'Doctor could you – could you please stop eating…Doctor, stop eating when I'm trying to speak to you!' River Song yelled over the roar of Take That blasting out of the TARDIS speakers. She stared at him, disapproval etched across her lips, one hand on her hip, in a you-really-don't-want-to-mess-with-me stance. She tsked loudly at him, like a mother would to her child who had smeared chocolate sauce over their faces, scolding him sarcastically.
The man in question was currently stalking around the console, sonic screwdriver in one hand which was piloting the TARDIS, and half a chocolate chip cookie in the other. The missing half of his biscuit was currently hanging out of his 'space teeth'. He heard River's grunt of admonishment and swivelled around and smiled broadly at her,
'Cookie?' he offered half-heartedly, seeing the questioning and unimpressed expression on her face. He noticed the way she stood and the way she pursed her lips in annoyance, and felt a little bit silly and he turned back around and lowered the volume of the song to almost silent.
She rolled her eyes at the idiotic notion of his enquiry and strolled from the door of the TARDIS, stepped up the glass stairs and leant on the metal railings surrounding the console. Her blonde, wild curls bounced and waved at him as she moved, and her long, dark silver dress felt soft against her skin with every step. Her feet were aching slightly in six inch heels but they gave her the impression of being so much taller and grander, so she could tower over The Doctor and be intimidating.
'So then Doctor Song,' The Doctor began in a musical tone, through his hums of Shine, 'Where are we up to?' They both smiled the exact same smile before reaching inside a pocket for their diaries – again quite similar, apart from the incredible and life-changing words scribed down inside of them.
'Have we done Asgard?'
He shook his head sadly, slightly dejected.
'Ermmm…' River muttered to herself, flicking quickly on to the end of her diary, 'What about the Bone Meadows? Surely we must have done the Meadows by now…'
She was cut off by yet another shake of his head and a look of sadness and empathy enthralling his mind, 'Wow, very early days. Have we done…Utah?'
The Doctor nodded cheerfully and he leant towards her to take her hand in his own. He had been thinking about that kiss, that kiss they had shared in Stormcage at the end of their adventure together, and he felt so awful. He could not believe that he had actually started flailing his arms around like some sort of hyperactive octopus. He had kissed her back, but it felt so perfect so why had he ruined it?
He smiled awkwardly at her, but saw the small glimpse of utter depression playing in her eyes. Obviously, it had been playing on her mind for quite some time now,
As he leant his hand out to grip hers, River snatched her hand back towards her chest. Shaking slightly, she trembled when she whispered, 'Sorry, I don't know why I did that.'
A smile appeared on her mouth but it was so evidently false that even he could tell it was fake, and it didn't quite reach her beautiful blue eyes.
'I do River. I'm so sorry but I just wasn't ready and I wasn't expecting it,' he began to explain, knowing the memory of their last kiss was still haunting her. He took a miniature step towards her. She didn't cry – she never cried - but she shook and quivered in the shadow cast by his presence.
'Our relationship, just all your spoilers and annoying teasers…' The Doctor began once more. As he spoke, River cut out his voice, deciphering what he had said. All your spoilers. Was he blaming her? Ignoring the words still spewing meaninglessly from his mouth, she piped up angrily, 'You know this is difficult for me as well.'
Stopping midstream, The Doctor stared again at River in utter dismay, 'I know, I know it is; just having to meet you every time and you just keep so many secrets.'
'Your rules not mine. But don't even start blaming me. I never asked for this stupid relationship to be all back to front and completely ridiculous…'
His eyes widened in surprise at her words and he asked, 'What did you just say? Did you just call us stupid? Stupid? This isn't stupid; impossible and maddening at times but never stupid.' He attempted to pull her into a tight embrace but she stepped back in six inch white suede heels and murmured negatively,
'How is it not? I've had all this time with you and it's nearly over for me; the day is coming when I'll meet you for the last time and you won't have the faintest idea who I am. And when you begin to have more frequent times with me, I'll slowly lose all of my memories of you until you see me for the last time.'
