Warning: References to masturbation because Hal is a creep. I'm upping the rating accordingly.

There is remarkably little fanfiction with Spacedad in it. I hope this helps to remedy that oversight.

Hal Stewart levitates in his apartment, staring out the hole in his wall at the city around him. He doesn't actually need to look through the hole, since he has x-ray vision, but he's still not entirely used to his superpowers. Not that he isn't trying to get used to them. For instance, right at this moment, in addition to floating, he's practicing the use of his x-ray vision by watching a couple getting it on in the next building over. It's actually more difficult than it sounds. If he's not careful with his focus, he'll look right through them to the other side of the building. He wonders idly if it's more work than it's worth, but figures it's better than paying for porn.

He still doesn't entirely understand why Spacedad gave him these powers. Or awakened them. Or whatever he did. He suspects that Spacedad made a mistake and these powers were meant for someone else. Not that he's going to complain, of course.

Becoming a super is the best thing that ever happened to him. Once he gets the hang of things, he'll be able to have whatever he wants. Women, money, fame… women. One particular woman especially: Roxanne Ritchi, the girl of his dreams. He knows she'll want him nowthat he's so heroically awesome. After all, she goes for superheroes. She was with Metro Man for years. And she's probably still all broken up about his death. He'll let her cry on his shoulder if she wants. And if tears lead to kissing and kissing leads to comfort sex… well, who is he to argue? It's part of the natural order of things. The hero gets the girl, and he's going to be the hero.

He floats over to his bed and relaxes on it with his ankles crossed and his fingers laced behind his head. He grins up at the poster he has taped up to his wall. It's of Roxy, only he's added a little speech bubble next to her so it looks like she's telling him goodnight. He grins and looks through the poster and across town to an apartment where the actual Roxy is pulling down a bunch of cards hanging from her ceiling and angrily tossing them in the trash. Occasionally he hears, with his superhearing, her mutter something darkly about Megamind and about a guy named Bernard. Hal wonders who Bernard is, but her cursing doesn't provide enough detail for him to guess. Then she settles down with a bottle of wine and doesn't even bother with a glass. Hal thinks she looks like she could use some comfort and he considers his current level of laziness. Would it be worth it to fly over there now?

Before he decides, she picks up a paperback book, her bottle of wine, and walks into her bathroom. He watches in slack-jawed wonder as she turns on the tap for her bathtub and drops in a couple of girly bath beads. Oh God, has his laziness paid off! She quickly strips off her clothes and tosses them in her hamper. He's a little disappointed she didn't give him a good striptease. But then, she has no idea she's putting on a show, so she can be forgiven. As it is, he already has a boner of epic proportions and he begins to stroke himself as he watches. She steps into the steaming bath and lowers herself down, sighing sensually. She picks up a poof, adds some bodywash, and applies the foam to her body; beginning with her toes and working slowly all the way up. Oh, yeah, Roxy, he thinks, get that soap all over. He blows his load by the time she starts on her hair. This is so much better than staring at that poster or running video clips from the news. He wishes he had an x-ray camera so that he could record this little scene for later.

He watches as she finishes cleaning herself and relaxes in the warm water. She picks up her book and doesn't do anything but read for what seems like forever. He's disappointed. Is that it? Isn't she going to touch herself or do something interesting with that handheld showerhead on the wall? Couldn't she at least give herself a breast self-exam or something? Chicks are supposed to do that, right? For health reasons? He begins to get bored watching her, so it's just as well that Spacedad chooses that moment to step into his apartment unannounced.

"Gah! Spacedad!" in a blur of superspeed he wipes himself down and covers himself before the glowing man can get a good look at what he was doing. "What are you doing here?! I mean, not that I'm not glad to see you, of course. But, I just… Couldn't you knock? I thought we were done with training for today. "

"Yes, my thon. Your day'th training ith complete," the man lisps, "But now I would like to talk to you about what it meanth to be a true hero. Come walk with me." Spacedad beckons Hal to follow and leads him out into the street. Space step-mom is waiting for them on the sidewalk.

"Hi, space step-mom," Hal greets her. There's always something vaguely odd about Space step-mom, but Hal can never quite put his finger on just what it is. Maybe it's her hair. Something tells him she isn't a natural blonde.

"Well, hello dear. Have you had a good day?"

