Disclaimer: Do you really think I own it?
Author's Note: This is a bit of a deleted scene at the end of episode 2 of series 5. I'm not really sure I like it, but it refused to leave until I wrote it down. So. Here it is.
*****I guess in a way this is dedicated to DragonSails. That's all I've got.*****
"I promise you when this is all finished you'll be proud of me."
"I was already proud of you."
Abby made it to the end of the hallway before the flood of tears broke free. Thankfully there was no one around to see it. She quickly ducked into a small storage room full of crates. She made her way to the back of the small room and slid down the wall to the floor as the tears began to flow thick and fast. Connor had always trusted her instincts. Always! Even in the Cretaceous when he had learned to stand up and take the lead, even then he had always listened to her instincts. And now, when it mattered most, he had chosen to side with Philip, the one person Abby needed him to see through.
After a few minutes her tears began to slow. She took a few deep breaths, and then pulled out her phone. What she really wanted at that moment was to talk to Cutter. He had always been there to listen when she needed him. In a way he had become the father Abby never really had. He would have been able to make Connor see sense. But Cutter was dead, just like Stephen and Sarah. It took a week after his death before Abby finally broke down. She had driven to Jenny's flat in the middle of the night with tears running down her face. But Jenny hadn't complained. Instead she had let Abby in and they had sat together on the couch until Abby finally calmed down. After that Jenny had somehow become the one Abby turned to when she found herself in over her head. Even after Jenny left the ARC, Abby had still called her on bad days, and they had met several times for coffee. So now, sitting on the floor of the storage room, it seemed only natural for Abby to call her.
Jenny picked up after the third ring, which was a relief. After the wedding it had become all but impossible to get ahold of Jenny, and Abby had almost been afraid that she wouldn't pick up.
"Hey Jenny." Abby's voice was a bit hoarse, but Jenny didn't seem to notice.
"Abby! It's so good to hear from you!"
"You too," Abby managed. "How are you?"
"Brilliant. Michael and I are actually about to go catch a plane. We're going on vacation in France. We've been planning it for months now. It's going to be absolutely brilliant. But you would not believe how much has gone wrong. The airline booked our tickets wrong, so we had to go and get that fixed, which was ridiculously complicated. And then Michael's sister got sick and we weren't sure we were even going to get to go. But she's better now, so unless something happens with the weather, we should be good."
Abby could make out Michael's voice on the other end saying he was almost done.
"I'll be right there!" Jenny called. Abby's heart sank even further as she realized that Jenny really didn't have time for this conversation. Knowing Jenny she would make time, but Abby was already feeling like an intruder. "So. Any particular reason why you called?"
"Not really," she said, quickly backpedaling. "I just... wanted to see how you were."
"Are you alright?" Jenny asked, concerned. "You don't sound too good."
"Yeah, I'm fine," Abby said in the most cheerful voice she could manage.
"And you're sure you don't need anything?" Jenny asked. A car door slammed on the other end and then she heard Michael calling.
"It's nothing important," Abby said.
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah. I can call you back later." She already knew that wouldn't, not anymore. But Jenny didn't. "Have fun in France."
"We will," Jenny said cheerfully. "I'll talk to you later."
The line went dead. Abby leaned her head against the wall behind her and closed her eyes. Jenny had another life. She had moved on. She had better things to do than listen to Abby's problems. Not for the first time Abby found herself missing the good old days with Cutter and Stephen, Sarah and Danny, back when Jenny was still at the ARC and Connor still listened to her, back before everything got complicated. Before she lost them all.
Abby opened her eyes to find Becker standing in the doorway. She quickly reached up and wiped the tears off her face.
"Yeah," she said hoarsely.
"Do you want me to shoot him?" Becker asked seriously, holding up the EMD. Abby shook her head. "Is there anything I can do?" She shook her head again.
But somehow there was something about his presence that made Abby feel just the tiniest bit better. Becker was a man of action. He wasn't really the sort of person who offered up his shoulder to cry on. But he had noticed what Jenny had failed to see, and for now she could make that be enough. After work she would probably go home with Jess and they would sit on the couch together and Jess would hug her and offer all sorts of ridiculous advice, and then they would probably end up watching one of those sappy Jane Austen movies that Jess enjoyed so much. It wasn't drinking tea with Jenny, but for now that too would be enough. It would have to be enough. It was all she had.
Abby sighed and pushed herself to her feet, making sure she had herself together before heading to the door.
"Thanks," she said quietly. Becker nodded.
"He'll come around," he said. "You'll see."
Abby nodded and headed down the hallway, careful to keep her head high. She went straight to her locker and pulled out the large envelope with the paper she had printed. For a moment she hesitated. Then her resolve hardened and she closed the locker. She headed back down the hall, taking the file with her. She needed to find Matt and give it to him before he left. As much as he said he didn't want to know what had happened to Emily, she knew that in his heart he really did. The lack of knowledge would only serve as a distraction. And they both knew they couldn't afford any more distractions, not now. Not when they were so close. They had a job to do. Anything else would have to go. Matt would have to let go of Emily, and Abby was beginning to realize that she might have to let go of Connor as well.
She broke into a run, clutching the envelope like her life depended on it. Maybe she could still catch Matt. The information in the envelope would be hard for him to take, but he needed to know. Maybe in some twisted way it would give him some form of closure. It wasn't much, but maybe for now it would be enough.
It had to be enough. It was all they had.
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