Once upon a time, there lived a princess-

"I want a ninja."

"But it's about a princess."

"Is she a ninja princess?"

"I-I mean, I guess. I don't see what's wrong with that."


Once upon a time, there lived a ninja princess named Belle-

"That's a stupid name."

"That is not a stupid name, thank you. Tina, a little help here?"

"No comment."

"All right. What is the ninja princess' name then?"


"That's a stupid name Stacey!"

"No it's not!"

"Yes it is!"

"No it's not!"

"Yes it i-"

"Okay, how about we all agree on a name that's slightly less stripper-ish?"

"What's 'stripper-ish'?"

"How about Brittany?"



"That one's wierd. It sounds like Satan. And Sammy's old girlfriend was named that and she was scary."

"Okay, how about Tina? Quinn?"

"No, silly those are your names!"

"Rachel? Mercedes? Lauren?"

"What about Lucy?"

"Lucy! Lucy! That's a pretty name for a ninja princess!"

"But...you know what? Fine."

Once upon a time, there lived a ninja princess named Lucy and all day she went around-

"What about her dwarves?"


"Her dwarves. Every princess needs dwarves. They're, like, back up for when she kicks butt."

"Where did you hear that?"

"Snow White had dwarves. And she kicked the queen's butt so much that she died."

"I don't know-"

"Lucy needs dwarves!"

"Okay! Lucy's got four dwarves how about that? And we can call them-"

"Sing-sing, Shorty, Nockout and Kickem."

"That's it? That's all you can come up with, Tina?"

"I can only please one person a day. Today is not your day. Quinn Fabray. Check out me-all rhyming and shi-stuff."

"Ha ha."

Once upon a time there lived a ninja princess named Lucy and she had four dwarves, each with their own names. Their names were Sing-sing, Shorty, Nockout and Kickem, and whenever Lucy was in trouble, her dwarves swept in to help her kick some butt.

So one day, Lucy is walking in the woods-

"Are they made of candy?"


"The woods, Quinn! Are they made of candy?"

"Uh...yeah, sure."

Lucy is walking in the woods made of candy. It was made of many types of candy-there was cotton candy and peppermint bark and chocolate leaves and there were peppermint sticks along the pathway, sticking out of the ground like fenceposts-

"And then she found a gingerbread house! With more candy on it!"

"But who lived inside it?"

"The Queen Bitch."


"But Satan said it! She called you that once and Sammy got really mad! Like he made her leave!"

"Really? He defended me to Santana?"

"He def-diff-defendeded you to Satan and he felt really bad later."

"I feel bad now."


"It's not your fault, sweetie, but you shouldn't use those type of words until your much, much older okay?"

"Okay, Quinnie."

"Good, now, back to the story-"

She kept walking until she came upon a house, deep in the woods, so deep that the trees over head blocked out the sunshine and it was dark and cold when she walked up to the house and knocked on the door.

Lucy knocked again and the sugary door creaked open ominously-

"What's 'ominously'?"

"It's means 'scarily'."

"Why didn't you just say that then?"

"I was going for dramatic effect."

"Well don't do that. Say what you mean."

"Yeah, Quinn. Say what you mean."

"I'll deal with you later Chang-Chang."

Lucy knocked again and the door creaked open scarily and an inviting smell tickled Lucy's nose from inside the house. So she took a few steps inside, spinning around when the door slammed shut behind her and an evil cackle filled the dark room.

"Now I've got you, my pretty! You'll never kick anybody's butt again!"

"Oh no!"

"What's wrong?"

"Lucy's trapped in the evil bit-"


"-bitca's house! That's not how it supposed to go!"

"But she'll be fine! She'll kick the evil bitca's butt!"

"Weren't you listening? The evil bitca said that Lucy will never kick anybody's butt again!"

"Stop saying 'bitca'!"

"But, Quinnie-"

"She's a ninja princess-she can kick any body's butt!"

"But the evil bitca-"

"Stop saying 'bitca'!"


"Just let me finish the story!"

Lucy began to make her way through the seemingly endless house, finally coming upon another door what seemed like hours later. Bravely, Lucy kicked in the door, only to be faced with the evil bit-queen. Evil queen. And the evil queen's kitchen, which was boiling hot.

"I've finally found you, Evil Queen Chang-Chang and now? You're going down! You'll never make another person candy that tastes like vegetables again!"