"Yes, space step-mom."

"Have you been practicing your powers like your space father told you?"

"Yes, Space step-mom."

"Such a good boy."

The red-head blushes bright red at the attention as the three walk to the nearby ice cream shop. The cashier looks at them funny as Spacedad buys a cone for himself and Hal.

"Doesn't Space step-mom get one too?" Hal asks when the white-haired man hands him his cone.

"Oh, no dear," Space step-mom answers, "I'm trying to watch my figure." She pats her metal belly, making a clanking sound as she does. Hal again thinks there's something odd about her, but shakes off the thought.

"She'th fine," Spaceman dismisses Hal's concern off-handedly. They walk outside and sit at one of the picnic tables outside the shop. They start licking their ice cream before it melts. After a minute or two, Spacedad says, "Now, my thon. Tell me. Have you thought of what you're going to do once your training'th complete?"

"Oh, yeah. It's gonna be awesome, Spacedad! Everyone's going to cheer me and tell me how great I am."

"Yeth, like Metro Man," Spacedad agrees amiably.

Hal points his index finger to his nose, "Exactly! I'll probably have to do interviews and sign autographs. Oh! I bet someone will come out with an action figure of me. I gotta get one of those. Maybe they'll put me in a video game! It better be better than that lame one Metro Man was in. That one was constantly pausing the action to say, 'Stay in school,' or 'Drink responsibly,' or something dumb like that. And it would never let you attack any of the bystanders or anything."

That response worries Spacedad somewhat, but he brushes it aside. Hal's talking about a video game, not real life.

"And then I bet they'll start shoveling money at me for endorsements and appearances and stuff. And the women will throw themselves at me. It'll be awesome!" He sits back and sighs, licking his ice cream down to the cone and starting to nibble the edge of the sugar cone.

"Yes, my thon. It'th true that the hero gets all the praise. But there'th more to being the hero than jutht the adoring crowdth."

"Oh, yeah. I know, Spacedad. I also get to kick ass when I come across a bad guy. Megamind and the Doom Syndicate won't know what hit 'em. I'll burry 'em and then the city won't have to deal with them anymore."

"You're going to kill the villainth?" Spacedad's stomach sinks as he recalls the way Hal had joyfully melted the blue plastic head of the Megamind mannequin they'd been using for training.

"Yeah. I mean, I never understood why Metro Man never did that. He just let Megamind wander around the city, snatching Roxie whenever he felt like it. If the villains were all gone, this city would be great!"

"My thon, my thon…" Spacedad shakes his head slowly, trying to figure out how to redirect his misguided protégé. "Heroeth don't kill."

"Well, no. I mean, I know that." Hal backpedaled. "They don't kill anyone but the bad guys."

"No!" Space Step-dad objects, "They don't even kill the bad guyth."

"Sometimes they do," Hal insists.

"Not unleth they have abtholutely no other choithe. The true hero careth for the liveth of everyone, even the criminalth."

"And that's so wrong! I mean, Megamind and the Doom Syndicate have killed people. If Metro Man had just finished them when he had the chance, then those people would be alive and the city would be safe."

"And then he'd be a villain! Even heroeth aren't above the law."

"Yeah, I'd like to see them keep me in prison."

"No one'th invulnerable, my thon. You do remember what happened to Metro Man, don't you?"

"Yeah… Okay. You're right. No killing unless I have a really good reason." Hal finishes his cone and licks the dripped ice cream from his fingers. "Of course, if I see a good reason, I'll take it." He stares off down the street for a minute, engaging his x-ray vision to watch the freshly bathed Roxanne Ritchi, wrapped in a terrycloth bathrobe, settle in front of her television set with a pint of chocolate ice cream. Again, he thinks she needs some comforting. He resolves to pay her a visit after Spacedad is done with him. "I never understood why Metro Man didn't keep a better eye on Roxy. When she's my girlfriend, I'll be watching her like a—"

"Wait, what?" Spacedad sputters, his lisp vanishing mysteriously, "You think Roxanne Ritchi will be your girlfriend?"

"Well, yeah," he eyes the older man warily, "I mean, now that I'm a super. Why wouldn't she?"

Spacedad narrows his eyes. Why wouldn't she, indeed? "My thon," he lisps, "what make you think Mith Ritchi would be interethted in you?"

