The price of remembrance- Draco/Harry One shot.
Summary: Draco remembers, even if Harry doesn't. He remembers how it began, how it ended, how Harry forgot everything they had once had, he remembers even if Harry doesn't. DM/HP Slash. One shot. Request.
Draco remembers, even if Harry doesn't.
It brings him some comfort, that he remembers how it felt when Harry was with him. He remembers when Harry hurt him, harmed him and when he held him and protected him. He remembers when Harry loved him. He remembers how it started with just a simple push, what started as a routine argument and should have stayed that way but instead ended with Draco telling Harry everything and Harry protecting him and Harry loving him.
Draco remembers how it ended, so long ago, an age, but probably only a few weeks, he remembers how Harry forgot him and everything they had once had. He remembers even if Harry doesn't.
Draco isn't as ignorant as he pretends to be, he never has been, so he notices how Granger looks at him with such sadness and sympathy. He notices how the Weaslette cannot bring herself to even be in the same room as him, cannot meet his eye, the same girl who had so openly opposed Draco's proximity to Harry, should have rejoiced at the overall outcome but was instead saddened at the fact that neither Harry, nor Draco had any choice in the matter. He notices that the weasel can't bring himself to be glad that he has his best friend back, can't seem to be smug about the whole situation. Draco notices how the boy wonders fans avoid mentioning him in front of Harry, how they never mention Draco Malfoy, the littlest death eater who had played such an integral part in the war, who had set out to steal Professor Dumbledore's life and had instead taken their saviours heart. He notices how the teachers avoid them being near each other in classes, how McGonagall sometimes calls Harry to her office and hours later when they emerge stares to Draco with a sadness in her eyes that everyone but Harry understands. The students in Hogwarts, they all know, even the first years are told the stories, so it is almost a miracle that Harry hasn't heard anything, hasn't been told anything about their past, Draco guesses that most people are scared to be in the firing line if there is consequences to Harry remembering.
Draco wonders if that is why he hasn't said anything. At least not since the last time, the first time even, where Harry had looked at him so blankly and asked, "Who are you?" in a voice that was so detached Draco barely recognised him.
Most of all though, Draco notices Harry, everything he does, everywhere he goes, everything he says and he notices how Harry doesn't remember anything or feel anything and Draco is selfish enough to think that could he reverse the roles, could it be him that forgets and Harry that remembers he would happily make it so, because he has always been weak. Harry has always been the stronger of the two and if it were Harry in his place he would survive much better than Draco was currently doing. Because Draco cannot take it that Harry doesn't know him, to Harry, Draco is simply another eighth year student that he never had the time to befriend during his Hogwarts stay, what with having to prepare to save the wizarding world and all.
The boy-who-wouldn't-die doesn't feel anything for him, not love, not loss, not pain, not even the extreme loathing and hate that had once, so long ago, fuelled them both. Draco would do anything to have Harry sneer at him or hex him, or curse him, kill him eve, because Harry hating him would be better than Harry not knowing him at all. Sometimes Draco finds himself absently fingering the raised pattern of scars on his chest, from the bathroom a few years ago, even a painful memory is a good thing for Draco, because at that time at least Harry felt something for him.
The memories haunt Draco at night, when he's led in his empty dorm room, trying to sleep, memories of words Harry had once spoken, "I'll keep you safe Draco."
"One day the world will accept us."
"I love you."
But mostly, what Draco sees behind his closed eyes is the day everything ended, the day he lost everything. He had thought at the time, both of them cornered, wandless by his father whom they thought was on the run hundreds of miles away that they would die there and then. Draco thought that his father, eyes wild, hair cut short and dishevelled and wand pressed hard to Harrys temple, would kill Harry and then turn his wand to his own son, but no unforgivable curse had escaped Lucius Malfoy's lips, instead the simple word, "Obliviate" had burst forth and who would have thought that a spell that had sounded so simple could have taken everything, who would have thought that there and then his father would have taken every memory of Draco from Harry's mind, who would have thought that in his own way Lucius Malfoy had murdered his own son. Because that was exactly what he had done, just as he had promised on that fateful night where he had discovered Draco's feelings, his secrets, when he had discovered that Harry Potter was not only Draco's biggest secret but his biggest weakness too. His father had been more than disgusted that his son was attracted to boys, more than disgusted that not only was this the case but that he was in love and perhaps working with the enemy. You see Draco hadn't realised that he would have the need to block his thoughts from his own father, but then it had all hit rock bottom when his father had found him on what he soon found out was a routine mind check to see if any death eaters had betrayal on the mind, thinking of the day that Harry would swoop in, kill Voldemort and take him far away. His father hadn't found it prudent to torture him, or even let Draco know that he was aware of it, at least not until after the war was over, after he was on the run, after Draco and Harry had believed they were safe to return to Hogwarts for their revisited eighth year, not until a visit to Hogsmeade where they had been taken by surprise when Lucius had found them. His father hadn't had to use the killing curse on Draco to end his life, all he had to do was take Harry from him. Killing Harry however would not have been enough, instead Draco would have to watch his lover ive his life without him, ignorant even to his existence. Draco would have to wake up hours after the confrontation in the hospital wing to the news that his father had been caught, both he and Harry had only suffered minor injuries and would both be okay and that Harry had absolutely no clue what had happened, where he had been of in fact who Draco Malfoy was. Draco had been wiped away and Draco would have to watch Harry forget him.
