Another random Naruto drabble. Enjoy.

Big brothers are funny people. Even though we're willing to protect our younger siblings with our lives, we never actually act like we would.

Often, we have egos bigger than our heads. Sometimes, we can't stop bragging. Now and then, we're mean. Every once in a while, we make them cry. But…at the end of the day…we don't mean to hurt them. We only want to protect them. Even if they hate us because of it…well, that's what big brothers are for, right?

I suppose I'm a different big brother than most. I wasn't so much mean spirited as I was simply cold and aloof. I tried my best to be kind, but I could only try so hard, with everything else on my mind.

The unholy act of murder…I felt nauseous for days when I killed my first person. It was during the Chuunin exam. My team was ambushed. My teammates were taken out. I had no choice. I killed them all, gaining my reputation as the strongest of my clan. It was expected that I would reach Jonin before age fourteen, and perhaps to become Hokage. I had no aspirations to become either. In fact, I had no real aspirations to do anything, really.

With all the demands that rested upon my shoulders, I felt as if I would buckle under the pressure. To spy on my clan…to spy on my village…both should have been unthinkable, but to be asked to do both at the same time…it was too much.

I kept a tenuous hold on my sanity by virtue of sheer willpower. I kept telling myself that it would get better. That I would work to keep the world a peaceful place…for Sasuke.

Oh, how I envied Sasuke. He had everything I wanted. Our parents loved him to death, while they only cared for my grades and promotions. My achievements were what validated me in their eyes. My responsibility as the heir to the clan. Sasuke may have looked upon my achievements and the attention I received with jealousy, but little did he know that the feeling was more than mutual. I loved him. My parents loved him. Everyone loved him. Me? Well, my own father and mother treated me more as a tool than a child.

My father wanted me to be perfect. To do everything perfectly. And I tried. But no matter how hard I tried, he always wanted more out of me.

Still, I played the role of clan prodigy, as well as the role of big brother. I was determined that Sasuke would have what I never could. I would make him a better world than my own. A strong world. A stable world. Not like my world, which threatened to crumble every second of the day.

Then…that order came…and my fragile world came crashing down.

I couldn't kill him. For all my jealousy and anger towards him, I just could not bring myself to end his life. So, I decided that I would let him kill me. One day. When he was older, and stronger.

Because…

…I am a coward…

…That doesn't have the guts to kill himself.

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