Alec sat with his back against Magnus' canary yellow bed, looking at the little girl in his arms, bundled up like a magenta colored loaf of bread. Nexus was so tiny, so fragile, and was someone else's baby... She was the daughter of one of Magnus' "old friends", which Alec correctly assumed meant that they had been an item in the past. The Shadowhunter knew that the warlock loved him more than anyone else, than any of his past lovers, but he still couldn't help but to feel the cold stab of jealousy. Devon, whoever and whatever she was, must have been a fairly close companion, considering that she had named her child after Magnus... If warlocks weren't infertile, he might have guessed that Magnus was really somehow the father, though that would make him a cheater, and no matter how insecure Alec got, he knew that that was one thing that Magnus was not.
Giggling with a spit bubble on the corner of her mouth, the baby beamed at him, somehow already fond of her new father. He hated to admit it, but she was cute. Great, the baby was cute... What if her adorable face somehow triggered a memory of Devon that made Magnus realize that he loved her more? He would lose everything... Unless...
He didn't have to lose anything, not if the baby somehow turned up dead... It would be so easy to make happen... He could make it look like an accident even, though he would be blamed with negligence... What was he thinking? ! Slapping himself mentally for having such horrible thoughts, Alec felt disgusted with himself. He was a good guy, so why in the world was he thinking of doing something that only a demon would do?
"Alk." The child grinned, speaking for the first time, "Alk."
"Aw, she's saying your name! I think that means that she likes you." Izzy stood in the doorway, arms crossed tight over her chest, a smirk on her painted face. Alec never could get over the sight of a bloated, pregnant Isabelle. An intrusive Izzy, on the other hand, was something he was more than familiar with.
Looking at his sister as she took the bundle in her arms, Alec wondered what she was doing at the apartment, "What are you doing here, Izzy?" His voice was less than welcoming, but she ignored him as she usually did, cooing to the baby.
"Did that nasty Shadowhunter scare you? Was he being a big meanie? If you grow up, I'm going to teach you how to wrap Alec around your little finger." She looked at her brother accusingly, "So, have you decided on how you're going to do it yet?"
He sputtered, face red, knowing that she would see through him and know exactly what he had been thinking not moments ago, "What? Do what? To what or whom? I..." He finished lamely, "Was holding the baby."
Rolling her coffee-colored eyes at her brother, she kissed the baby's head, "My adorable niece, that's who! Please Alec, I know you, and I know how you can get. But you aren't a bad person, because I know that you would never act on it. Being a parent is scary, trust me, and what's worse for you, you didn't get the time to prepare for it, but I know that you can do it."
Isabelle handed him back the baby, watching carefully as he held the literal bundle of joy in his arm, in awe as the baby wrapped her entire hand around his finger. At that moment, something in him clicked, rewriting his entire person to put her needs above everyone else's, even Magnus. In that one moment, he had fallen in love with his daughter and had become a father. In that moment, he swore to himself that he would never let anything hurt her, not if he could help it...
XxX You Think You Love Me XxX
Sitting back in his old room at the Institute, left unchanged since the time he had started to date Magnus, back to the bed just as it had been that day when he truly came to think of Nexus as his own daughter, Alec stared out of the open window, the breeze fluttering the curtains in an eerie way, letting the cool air seep inside of the room so that it was as cold as he felt hollow. He trusted Jace with his life, and Magnus trusted him, albeit only because of everything that they had been through together (so grudgingly), but somehow, this felt so wrong to him. What if something had happened to Nexus, something that could never unhappen? Doubt gnawed at the Shadowhunter as he continued to watch the moon, blazing white against the pitch-black sky.
"I'm worried about her too, but that prick is right; there are some things that she has to do on her own and as her parents, it's our job to believe in her. Nexus is a strong girl, just like we raised her to be." Magnus stood in the doorway of his room, entry silent and welcome, like a physical ray of hope in the blackest darkness. But his words weren't enough to soothe the demon slayer, and he knew it too, "I think this is why that they don't allow my kind to adopt - The Clave knows that we would do anything in our power for our children, which they fear could led to their destruction."
Alec looked at Magnus, seeing him as if from a distance, "Then he wasn't so wrong... To love is to destroy, and to be loved is to be destroyed."
So Alec has a darker side? In all seriousness, this was actually a good chapter to write. I really enjoyed it, and it felt so incredibly powerful... But maybe that's just me? Anyway, since I'm re-reading the books, that phrase kind of stuck out more than usual, so I ended up putting it in here. How Alec knows it is a bit beyond me, but hey, a lot can happen in 15+ years!