Dinner at Number Four
by Rainsong

A/N: My next ff.n fic! The premise of this one is easy enough to understand. I hope the summary was ok, too, btw. Anyway, I've never done comedy before, and I have no idea whether or not its my strong suit. If this is horrible, please know that its not because I have a horrible sense of humor. I just suck at putting it into words. Want something truly hilarious? Go read Trinity Day's fiction. I've laughed myself into lightheadedness and tears reading stories like 'In the Dark' and 'Christmas Tidings'.

Oh, and I don't own Harry Potter. Too bad, huh? Maybe I'd have more than $5 and 'Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness' by the Smashing Pumpkins if I did. Oh well..and the dreamers shall dream...

~~~~~

"You can't be serious."

Harry was staring at his uncle in disbelief. Uncle Vernon, the most magically prejudiced person Harry had ever met, just suggested having dinner with one of the most notorious wizards in Britain.

"I'm dead serious, boy. You're to write him now." Vernon said, moving dangerously close to Harry's face.

"But..Uncle Vernon, its SIRIUS. Crazed murderer ring a bell?" Harry asked pleadingly.

"Come to think of it, it does ring a bell. And I also get an image of that..godfather of yours massacring my family because he thinks you're not getting the royal treatment around here. In a 'friendly gesture', I'm inviting that lowlife to my home for dinner in three days. You're going to look lively and presentable, and we'll all do the fuzzy feelings thing for a couple hours. Then maybe I can rest assured." Uncle Vernon hissed, the veins in his neck protruding and his face growing exceedingly purple.

Harry was at a loss for words. It seemed there was no talking the Dursleys out of this one. Silently, Harry walked back up to his room, and prepared to write a letter to Sirius.

In his mind, he was envisioning all of the things that could go wrong. Just as he was thinking about the possibility of Sirius finding out that he had lived in a cupboard for his first eleven years with the Dursleys, something hurtled into him from the left.

He looked down and saw Dudley, backing up and giving him a menacing glare.

"I heard Dad saying that someone was coming over to dinner. Who?" Dudley demanded.

"No one you'd be interested in meeting." Harry replied, and continued down the hall.

But Dudley wasn't satisfied with that answer. He moved as quickly as he could and stopped to stand in front of Harry. "Who? Its not one of your nutter friends, is it? I didn't think that Dad allowed those things in the house." Dudley said, blocking the path to Harry's bedroom with his enormous size.

"Actually, it is a wizard, Dudley. Remember Sirius?" Harry asked, stopping his rush of thoughts for a moment to enjoy Dudley's sudden shock.

"B-But Dad wouldn't invite HIM here." Dudley said, his eyes bulging.

"I didn't think so either until now. But obviously, Uncle Vernon's had a bit of a change of heart. Why don't you go downstairs and discuss that with him?" Harry said, starting to walk forward. In moments, Dudley was already climbign back down the stairs.

Harry shook his head and opened the door to his room. Sitting down at his desk, he pulled out a piece of parchment and began his letter.

Dear Sirius,

I don't really believe this, but Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia have invited you over for dinner. It seems to be because they're still terrified of you and want to make sure you are aware of how much I love living with them, or something to that effect.
Of course, I still hate it here, but pretend you don't know that, okay?

Its set to be at 6 o'clock on Friday. Please write back soon.


-Harry

Satisfied with his letter, Harry folded it up and tied it to Hedwig's leg. "Take this to Sirius, will you? He's staying at Remus's house, I think." Harry said.

Hooting, the snowy owl took off out the window. Harry watched until Hedwig was no longer visible, and then sat down on his bed with a copy of 'Intermediate Transfiguration' propped up on his lap. Much to Hermione's delight, he had planned on starting study for his O.W.Ls early.

Downstairs, he could hear Dudley arguing loudly with Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia, undoubtedly about Sirius's scheduled visit. Harry smiled, trying to put his worries to rest for a while. At least he'd be seeing Sirius again, and what could go wrong? The Dursleys would be sure to watch everything they say, and Harry would be treated as well as Dudley. It couldn't be that awful.

Suddenly, Harry was jolted out of his thoughts by a loud *thunk* and a voice coming from downstairs.

"Vernon! How good to see you! Termites have gotten to the house, I think I'll need to stay here a few days. Of course, I'm sure its no trouble. I should be gone by Saturday at the earliest." the voice boomed.

Harry suddenly felt the dread creeping back up into his throat tenfold. Aunt Marge had just walked in, and would be staying until Saturday. Dinner with Sirius was on Friday. Harry dropped his book.

Oh no.

~~~

A/N: There ya go, chapter one up and running! Hope you enjoyed it! Should be updating soon..its one of those ideas I've had in my head for a long time. What would happen if Sirius and Aunt Marge had to meet? Oh well, call me crazy, but I thought it might be a good premise for some fiction. Please review!