'But River, we will make this work. We can, we're going to be fantastic,' he whispered reassuringly, standing right up close to River, holding her weakly by the wrist, happy when she did not again try to escape. But something was dying inside of her; her will-power, her hope and her love,
'No, we can't. Love and trust and belief aren't enough. It's so much more difficult than you can ever imagine. Do you even know what it's like for me? You're trying to be kind, I know that, but every single time I meet you, just having to watch you make stupid choices…' she choked out, tears beginning to wreak in her eyes, gliding down her cheeks.
He breathed out heavily and shook his head in disbelief, a strange kind of smile forcing its way onto his face, 'And there you go with the stupid again. River Song, just because you don't like something or you don't particularly agree with something, doesn't make it stupid,' he said, his voice rising to a low-end shout. He, being The Doctor, had not noticed the tears which were rather surprising seeing as he couldn't take his eyes off her.
'You are stupid though!' she cried out in exasperation, 'The whole world is completely stupid! Everything is stupid! I'm bloody stupid! I don't even know why I bother.'
'Don't say that,' his voice was sharp, cutting through the tension like a knife through butter.
'Don't say what?' she asked, almost in a sarcastic and rhetoric way.
'That you don't know why you bother. I know why you bother; I know you hate admitting the reason, especially to me.'
This time the smile was purely out of happiness and joy, 'You love me, River Song you always have. That's why you stick around, not just because of the excitement and adventure and the archaeology, not just like everyone else, but you stick around because you love me.'
He put a hand on her cheek and tapped her nose gently with the other, smudging a bit of chocolate from the cookie on her pale skin.
'Funny,' she whispered intently, not needing to raise her voice due to their intimacy, 'I'm never really here that much am I?' she asked in one last desperate attempt to disguise her emotions, 'Always in prison, wishing and waiting for you to come back and get me.'
And that was the precise moment when he saw the tears. Her whole body racked through sobs and he held her tightly when she fell forwards and collapsed into his chest. They soaked through his shirt and she wrapped her arms around his waist and sobbed.
'Don't cry River Song. You're always here,' The Doctor murmured, shushing her like she was a small child with a cut knee, 'You're always around in here.'
He pulled her off his shirt and took her right hand, and placed it on the middle of his chest, so she could feel the amazing rhythm of his hearts, beating simultaneously. She gasped in shock and smiled again, a small trace of River returning to her expression.
She wiped the tears away from her face and was assisted by The Doctor who stroked her cheeks impassively. She winked at him; all traces of the last five minutes of their conversation almost erased and totally ignored, 'Is that your way of letting me know you love me? In a really cheesy way?' she flirted irresistibly, swaning around him once more, her hand still on his chest, the other twiddling the left brace, near to where it clipped on.
'Oh you love me really,' she murmured in response, beaming widely, 'I can't help it, you stupid man.'
'Why am I stupid exactly?'
'You really want to know?'
'I really want to know,' he reciprocated, leading River over to the chairs and sitting down, pulling her onto his lap.
'Okay then, let's begin,' she said contentedly, making herself comfortable on his lap, 'Now this may take some time, you happy there?'
River cleared her throat impressively and began, 'One: bowtie, doesn't need anymore explanation. Number two, you general face is strange. Number three, your complete lack of decorum. Number four, you act like a six year old child on steroids…' she listed.
He listened intently, nodding his head in agreement with most of her statements, 'Well you know what that makes you then Miss Song?' he asked smugly, causing a look of bewilderment to spear on River's pale, beautiful face.
'What does that make me?' she asked, confused.
'Well, to put it bluntly honey, I hereby, permanently, rename you Mrs Robinson,'
'Oh shut up,' she murmured as she slid off his lap and lay down across the chairs, draping her legs across his knees.
