A/N: Greetings, one and everyone! It's me again, here with the highly anticipated (I think) sequel to The Legend of Eevee: Pokéflute of Time! I've basically been planning on writing this from the very start and I'm so excited it's finally time XD Words can't really describe how much I love Majora's Mask. Just know it's by far my favorite Zelda game and one of my all-time favorite games in general. Add that to all the shiny new Unova Pokémon who will be showing up this time around and… yeah, this is gonna be a blast.
Okay, enough rambling from me. Hope you like!
The Legend of Eevee: Majerkass's Mask
In the land of Hyrule there echoes a legend. A legend of a Pichu…
Who, after saving Hyrule through a ridiculous amount of dumb luck, crept away from the land that had made him a legend…
Done screwing with time and possibly endangering reality, he embarked on a secret and personal journey…
A journey in search of a beloved and invaluable friend…
…Okay, maybe "friend" is too strong a term…
Somewhere deep within a mysterious forest, an oddly colored Pichu with green markings was sitting on top of a shiny Ponyta as they slowly made their way through. The atmosphere in the forest had been very quiet and tranquil, but Pichu quickly took care of that.
"…And as I go, I love to sing, my knapsack on my back! Val-de-ree, val-de-ra, val-de-ree, val-de-ra-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! C'mon, Epona, join in!"
"One day I will truly enjoy killing him… one day…" Epona muttered to herself. "Why the hell are we off looking for that fairy b*tch anyway?"
"Princess Eevee and I have a bet going on whether or not I can survive another adventure. Obviously my manly honor is at stake here, and I thought looking for Togetic was as good an adventure as any. Plus, she still has my CDs."
"I'm sorry, you lost me at 'manly'. Please don't make me contain my laughter like that again, I'll probably get an aneurism."
Unbeknownst to the two of them, they weren't alone in this forest. At that very moment, floating high up in the trees by way of some fairy hocus-pocus were two mystical pink Pokémon, a Clefairy and a Cleffa. They were watching Pichu and Epona very closely.
"All right. This kid looks totally stupid and totally rich," the Clefairy said to herself. "You remember the plan, right Cleffa?"
"Youbetsis! Ohboythisissoexciting! Ilovemuggingpeople! Let'sbeathimupandtakehisstuff! Iwannaseebloodbloodblood!"
Clefairy glared at him. "Every night I lie awake and wonder what is so deeply wrong with you. Then I realize I don't really care what it is and I just want you to die."
"Awthankssis! You'resonice! Ilovespendingtimewithyou! Weshoulddothismoreoftenwhenwe'renotjumpingpeopleinthewoods!" Cleffa was zipping erratically back and forth while his eye twitched. Clefairy very quickly lost her patience and punched him in the face, knocking him out cold.
"That felt fantastic."
"What Eevee doesn't realize, of course, is that I totally fooled her," Pichu was saying in the meantime. "Even if I lose the bet and die, there's no way she can get those thousand Rupees out of me! 'Cause I'll be dead! Ha! Aren't I a genius?"
"I think I just felt a vein pop…"
Just then, an unconscious Cleffa came plummeting down from the treetops and crashed right in front of Epona. She whinnied loudly in shock and accidentally threw Pichu off her back, and he screamed before hitting the ground and blacking out.
"Woah. That worked out great," said Clefairy, floating down from the trees. "Hey Nuzleaf! Come on out!"
Epona, who was extremely confused at this point in time, looked nervously around before seeing something that made her balk. All of a sudden, out of the forest gloom materialized a purple, heart-shaped mask that had spikes coming out of it and sported a pair of demonic yellow eyes. It briefly appeared to hover in midair, and only after a moment did it become clear that there was a Pokémon standing there and wearing it over his face.
"Tee hee! You fairies did great!" he laughed, briefly lifting up the mask to get a good look at the unconscious Pichu. "Now we can just – what the heck happened to Cleffa?"
"It was a necessary loss. We shall all mourn his passing."
"Heysis! LookatmeI'mbetter! Ohboyohboythatwasfun!" said Cleffa, abruptly springing up in front of Clefairy.
