A/N: I HAVE DRASTICALLY CHANGED THE ENDING OF THIS CHAPTER. So, if you read this chapter before 2012, reread it again.
Sex Shark: So why are you calling me to a chat at this time, Hidan? Hardly anyone comes on around noon.
Jashin's Bitch: It's about Itachi. You gotta stop drinking man.
Sex Shark: Ha. As if that'll ever happen. I love my booze, bitch.
Jashin's Bitch: You love your booze more than your bitch? Pathetic man.
Sex Shark: Oi, he's not mine! Much as I wish it.
MoneyMutt has joined the chat room...
Jashin's Bitch: Ya gotta pull yourself together. If you try to rape me again, I'll fucking kill you.
Sex Shark: Hey Mutt... ^^; Don't mind the bitch, a real whore.
Jashin's Bitch: Oh fuck you, shark!
MoneyMutt: Shark, stop picking on the bitch and go do your job.
Sex Shark: Oh yeah... I forgot I was... right...
Sex Shark has left the chat room...
MoneyMutt: So what was that all about?
Jashin's Bitch: Meh, nothing. Guy's a creep. How was your day?
MoneyMutt: Boring, I won't lie. I hate business trips but it's nice to get away.
Jashin's Bitch : I bet. I don't really leave the neighborhood. No money.
MoneyMutt : Even though you're a sexy masseuse?
Jashin's Bitch : LOL. I never heard anyone refer to me as sexy... let alone a stranger.
MoneyMutt: Well I imagine you to be a very fine woman.
Hidan's heart stopped and his eyes widened. He inwardly cursed everyone and everything before taking a deep breath. Time had passed enough that Hidan's 'friend' was sending messages, inquiring if he was okay. He came up with the excuse he had to walk a dog and then shut down his computer. He snagged the leash from the wall then stormed downstairs, slamming into Sasuke.
"Ow, fuck! Watch it you little shit." Hidan snapped.
"What's your problem now?" Sasuke drawled.
"Nothing. Just piss off." He retorted, dashing out the front door.
He rushed across the street, panting on the doorstep. He raised his fist to knock then spotted a familiar flash of blue in the bushes. He tilted his head to get a better view then rolled his eyes, knocking on the front door. The woman answered as usual but in the background Hidan could see a man. Audie was barking at him, teeth bared. The woman seemed relieved to see the dog walker and dragged her borzoi over. Hidan clipped on the leash and whistled, getting her attention.
She whimpered a bit but followed Hidan down the sidewalk. Once the door closed, Kisame came out of hiding, not surprising Audie. He grinned, patting the dog's head and then Hidan's, quickly getting his hand slapped away. They walked a little further from the house before Hidan lost his patience. It was especially short this day.
"What the hell were you doing?"
"I was investigating for a friend. You need not know more." Kisame successfully confused Hidan. "And do you mind if I accompany you on this walk?"
"Yes, why?" Hidan grumbled; he really did not need anymore stress on the one time he was stress-free.
"Well, I noticed you and my friend, MoneyMutt, are getting quite close. He calls me almost every day to brag about you." Kisame grinned as the walk resumed.
"Yeah, he thinks I'm a fucking chick. The bastard is straight as a board." Hidan spat.
"Well, I'd say he's straight as cooked spaghetti." Kisame grinned, earning a glare from the dogwalker. "Anyways, did you apply to that temp agency yet?"
"Yeah. But don't change the subject... Why is a straight man on a chat site for gay men?"
"I'm not sure." Kisame lied. "Maybe he's bi?" He offered nervously.
"Yeah, and you're a virgin." Hidan scoffed, stopping as Audie did.
"... So he is bi..." Kisame murmured.
"Wait... You're a virgin?" Hidan eyed the male in disbeleif.
"I don't know." He sighed. "You know I can't remember when I get hammered..."
"Speaking of that... Itachi notices when you are drunk. He's a sharp kid." Audie started panting. "Look, I have to go back. Go home..."
"Alright... Just give the guy a try..." Kisame looked down. "He needs a guy like you."
Kisame waited at the airport, looking around for his friend. Kakuzu's plane had already arrived so he should not have had too much longer to wait. Kakuzu arrived a little late though, explaining how he did not like the in flight bathroom. Too claustrophobic. They got in the car and then headed for Kakuzu's house.
He unlocked the door and blinked before giving a whistle. He wandered around the house, searching for Audie. He started to panic as he reached his room. His wife sat up in bed, frowning.
"Where's Audie?" Kakuzu grit out, trying to keep his temper.
"I left her with the dog walker." The woman shrugged.
"She's carrying pups!"
"He looked like he knew a thing or two about dogs, dear..." She shrugged. "I'm sure the bitch is fine."
"That's not the point. She was my god damn dog and she is also a source of income." Kakuzu roared.
"She also uses up a lot of that income." Jennifer scoffed.
"She doesn't waste as much as you do, whore." He growled, slamming the door on his way out.
Kakuzu stormed over to his neighbor's house, stopping when he spotted Kisame in the bushes. The blue man was peeping through a window. Curious, Kakuzu quietly crept up behind, also looking through the window. He quickly looked away as he saw his boss and neighbor changing.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" Kakuzu's mood was rather short due to his wife's actions.
"I'm in love." Kisame admitted with a heavy sigh, turning away from the window.
"With Uchiha? He may be my boss but he's also about ten years your junior. And a male, though I know you're probably not picky." Kakuzu eyed his friend.
"Nah, I'm completely gay, Kakuzu." Kisame smirked briefly then continued with yet another sigh, "I really do like Itachi though. He's got a great personality and a great body."
"I don't see much of the personality but he is hot." Kakuzu agreed.
"You find him hot?" Kisame smirked than blinked, "Wait, that's my man!"
