The Hangover Twilight Edition
Author's Note: I'm sorry it has taken so long but I have another story going as well as this one for my new series called the Teenage Wasteland Series which is basically every cast member and OC Characters for a friend of mine. I am also working on trying to do a True Blood/Twilight Crossover. The movie wasn't a long movie so this is probably not going to last much longer anyway but let's just go with the flow for now. I am adding tonight because I just got done watching a movie with Ed Helms in it, he's freaking HILARIOUS.
Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or the Hangover, I am just playing with them. This is for entertainment purposes only and not intended to either upset or offend anyone.
When the boys got back to the hotel room they walked into the sounds of classical music being played on the piano in the suite. They immediately thought it was Edward, since he played the piano but when they got closer they were surprised to see UFC fighter Chuck Liddell playing. All three boys stopped dead in their tracks.
"Ah, there you guys are. We've been waiting for you." he said once he stopped playing. The boys looked beside Chuck to see the midget that jumped out of the trunk and beat the crap out of Jasper. "I assume you've met my associate Big Man." he said and Jacob stifled a chuckle at the man's name.
"It seems that you three owe us both something." Chuck said standing up and walking toward the three boys. He walked straight to Jacob and hit him hard with a right hook to the jaw sending him straight to the floor. "Now that THAT'S out of the way, we can get down to business. You three, and your friend wherever he is, stole my dog from my house last night."
"Mr. Liddell, first of all let me say I am a huge fan." Jasper said "We didn't know that it was your dog, as a matter of fact, we didn't know that we even stole it until we woke up this morning and found it locked in the bathroom."
"How could you not know you stole it?" Chuck asked.
"Well you see, Mr. Liddell, we were EXTREMELY drunk last night and it turns out we were also roofied." Emmett said "We really don't remember anything that happened last night."
"AH! I see, well I'm leaving it up to YOU three to get my dog back to my house and in his cage." Chuck said and the boys stiffened.
"How are we going to do that?" Jasper asked.
"Figure it out!" Chuck said "Now Big Man has something to say and I suggest you all listen VERY carefully."
"First of all" the little guy said before coming over and head butting Jasper in the groin, sending him to the floor. "That was for locking me in the trunk. And you all owe me $800 that you guys stole from me at the casino last night! I expect payment by sunset in the valley if you ever want to see your friend Edward alive again."
"You have Edward? You BASTARD!" Jasper screamed from the floor.
"Yes, I do and you will get him back when you get me my money." Big Man said.
"We don't have that kind of money" Emmett said.
"Like Chuck said…Figure it out!" Big Man said and at that both he and Chuck left the boys utterly confused and worried at the same time.
"What the FUCK are we going to do now?" Emmett said.
"Well for one we have to find a way to drug the dog and get it back to Chuck's house." Jasper said.
"And get that man his money." Jacob added.
"Thank you Captain OBVIOUS!" Emmett said.
"Well let's focus on getting the dog back first, Jacob do you have anymore of those pills?" Jasper asked.
"I have 2 left." he said getting a bottle out of his room. The boys ordered a raw steak from room service and stuck the two rufalin in the steak. Emmett was volunteered by the other two to go take the steak in to the dog. He was scared shitless as he walked into the little bathroom and the huge monster dog stood up and started growling and snarling at him.
"Good Doggy. Good Doggy!" he said trying to whistle. He threw the steak down and took off like a bat out of hell into the other room, slamming the door behind him.
The boys waited until the heard the thud of the dog falling over asleep and they snuck the dog out covered in a blanket on a luggage cart out to the rental car. On the drive over they planned how they were going to get the other guy's money back and it was decided that Jasper would go into the casino with Jacob as his body guard/ entourage and then Emmett called his new wife and they were to join the table later and win a couple of hands as well. Jacob taught everyone how to count cards so it was basically a sure thing.
The boys were almost to Chuck's house, all three sitting in the front so the dog could stretch out in the back, and they were talking about their plans for after they dropped the dog off. They didn't hear the dog wake up until the dog let out a menacing growl. All the guys screamed and Jasper started driving erratically before they finally pulled onto the curb and pushed the car the rest of the way to Chuck's house.
