Author's Note: Hi guys! This is a crack!fic of my own imagination. I don't own A Very Potter Musical or Glee (though I wish I owned both), or Darren Criss (who I really wish I owned lol. Anyways, this happened as I was studying for-Biology, as you may guess, and gave me a break. I hope you enjoy it-please review!
Disclaimer: I don't own Glee, A Very Potter Musical, Darren Criss, Kurt Hummel, David, Wes, Blaine Anderson, or any of the characters.
Pairings: Kurt/Blaine (Klaine)
Summary: Kurt, David, and Wes have a theory that Blaine resembles a certain Darren Criss from "A Very Potter Musical." Blaine is not amused.
The attempted whisper is not a whisper at all, as David's hiss rings across Dalton's private, regal library. Light drifts in through the stained glass windows onto the oil paintings of Dalton's past highly regarded alumni and founders and onto shelves full of dusty, hard-bound books. Mrs. Fletcher, Dalton's old librarian with thick glasses and a grey bun on the top of her head, looks up with an upset expression.
Blaine raises his eyebrows as he looks up from where he is reading about protists in a massive Campbell and Reece AP Biology textbook (honestly, books this heavy should be illegal), and restrains his urge to look.
I can't look, I can't look, he repeats the words in his head, until they become almost a mantra. He has a large AP Biology test at the end of this week and he needs to spend all of his time learning what dinoflagellates and opisthokonts are if he wants to pass this class.
"It's him, I swear! They even sing the same!"
Another cry (now Wes's) sounds across the library, and Blaine fights his building curiosity. I can't look, I can't look.
"Oh dear, I actually see the resemblance now. It's quite uncanny."
The last voice is Kurt's, and Blaine struggles to gather some self control. But this is Kurt, and it's his boyfriend and he wants to know what Kurt (and David and Wes, he supposes), thinks is so amusing.
With a slam, Blaine closes his textbook in frustration. "What is it guys?" he huffs, extremely annoyed (and slightly angry). "What is so funny that you find the need to make such a loud racket that I can't concentrate?"
Wes and David peer over the edge of Wes's MacBook with guilty expressions on their faces. Kurt looks up at Blaine with a gaze of adoration in his clear grey eyes, and his cheeks flush slightly pink.
"It's nothing," Kurt says immediately, and without even trying, Blaine can detect the blatant lie in his tone. "Really, Blaine, we're sorry. Just go back to your reading; we'll be quiet."
But Blaine's interest is piqued and he is going to get an answer.
"Let me see," he snaps, and in five bounds, he is behind the computer screen at all, staring at a YouTube movie entitled "A Very Potter Musical Act 2 Part 5," paused on a picture of a curly-haired boy with wire glasses, wearing a grey v-neck sweatshirt, red and gold tie, and khaki pants and—"Oh dear lord, please tell me you're not watching this rubbish."
"TAKE THAT BACK!" David yells out, and the indignant librarian looks up and hisses, "Shh!"
"Harry Potter is not rubbish!" David continues, a horrified expression riding his facial features.
Wes buts in, "Harry Potter is a work of genius-"
"-the culmination of all great writers' works-"
"-only the best series that will ever be written-"
"-I would marry J.K. Rowling for her ingeniousness if she wasn't already married-"
"-Harry, Ron, and Hermione are idols for us to emulate-"
"-themes of bravery, courage, friendship-"
"-the triumph of good vs. evil-"
"Okay I get it!" Blaine interrupts Wes and David before they spend the better part of the whole day proving Blaine "wrong" about his opinions on Harry Potter. "I'm sorry I insulted your magical vampire-"
"Harry Potter is a wizard!" David's eyes look like they're about to pop out of his head in disbelief that Blaine actually suggested something of the sort. "Scumbags like Edward Cullen cannot even begin to compare-"
"I'm sorry, again," Blaine says, not sounding very sorry at all. "But, anyways, what is so funny and what were you talking about and why are you watching a musical on this book?"
"Well, the thing is..." Kurt starts to answer, and then flushes a deeper shade, "um, well, Blaine, David and Wes just wanted to show me this musical because," his voice drastically lowers in decibels so that he is barely audible, "they think the guy who plays Harry—this, um, Darren Criss—looks like you."