And so, with the help of her four dwarves, Ninja Princess Lucy kicked Evil Queen Chang-Chang's butt and she could never makes vegetable tasting candy again! And everybody lived happily ever after! The end!"

Quinn blinked as she was drawn out of the story, only to find four small children and one overly large one asleep on the bed. Sometime during the story, Tina had found her way under the blankets and Katy had sprawled herself across Tina's chest while Nick had curled tightly into her side. Stacey and Stevie had spooned one another and Stacey was snoring softly, making Stevie snuffle deeper into the pillow.

Quinn shrugged absently and lifted the covers on her side, tucking herself into the bed and slowly drifting off into dreams of cotton candy and evil queens.

"Quinn. Hey, Quinn, wake up." a voice called softly, pulling Quinn from her dreams. She blinked blearily up at Sam, who was watching her with a smile on his face.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry, I feel asleep." she mumbled, pushing herself up and promptly falling from the bed with a soft thump.

"That's okay. Nothing major." Sam whispered, helping her up and chuckling softly before moving around to wake Tina. "Looks like you guys wore each other out."

"We told stories all night."

"Oh. About what?"

"Ninja princesses and candy that tasted like vegetables." Tina replied sleepily, running a hand through her hair as she slipped from the bed.

"I'm just gonna leave that one alone. Artie's parents are here to pick up Katy and Nick but I don't wanna wake them. Can you guys help me move them to the car?" Sam asked, reaching down to slide his arms under Nick, who turned and buried his head in Sam's shoulder.

"I've got Katy." Tina murmured, adjusting the little girl in her arms before following Sam out into the parking lot, where Quinn got a glimpse of a couple that could only be Artie's parents. The woman had Artie's bright blue eyes and the man had Artie's slender but lithe build.

"Evening, Mr. and Mrs. A." Sam called, shifting Nick so that Mr. Abrams could take him and buckle him into the carseat.

"Sam, we've told you to call us Bee and Kevin. Repeatedly."

"Sorry, Mrs. A-Bee. Sorry, Bee. I was raised in the south, it's just my manners kickin' in." Sam replied quickly, blushing as he toed the concrete beneath them.

"It's okay Sam. And don't forget about Friday. You can invite Tina and-I'm sorry, honey, I'm not sure who you are." Bee said, turning to Quinn with a questioning look on her face.

"I'm Quinn, ma'am. Quinn Fabray."

"Brittany's friend, Quinn?" Bee asked in surprise and Quinn furrowed her brow in confusion.

"Yes..." she replied hesitantly, unsure of what her so called friends had told this woman about her.

"Oh! It's so nice to actually meet you! Brittany and my son sing your praises all the time! They tell me what a nice person you are, especially for watching Sam's little brother and sister to help out."

"Oh." Quinn replied, in mild shock.

"It shouldn't be that much of a shock, Quinn. You're surprisingly nice when you let your guard down." Tina said, Katy no longer in her arms as Mr. Abrams finished buckling her in as well.

"Well, that's it. Thank you ladies and Sam for watching them all on such short notice but we've really got to get home."

Tina yawned as the Abrams' van drove away, scratching her head as she bid Quinn good night and began the walk to her car.

"Hey, Tina!" Quinn called, rushing after the asian girl who turned to wait for her to catch up. "Thanks for tonight. For helping, I mean."

"No problem, Quinn. Like I said, you can be a nice person."

"Listen, my house is about three blocks down from here and I know you live on the other side of town. Do you just wanna spend the night at mine so you don't have to drive? I'm worried you'll wrap yourself around a pole or something." Quinn breathed out and Tina blinked before a small smile slid onto her face and she nodded.

"That'd be nice. Let me get my emergency bag and lock the car and we can go."

"Hey, Quinn?"

She turned to find Sam standing behind her and she cocked her head.

"How long have you been standing there?" she asked and Sam shrugged.

"Long enough. That's a real nice thing you're doing for Tina, you know." he said, nodding at the girl rummaging through the car nearby.

"Mr. Schue said we were family once, right? Isn't this what family does?" she asked and Sam's brow furrowed for a moment before smoothing out and he nodded again.

"Yeah, Quinn. That's exactly what family does."

A/N: Can you guess who played who in the fairytale that Quinn told the kids and Tina? I'll give you a hint: Look at their names!