When they got to Chuck's they walked the dog inside and hightailed it back to the casino where they put their plan into action, wracking up $1000 amongst the three of them that were playing. Right before the guys at the casino caught on Annalynne tipped her chair over backwards and pretended to be drunk while Jasper and Jacob got away. The guards were too busy helping Annalynne and Emmett that they didn't even notice them slipping by. After they were out of sight of the guards Annalynne kissed Emmett and said she felt better and the two left themselves.
The boys met Big Man in the Valley with their winnings and flashed their lights to signal they were there.
"You have my money?" Big Man said.
"You have out friend?" Jasper said.
"Toss me the money and I will give you your friend." Big Man replied.
"Show us Edward and we will toss the money." Jasper snapped.
"Bring out the hostage." Big Man yelled to his driver and the driver brought out a hooded figure and the boys let out a sigh of relief before Jasper tossed the bag containing the money to Big Man. They removed the hood and it wasn't Edward.
"This isn't our friend." Emmett said.
"Well too bad, see you later mother fuckers." Big Man said flipping them off and getting into his car and speeding off.
"What the fuck? Why did that fucker kidnap me?" the guy said.
"I don't know. I don't remember shit from last night." Emmett said sitting on the hood of the rental car.
"I'm going to call Bella." Jasper said walking off and calling Bella.
"Man, you sold me a batch of rufalin." Jacob said.
"Rufalin? Man, what's rufalin?" the guy said, who Emmett now knew was the drug dealer that Jacob mentioned earlier.
"Roofies you fucking idiot." Emmett spat.
"No I didn't." the guy replied.
"Yes you did, the doctor at the hospital said our friend was dosed with roofies." Jacob said.
"Ah shit man, I must have mixed the bags up. My bad." the guy said "Shit, I don't even know why they call them roofies man. You are more likely to end up on the floor than the roof, they should just call them Floories."
"Yeah." Jacob agreed.
"Wait, Wait, what did you say?" Emmett said.
"They should call them Floories." the guy said.
"No, before that!" Emmett said.
"Oh you are more likely to end up on the floor instead of the roof." he said.
"Dude, you're a GENIUS!" Emmett said hugging the drug dealer and running to stop Jasper from telling Bella anything "JASPER NO!"
Emmett tackled Jasper and wrestled with him for a minute before taking the phone from him.
"Bella." Emmett said.
"Oh thank god! Emmett, what's going on?" Bella said.
"Nothing just a misunderstanding we are going to get Edward now and we're getting on the first red eye home." Emmett replied before telling her bye and running to the car. All four men piled in and sped all the way back to the hotel, with the drug dealer going his own way. They ran upstairs to the roof, propping it open and to the other side where Edward was sitting, sun burned and weak, in a bath robe.
"What happened?" Edward groaned.
"We still don't know, we were all drugged. I'm so GLAD we found you. We've got to get out of here." Jasper said and he and Emmett helped Edward up and back to the room to get dressed.
"It's the funniest thing guys, I was sitting up there on the roof and I found these in the pocket of my robe." Edward said pulling out at least $3000 worth of casino chips. They boys all laughed before packing their stuff up, cashing in the chips and calling Annalynne to meet them at the hotel entrance. Annalynne hopped in the car, ready to leave Vegas, and they all got on the Red Eye back to Seattle. Emmett kissed Annalynne goodbye and headed to end things with Rosalie, Jasper went home to Alice and their children, and Edward and Jacob went to get ready for the wedding.
Emmett had trouble ending things with Rosalie so when Annalynne showed up at the wedding Rosalie raised a questioning eyebrow.
"Um, Emmett…who is this?" Rosalie said.
"Oh yeah, Rose, I was trying to tell you earlier. I think we should see other people." Emmett replied.
"And why do you think that?" Rosalie asked.
"Because you have been a total bitch since you fucked that bell hop on your trip to Europe last year and by the way, this is Annalynne McCarty…my WIFE." he said kissing Annalynne before they walked away in each other's arms leaving Rosalie standing there speechless. They joined the rest of the group and danced and partied for a while.
After the reception Edward walked up to the rest of the guys with a shit eating grin on his face.
"Look what I found!" he said holding up a digital camera.
"Is that what I think it is?" Jasper said.
"The very same…should we look at it?" Edward asked and everyone shook their head.
"Never we will NEVER talk of that night again." Jasper said.
"Well let's just look at it once and then delete them all." Emmett said with a laugh and they all agreed and almost died at the many embarrassing pictures from the night they will never remember, and laughed so hard they were crying before Edward finally hit the delete button, removing it all from the camera.