'Make me,' he chuckled, leaning over to her and lying down next to her. Although there wasn't much room for two fully grown adults to lie across the chairs and not fall off, but she turned to face him, her body pressing against his, his lips millimetres from hers.
'I wouldn't advise you to say that Sweetie, you know I will,' she whispered suggestively.
'Well actually, I do know that,' he replied coolly, pulling River by the waist so that she was lying on top of him.
'Oh, Doctor wants to play does he?' River Song flirted, snaking her hand around his back and removing his jacket, throwing it carelessly onto the floor.
The Doctor wasn't quite sure that he was ready for this, but to hell with it, he couldn't back out now. He looked up at River, oh no, he wasn't looking there, no not there. He diverted his gaze and stared up at her lips, the colour of crimson blood. Gently, he leaned his head up and entwined his fingers in her ravishing locks, and hungrily he pressed his lips against hers. He did not protest, in between the kisses he placed down her neck and temple and jaw line, as she slowly undid the buttons of his shirt. He kissed her insanely once again, his tongue slipping into her mouth and sweeping around her teeth, and, in retaliation, she bit down gently on his bottom lips, draping herself across him completely.
He stroked her cheek when they finally broke apart and she smiled down at him, an intense expression of vulnerability displayed on her face. Slowly, she reached into the pocket of her dress and The Doctor swore he saw a flash of silver before he felt his right hand being restrained. He looked to the side and almost yelled out swear words in Old High Gallifreyan.
Why did she keep handcuffs on her? Really?
'River,' he growled, 'undo these now.'
She pressed a light kiss on his neck, her hands undoing his braces.
'Oh Sweetie, it's so much more fun this way,' she whispered into his ear. Suddenly, she bit down on the joint between his shoulder and neck and he gasped in surprise and she sucked slightly on the skin, a red mark appearing when her lips detached from his skin. She leant down and kissed him again, and he tried to wrap his arms around her waist, to pull her closer to him, but he could not move his right hand at all.
Reluctantly, she pulled away from him, 'Well Sweetie, this was rather fun, but I'm afraid I must be going,' River said, standing from her previously laying down position and readied herself to leave, inputting co-ordinates into her Vortex Manipulator.
'River,' The Doctor growled once more, his voice becoming darker and angrier, 'Don't you dare leave. Undo this handcuff!' he yelled across the TARDIS.
She smiled down pitifully at him, a red welt and several other teeth and lipstick marks at his neck, his shirt untucked and unbuttoned, his hair flopping around wildly. And then, being River Song, she had a fantastic idea. Picking up The Doctor's jacket, she roamed around in his pockets until she found a permanent marker pen; and this one would never come off, no matter how many years you scrubbed, just like a tattoo.
The Doctor began to feel very, very scared as River approached him, pen, with the lid off, in her right hand.
'Don't you dare River Song,' he yelled, trying to wriggle and squirm away from her, but his movements were useless and restricted because of the 'cuffs. The sly minx he mused as she approached, a huge grin all over her face.
X – X – X
'Well, well, well, River dropped in for a visit then?' Amelia Pond called out from the top of the stairs, eyeing The Doctor lying so pathetically on the chairs, still chained to the railings, 'And she didn't even say hello to me and Rory; how perfectly rude of her.'
The Doctor opened his eyes slowly and almost cried. This. Was. So. Embarrassing. The next time he saw River, he was going to kill her, screw the timelines, and screw her. Well, that wouldn't be so bad.
He snapped out of his thoughts as Amy approached, Rory close behind, a wide grin and smirk etched across both of their faces. He thought he had better explain,
'River violated me – and not in a good way.'
'Well she certainly knows how to leave her mark. Twice in your case,' Amy sniggered, not even attempting to conceal the hysterical fit of laughter that was dying to be released inside of her.
River Song certainly did, and she made sure that she would always be there. Written, in the incredible archaeologist's handwriting (she didn't even have the decency to write in Old High Gallifreyan so that no one apart from them could read it), on The Doctor's bare chest were the words:
Mrs Robinson was here.