A/N...I don't own Sia's "Breathe Me" or Burn Notice!
Just a little song fic that popped into my head & has been nagging at me to get out. Kinda angsty-which I usually don't do, so I really hope I did good.
Help, I have done it again
I have been here many times before
Hurt myself again today
And, the worst part is there's no-one else to blame
It was about 2am when Sam was woken up by his cell phone. He was surprised to see that Fiona was calling so late. He answered with a feeling of fear and terror in his stomach.
"What's up Fi? Everything ok?" He asked sleepily. Sam was whispering so he wouldn't wake up his lady-friend who was fast asleep next to him.
Fiona answered him with a slur and a heavy Irish brogue. "I miss everyone Sam. I can't go home and I can never see them again. I miss Claire. I really screwed up."
Sam cut off her rambling. "Hand the phone to the bartender Fi, I'll come get you."
Fiona handed the bartender the phone, who gave Sam directions to the bar she was at. Sam hung up the phone and shook his head. This was the third time in two weeks that he had to pick her up from a bar. Michael was not around, he left for DC two weeks ago and had a terrible fight with Fiona right before he left. They both said things they shouldn't have but Michael sunk rather low when he brought up Ireland. When Michael left, Fiona took to drinking. She was drinking more and more when Michael left for missions. This time was worse. She was drinking more than Sam and that worried him. Sam rolled over, kissed his lady friend on the cheek. "Fi's drunk again. I'll be back in the morning." She smiled at him and went back to sleep.
Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
I am small
Warm me up
And breathe me
Sam arrived at the bar fifteen minutes after Fi's call. He drove faster than the speed limit, praying the whole way he would not get stopped by the police. The bar was in downtown Miami and was a darkly lit pub named 'Blarney Stone II'. Sam walked in and was somewhat taken back by the smell of stale beer and vomit. The stench made him gag. Sam got the attention of the bartender who was cleaning up his area.
"I'm here to pick up a drunk girl." Sam shook his head. "That came out all wrong. What I meant to say was that I got a call saying there is a drunk Irish girl here and I was to come and get her." Sam hoped that sounded better.
The bartender pointed to a booth in the back of the pub. "She's been sitting there nursing the beer I gave her after she called. Truth be known, I put some water in it so she wouldn't be a total mess when you got here. She wanted to leave but I convinced her it was too late to be alone in this area."
"Thanks man. Get her drunk and then water down her drink when you stop serving for the night. Classy move." Sam's voice dripped with sarcasm.
Sam settled Fiona's bar tab and slipped the bartender an extra $20 for keeping her at the bar until he came. He walked over to Fiona. Usually she was so powerful, so brutal, so larger than life but at that moment she looked like a sad and lost little girl who couldn't find her mother in the store. Her eyes were red and swollen, her hair was matted and stuck to her face. She had no make up and was slumped over. It broke Sam's heart to see Fiona like this.
"Come on Fi. We have to leave. I'll take you home." Sam spoke in a very soft tone.
Fiona looked up at him. "I miss him. Why did he leave me? It's not fair."
"I know its not fair, but there was nothing you could do Fi. You need to stop beating yourself up." Sam had no idea what else to say to Fiona to ease her pain.
Sam pulled Fiona out of the booth and helped her onto her feet. He wrapped an arm around her waist and held her up while they walked to the door. When they got to the car, Sam opened the door for her. Before Fiona got into the car, she gave Sam a hug. She offered him a simple "Thanks" and slid into the front seat. This threw Sam off for a moment. Sam Axe was not used to hugs from Fiona. A punch, yes, but hugs were a completely foreign territory between them. He regained his composure and walked around to the drivers seat. The drive to Fiona's home was long and quiet.
Ouch I have lost myself again
Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found,
Yeah I think that I might break
I've lost myself again and I feel unsafe
When they arrived at Fiona's house, she ran into the bathroom. Sam turned the lights on in the living room and sat down on the couch. He pulled his phone out and contemplated calling Michael, but he knew Michael was unreachable. Sam panicked when he heard a loud crash from the bathroom. He ran in and saw Fiona sitting on the floor with a razor blade in her hand.
"I can't do this anymore. I miss him so much and I can't be with him. It's not right that I can't be there. I should be there. If I can't be there, I shouldn't be anywhere." Fiona said between hysterical sobs.
"What are you doing with the blade Fi? You need to put that down before one of us gets hurt. I'm an old man that can't move too fast, so odds are it'll be me that gets hurt and I am not in the mood to go to the ER tonight." Sam tried to lighten the situation with humor but deep inside he was freaking out. Handling thugs, mobsters and rogue government operatives seemed easier than the scene in front of him. He sat down next to Fiona and took the blade from her. As soon as he took her blade, she leaned forward and vomited into the toilet. Sam held her hair while rubbing her back as she got sick repeatedly. When the vomiting ended, he scooped her up in his arms and carried her into the bedroom
Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
I am small
Warm me up
And breathe me
Sam put Fiona on the edge of the bed. He pulled an over sized t-shirt from her dresser and handed it to her. "I'll turn around while you change." Sam faced the wall that had no mirrors or glass. While Fiona changed, Sam began to ramble. "You know, I would never paint my bedroom beige. I think a nice peach or pink bedroom is much nicer. Kinda girly, I know but at night it makes it more cozy." He would have continued rambling, but he heard Fiona sit on the bed and start to cry again.
Sam saw she was shaking. He took a brown blanket that was folded neatly on the chair next to her dresser and wrapped it around Fiona. "Shhh. It'll be ok. I know it's hard but you gotta find a better outlet for this grief." Sam wrapped his arms around Fiona and rocked gently back and forth. "I'm here. I got you." He kept repeating over and over.
Fiona cried for sometime. Sam was very patient and sat with her. After a while the crying lessened and Fiona spoke between her tears. "I should have been there Sam. My father's funeral was today and I couldn't be there. I should have been there. It's not fair. I didn't get to say goodbye. Just one last time I wanted to see him or feel him hug me or even hear his voice. It's not fair." Fiona began sobbing again.
Sam silently cursed Michael in his head for not being here. However Sam was here and his friend needed him at that moment. "I know. I was overseas when my parents died. I couldn't make it to the funeral either. I know it sucks."
Sam let go of Fiona for a moment and looked her in the face. "You don't have to be in Ireland to honor his memory. Do it here. When Mikey gets back we can all do something to honor him for you. Whatever you want, we will do it. We are your family now and what ever you need, you got it sister."
Fiona weakly smiled. "Thanks Sam. You truly are a good man and a good friend. Can I ask you to do something?"
Sam answered without hesitation. "Anything. Name it."
"Hold me." She said as she started crying again. She cried off and on for nearly an hour until she finally passed out. Fiona woke up in the afternoon, alone in her room. She walked into her living room and saw Sam asleep on her couch. She smiled and covered him with a blanket. As she walked into the kitchen, her cell rang. It was Michael.
"I'm sorry we fought, I don't even want to talk about it. Michael, when are you coming home?" She asked.
Michael replied "Soon Fi, why? Everything ok?"
"My dad died. Sam has been a complete godsend but I need you..." and the conversation continued from there.