The Dating Experience
Author Note: WOW! I was not expecting such good feedback! THANK YOU SO MUCH! Though... It makes me a little nervous to post this. I hope it's okay, I kind of decided to go at this a bit different then the previous chapter.
Prussia is on the run, but it isn't just France and England who are after him...
"You have to hide me!"
Romano gave a blank stare at the Prussian, he had a feeling that opening the door to such frantic knocking would have been a bad idea. Then again, house sitting for America seemed like a bad idea to begin with. Not wanting to deal with the bullshit he gave a grumpy half-hearted, "Good bye." While in the process of slamming the door in the Albino's face, the man practically threw himself in between the closing door. "Wh-What the-? Get the hell out of America's home you stupid Potato eating-"
"PLEASE! I promise I'll never mock you again! I will do whatever you want! Please just hide me! They are after me!" He struggled to make his way into the house.
"Who the hell is after you?"
"Eyebrows and France! Now, please, please, please let me in!"
It was because America's "hero-ness" was rubbing into him... That was the reason he gave in and opened the door, it has to be. "Okay, you jerk. But you owe me big time, you annoying bastard!"
"Thankyouthankyouthankyou!" Prussia darted into through the door and instantly slammed it shut, fiddling with every lock on the inside. "Lock all the windows! Shitshitshitshit! Where is a good hiding spot? Somewhere they won't find me?"
"Stop spazzing, what the fuck is going on?"
Prussia grabbed the Italian by the collar of his shirt and his blood shot crimson eyes stared creepily into terrified hazel ones, "I let it slip I was dating Canada. I have been on the run for a week and 3 days... France and England are going to kill me! I was hoping America would be here so I could inform him of the situation, have his approval of my awesome-ness to help neutralize their hatred!"
Romano shoved Prussia away, not sure how to handle this, "America's not here, you moron- and who is this Canadia? I don't trust you."
"CAN-A-DA! America's brother?" Gilbert spoke with exaggerated hand movements.
A blank stare was all he received in return, "America has a brother? Bullshit, I have never heard of him. "
"It's because Matthew is invisible sometimes!"
"Who the hell is Matthew?"
"Rawr! Mattie is Canada! Like, the awesome other half of North America? Dating the awesome me?" There was soon pounding at the door, and Prussia jumped in the air like an angered cat. "I wasn't here!" He hissed, darting up the first set of stairs he found.
Lovino, honestly didn't know what to think. Though, he was quickly becoming fucking irritated with the insistent knocking. Dammit, he was going to miss his siesta at this rate. Tampering with the 5 or so locks on the door he managed to harshly swing it open, "What the hell do you want?"
"H-hello Romano. Is America home?"
It was only England. Most of his anger slowly evaporated, "I'm house sitting. He had some important meeting thing he was attending, actually he's coming back home later tonight."
"How very kind of you. Though, I'm rather surprised he didn't just take you along."
Romano blushed a little (Though, he would never admit it), "That business stuff bores me, I want him to focus on his work. He's already so damn easily distracted and has the attention span of a fish," Lovino opened the door further to let England into his lover's home. He was grateful that the Brit and him were on good terms. Both could bond over their extreme hatred for France and hold conversations involving America's immaturity. In a way, Romano had it really easy with family acceptance compared to America. Though England was once a really scary empire, he seemed to have a fondness over the Italian. "Would you like any of Alfred's tasteless coffee?" Both took a seat in America's living room.
England winced a bit,"I... Um- No, thanks. Actually, I was just wondering if you have seen Prussia recently?"
Shit. He already forgot he was "hiding" the albino man in this very house. Trying to stay calm, he hid his surprised expression with a trademark scoff, "That potato bastard's brother? I saw him when America and I visited Spain a few weeks ago."
England brushed off the weird behavior as hatred for the Germa- Well, Prussian man. He could agree the non-nation was annoying, but him dating Canada was out of the question. "That's a crying shame. I have been looking for him. That frog faced git has as well."
Romano had a hell of a time swallowing the lump forming in the back of his throat. He may be a badass with a tough personality with a foul mouth attached, but he was a terrible liar. "Oh... really? Why is that?"