"Unfortunately, it appears to have been a temporary loss."
Meanwhile, the Nuzleaf was crouched down in front of Pichu and was rummaging through his stuff. "Let's see… porn, porn, porn, illegal fireworks, harvested organs, about five pounds of cannabis… ooh, a Pokéflute! Awesome!"
"Excuse me, but what the crap are you doing?" Epona demanded of him. "You can't just steal that kid's stuff! That was my plan!"
"Ohcoolohcool! It'saPokéflute! Iwannaplaywithit! Nuzleafletmeplaywithit!" cried Cleffa, zipping around Nuzleaf like a Ninjask on caffeine.
Clefairy clonked him angrily over the head. "Cleffa, shut up! You can't touch that thing! You probably don't even know what to do with it!"
"YesIdo! YesIdo! Watchthis!" He yanked the Pokéflute out of Nuzleaf's hands and started swinging it around like a baseball bat, smacking Clefairy and Nuzleaf upside the head. It was thanks to all this commotion that Pichu finally came to his senses.
"Ow… dammit, I think I fractured my skull again… maybe I'd better get some medical attention for – HOLY CRAP! What the heck's going on here?"
Nuzleaf had managed to grab the Pokéflute back from Cleffa, but now he jumped and turned around to find a very pissed-off Pichu glaring at him. Pichu may not have been very smart, but he still realized there was something going on when a mask-wearing weirdo was holding onto his Pokéflute.
"Uh… what's going on is… THIS yoink!" He jumped into the air just as Pichu threw himself at him and landed on Epona's back. "Come on horsey, let's ride!"
Pichu scoffed at him. "Nice try, loser! Epona only listens to me!"
"OH, YES, YES! TAKE ME AWAY FROM THIS IDIOT!" Epona cheered, gleefully racing off with Nuzleaf on her back. "HA HA HA HA! FREE AT LAST! SO LONG, FATTY!"
Pichu's eye twitched. "&*?# YOU EPONA!" he screamed, racing after them. Finally he managed to throw himself at Epona and grab onto her side, but this only resulted in him being dragged through forest very painfully as his arms were nearly torn off.
"OW! OW! OW! I really need to think these things through better!"
Finally Nuzleaf lost his patience and just kicked Pichu off of Epona, sending him flying backwards and crashing to the ground. A lesser Pokémon would have given up at that point, but with all his manly honor at stake Pichu could afford no less than to hunt that Nuzleaf down and mercilessly slaughter him for this effrontery. And so he charged blindly after Epona, swearing loudly to himself all the while.
"Yeah, you'd better run, asshole!" Pichu shouted after Nuzleaf as he finally ran into a very dark tunnel. "Don't you know who I am? You should know better than to mess with the likes of AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!"
Pichu had just run straight off a ledge before he could stop himself and now found himself falling head over heels into the inky blackness below. He plummeted down and down, falling hundreds of feet before finally landing, but somehow he didn't die. Okay, seriously, who writes this crap?
"Hee hee hee hee!" came a voice from somewhere in the darkness. "You were honestly stupid enough to follow me here? I – wait a sec, why's it so dark in here? Fairies, get the lights!"
Pichu squinted and covered his eyes as Clefairy and Cleffa switched on a pair of spotlights from high up in the trees, revealing Nuzleaf hovering eerily above the ground and looking at him from across a pond.
"That's better. Now then – " He cleared his throat. "HEE HEE HEE HEE! You fool! I shall obliterate you!"
"YOU!" Pichu snapped, jumping to his feet. "What'd you do with my horse? You got rid of her, didn't you?"
"Uh, no. She up and bolted all by herself, she was so desperate to get away from you. You're really not very popular, are you?"
"I don't like being reminded," Pichu pouted. Then he got angry and balled his fists. "But that doesn't mean I'm not gonna kick your leafy little ass!"
Nuzleaf just laughed again, in quite a creepy voice I might add. "Oh, come now... you really think you can beat me as I am?"
