I felt like writing random Joker/Harley smut...you know you like it...

Harley followed The Joker to the alley next to her apartment and saw that a black Escalade was waiting for them. A man got out of the car and The Joker handed him her bags. "Let's get out of here, Sly," The Joker muttered.

"Yes, sir, Boss," said Sly as he shut the back of the car and ran to the driver's seat.

The Joker opened the backseat door, motioning for Harley. "My lady," he said as she climbed in, giggling.

She had been waiting. He had escaped from Arkham two weeks ago and she hadn't heard a word from him. Then, this night, he had climbed through her bedroom window, saying she had exactly ten minutes to pack what she needed if she wanted to come with him.

Little did he know, that she had been prepared for a few days, keeping her bags under her bed and falling asleep every night listening for the slightest sound of him entering her apartment.

They were soon driving down the street and The Joker situated himself next to her in the backseat and put his arm around her shoulders. "Comfy?" he asked her.

She nodded and sighed as she lazily put her hand on his chest as he watched the moving street through the car window. A short silent pause passed and Harley whispered, "Where are we going?"

"You'll see," he said, rather darkly as he concentrated on his surroundings.

"Oh, shit," they heard Sly mutter. The Joker's head quickly turned toward the back window and he saw a police car behind them flashing its lights.

Harley gasped. "Oh my God!"

The Joker turned around and put his hand in hers. "Quiet!" he snarled, squeezing her fingers.

"You want I should step on the gas, Boss?" Sly asked.

"No! He's talking on his radio; he may be going somewhere else," The Joker replied.

Harley whispered, "They're not gonna take you away from me."

He whispered back, "It's okay, baby. We'll lose 'em."

Harley held her breath and continued to squeeze his hand. Suddenly, the police car's siren blared behind them, making Harley jump, but she sighed in relief when the car zoomed past them down the street and made a U-turn to go back in the opposite direction.

Harley put her face in The Joker's neck, and he chuckled, "That scare ya?"

"Yes!" Harley raised her voice to him, surprised that he wasn't as nervous as she was.

His face changed instantly and he grabbed her chin and put his face near hers. "Harley Baby," he growled. "I care for you…a lot…and because of that…for your own good…I never wanna hear you raise your voice to me again, no matter what the situation. Got it?"

Harley's eyes grew wider as she heard the same voice she had heard from his video tapes that were played on the news. She knew from treating him at Arkham that he could fly into dangerous mood swings, and she foolishly forgot herself.

She held back her tears of shock and replied, "Yes. I'm sorry."

His expression softened and he let go of her chin and caressed her cheek.

The Joker knew he may have to hit her one day, being the willful girl that she was. He didn't want to do anything to her that would scare her away from him, but she had to learn to get used to this new life.

He put his arm around her again and they were silent for the rest of the drive.

Sly soon parked the Escalade in front of an abandoned movie theater and The Joker led her inside. Harley finally let go of his hand as her lips parted in surprise.

On the outside, the place looked run down and vacant, but on the inside it looked like a cozy home. There was a full kitchen that connected to a huge living area with a big sofa and a huge flat-screen television. There was a staircase that led up to two separate bedrooms and another door that she assumed led to the roof.

The Joker came up behind her and put his arms around her waist and said, "This is why...I was out of touch. I was too busy redecorating."

"This is so amazing, Puddin'," she said as she looked around in awe.

"You haven't seen the best room in the house," he whispered to her and before Harley could say anything, he took her by the hand and hurriedly escorted her up the staircase and into the room to the left of it. "Welcome to the boudoir, baby."

She giggled as he led her inside their new bedroom and she put her hands to her mouth in amazement. There was a king-sized bed in a black wooden bed frame and decorated with dark green sheets with a purple drape cascading from the ceiling. On the other side, near the bathroom, was a vanity with a huge mirror, and Harley squealed when she ran into the bathroom and marveled over the beautiful tile floor and glamorous bathtub.

"You did this?" she marveled. "In two weeks?"

