Portal: Prelude Convention
EXACT TIME: 1998 May 2, 11:00 AM
EXACT PLACE: Aperture Science Laboratories (Aperture Science Main Headquarters '98), a salt mine in Upper Peninsula of Michigan, USA
"But I quite literally want to MAKE her run the facility. Force her. And then the employees say she's a terrible leader and they need the intelligence of ME to run the facility. Hence I have to cheat death! Be immortal! Doug is already on works of an immortality cure, so that's one point off."
"That's a cool story," the Business Magnet interrupted Cave, "but let's see this project."
It, like one of many of the Bring Your Daughter To Work Day projects, was a demonstration of a potato battery. Connected by wires were a potato with a smile on it, a lightbulb and a box with the Aperture Science logo. They all were seen on a diorama. What took the Business Magnet's interest was a line on the diorama reading "By Chell".
"So are you telling me..?"
"Yes, this is my own granddaughter's work. I and my daughter could not participate as the founders, hence, a solution? My son and HIS daughter."
"No okay, Ms. Johnson-Rattmann IS your.."
"Who who who?"
The Business Magnet sighed. He pulled out an electronic copy of Portal 2: The Stupidest Sequel of All Time on his holographic phone and threw it to Cave.
"Now read it thoroughly, I need to talk to the GLaDOS human."
The Business Magnet sighed again. "No. GL(at)DDA Magnet." he said loudly and went away.
Cave was left with confusion. He started reading and many things attacked his mind at once. Cleveland, Ohio? Weren't the Laboratories in Michigan? And who for god's sake is this voice? And why there are rails on the ceiling of the facility? And what is above the Relaxation Vault now?
Cave decided to skip to the part written in italic. Him? As the leader of the facility by 2107 or 2017, whatever? This document left Cave in pure confusion.
He was just standing in one place, analyzing many uncomprehendable truths about himself and his company, when a cyan jumpsuit-wearing test subject walked upon him.
"Hi Cave! How the party is going?"
Cave turned around. At first he thought the test subject was Chell, but decided she was too old to be her.
"Oh nevermind. Stranger."
"How can you not know your granddaughter? You are a stranger yourself, not Cave."
"So you are really Chell?"
"Yes. Came here from the future that is called Portal 2."
"Hold on. Portal 2: The Stupidest Sequel of All Time. You are from there, right?"
"Possibly. It's not like I found myself in the space time continuum yet."
"Well I can tell you you're in the past in the relation to the Chell that made that project-"
"You mean the future?"
"No, the past."
"Oh. Your time understanding quirk. Whatever. I wonder what is that document you're reading."
"Oh, it's the fan fiction of the business magnate or something. I don't know. It's all false anyway."
"Hold on, let me take a look. Hatsune Miku? Correct ONE HUNDRED PERCENT." Chell took the Portal: Prelude box and gave it to Cave. "Okay, gotta find the both portal portal gun. Will be back and will take the box back."
"Sure." Chell left for the lobby, and Cave was left with even stranger content.
Portal: Prelude, as its name states it, is an unofficial prequel to the game Portal. Its story revolves around the pre-GLaDOS epoch, even before she was turned on.
Wait a minute. Wasn't the Caroline computer called "ASCAIS"? Cave looked at the other part of the document, and there, there is the "ASCAIS" name. It was like...
"WHO IN THE NAME OF ANDROID HELL CREATED PORTAL: PRELUDE AND WHY THE NAME FUCK UP."
Cave approached the nearest employee and asked: "The computer we are building is ASCAIS, right?"
The employee said: "Why are you asking, Mr. Johnson?"
"These INSANE DOCUMENTS suddenly decided to claim OTHERWISE! HERE!"
Then a teenager girl walked up to Cave and said: "What is wrong now, Cave?"
"Chell, your grandpa's currently mad and oh yeah. Take this."
"Heh okay." The teenager girl took the Portal: Prelude box and noticed it featured the same image she had found at the Fan Fiction Application this day. Well, strange coincidences happened.
Back to Cave, he was still being mad and crazy: "And even when he doesn't mention lemons, he does something JUST AS BAD! WHAT THE FUCK? LEMONS ARE THE WORST THING EVER!"
"Cave, come on. The document is simply from the future of Aperture. We MAY have moved to Cleveland, Ohio and it all MAY have happened, we will never know."
"If THE FUTURE, then it ALREADY HAPPENED! And it clearly did NOT!"
"Aren't we already supposed to be finalizing on the ASCAIS, or as the PAST document states, GLaDOS project?"
"Oh yeah, Caroline. Let's get down to it."
Just as Cave said that, he and the employee left the fan fiction on the table for the teenager to read it.
"The year 1986. While Cave Johnson's wife Gladys-" the author got it down to THAT error that her grandma's name is not Caroline, "was-" nope. She just didn't bother reading the next part which she had already read and went on.