"I recently discovered he is dating Canada-"
Before he could stop himself the Italian blurted out, "Who?"
"Canada, America's younger brother? He is a sweet boy, but very quite. Sometimes people think he doesn't exist. I admit to over looking him most the time when I was raising both boys." His green eyes were glazed over, and distant. Obviously, nostalgia kicked in.
Going wide eyed the Italian squeaked out,"He wasn't lying about America's brother..."
"What was that?"
Panicking a bit, "Just that- Alfred has mentioned a brother, I thought he was just bullshitting. Dating Prussia, huh? I guess as a father figure that is a dangerous combination. I wouldn't trust that bastard worth my life." That wasn't a lie, right? He is just bending the truth.
An evil glint was shining in England's eyes."Hm. I was hoping America would be here, with his aid, we are bound to find Prussia eventually. I have a feeling France will be making his appearance here soon enough."
This caused the Italian to pale a bit, "Fr-France? He-Here?" As if on cue there was more knocking on the front door. Lovino dove behind the couch in terror. "Make him go away..."
England released a heavy sigh, and stood to answer the door. Wasn't this America's home, why should he have to get the door, knowing full well it was that French bastard? "Stupid America... And his lack of responsibility..."
An over joyed voice greeted his ears the moment he had opened the door."Oh, Arthur what a pleasant surprise to see you answering the door. Though, alas, you are not the one I am looking for, I am here to see our other darling son."
"Our son? Since when- I- NO! I raised America you had nothing to do with it!"
"Let us not get into a lover's spat with our Canadian beauty right beside us."
England blinked a few times, before realizing Matthew really was right next to Francis. "He-Hello, Matthew. Sorry, didn't see you there."
"I-It's all right... I-"
"I have gotten word of Prussia heading this way. A little Birdie told me!" France affectionately ruffled the Canadian's hair, not noticing he interrupted the others words.
The still cowarding Italian listening in on the conversation, began to panic. What would happen if they did find out he was lying? Would they disapprove of him and America? Would they... Kill him? Why did he have to agree to hiding that moron anyway! It's not like Prussia had done anything for him, but bring annoyance into his everyday life that went beyond Alfred's idiocy. "Dammit! Why did I help him?" He whispered, pulling at his hair in frustration.
Hazel eyes glanced up, rather confused that such a noise interrupted him from his inner rantings. Oh Shit! It was that damned bird! What was his name...? Gilbird? The yellow fiend cocked his adorably cute head to the side and began to chirp even louder as it moved closer. "Shut up you stupid bastard! You blow my cover I swear I will-"
As if to spite him, the chick began to squawk, "Chirp, chirp, chirp!"
The three standing in the doorway suddenly brought their attention to the living room. "Is that a bird?"
The Canadian faced palmed, that was most definitely Gilbird. He honestly didn't know why his lover had fled from England and France to begin with. It's not like the two were going to beat him up or anything... Maybe. They could have resolved all this over an awkward dinner and chit-chat, but no Gilbert had to make everything difficult. "Why do I even bother..." Obviously, his inner ramblings didn't do much. Even when he tried to explain the situation they ignored him.
Leaving a sulking Canada at the door, England and France stormed over to the chirping, and found a bawling, and hysterical South Italy, with a small yellow chick on the top of his head behind the couch. "That asshole forced me into it! I swear! I wanted nothing to do with it, dammit! I was only house sitting! I have no idea where he is, pleasepleaseplease do not hurt me!"
While the Italian continued to spaz Gilbert cursed from his hiding spot under the bed of what he assumed was Romano and America's room. "Can't trust Italian's to get the job done... Dammit Gilbird." They would be upstairs any minute... There was no where to go, and he had to admit his hiding place wasn't all that awesome. Almost when he gave up all hope-
"Pst! Prussia, dude, over here!"He glanced up from underneath the bed, rather shocked to see the self proclaimed American hero crawling through the window.
"You have amazing timing, they are going to murder me!" Gilbert hissed.