"Actually," he replied as he joined her side in front of the bathroom sink. "This has been in the works for a while." He lightly grasped her wrist, saying, "Come over here."

He led her over to a red curtain and he pulled her close as he said, "I remember...in a session...you mentioned that you one day wanted a walk-in closet of your own."

Harley's eyes grew wider. "You...you didn't, Puddin'..." she smiled.

The Joker grinned as he pulled back the curtain and Harley walked into the opening and screamed in delight, bouncing up and down eagerly as The Joker laughed.

The closet was almost as big as her apartment and it already had dresses and robes and fur coats hanging on the shelves that were built into the walls. She screamed again when she saw a small shoe rack with all kinds of stilettos laying on it.

The Joker walked in and Harley looked at him and asked, "This…oh my God! This is my closet?" The Joker gave her a broad smile as Harley ran over to him and threw her arms around his neck and kissed him.

He chuckled as he tried not to fall backward. He gently pushed her away and said, "I take it that you like it."

"Oh my God, baby!" she exclaimed. "My very own walk-in closet!"

Her shrieking finally forced him to cease her bouncing, and he placed his hands on her shoulders, saying, "Okay, take it easy. We don't need you to go into spasms."

Harley stopped and fanned her face as she felt tears begin to form in her eyes. This made The Joker laugh harder and he said, "Wow! All this over a room full of clothes?"

She nodded, giggling as she started to bounce again.

The Joker grabbed her again and chuckled, "Baby, although I do enjoy watching you bounce, I think you need to have dinner."

"You made dinner, too?" she said, beginning to catch her breath.

"Well," he shrugged. "Sorta..."

Their setting for dinner led them to the roof where a blanket sat waiting for them. Harley gazed in awe at how beautiful the Gotham City Skyline looked at night. "I had no idea that it could look so…peaceful. I've lived in the city this whole time and I've never seen the lights like this. It looks so far away."

"It's the way I like it," he muttered as he set himself down on the blanket. He gazed up at Harley and smirked as she marveled at their view. He took a matchbox from his coat and struck a match, the sound bringing Harley out of her trance.

She watched as he lit a small tea light candle and then brought out a covered silver tray that he had been sitting next to, and he looked up at her and winked as he lifted the lid. Harley laughed when she saw four small boxes of Chinese take-out. The Joker chuckled, "Bon appétit."

An hour later, after they finished their meal, they lay together on the blanket to look at the stars. Harley put her head on The Joker's chest and he put his arm around her. They were silent for a moment and then he asked, "I scared you, didn't I? You know…in the car?"

Harley lifted her head and looked into his eyes. She had forgotten that he had snapped at her for raising her voice to him. She replied, "Do you want me to be honest?"

"Always," he said as he ran his fingers through her hair.

She sighed. "A little bit, but it's okay. I shouldn't have panicked like that anyway; I tend to do that. I was just so scared that they would…"

He shushed her, putting his hand to her cheek and saying, "They have to kill me first..." He smiled as she leaned into his hand and kissed the palm. "Nothing's gonna come between me and my girl."

"Oh, Mistah J…" Harley sighed as she leaned in to kiss him.

His eyes rolled back as he purred, "You have no idea…what that name does to me…" He put her face in his hands as they locked lips. Their tongues explored each other's mouths until Harley pulled away and giggled as she put a strand of hair behind her ear. "Um…I don't mean to kill the mood, but…wanna hear a joke?"

The Joker laughed. "I thought you said you didn't know any jokes."

Harley giggled. "Well, I don't know too many, but there is one that's my favorite."

"Fire away," he said, grinning up at her.

"Um..haha…okay, an old man was sitting on a bench at the mall. A teenage boy walked up to the bench and sat down. He had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, blue, and yellow. The old man just stared. Every time the teenager looked, the old man was staring. The teenager finally said, 'What's the matter, old timer, never done anything wild in your life?' The old man said, 'Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock, and I was just wondering if you were my son.'"