""The Portal Device", repeated the teenager girl looking at the bookcase where the same prototype Portal Device was."
The author must have been a magician or something.
""The Portal Device", repeated 2107's Chell Johnson-" wait wait wait. It should have been really impossible for the teenager girl to live until 2107. Okay anyway. Next part.
That is what it says on the cover, right. Oh hold on.
"Caution. Time travel to occur."
That part was NOT from Prelude for SURE.
The teenager girl was still reading with confusion and respect when the Portal 2 Blue Portals Chell returned.
"Did you know where Cave went?"
"How do you understand "where"? To ASCAIS."
"Oh hey look, the box. It's mine, I will take it and then you're missing the turn on of my grandma!"
"Wait isn't she MY grandma?"
"Let's just go." And the two girls went straight to ASCAIS.
On their way, they were met by the Aperture Scientist which also was a game entity, who said a stereotypic phrase without any emotions: "Hello. Mike sent me to show you the way."
"As IF I didn't already know the way, because... You should- hold on, you ARE the reason."
And then they reached sort of a maze, but it was just NOT their level.
"OK, here we are. We open this door."
"Go down one level."
"Open another door."
"Take the elevator."
"Open another door."
"Leave the room."
"Go straight ahead," the both said, "and hum... We turn right and it should be there."
"Now let's not waste time and go on." Both the "Portal 2 Blue Portals" Chell and the teenager girl did everything as they said and saw yet another Aperture Scientist talking.
"Chell Johnson - Aradia Megido "apocalypseArisen" multiplied by two...Oh, here. Come in. Wheatley - Tavros Nitram "adiosToreador"- no, Intelligence Dampening Sphere is a FAILURE. CROSSING OUT. Cave-I - Sollux Captor "twinArmageddons""
Just as the scientist said that, Cave came to him.
"Am I late?"
"No, everything is okay. GLABS (the idiot from party escort submission position) - Karkat Vantas "carcinoGeneticist" - it's not our facility.
Abby / Test Subject #413 - Nepeta Leijon "arsenicCatnip"- Wait, how did THAT get in? It's a mistake! She shouldn't be allowed! Not directly, at least!"
"What did you say?"
"Hold on. Four, one, three, six, one, two. Here, go this way. 0ver5e3r - Kanaya Maryam "grimAuxiliatrix"- the Development Center, EE AR, thinks it can get in this way? Just because we made an artificial intelligence first? NO.
Judith Mossman - Terezi Pyrope "gallowsCalibrator"- here you are. And for once, are you a spy or something so that you're also with Black Mesa-"
"I am NOT! WITH BLACK IDIOCY!"
"Kay, kay. GLaDOS - Vriska Serket "arachnidsGrip". AS IF THAT WAS OUR ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE NAME. AND NOT ASCAIS."
"Well, I'm GL(at)DDA Magnet, not Ascana Magnet or something."
"Hell, OKAY, go in. You know what, I'm just bringing the rest of the people in, without continuing the Homestuck reference. Doug Rattmann, MULTIPLIED BY TWO..." The Aperture Scientist started laughing when two of this Doug came.
"Time travel is SERIOUS. NEXT."
"Heh, kay. Heh. MULTIPLIED BY TWO. Companion Cube- they really thought that stupid box was sentient? Might need to remove that from the tests. SENTIENT COMPANION CUBE."
"Seriously. Stop laughing."
"And last but not least, ASBusinessMagnet. Kay, come in."
The Business Magnet and lastly the Controller Guy came in. "Sentient Companion Cube. Multiplied by two. Man, what is next. AND WHAT NOW. SHIT ABOUT DEVELOPING."
"Move up, move up..."
"Move up, move up..."
The Controller Guy again said: "In no time that red thing will be up in the ceiling! In the ceiling... Underground..."
"Hey, you, up there. Switch the system on."
"Arsenic catnip... Four thirtEE WOW"
The lights in the whole facility flickered, and for the first time ASCAIS would be run on full power.
Permanent testing cycle established. But first, I need to take care of these.
"Everybody get the Android Hell out of here!"
The Business Magnet pulled out his old Zapper, only modified, and fired a - LIGHTNING - at ASCAIS.
"Whoa whoa whoa."
By then, everybody save for "Portal 2 Blue Portals" Chell and the Controller Guy had gotten out of ASCAIS' room. Abby was then thrown in through a broken glass of the observation room.
"You guys and gals can fire lightnings at me, I can fire lightnings at you!"
Behind the wall, GL(at)DDA Magnet said: "I wish I could fire a lightning at YOU. You see what you have done to me?"
Back to ASCAIS' room, gravity was manipulated, portals were fired and lasers were thrown. All in all, all three people inside survived to hear a message.