Then all of a sudden, he began to rattle his head. A wave of dark purple energy began to radiate from off the mask on his face, distorting the air around it and enveloping Pichu within seconds.
"What the – " Pichu moaned in pain and grabbed at his head. What was happening to him...?
He found himself in a dark empty void, lacking any features. There was no sign of Nuzleaf, Clefairy or Cleffa; he was completely alone.
"Woah, trippy... hang on a sec! Where am I? What the heck's going on! I'm completely sober right now!"
His thoughts were interrupted by a loud rustling sound behind him. He quickly turned around and his eyes bulged; all of a sudden, he had been surrounded by dozens of Grass-type Pokémon. They were crowding hungrily around him and staring at him with malice in their eyes.
Pichu freaked out. "CRAP! Where's my rape whistle?" he cried, spinning around and running away as fast as he could. He heard the Grass-types following after him, but within moments he had gotten a safe distance away.
"HA! So long, assholes! I – "
His voice caught in his throat as the ground began to shake and an absolutely enormous Serperior appeared over the horizon, slithering directly toward him.
"I TAKE IT BACK!" Pichu shrieked, but was powerless to do a thing as the giant serpent lunged at him and everything went black...
He groaned and slowly opened his eyes. He realized he was back in the clearing with Nuzleaf, but why did everything suddenly feel so strange?
Nuzleaf looked incredibly amused at the sight of him. "Hee hee hee! Now that's a good look for you! You'll stay here looking like that forever!"
Pichu's eyes widened. "Huh? What do you..."
Afraid of what he would see, he ever so slowly peered over and stared at his reflection in the pond, only to find there wasn't a Pichu staring back...
"AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" he shrieked in horror, jumping backwards and grabbing at his head. "What the hell is this, Pokémon Mystery Dungeon? I've been turned into a Smugleaf!"
Nuzleaf frowned. "What? They're called Snivys, you idiot!"
"Where do you get your info?"
"I… oh, forget it! I'm not wasting any more time arguing with you! Have fun trying to break that curse, freakshow!"
With that, Nuzleaf started floating backwards through an open doorway behind him, laughing evilly all the while and planning on leaving the Pichu-turned-Snivy stranded there forever.
"HEY! Where do you think you're going?" Pichu demanded, racing across the pond and charging after Nuzleaf only to be knocked to the ground as Clefairy punched him in the face.
"Man, I love doing that."
At that moment, Nuzleaf had vanished through the doorway and Cleffa was right behind him. "Heysiswhatareyoudoing? Hurryuporyou'llbestuckoverthereand – " Thankfully the universe showed some degree of mercy and slammed the door shut behind him, blocking out his voice.
Clefairy spun around in shock. "WOAH! HEY! Nuzleaf, I'm still over here!" She ran up to the door and started pounding on it. "What the hell? YOU ASSHOLE! DO YOU NOT EVEN REALIZE YOU'RE MISSING A FAIRY? WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH YOU?"
Pichu slowly picked himself up, grinning sadistically at her misfortune. "Ha! That's what you get for messing with me! Bet you wished you hadn't crossed paths with me now, don't you?"
The grin immediately fell from his face as Clefairy turned to glare at him with bloody murder in her eyes. "Uh…"
"YOU!" she screamed, throwing herself onto the hapless Snivy and beating the crap out of him. "If I wasn't dealing with you, I wouldn't have gotten separated from my brother!"
"Uh, I'm not understanding the logic here… I thought you hated your brother."
"You don't understand! I'm the only one who can possibly keep him under control!" Clefairy insisted. "Now he's out there in the world somewhere, completely unchecked… the world doesn't stand a chance! It's my moral duty to go after him! So hurry up and open that door for me!"
Pichu glared at her. "Why would I help you? You just punched me in the face!"
"Yeah, I was hoping you'd forgotten about that. Listen, I happen to know where Nuzleaf is going, so if you help me out here we can go after him."
Pichu folded his arms and turned away. "Forget it. I don't trust you."
"…And I'll give you a cookie."