There had been so many times that Draco had seen Harry around Hogwarts and felt the overwhelming need to run to him and be with him, when he had seen Harry smiling in his direction and realised just moments before he returned the gesture that it as aimed to someone behind him. There had been so many times that Draco had heard Harrys voice, at a certain pitch, timbre. Times he had heard Harry breathing heavily and gasping his words after a Quidditch match where his mind had flashed back to the times where Harry had writhed beneath him, gasping his name over and over, eyes blown wide and lacking in glasses. Times he had heard Harry laugh and remembered when it had been him that had made him do so. It had become best to avoid him as much as possible even though most of the time it was impossible. Draco constantly cursed his father for doing such a thing, had he killed Harry or Draco or both then it would have been final. Done and dusted. But instead Draco was forced to live this way, in an in between, never touching but seeing, never owning but needing.
Sometimes, though very rarely, Draco thinks he sees recognition in those familiar green orbs, that when Harry notices Hermione smiling sadly across the hall, towards Draco's lonely form on the sparsely filled Slytherin table and turns curiously to see why, eyes landing on the posh blonde he couldn't remember ever speaking to, let alone loving, that there is something there and for a split second he has hope, but then Harry turns away and it is gone again.
Draco has no one, his mother dead, his father locked away awaiting the Dementors kiss very soon, his godfather and confident is dead, he has no real friends and the ones had had once known are ashamed to be seen with someone who had taken such an active role on the wrong side of the war and Harry is gone. Hermione tries to include him sometimes, she tries hard to talk to him, but it is awkward, there is too much bad blood and bad memories between them and Harry isn't there to mediate or defuse the tension or continue conversation and even if they were the best of friends, Draco, Hermione and Ronald that is, Draco is just too depressed, there is nothing without Harry and not even those who try so hard are enough.
There are times when Harry stares at him, maybe a little too long, nose scrunched quizzically, like he is trying to figure something out and Draco has to beat down the hope that swells in his chest because it is the same face Harry pulls when he is thinking back, trying to remember, and there is no way that Harry is trying to remember Draco. There is just no way. There are times, pretty much all the time, that Harry catches Draco staring at him, most of the time he just looks away but sometimes he raises an eyebrow or mouth "what?" across at him and Draco has to fight a smile at the attitude being directed once more to him.
Then there is the first time that Harry seeks him out, by the lake, just after dinner on a cold night and Draco is beyond shocked, if anything he is scared, scared of what happens next. He so badly wants the first thing out of Harry's mouth to be that he remembers him but instead the opposite bursts forth uninhibited, "Who are you?"
Draco barely stops himself from dropping and crying at Harry's feet, barely stops himself from begging, screaming, running, vaguely musing that a couple of years ago he would have scolded himself for acting like such a bloody girl.
"I'm no one." he replies instead eye roaming over the boy so intimately he can see Harry's shiver, he hasn't been this close to his lover in so long and it causes goose bumps to rise on his own skin.
"Were we friends? Have we ever been friends?"
Draco, speechless, shakes his head, "No."
"Why do you follow me around then? I see you all the time." Harry asks with a frown.
Draco swallows and draws his eyes away from Harry and to the lake where the squid is lounging lazily in the middle, Harry had always known when he was lying and who is to say that instinct wouldn't tell the boy the same now, "I'm in all your lessons." is all Draco can think to reply.
"I mean outside." the Gryffindor replies impatiently and Draco smiles a little because it is so Harry to act like this and he has even missed this more volatile, paranoid side of his lover, "You always watch me."
"No I don't." It seems that denial is the only path to take now.
"You do. I mean if you one of the, boy who lived," he raises his hands to put quotations around the press given title, "fans then I an like give you an autograph or something. You don't have to stalk me."
"I'm not stalking you!" Draco shouts, "I'm not." His loud voice quiets when a couple of sixth years walk past them, gawping openly, obviously wondering what is happening now between the two. Once they have passed Draco continues, "I don't want a bloody autograph."
Harry who is still staring, puzzled at the sixth years who are glancing back every now and then ignores him for another question, "Why are they staring?"
"Merlin Harry, you're the boy who lived, of course they're staring."
"Right, look- like I said, if you want a-"
"I said I don't want an autograph!"
"Then what do you want?" Harry questions, so openly so innocently, he has no idea, "What do you want with me?"
Draco can feel tears and his lip trembling, he can feel everything hurting again and before he knows it he has stepped into Harry's personal space and whispered, "I want you to remember me Harry." Draco runs a thumb gently over Harry's lips, like he always used to as they came down from orgasmic highs in bed, as they sat together in secluded corners and just talked, as they simply were, "I need you to remember."
Then Draco leaves him, because if he doesn't then he'll ruin everything, he'll suffer. He cannot handle more suffering.
And then there is the next time Harry seeks him out, and Draco is sure it will just be the same as before, questions he cannot answer and will not answer. And he is ready to just walk away before Harry can even begin, only that pesky hope is back again, bubbling up inside him because Harry is looking at him like he hasn't in so long, as if he knows him and its impossible because Harry doesn't remember him but then he is speaking and Draco should be listening.
"You're Draco Malfoy." he whispers matter of factly, "You're Slytherin, unwilling death eater. You're a good person. You've always been mine. You're mine."
Harry remembers. He remembers. Draco doesn't know how, doesn't question it and he knows he isn't dreaming if the painful pinch he just gave himself is anything to go by. Harry remembers.
And just as fast as everything was destroyed it is okay again.
So, I hope you all enjoyed this, I randomly got the entire thing in my head at like 1am, wrote it out and saved it on a draft message, then typed it all up short hand and rewrote it when I woke up. I'm not sure. Let me know what you think?