"Heard some commotion assumed the worse and decided a heroic rescue was needed!" Alfred puffed out his chest, and flashed a cheesy smile, still sitting upon the window sill, "Though... You may want to come over here so I can help you with the escape, I think they're on their way upstairs..."
The Prussian didn't need to be told twice, not even questioning how America knew what was going on to begin with. It was clear that the other was on his side of this situation. I mean, who could be better for his younger brother than a bunch of awesome? He began to make his way into the window, making an epic escaped just as voices echoed in the hallway.
"If I were a Prussian, in a state of panic where would I hide?" France pondered while they made their way up the stairs, reaching the top and pausing in a moment of contemplation.
The trembling Italian that was being dragged by the collar of his shirt decided to give a snide comment, "Why the hell are you even hunting him down? Aren't you two losers friends? You two fucking corrupted Spain and cause chaos wherever you go. Wouldn't you be happy he is with your non-existent love child?"
"I'm right here..." Matthew spoke in a sullen tone, not all that happy as the situation has been becoming more ridiculous by the minute.
"I agree with Romano. You are friends, why are you after him? I just want to talk to the boy about the proper way to court Alfred-" England was suddenly interrupted.
"Matthew..." Canada corrected.
"Oh yes, Matthew. Sorry, I always mix you two up..."
"I think it's a sign of a terrible father figure," France's voice was laced into a sing song tone.
"You moron, are the terrible bloody father figure!"
"Oh fucking joy... I lover's spat. How about you get out of Alfred's home, you're all a fucking thorn in my side."
The Brit and Frenchmen looked back and glared at the Italian, "You let him in the house to begin with!"
"What the hell would you have done?"
Canada proceeded to bang his head against the nearby hallway wall. "Gilbert, you're a moron."
It was dark... Prussia knew this for sure. Where ever America lead him, it was dark and eerie. It's not like someone as awesome as him was afraid of the dark, right? … Right? He slowly walked backwards unsure of what to do, or where Alfred even was, "A-America? Hey, where are we? You sure it's okay to hide here? I mean, er, it's dark and-" Suddenly the sound of clanging metal met his ears and he released a rather girlish (Manly!) screech. "AMERICA?"
A dim light soon flooded the room, and a panicked and disoriented Prussia continued to back up, looking around savagely, not seeing the blonde haired hero anywhere in sight. Why was he in a tool shed? His breathing became, heavy, and he swore he was about to hyperventilate or piss his pants. This was as if he was starring in one of those creepy slasher movies! As if on cue, the sound of a chain saw starting up sounded off behind him."OH MY GOD!"
There America stood, a chainsaw in hand and a very crazed look was plastered on his face. "So I hear you are dating my brother." His voice was dripping with malice even over the roar of the chainsaw.
Prussia would never admit it later on, but at that moment of time, he was scared. No- terrified. Honestly, he thought he was going to die. Falling to the ground, he began to crawl away as America inched closer, "H-Hey! We're both made of awes-awesome. Why would you have a problem with me defiling your brother? It's not like I forced him! It was consensual! You of all people should be more than happy to have me-" His rambling were cut off as the chainsaw was suddenly slashed in front of him, missing his face by mere centimeters.
"Give me a reason to spare your life."
Holy shit! America was so fucking scary! No wonder Romano and him hooked up- hell, it was unfair he had to die like this. He had so much more to live for, so much more to do with his awesome life. "You are- are- just as bad as Spain!" He blurted out, regretting as the words poured out of his mouth. Expecting to have a chainsaw impale his body, he put his arms in front of his face, as if it would protect it. About half a minute later no impact came, he dared a glance and noticed the American had a lost look on his face. It dawned on Gilbert- the guilt card was his tactic toward safety!
"Yeah! I mean, what kind of hero tries to kill his brother's boyfriend? You should know how it feels to have to gain acceptance of your significant other's family. Seriously, you only had to deal with Spain! I have a hoard of people after my ass!"
America began to bite his bottom lip, slowly lowering the chainsaw, a guilty expression evident, "Do-do you really care for Matthew?"
