azimio and Dave are standing there, even though Dave looks like he'd rather be dead than standing in front of them, if how he keeps looking away from them and down the hall, shifting front foot to foot, looking ready to bolt at any given time.

"So, you say you're dating Hummel, right?" Azimio says, causing Kurt to freeze and look to Noah.

He shrugs, looking bored. "Yeah, what of it, Az?" he asks, throwing an arm around Kurt's shoulders.

"Look, they're together, let's just go, Az-," Kurt looks to Dave in slight surprise. He looks embarrassed and horrified while tugging on Azimio's sleeve.

"Prove it," Azimio stands up straighter, crossing his arms and looking defiant, ignoring Dave's plea.

"What?" Noah actually drops his arm and stands straighter, looking—for once—like a deer caught in headlights.

"Kiss him, for everyone to see—and none of those lil' preppy pecks,"

Dave is covering his face, mumbling, "You don't have to, I believe you guys-,"

"Whatever, dude," Noah looks at Kurt, glancing back at the other two jocks and looking back at Kurt. "Sorry," he mumbles before pressing their lips together and holding Kurt to him, clenching a hand around the back of his neck, and the other wrapping around his waist.

Kurt's gasping into the kiss as electricity races through his veins and he's clutching Noah's shirt in his hands, a small moan actually escapes and that breaks the spell. The two pull away from one another, staring at each other while Azimio and Dave stare open-mouthed.

Kurt licks his lips, panting as Noah's eyes flicker down and then up to stare at him in the eye again.

The day Noah didn't have to pretend…had to be the cutest, awkwardest moment of their lives. Noah is standing in front of his dad, in a button up and jeans, stuttering out approval to ask for Kurt to go on a date with him—despite Kurt's many protests to the idea of asking permission.

Burt looks Noah over with a critical eye, staring at the pair of them; Kurt is staring him down while Noah shuffles beside him, hands brushing together every few seconds. Kurt looks to Noah at one of those times and smiles softly.

Burt sighs after the third time its happened, waving his hand. "Be back by 10…" he's given a look from Kurt. "10:30 at the latest," he concedes, going to the kitchen to grab himself a light beer.

His son was going on a date with the notorious bad-boy of Lima. He's forgotten the Shotgun Speech, but he hears Kurt telling Noah, "If you try to pressure me into anything, my dad owns a shotgun, I know how to use it, and I know the gun safe combo,"

To which Mohawk replies. "Please, if I were going to try something, I'd have done it weeks ago,"


Yay, posted another one of my one-shots I've had on Tumblr forever~!