Your usual day at the BAU headquarters
This morning was going to be great, Hotch knew it. He had woken up today with the certain knowledge that he was in love with Penelope Garcia. Therefore, he had bought seven bunches of flowers for her on his way to work. He knew that she would probably be a teensy bit reluctant to his advances in the beginning but he also knew that he was irresistible and that this evening, or perhaps tomorrow morning at the latest, she would be utterly obsessed with him, too. She just needed a little time to realise it and to ditch that boyfriend of hers.
Happily he walked into the office, beaming at everyone. He wondered a bit why nobody smiled back. This was due to the fact that his face was hidden behind the seven bouquets, so no one was able to see his cheerful smile. His confidence did not waver, however, and he proceeded to Penelope's office to bring her the flowers. At first, she was absolutely overwhelmed and Hotch began to think that he had already won her heart, but then she realised his intentions and pushed him out of the room, slamming the door behind him screaming "Get out of here, creep!".
Finally, Hotch's self-esteem was a bit subdued, but it was not enough to stop him to try to win Penelope's heart. He wrote her several love letters (by mail and by e-mail, and one on an umbrella), sang a boring love song to her while she had lunch with Kevin and started a picture collection by making photographs of her whenever he saw her.
Late in the afternoon he had to admit that none of his clever stratagems had worked. His beloved still dated her boyfriend and avoided him. Therefore he was very unhappy and angry as he met some members of his team for a conference in the meeting room (to his utter amazement, Penelope did not turn up). He neither listened to Prentiss or Morgan, nor did he pay any attention to JJ's snoring. She had fallen asleep out of boredom only five minutes after the meeting had begun. No, Supervisory Special Agent Hotchner's mind working on more strategies to conquer the love of his life.
Finally, he was brought back to reality by Reid, who said "Hotch, no offence meant, but in fact I think you should stop pursuing Penelope and start to participate in the meeting! This is a very important conference about the ideal height of our office tables and we really do need your opinion about yours!".
"Shut up, you idiot!", Hotch screamed angrily. Who was this person to tell him what to do! HE was the boss, after all!
Reid started to cry and ran out of the office.
"Hotch, I think you could have phrased your thoughts in a more appropriate way!", Prentiss said, before she continued explaining about the wood used to make her table's legs.
He had to admit that she was right. He remembered that Reid had cancer, had had a very unhappy childhood with both parents beating and abusing him, and that he never had had a girlfriend because he was just too weird to make anyone to fall in love with him. Perhaps he should have been a wee bit nicer, he could have left out the 'idiot', for example. He was sure that he would not feel sorry for another member of the team, because they were all pretty and had established a very high self-esteem.
"Oh, Morgan, stop laughing about Reid being bashed, you are just as bad him! In fact, you are worse, you moron!", he cried out, just to check whether he would feel sorry, too.
He did not. Not when Morgan started to cry and certainly not when he threw himself out of the window. His subordinate was just being overly dramatic. They were on the ground floor, after all!
"OK, Prentiss, the meeting is cancelled because half of the participants left early-", he glanced at JJ, whose head was still laying on the table, "-or are paying no attention whatsoever. Now I will go and apologise to Reid. Please send me the protocol till Thursday noon."
Off he went, running through the office, always on the lookout for Reid. He dashed an irresistible smile at Penelope as he passed her but she sighed with relief when he didn't stop and try to kiss her.
In a corridor he met Rossi, and asked "Have you seen Reid? I have been so rude to him and now I want to ask him for forgiveness. If I find him I will fall on my knees and I will worship him until he grants me absolution!"
"I saw him running in this direction.", Rossi said, pointing in this direction, "He said something about quitting the job. Have you fallen in love with him now? Penelope will be so relieved!"
"No, I am not gay!", Hotch shouted and shot Rossi in anger.
Then he rushed off in this direction, where he found Reid in a closet.
"Oh, here you are!", he cried, falling on his knees. "You don't have to hide from me, I am so sorry for being rude to you before!"
"Hmmmnnngh!", said Reid, because he was gagged. The charlady had seen him running through the corridor and had thought that he was a gangster trying to flee from the FBI building. Consequently she had attacked and handcuffed him and put a gag in his mouth, before running off and getting a police officer to arrest him. She was new to the job and illiterate, therefore she had not been able to decipher the letters F, B and I on Reid's chest. What he actually tried to say was "Please, help me!"
"Oh, what can I do to make you forgive me?", Hotch wailed.
"Help me and everything will be forgiven and forgotten!", Reid generously wanted to say, but all his boss heard was "Mmmpth hmm ehehmm bllb mmmff!"
"Why are you talking in riddles? Please, tell me what to do to make you happy! I will give you as many pay rises as you like! I will make you the boss of the team! You can have my car! And my house! And my cat! Not my son, though. However, if you want him, too, we can get married and you can be his second dad! Just tell me what to do to make you forgive me! I will do absolutely everything! I will kiss your shoes!"
To prove that he would really do absolutely everything, he started to kiss Reid's red converse shoes.
In the meantime, the police officer and the charlady had come back. They had watched Hotch's touching speech, wiped a few tears out of their eyes and then the police officer started to free Reid of his handcuffs, because someone who got his feet kissed by a senior FBI agent was certainly not a gangster. Then they went away. When Hotch lifted his head again, Reid was thus free and said "It's OK, boss, really! I forgive you!".
He stood up and came out of the closet (very bad pun intended). Hotch was incredibly relieved, he started to weep and flooded the corridor with his tears.
"Thank you!", he cried out loud, "I will worship you until I die!"
"Oh... thanks. That's really not necessary, you know."
"Of course it is! Your beautiful blue eyes will make me adore you forever!"
"My eyes are not blue."
Hotch grabbed Reid's knees and hugged them tightly, still crying. "Of course they're not!"
"Come on, boss, get up! We should go back to the office and start working."
"Yes, as you whish, dearest! Although, it's six PM, we can go home now. And then we can get married right away!"
"Of course we will get married!"
"I thought you'd never ask! But... what about your feelings for Penelope?"
"Who's Penelope?", Hotch said, finally getting up.