"Well, duh. I'm the hero. Who else would she go for?"

"It taketh more than thuperpowerth to win a girl'th affectionth."

"Oh, I know. I'll probably have to rescue her a few times before we get all romantic. But how could she resist this?" He gestures to his now godlike physique. "She'll probably take one look and be all, like, 'Hal, my sexy hero!'" He clasps his hands in front of his chest as he imitates her in falsetto. "I bet she'll invite me back to her place pretty quick after that."

Spacedad's mouth hangs open for a long moment. When he recovers, he decides to take a different approach, "Hath Mith Ritchi ever accepted your advantheth before?"

"She usually takes the coffee I bring to her."

Space dad stares at him pointedly. "Tho, that would be a no."

"Well, it's not like she was free to play the field, what with dating Metro Man and all."

"She wathn't dating Metro Man," Spacedad contradicts.

"Yeah, she was. Everybody knows that."

"Everyone thought they knew that, my thon. But the truth ith thometimeth hidden. She and Metro Man were never a couple."

"How do you know?"

"I have my wayth," he answers mysteriously.

"But that doesn't make sense. Why wouldn't she go for Metro Man. He was perfect," he scrunches his face in concentration. He widens his eyes as a thought occurs to him, "Oh, man, I should have seen it before. She's a lesbian, isn't she?"


"No, that's totally cool. I mean, Roxy and another girl. Oh, that would be so hot! I'm so glad I have x-ray vision. This is going to be so much better than watching her in the bath."

"You were watching her bathe?"

"You told me to practice my powers."

"Not by watching people in their bathrooms! Heroes do not spy on people!"

"Oh, relax, Spacedad. I didn't do anything to her. I was just looking. I bet Metro Man did plenty of looking himself."

"Metro Man lived by a heroic code of honor. He didn't spy on people without probable cause."

"Code?" he sneers, "What code?"

Space Dad pauses and nods at Space Step-Mom. He sighs and runs his fingers over his huge mass of white hair before answering. "The hero'th code that sayth that with great power cometh great rethponthibility. You can't give in to the temptation to uthe your power for your own thelfith gain! Why do you think you were given thethe powerth, my thon? Tho you could lounge around looking at naked women?"

Space Step-Mom walks away to a nearby bush and steps behind it briefly a strange whining is heard, but Hal doesn't think much of it. Space Step-Mom often makes odd noises. She seems to always be clanking and whirring as she moves.

"Yeah, about that," Hal begins, "Why was I given these powers? I mean, not that I don't appreciate them, but why didn't they go to, like, a cop or a firefighter or something?"

"Dethiny workth in mythteriouth wayth, my thon. The better question ith what are you going to do now that you have thethe powerth? Will you be a true hero and make your thpace thtep-mom proud?"

Hal turns to look at his space step-mom, who has returned from the bush with her hands held behind her back. She grins toothily at him, "Listen to your space father, dear. I know you won't let us down."

Hal sighs, "Yeah. Sorry Space Step-Mom. You're right."

"So, you won't use your powers to spy on girls anymore?" she asks him gently.

"No, Space Step-Mom," he lies.

"You're such a good boy."

"Thanks Space Step-Mom."

"Now, my thon, I have a thurprithe for you." Space Dad announces.

"You do? What is it?" Hal asks eagerly.

"Clothe your eyeth and you'll find out. And no fair x-raying through your eyelidth," he warns.

"Okay, okay. I won't." Hal closes his eyes and covers them with his hands for good measure. Excited for the surprise, he doesn't cheat. He hears another high-pitched whine before he feels something cold jam up his nostril. Before he can think to use his superspeed, his whole body feels like it's suddenly on fire. He tries to free himself from whatever has him by the nose, but finds himself slowly sinking to his knees instead. Finally, sprawled on the grass, he moans and blinks up at Space Dad and Space Step-Mom. There's a strange gun balanced on Space Dad's shoulder.

"Surprise!" Space Dad cackles before both he and Space Step-Mom collapse into each other's arms laughing.

"Huh?" Hal groans weakly, but doesn't receive an answer. Instead, Space Dad and Space Step-Mom just laugh even harder as they turn and walk away, ignoring the Earthling who no longer plays any role in their evil plans.