"Of course I do! Isn't it a sign when I can actually remember he exist more than you or eyebrows do? I love him and all his maple syrup, and his cold weather goodness. Is it that hard to believe? He understands what it's like to no longer be a country-"
"He is still a country..."
"Oh, my bad. Look America, please? Can we just go back inside and convince Francis and Arthur that I am not all that bad? I mean- we are pretty awesome."
The chainsaw was quickly tossed aside, tearing a hole in the tool shed's wall. Alfred knelt down and grabbed the Prussian into a huge bear. "We are awesome! It was so unheroic of me not to listen to you before! This is amazing, you can be the existent- somewhat country and brother I never had."
Okay, the huggy, touchy-feely stuff was freaking him out, but it was much better than having a chainsaw pointed at his face. He couldn't deny he was thankful that America had talked to both England and France and convinced them they could talk to the Prussian over dinner.
"See Mattie! It all worked itself out!" Gilbert slapped the frazzled looking blonde on the back.
"You're such a moron..."
"Dawwww~! You love me and all my awesome!"
Romano rolled his eyes and looked away from the sickeningly disgusting romantic display. He turned toward the American that forced an arm around his shoulder, "I am never fucking house sitting for you again."
"Aw, but wasn't it entertaining? I know you get all lonely being all by yourself," The blonde poked his pouty Italian's cheek . "You're so stubborn and adorable."
"Sh-Shut up, you stupid bastard!"
"So Spain and Feliciano still showing up for dinner?"
"Having you and Spain on decent terms was a god-damned mistake..."
"I know! It's because we tease you so much. He's right though, you are a cutie!" America hugged his temperamental lover closer. "You're all mine too!"
"UGH! Get off me you asshole! Go answer the door!" Romano "struggled" to get out of the blonde's grip obviously hating the attention.
"Oh! Spain and Feli are here?" Quickly Alfred sprung to the door before England answered it himself. That would only cause the Brit to nag, all over again, about the American being irresponsible and a terrible host.
Opening the door he was matched with an equally happy go lucky gaze. "Hola America! It was nice of you to invite me to your spontaneous family gathering!" Spain patted Alfred on the back, releasing a joyous laugh. "Little Feli is here too!"
"Hello America! I brought Germany with! I also brought us some pasta!" North Italy spoke a mile a minute, as usual, waving his arms in excitement.
Unfortunately, Romano, who was listening in, ran up to the door grabbing Spain and his brother and then kicked the door shut right in Germany's face. "No fucking way is that stupid potato bastard stepping foot into this house!"
"Hey! That's my bruder you're talking about!" Prussia stood from his spot on the couch, approaching the Italian.
"Suck dick, you bastard! You owe me for saving your pathetic unawesome ass."
"NO! I am awesome! I didn't need your god damn help anyway. You're such a pussy!"
"Gilbert... Calm down!" Canada's words went unheard.
"Say that again! I fucking dare you!" Romano spat back.
While the usual commotion started up once more, America managed to calm the situation. He was all smiles. This was a perfect family gathering (He was obviously delusional thinking this). The blonde stood tall, feeling as if nothing could ruin this dinner. He squeezed Romano's shoulder, seeing a slight fond smile gracing his lover's lips, "I'm going to grab some extra chairs then we can start dinner. Okay, babe?"
The auburn haired male faked a scoff, "I told you not to call me that."
America grinned, whistling an upbeat tune while he made his way over to the closet, a hallway down from the kitchen. Grabbing the chairs he quickly turned around and had to force back a rather girlish screech.
North Italy was standing right in front of him, and unusual creepy smile plastered on his face, making Alfred more than a little uneasy, "H-Hey Feliciano..."
The Italian put a hand on his shoulder his voice was dripping with bitter sweet venom, "So... Spain informed me that you are dating my older brother."
The blonde began to tremble.
Here we go again.
Author Note: That is a wrap! This turned out to be a hell of a lot longer than I originally assumed. I wanted to throw in a splash of America/Romano to show it connected to the other chapter and BAM! It grew to this- crazy piece of crack-ish chaos. Reviews are really appreciated, it's nice to have feedback! As of right now I am thinking this is completed, but maybe you lovely readers can change my mind. ;)