"Abby! Abby! It's Mike!"
"Portal 2: The Stupidest Sequel of All Time," said the Business Magnet and started writing.
""Goddammit! Peter and Erik are dead! Everyone is dead here!" And yet, everybody HERE is alive. "I switched off the whole system, there was nothing else to do! I don't have much time to talk, the auxiliary generator will start in a few minutes. Listen, ASCAIS can't be stopped, there is pretty much nothing to do. There's only one thing you can try. Reach the laboratory, and bring the Morality Core here.""
GL(at)DDA Magnet said: "The Morality Core. Look at me I'm so silent and testing till my death-"
"Shut up, I missed a whole sentence. "First, try to find another portalgun and... and... what the hell is that?"
"What, what, the rocket turrets."
"Taking ths service tunnel, and note the code - FOUR, ONE, THREE, SIX, ONE, TWO - and we can get in."
All of the crew got in the service tunnel just with Mike's "Oh shi-" following his death.
"And on the topic of the Morality Core, might want to consider Aperture's history without it being plugged in."
"Can't you see that after that lightning ASCAIS hates you?"
"THAT NEEDED TO BE DONE. FULL STOP."
"And irenic pie's influence appears."
All of the main crew were left outside of ASCAIS' room watching the same catwalk every second.
"Hold on, gotta spectate my phone." The Business Magnet pulled out a mini-monocle and looked through it to where his fan fiction was left. "Wow, a room with manhacks and such kinds of stuff. What else is new in the OLD facility."
The fan fiction was left in the room with rockets and the bring your daughter to work day potato battery fail.
"Hello! Portal 2: The Stupidest Sequel of All Time talking. This is Chell's Bring Your Daughter to Work Day work? Tell Chell that she sucks."
The Portal 2 Blue Portals Chell accidentally noticed this, took the phone and said: "Yeah, this is Chell's work, and your fan fiction damnated my creator forever."
GL(at)DDA Magnet then noticed the Business Magnet talking in the miniportal and told him: "What's that?"
"Chell's Bring Your Daughter to Work Day work."
GL(at)DDA Magnet took the portal pen talker or whatever and said to Chell's work: "And add from me that your author's birth parents never loved her."
"GLaDOS? What the FUCK?"
"Heh heh heh... AND NO, I'M NOT RUNNING ON 1.6 VOLTS."
"GLaDOS is now a human. This is a thing."
Cave Johnson came to realize. He walked up to GL(at)DDA Magnet and said: "Caroline?"
"Wasn't ASCAIS just activated? How are you still a human?"
"Um, no. You're simply thinking the WRONG WAY."
"Caroline, you were-"
"Wait for once. I'm not the Caroline you knew, and you are not my lover."
"Doesn't my cool style emphasize this?"
Cave looked at GL(at)DDA Magnet. She had purple going pink hair which weren't kept as long as Cave remembered Caroline's were. Though, before he could take a closer look at her clothing, which was also nowhere near Caroline s, some catwalk leading to ASCAIS's room fell over.
"Hey look, that's Chell!"
The fallen over catwalk to ASCAIS' room posed no challenge to Chell at all. She just shot a portal at one side, a portal at the other side and no one from the catwalks saw her for that time.
Hey! You! What are you doing with that?
"Yeah! You don't want to destroy Aperture?" The same voice much more silently whispered: "Sir, the lightning gun?"
I don't think you're doing what you think you're doing.
"THAT is what you're doing! DESTROYING - GODDAMN - APERTURE!" GL(at)DDA Magnet just felt like shouting AND firing lightnings at entrance to ASCAIS' room.
By the way, you don't even know what that thing is... So, if I were you, I would rather not approach me with this device.
"I own the place."
Now let's see if you have what it takes to face me.
"Sir, the portal gun?"
"The same one. I'm telling you, this gun is MULTIFUNCTIONAL."
Though, GL(at)DDA Magnet only got to shoot two or three lightnings before everything went bam again.
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? DO YOU REALIZE WHAT YOU'VE JUST DONE? ARE YOU TOTALLY INSANE?
As if she didn't know. She and ASCAIS shared the same memory. The morality core eventually was stuffed in.
Oh wait that didn't even end with THAT.
Seriously, you really thought this would stop me? You are pathetic and you are way too late. Now, the only thing you deserve is to die. Rrrrr, I hate you. Now, die!
Doug said: "I knew it. She would simply ignore her conscience and everything would fail again."
ASCAIS! Stop! What are you doing?
"Oh hey look, a laser shooting out."
And the last part of the show was taken by Judith. "That "Abby" is what we need here the least".
But there was more to it. Not only the Aperture employees would have to deal with the failed ASCAIS project, but also with the Land of Lamps and Fog indigenous creatures.