"How do you know he's gay? Or that he's not dating that dog walker living with him?" Kakuzu inquired. "Don't tell me you've been stalking.
"I have but I didn't need to in order to find out. Hidan's gay but Itachi is too girly for his tastes. I know Itachi's gay 'cause he told me so." Kisame answered. "By the way... Why are you here anyways?"
"Apparently my soon-to-be-ex wife gave Audie to the dog walker... Hidan." Kakuzu sighed. "So I'm here to get my dog."
"Oh good cause she's been in labor since you got here." Kisame grinned.
"What?" Kakuzu exclaimed.
Kisame then opened the door and led Kakuzu up to the attic where Hidan was crouching by the Russian wolfhound. Kakuzu hurried over, quickly scanning Audie and her health. Once he deemed her healthy he turned to Hidan, asking him numerous questions about her and her current situation. Hidan answered all of the questions before returning attention to the soon-to-be mother.
Downstairs, Kisame was sitting at the kitchen table with Itachi, sipping tea. The two sat in a comfortable silence, waiting for some noise upstairs. A cat jumped onto the table, rubbing against Kisame's hand and cup. The man smiled and started petting it.
"She usually doesn't like you." Itachi mused.
"I think that's because I usually smell like Hidan." Kisame chuckled.
"Why do you usually smell like Hidan?" The young business owner's eyes narrowed.
"You never invite me into your room so I just hang out in his." Kisame answered.
"And do what?"
"Good answer." Itachi smiled faintly. "So tell me... All those times in our private chat room... Did they mean anything?"
"Of course they do!" Kisame flushed, "I mean, I might have been drunk during a few... But even then I was honest."
"I'm glad to hear that. You're welcome to ask me on a date any time... With my brothers' permissions, of course."
"That's gonna be hard." Kisame laughed, scratching the back of his head. "Hidan thinks I just want in your pants..."
"You mean you don't want in my pants?" Itachi smirked, making Kisame spill the tea he was drinking.
"Of course I do!"
Upstairs, Audie had finally given,birth to her fifth and final puppy. Kakuzu helped her clean and care for her first litter while Hidan merely watched from his bed, a grin splitting his face. Kakuzu stood up after insuring Audie could handle the puppies and searched for his wallet. He blanched when he could not find it.
"Urm, I'll have to pay you tomorrow, Hidan. It seems I left my wallet at home." Kakuzu sighed.
"Can we discuss another payment method..?" Hidan returned, eying one of the pups.
"You want one of her puppies?" He guessed.
"If it's no problem. I could take the little one." He shrugged. "I'm sure Itachi won't mind after awhile. Asshole makes me care for those nasty ass cats." He wrinkled his nose at the thought of the litter box room.
"I suppose I could." Kakuzu did the calculations in his head, "I won't be able to sell it and I don't feel like paying for another dog and my family..." He rubbed his chin. "I'll bring it to you once it weaned and cleaned."
"Sweet!" In his excitement, Hidan embraced the older dog fanatic. "I've always wanted a borzoi!"
"Uh, you're welcome." Kakuzu patted his head, somewhat embarassed.
"Need help bringing them home, Kakuzu?" Kisame had been in the doorway with Itachi.
"Oh... It's best that they stay here for now. I'll get them tomorrow. Hidan seems capable enough." Kakuzu cleared his throat and the temp quickly sprang away from him.
"You could stay the night too if you're worried." Itachi offered.
"I'll stay for a little while but my wife would get pissy if I don't come home." He twitched and Kisame scoffed.
"Alright, Hidan should make dinner though. His cooking is amazing, Kakuzu." Kisame seemed to drool.
"Alright, I'll stay for dinner." Kakuzu smiled slightly.
"I'll start it in a minute." Hidan informed the two in the doorway.
"Alright. We'll be watching some movies in the living room. Sasuke wanted to show Kisame that new movie." Itachi replied and headed down, "Come along, Kisame." The addressed followed obediently.
"So, how close are you and Itachi?" Kakuzu mused out loud.
"Well, he's my boss but you could call us friends too... Why?" He seemed suspicious.
"Could you convince him to go on a date with someone?"
"Sorry, there's only one person he would date and the guy is a total asshole." Hidan scoffed.
"Who?" Kakuzu asked concerned about his friend's possible rival.
"Kisame." He huffed. "That drunk doesn't deserve Itachi..."
"Kisane is a great guy, kid." Kakuzu growled. "I've known him for years and he's been my only true friend."
"Why do you say that? It seems you would have plenty of friends. You are married after all. Isn't your wife a friend?" Hidan blinked.
"The only reason we got married is because I was an idiot and couldn't keep it in my pants." He growled. "If it wasn't for Kisame, I would have ended up far worse than I have. He made me keep to one girl and kept me away from drugs."
"We're talking about the same drunk, right?" Hidan raised his brow in question.
"He didn't start drinking until... well, that's not my business to share." Kakuzu sighed, "My point is that he's a great guy and if he loves Itachi, he should get the chance."
"Alright... I'll help you set up their date..." Hidan held out his hand which Kakuzu shook.
"Aw, how thoughtful of them." Kisame smirked, spying on them from behind the door.
"What did they do?" Itachi whispered.
"They're going to work together to set us up on a date." Kisame smirked.
"I see." The younger male shared his smirk as a plot formed in his mind. "Maybe we could do the same for them."
Okay... not too much change. Here was my issue with the last chapter: Too rushed! I mean, really. That took away half of my plotting and shattered the entire storyline... I still can't find my original plotline so I had to make a new one at school... Hopefully you will still enjoy this though! I plan on getting these fics finished this year! Feel free to save reviews on this chapter for the next one or send it in a private message if you think it was better than the last one. Sorry if this horrid mistake confused anyone!