The Joker let out a boisterous laugh as Harley leaned into his stomach. The jolts in his stomach as he laughed made her laugh, too, and she was proud that she was able to make him do that.

He calmed down and wiped his eyes, smudging his black eye paint. "Oh, man," he sighed. "I've never heard that one."

She smiled down at him as he brought his hand to her face again, making her move closer to his face. He kissed her gently and then whispered, "Knock, knock."

Harley giggled and replied, "Who's there?"

"Little old lady."

"Little old lady, who?"

"I didn't know you could yodel, Harl."

She couldn't help but laugh as she climbed on top of him, straddling him as he caressed her thighs. She shivered as his gloved hands traveled under her skirt, and her breathing caught in her throat.

The Joker grinned as he watched her close her eyes as her fingers gripped his waistcoat. "Hmm," he muttered. "If I didn't know any better...I'd say you were enjoying this..."

Harley reached toward his hands, but he pulled them away. "Ah ah ah," he playfully scolded. He put them back under her skirt, this time gliding them further up her legs and she sighed as his thumbs hooked under the waistband of her thong.

He chuckled as one of his hands slithered around her hips and gently cupped her bottom. She bit her lip as she leaned in toward him to kiss him. The Joker softly ceased her movement with a whisper, "Let's go..."

Harley sheepishly smiled. "Where to, Puddin'?"

The Joker was soon leaning against the bedroom door, fumbling his hand behind him to try to find the doorknob as Harley gripped the lapels of his coat as they passionately kiss. When he finally got the door open, he picked her up and playfully tossed her on the giant bed.

As soon as Harley situated herself on her back, The Joker climbed on top of her and placed hungry kisses on her neck and chest, making her moan softly.

She felt his hands glide under her top and brought it over her head. She began to breathe heavily as she looked up at him as he slowly brought the straps of her bra from off her shoulders and nibbled the top of her breasts.

She threw her head back as chills ran down her spine and she grabbed a fistful of his hair, making him growl in approval. He put his hand behind her back and, with a snap of his fingers, he unhooked her bra and yanked it off, throwing it across the room. Harley giggled as he grinned at her, taking one of her nipples in his mouth and sucking it hard.

A groan escaped her lips and he chuckled as he bit her breasts, making her squeal.

The Joker lifted himself up and moved to the floor and knelt at the foot of the bed. "Let's get a little more comfortable," he said as he started to undress. As soon as he took off his vest and pulled down his suspenders, he grabbed her feet and threw off her shoes. His lips were suddenly making a trail along the inside of her left thigh. He stopped at the hem of her skirt and reached under it and Harley felt him wrap his fingers around her black thong once again, but this time quickly ripping it off. "Wait," Harley whispered.

"What!" he lifted his head with an impatient tone.

Harley was slightly taken aback by his sudden change in voice, but she stammered, "Um...can we go slower?"

He frowned at her. "You didn't want us to slow down in your office, now, did ya?"

"No, no," she told him, lifting herself up and covering her chest. "I mean...we have all night...right? Let's just...savor it...take your time..."

The Joker's sneer vanished when he spied the playful expression she now held, and before he knew it, she began to claw at his undershirt and it was soon pulled over his head. She ran her hand down his chest and let her nails gently scratch the skin. There were small white scars from past fights, possibly with The Batman, and a tiny yellowish bruise rested on his left shoulder. She ran her fingers lightly over it and he inhaled deeply under her touch.

He pulled away and made her lay on her back again and resumed his position between her legs. He lifted her skirt over her hips and gazed at her for a moment. Harley lifted her head and asked, "What's wrong?"

The Joker raised his dark eyes to her and grinned. "You're beautiful," he sighed as he ran two fingers over her clitoris and Harley instantly felt a rush of heat flow through her body. Her bottom lip began to shake when she felt his tongue find its way inside her and begin to lap at her. Harley put the bed sheets in her hands and clenched them in her fists as she listened to The Joker growl as he slipped his tongue in and out of her.

