Jello

Author: MoonStarDutchess

Disclaimer: Don't own FMA. Gain no profit from this fic.

PG 13-Rating

AN: This is crack silliness. If you've read my stories before you know to expect it once in a while. XD Implied Royai


Havoc was bewildered by General Mustang's recently attained penchant for Jello. He always found the substance to be one of the vilest foods, if one could call it that, on the planet. The texture, the way it jiggled then stilled, was creepier than the time he saw Armstrong in a g-string. Okay, maybe it wasn't that bad, but it was close.

What made the situation even odder was the fact Mustang mentioned his mutual disgust for the substance on more than one occasion. Havoc watched as he took his spoon and hit the small dome shaped mold on his plate. He watched with his dark eyes at the flesh colored mass (he swallowed the urge to throw up in his mouth when his mind conjured that description) jiggled back and forth. He then stuck his spoon into it, whacked a piece of off, and watched it jiggle on his spoon.

He heaved a sigh and took a bite before going back to hit it once more, watching it jiggle yet again until it ceased its movements. Perhaps his commanding officer had finally lost the foam off his beer. No, Roy Mustang was a lot of things but he wasn't insane. Not yet anyway. He'd asked Riza to marry him so perhaps the sudden realization he was giving up the single life was weighing down his mental state. Riza went to Central City for a week to shop for wedding items—mainly at his girlfriend Rebecca's insistence—so perhaps Roy just missed her.

When Roy hit the jello mold again. Havoc finally had enough. "Chief?"

"Yeah?"

"I thought you hated jello."

"I do."

"Then why have you eaten it with every meal since Hawkeye left."

"Because it reminds me of her."

"Hawkeye doesn't like jello."

"No, but . . . Well, it reminds me of her," he repeated. He took another bite and swallowed, not appearing to chew the goop.

Havoc couldn't grasp what Roy meant. He studied the mold a bit longer as Roy tapped it with his spoon and watched, this time a thin smile appearing on his lips. What could a flesh-colored, jiggly, jello mold and Riza Hawkeye have in common that Roy would like? "I don't understand how."

"It jiggles. Just like her."

Havoc's eyes widened. Jiggles… Jiggles… What the hell? That was the reason he was eating the disgusting menace to all that is good in food stuffs? "I can't sleep either," Roy continued with a pitiful tone.

"I thought you were leg man." He forced his mind to not ponder if Riza's boobs actually jiggled like jello. She was one of his closest friends, practically a sister, and it was downright wrong to be contemplating her jugs. Wait... "What has her boobs got to do with sleeping?"

"I certainly I don't sleep with my head between her legs," Roy said and grinned. "That's a before sleep activity."

Havoc's cheeks turned burgundy, a rarity for the normally perverted blond. He stood and pondered all of the dirty things that he could through his head. Armstrong in a G-string. Armstrong in a G-string. Ah, No that's bad. I actually want to eat lunch today."Permission to go to lunch, sir."

"Yeah. Go on."

-/-/-

Havoc met Breda and Denny in line, in the mess hall. He grabbed one of the small jello molds on the lunch counter and made his way over to a table. Havoc sat it in front of him and tapped it, watching it jiggle.

"Thought you hated jello, Havoc," Breda said after he and Denny sat down. He picked up his spoon and began to eat.

"It does remind me of a boob," Havoc said, not responding to Breda's words about his dislike of the dessert.

Breda stopped his spoon when it was halfway to his lips. Denny paused in his task of opening his milk bottle.

"It what?" Denny and Breda said.

"Look."

Havoc motioned for them to lean in. They did so. Havoc hit the jello with the back of his spoon. It jiggled. They kept their eyes glued to the dessert until it ceased its movements.

"Whoa…" Denny said. "That wiggles more than Maria's boobs."

"Hell of a lot more than Rebecca's too," Havoc said.

"Hit it again!" Breda said. Havoc complied.

The three men ignored the looks from the other soldiers as they repeatedly hit the jello mold, enjoying the jiggle and the reminder of their favorite parts of the female anatomy.


AN: I've really really really despised jello since I was a child. I hate the way it jiggles, I hate the way it feels in the mouth, and I hate the taste. It's the food of Satan as far as I'm concerned. I especially hate it since I saw a giant Obama jello mold with people whacking parts off his head to eat it. Yet, I end up getting inspired with it. This is a story that popped into my head while watching my honey and his friends eat mini jello molds and them being perverted with it. Inspiration in the strangest places. XD