"HOT DOG!" Pichu cheered, racing at the door and opening it up. He charged through a tunnel only to jerk to a stop at the sight of a deep chasm separating him and the next door.
"Uh, what now?"
"Oh, that's the great thing about being a Snivy," said Clefairy, casually floating up behind him. "You can burrow into those big pink flowers, like the one you're standing on, and use them to fly across gaps. It's pretty neat."
Pichu looked very interested at that. "Woah! I can fly? Totally wicked! I'll get through this place in no time flat!"
Several minutes later, Pichu was shrieking in terror as the spinning flowers he was holding onto sent him flying wildly out of control, zigzagging back and forth and slamming into walls.
"This pleases me," Clefairy decided.
With a maximal amount of pain and effort, Pichu finally made it all the way across the large gap he'd been trying to cross. He was about to walk through the door when something very strange-looking suddenly caught his eye.
"Woah… get a load of that thing," said Clefairy. She and Pichu were staring at some sort of strange half-Snivy, half-tree that was rooted into the ground, a pained and agonized expression permanently etched into its motionless face.
"Hey, that thing kind of looks like me," Pichu realized.
"Possibly because you're the same species, genius."
"Yes, my intellect can be intimidating at times."
Clefairy shook her head and shoved him through the door. The two of them traveled down a very trippy, twisted hallway that was highly reminiscent of a certain part of the Forest Temple before emerging into a wide-open room full of stone walls and turning gears. Pichu jumped as a metal door slammed shut behind him.
"Well, now I'm trapped here forever. That's peachy. Where are we exactly?"
"Beats the heck out of me. But Nuzleaf can't have gone too far, so let's get out of here and start looking."
They were about to do just that, when suddenly…
"You've met with a terrible fate, haven't you?"
Pichu yelped in shock and turned around, finding himself staring up at an extremely creepy, vaguely pedophilic-looking Yamask. His hands were folded together as he looked down at Pichu with a very eerie smile on his face. The mask that his kind normally carried around with them was currently hanging from an enormous pack slung over his back, along with about a dozen other masks.
"…Okay, now I'm really missing that rape whistle."
"Who the crap are you?" asked Clefairy, looking pretty creeped out herself.
"Why, you delightful child. I am the Happy Yamask Salesman," said the ghost, never once losing his disturbing smile. "I travel around the world in search of masks. However, as it would happen, a very important mask was recently stolen from me by an imp in the woods. You wouldn't happen to have seen this person, would you?"
"Uh…" Pichu thought long and hard, wracking his memory very thoroughly for any possibility of the person he could have been referring to. "Nope."
"Let me help you out. His name is Nuzleaf and he is the one who cursed you into your current form."
"Oh, right. That guy."
"But fear not, for I know of a way to return you to your former self," said the Happy Yamask Salesman. "If you can get back the precious item that was stolen from you, I will return you to normal."
Pichu looked horrified. "He stole my black market organs?"
"I think he's talking about your Pokéflute," Clefairy muttered.
"Oh. Dammit, why doesn't anybody talk clearly around here?"
"If I may continue?" asked the Yamask with an utterly horrible smile that instantly made Pichu and Clefairy fall silent. "All I ask in return is that you also recover the mask that was stolen from me. Only… I would be very grateful if you returned it to me quickly, for I must leave this place in three days."
"Probably to go molest some children," Pichu muttered before Clefairy smacked him in the head. "Uh, I mean, sure thing, mister creepy guy. Whatever you say."
"Excellent. I'm sure for one such as you, this should be by no means a difficult task…"
"Okay, we're leaving," Clefairy cut in, deciding she was going to kill someone if she had to look at his smile for one more second. She immediately shoved Pichu up the metal stairs toward the large doors that assumedly led back outside.
"What the heck did he mean by one such as you?" she hissed at him. "What's so great about you?"
Pichu straightened up importantly. "Haven't you heard? I'm the savior of Hyrule! I saved the whole country from an evil tyrant! I'm sure getting a mask back for some guy will be nothing compared to that, right?"
And with that they pushed the door open, stepping into the world that awaited them outside…