Before Blaine can start asking questions, Wes and David hurriedly decide to impart their own opinions.
"Really, he does-"
"-he even sings-"
"-if you just took off his glasses and cut his hair, he would be like-"
"-your long-lost twin brother-"
"-do you have a twin you never told us about-"
"-are you actually a huge, closeted Harry Potter nerd-"
"-seriously, you're probably related-"
"-just look at him!"
The last statement ends with Wes shoving the computer screen into Blaine's face so that Blaine can see for himself. It's the same boy with the wire glasses and the haphazardly drawn scar on his head, and Blaine is taking deep and steady breaths to try to prevent himself from blowing completely.
"What on earth are you talking about?" Blaine's voice drops to a dangerously low tone, to Wes and David's (and even Kurt's) alarm. "I do not look remotely like the guy—he and I do not look even the slightest bit alike-"
"You're not looking hard enough Blaine!" Wes interjects stubbornly.
"He's like a clone!" David continues.
Blaine looks helplessly at Kurt to come to his rescue. Surely the elfin boy can tell these absolute morons (that Blaine has the misfortune of calling his best friends) that there is no way on earth that Blaine resembles this nerd who has nothing better to do than play a fictional character—a wizard no less, this Darren Criss—in the slightest.
"I can see where they're coming from," Kurt says quietly, "I mean, there's something even almost sexy about his rugged look-"
That is it!
"Look at this guy!" Blaine jabs his finger at the computer screen in distress. "He's clearly overweight, in much need of a haircut because his hair is like a lion's mane that birds might mistake for their nests, his vocal range is not even anywhere near that of mine, he has no sense of stage presence or professionalism, he has no sense of fashion whatsoever," (Blaine doesn't give this Criss guy the credit that his outfit is clearly a uniform for the play because this guy doesn't even deserve the benefit of the doubt), "he is extremely pale and pasty," (Blaine doesn't admit to his own paleness because that is beside the point), "and lastly, he likes girls!"
With that, Blaine stands up abruptly and walks back to the table with his textbook, flips it open, and pretends to be interested in stramenopiles. He keeps his eyes downcast, refusing to look at the expressions of shock decorating his friends' (and boyfriend's) faces.
"Um, Blaine?" There's a timid voice that Blaine immediately registers as Kurt, but he purposely doesn't look up at his boyfriend. Instead, Blaine buries his face deeper into his textbook.
"Blaine, I'm sorry you were offended by our comparison, but honestly, you shouldn't take things this hard."
Blaine huffs and flips to the next page in his textbook.
"Blaine," there's a teasing tone in Kurt's voice, "Blaine, you know that I love you right?"
Blaine doesn't answer.
"Blaine Warbler, do I detect jealousy?"
Blaine stays silent, but the tips of his ears turn red from where he is glaring into his biology book.
"Blaine Anderson, if you must know," Kurt lets out an airy sigh (and Blaine isn't looking but he knows Kurt just rolled his eyes), "I think that Wes and David are a little bit incorrect in their observations. Your hair is obviously more styled and gelled and in place than his unkempt mane, your eyes are sparklier, your body is so much more fit, your eyebrows more expressive, your facial features more chiseled, your talent clearly more evident, and needless to say, you two don't share the same sexual orientation."
There's silence, and then Blaine's voice.
"Do you really think he's sexy?"
"You're so much sexier," comes the firm reply.
With an almost feral growl, Blaine throws his book down and presses his lips heatedly against Kurt's, his hands already running through the taller boy's hair.
"Boys!" comes Mrs. Fletcher's indignant reply, and David and Wes's grins at Blaine and Kurt's PDA, but Blaine is already dragging Kurt towards his dorm room and towards his bed—
AP Biology will just have to wait.
Author's Note: I would love reviews! Be sure to check out my other Glee fics if you're interested :) but PLEASE REVIEW! (especially if you'd like more fics like this!)
Poor Blainey, so misunderstood :) And please watch "A Very Potter Musical" on YouTube!