She gasped and arched her back when he became more aggressive, moaning as he devoured her. His growls grew deeper as she writhed. "Oh my God," she whispered. "Don't stop...oh, shit...feels so good, baby..."

The Joker chuckled and replied, "Feels good here too, doll."


He sighed and pulled away from her. "Oh, yeah...I love your pussy."

Harley giggled, biting her lip. "Am I the only pussy?"

"You're all the pussy I need..."

Her smile grew wide when his scars grazed her thigh, tickling her skin.

"I want you," she finally groaned loudly.

The Joker gave her an amused look. "What about all that talk about savoring the -"

"Oh, God! Take me now, Mistah J!" she said even louder, bringing her fingers to her thighs and caressing her skin.

His heart started to pound as he watched her squirm, her body aching for him. He quickly took off his shoes and unzipped his pants as Harley took off her skirt.

The Joker placed himself between her legs, kissing her deeply, and she whimpered as she smelled the result of his oral pursuit on his lips. She softly pulled away, whining. He grinned, whispering, "You taste sweet, don't you, baby?"

He continued to kiss her as her fingernails traced his shoulder. His skin soon crawled with goose bumps when he heard her whisper, "Oh...Daddy..."

The Joker lifted his head and looked into her eyes. "What did you call me?"

Harley licked her lips and grinned slyly. "Daddy...is that okay?"

He answered with a satisfied growl and another deep kiss, and he slowly entered her as she held onto the sheets again. The Joker closed his eyes and said, "Mmm...you're so tight."

Harley bit her lip and placed her hands around his biceps as he pushed himself deeper inside her. She felt how tense she was around his cock as he began to thrust his hips into hers. She whimpered and clutched his arms, opening her legs wider.

"There ya go, baby," The Joker whispered. "Spread those legs for Daddy."

She put her face in his neck as he moved faster and he put his arm around the small of her back, holding onto her hips.

Her whining grew louder and she brought her hands up to caress his hair, but he grabbed them and held her wrists with one hand while his other arm remained tightly around her waist. He was now delivering more forceful thrusts into her, making her scream.

"Oh, God!" she yelled, throwing her head back.

He let go of her wrists and Harley threw her arms around his neck as his hips brutally pounded into hers. Her head seemed like it was spinning and she could hear her cries echo throughout the room, mingling with his deeps moans.

A sudden fondness fell over him as he listened to her and felt her body against his. This alien emotion couldn't get to him; he wouldn't let it. But the way she held onto him, the way she called out for him...it sent a strange jolt through his body.

"Turn over," he suddenly growled.

Harley felt him raise up and she flipped over, propping herself on her elbows and raising her hips upward. "That's a good girl," he chuckled as he grabbed her hips and roughly entered her again, thrusting against her so hard that she had to push against the headboard.

The Joker shuddered as her cries grew louder and he reached down and grabbed a handful of her hair. He felt his climax rising and he pulled her harder, her fanatical cries piercing into his ears. His moans grew louder as he finished and Harley's eyes shot open as she felt him release inside her, and her tears finally fell down her cheeks as she collapsed into the pillows.

She lay there trying to catch her breath as he lay beside her, pulling her to him. She put her face in his chest and he put his chin on her head as he felt her hot tears fall onto his skin. He ran his fingers through her hair and whispered, "Why are you crying?"

Harley looked up at him, her blue eyes sparkling with tears as he smirked down at her. "I don't know...tired, I guess..."

The Joker smiled, amusedly, and kissed her forehead before standing. "Then, sleep, baby girl," he said as he put on his pinstriped pants.

She looked at him, confused. "Pud? Where are you going?"

"Daddy has an appointment," he said, simply, as he picked up his undershirt from the floor. He walked to the bathroom door and turned to look at her, grinning. "Just go to sleep, Harl. I'll be home before daylight..."

Harley watched as he shut the bathroom door and then lay on her back, looking at the dark ceiling. She closed her heavy eyelids and whispered, "Home..."

She loved the sound of that.